A moment from a recent conversation
I came across a clip recently from a conversation I was part of a couple of weeks ago.
Listening back, I found myself smiling at something very familiar about the expectations I place on myself.
The story I’m sharing in the clip happened last year.
Here’s a short clip from that conversation:
A reflection
What stood out to me listening back was just how easily I seem to expect more from myself than I would from anyone else.
That tendency to:
- hold myself to a higher standard
- take on more responsibility
- quietly raise the bar
Almost as though I should be operating at some kind of superhuman level.
And yet, in the story I shared, something very simple became obvious.
When I was away and checked in at home, my benchmark was incredibly low.
Was everyone okay?
Was everyone still alive?
That was enough.
No long list.
No pressure.
No silent expectations running in the background.
And seeing that, even in a light-hearted way, made something else visible.
That perhaps I don’t always need to place such different expectations on myself when I’m the one at home.
A coaching reflection
In coaching conversations, I often see something similar.
People holding themselves to expectations they would never place on anyone else.
And alongside that, a steady stream of self-judgment.
Critical thoughts that feel normal simply because they’ve been around for so long.
But occasionally something interrupts that pattern.
A moment of seeing.
And with it, the possibility of something else.
A lighter feeling.
A gentler way of relating to ourselves.
A sense of self-compassion that doesn’t need to be worked at, but appears when the pressure eases.
It doesn’t mean those thoughts never show up again.
But they don’t land in quite the same way.
And over time, there can be a quiet sense of getting to know who we are underneath all of that.
Questions for coaches
If you’re a coach, you might enjoy reflecting on a few of these:
Where might you be holding yourself to a higher standard than you would expect of someone else?
What expectations feel so normal that you rarely question them?
What changes when those expectations soften, even slightly?
When have you noticed a moment of self-compassion appear without effort?
No need to answer them all. Sometimes one question is enough.
A quiet thought
Perhaps we don’t need to be quite so hard on ourselves.
And when that softens, even a little…
something lighter is already there.
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach who works with thoughtful professionals and coaches who want a quieter, more honest way forward.
Her work creates space for reflection and insight, helping people reconnect with their own clarity, wisdom, and direction – often through moments like this, where something familiar is seen in a new way.
If you’d like to explore this more deeply, you can learn more about Rediscovering the Joy of Being You.