trust


7 Things Confident Coaches Do 1

In today’s guest post coach Annie Ashdown, known in the press as “The Confidence Expert”, shares some of her expertise and knowledge in:

7 Things Confident Coaches Do

by Annie Ashdown

"7 Things Confident Coaches Do" by Annie Ashdown

I asked my friend who is a very close personal friend of Paul McKenna’s the secret of Paul’s success. He responded ‘Paul is not at all arrogant, but aside from a passion to help others, he has loads of self – confidence, high self -esteem and stacks of self – belief. That’s the secret behind his success, no question!’

Confident coaches are regular women/men with flaws, shortcomings and defects. Every-one experience’s challenges and bad days, however when you have self- confidence, high self –esteem and oodles of self- belief you do not allow anything to hold you back. Not everyone wants to become a high profile coach or a New York Times best -selling author or a world famous leader, but confident coaches become a leader in their own world. Confidence is an essential component to create a healthy relationship with yourself and in turn that inspires and motivates clients to do the same.

All that is fed into your subconscious mind between the ages of 0 to 5 is done so without your consent or knowledge which means that we internalise everything as true, and record this as our own assessment of ourselves. Unfortunately for many of us we were fed negativity from an early age and consequently end up listening to and believing our inner critic, which feeds us lies and tells us that we are not important.

  1. They consider themselves important.

Confident coaches respect themselves and do so from looking inside at their shortcomings, rather than denying them. They are aware that by feeling important, they are behaving authentically and respecting their values instead of compromising them to gain external validation from their clients, peers and colleagues.

Confident coaches;

  • Focus on their positive characteristics.
  • Tell themselves they are perfectly imperfect.
  • Cherish and honour their principles.
  • Respect their own needs and wants.
  • Advertise their strengths, not their weaknesses.

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  1. They speak to themselves with kindness.

Confident coaches praise and acknowledge themselves; they are cool about their imperfections. They are aware that if they are unkind to themselves, they will subconsciously attract others to be unkind to them.

Confident coaches;

  • Are aware of their triggers, beliefs and habits and reframe them.
  • Are patient with themselves
  • Record every success – whatever size in their mind or in a success journal.
  • Repeat over and over again ‘I am worthy’.
  • Let go of the compulsive need for approval.

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  1. They are comfortable with being authentic.

Confident coaches have self-acceptance. They embrace themselves as they are regardless of mistakes or their weaknesses. They do not believe they will be rejected if they reveal their true self, they know only too well no one bids for a fake, the real deal is always more valuable.

Confident coaches;

  • Make amends to themselves.
  • Understand fake is last season.
  • Appreciate, validate, accept, respect, cherish, like and honour themselves regardless of how others treat them.
  • Believe self – acceptance is the key.
  • Know that all that glisters is not gold and therefore don’t waste time comparing and despairing.

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  1. They trust themselves and their intuition.

Confident coaches are their own master and are always best friends with their inner voice. They are comfortable being in charge of what they think, do and say, as they trust themselves. They know their intellectual mind is strong, yet their intuition is way wiser and far more accurate and they have learnt that the aim of their intuition is to get past their intellect.

Confident coaches;

  • Feel aligned with their purpose.
  • Practise self-discipline and focus.
  • Understand the difference between logic, feelings and intuition.
  • ALWAYS listen to their inner voice.
  • Constantly challenge all negative assumptions.

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  1. They keep their expectations high.

Confident coaches know persistence and self-belief is the main pillar of success. Confident people have indestructible self-belief. They feel worthy of success, happiness, prosperity and a thriving coaching business.

Confident coaches;

  • Know they have to change their perceptions to change their life.
  • Are crystal clear about their individuality and preferences.
  • Are not discouraged or disheartened by rejections.
  • Let go of self-defeating beliefs about what might happen in the future.
  • Say over and over again ‘I am good enough.’

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  1. They take responsibility for their own lives.

Confident coaches know they have a choice to face and everything and run or face everything head on, to be stressed, or be grounded, be lazy or be fit, be overweight, or be slim, get enough sleep, or be constantly tired, respond or react. They know that in order to be emotionally sober they have to be accountable for their life and understand self-responsibility is the foundation of empowerment.

Confident coaches;

  • Own up when they are wrong
  • Set boundaries with others.
  • Know self-care is not selfish, it is self-loving.
  • Don’t wait to be rescued, instead they take action.
  • Are aware they have a constant responsibility to be good to themselves.

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  1. They are assertive

Confident coaches feel comfortable expressing how they feel. They do not waffle, or feel obliged to justify, defend or explain their reasoning. They know their rights, feel worthy, important and deserving. They are willing to be open and to compromise, as they don’t expect to get their own way every time. They have an ‘I like you, but I like me too’ approach. They face the other person, look them in the eye, and are aware of the power of the spoken word so they use words like ‘could’ ‘might’ instead of ‘should’ ‘must’.

Confident coaches;

  • Choose their thoughts carefully.
  • Use anger to be assertive in a non -aggressive way
  • Have reasonable expectations of themselves and others.
  • Decide what they need and are courageous enough to ask for it
  • Take advantage of all opportunities

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Final word from Annie

My hope is that you begin to know who you are and change the messages you tell yourself and start giving yourself permission to be authentic. I would like you to find the peace and joy I have found with a clear mind and a steady heart. This is not a magic formula, you have to make it happen.

Show Up, Speak Up, – It’s Your Time to Shine.

Annie Ashdown

The Confidence Expert

www.annieashdown.com

About Annie Ashdowne

Annie AshdownAnnie Ashdown is dubbed by the press as ‘The Confidence Expert’ and for the past 10 years has been teaching Celebrities, Lawyers, Bankers, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Business owners, and Corporate employees the way to gain that all importance self-confidence and self–belief.

Based in Harley St, London, Annie is the UK’s leading Confidence coach, and is an emotional freedom technique practioner, theta healer and master clinical hypnotherapist.
Annie’s engaging personality and real life experiences have made her popular with the media and she co-hosted 13 episodes of Kyle’s Academy for ITV1 and was Resident coach on Bump and Grind, Sky1. Annie is a regular guest on BBC radio as well as a frequent contributor to magazines and newspapers and was a judge in 2009 on Britain’s Next Top Coach.

It was after working through her own difficulties Annie recognized the tangible benefits that coaching can bring to so many parts of our lives. Following a successful career in film and TV between Los Angeles, New York and London, Annie hit rock bottom around her chronic eating disorder. This sparked a journey of self-discovery and making profound changes, Annie changed career direction in order to help others maximize their potential. Her tough love
approach is practical and down to earth, tempered with a dose of humor and more often than not related to her own life experiences.

In addition to her 1-1 client sessions, Annie has been called upon to design and deliver seminars and workshops for organizations including: Nokia, Vertu, Yahoo, Chelsea Football Club, Business Link, AMEX, Orange, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and DWP.

In 2010 Annie was the first to introduce a team of 50 coaches nationwide to Job Centre Plus, helping motivate and inspire professional executives back to work. Annie is a regular on the speakers’ circuit, and was invited in November 2011 to be key speaker at the prestigious Everywoman’s 12th annual conference for 500 female entrepreneurs sponsored by Nat West and Marie Claire magazine.

Annie is fully insured and a member of British Institute of Hypnotherapy, Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapists, NHS Directory, CHCH, GHR, Register for Evidence Based Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy, Association Of Meridian Energy Therapists, and Complimentary Medical Association.

Annie’s book The Confidence Factor -7 Secrets of Successful People is in top 10 best sellers chart in WH Smith and is available on Amazon, in WH Smith, Waterstones, and all good bookstores in UK, Barnes and Noble, USA and Easons in Ireland. Her debut book Doormat Nor Diva Be – How to take back control of your life and your relationships was published in Sept 2011.

Annie has two comp tickets to give away for her talk at Well Being Show at Earls Court sponsored by Psychologies Magazine on 26 May. Go to www.AnnieAshdown.com to receive the 26 page FREE report ‘Master the art of self -belief’, a FREE hypnotic mp3 and details of the comp tickets. (Please note that there is only one week for the comp tickets so act now if it’s of interest to you.)

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Seven Pieces of Advice From Top Coaching Clients 1

What advice would your clients give coaches? In today’s guest post Richard Nugent shares:

"Seven Pieces of Advice From Top Coaching Clients" A guest post by Richard Nugent

Seven Pieces of Advice From Top Coaching Clients

by Richard Nugent

In preparation for this article, I thought I’d ask some of my coaching clients what they wanted and needed from a coach most of all. Some answers surprised me, some I completely expected and, while I hope all are factors that you already take into account when coaching, they are all great reminders of good coaching practice.

To give you a flavour, the clients I asked included several Executives of large organisations, various entrepreneurs, a professional footballer, a senior training manager, some business coaches and teacher. I have coached all of them for some time and all are pretty demanding of themselves and their coach!

I asked them all the same question ‘what is the single most important thing that a coach must do’? Here are the seven most common answers.

1. Keep in touch. Whether between sessions or during breaks in the coaching relationship. The coaching relationship must be on going and consistent even when the actual coaching isn’t.

2. Focus on helping me to understand how I can achieve my outcomes. Everyone is different; don’t assume that there is a right way for everyone.

3. Be you. A coaching relationship works best with you feel the coach is being themselves. Don’t be one way when we meet then turn into a different person when you coach.

4. Be respectful of the trust and investment that I am making in you. I am likely to be telling you things that I haven’t told my closest family. I may have also spent my whole development budget for the year with you. Occasionally let me know that you appreciate that.

5. Know when to be really tough with me and kick my butt and when to support me. (I’d call this emotional intelligence – what is clear from clients’ responses that we have to have it on full in every session. One client even used the phrase “don’t be too nice, I’m not looking for a friend, I’ve got plenty of those.”)

6. Keep asking great questions. Make me think differently to how I am now. Also keep asking me great, different questions – I never know what is coming next and that keeps me on my toes.

7. Keep developing. Clients love the fact that I am always learning and they feel that they are getting the benefit of that. This answer was especially prevalent in clients whose development budgets were tight.

These were the top seven, most consistent answers. Some clients felt really strongly about other things, including technical knowledge, business acumen (if you’re helping me build my business, yours should already be more successful) and even the size of network I have.

What occurs to be is that if this is a representation of the important thoughts my clients have, focussing on them is going to help me be a great coach for them and many others.

About the author

Richard is the M.D. of Twenty One Leadership and has coached talented people from the fields of sport and business for the last decade. Clients have credited him with everything from million pound transfers to the creation of new market leading organisations. The return on investment from his programmes stretches into the millions of Pounds, Euros and Dollars.


Trust Me, I’m a coach 1

“It is a greater compliment to be trusted than to be loved.”

(George MacDonald)

The subject of trust was mentioned in a comment by Dave Doran to my recent post “How to ask hard questions.”  When trust exists in a coaching relationship I find that it makes a massive difference and I thought it deserved some more discussion.

Before I go any further with this it seems appropriate that I spend a moment talking about what trust actually is. After all it’s not as if we can nip own to the local supermarket and buy a tin of trust or “pick it up and put it in a wheelbarrow.”

Looking up the word trust in the dictionary it gives definitions for the use of the term as a noun and as a verb.

I often get the impression when coaches speak of trust they are talking about clients trusting them by being honest and open to new perspectives.

Are we as coaches passive in this particular aspect of the coaching relationship? Is it something that we just expect clients to do without our input?

As with many questions I ask on this site, I think if you have already got a style, system, methodology etc that works for you and your clients I wouldn’t dream of suggesting you “should” be doing something another way.

My personal response to the questions above is that I place my focus on demonstrating trustworthy behaviours, or as the dictionary would say being “worthy of trust and reliable.”

Notice I deliberately talk about demonstrating trustworthy behaviours rather than being trustworthy. That in itself is perhaps deserving of a post in its own right but for now I’ll just say that this helps to focus upon what you can do and away from getting caught up listening to any “I’m not worthy” thoughts.

“Just as trust comes from trustworthiness, trustworthiness comes from character and competence, the fruit is wisdom and judgement – the foundation of all great and lasting achievement and trust.”

(Stephen R Covey)

So for you what behaviours are connected with someone who is trustworthy?

For me, making and keeping promises, apologizing if something does go wrong and involving others when necessary are some aspects of being trustworthy.  Demonstrating these can be as simple as keeping appointment times when arranged or happily referring people to other products/individuals if they are a better fit than my own work.

What I don’t recall hearing discussed much is the trust, as a coach, you have in your client. Yet, for me, this is such a powerful aspect of how I coach.

So how much trust do you give your clients? Stephen R Covey says “Trust becomes a verb when you communicate to others their worth and potential so clearly that they are inspired to see it in themselves.”

It’s one of the things I’m checking when I first chat with a potential client – can I place trust in the fact that this individual has the power within them to choose and to change. I don’t recall having a conversation when I’ve not been able to do that but if the day ever comes than I know that I’m not the best coach for that person.

I leave you with a final quote for now:

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is; treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”

(Goethe)

What role does trust play in your coaching?

Do you do anything to encourage trust, or does it just happen naturally?

If you have any comments or thoughts you’d like to share feel free to add those below and click submit comment.