One of the fundamental aspects of coaching is questions, but what can you do as a coach, when a client doesn’t answer the question you asked?

This is a question that I often see asked by those who are beginning to explore and learn coaching. The most common answer I hear given is to challenge the client on the fact.

Challenging a client, may for some, appear to be a daunting prospect at first. Personally, I think that it is something that in reality is a lot easier then it first appears. I also think it’s something that each coach will develop methods of doing that incorporates their own style and taking into account the client they are working with.

Not answering a question generally happens in one of two forms:

(1)   The client provides an answer in the variation of “I don’t know”

(2)   The client says a lot but doesn’t actually provide an answer to what you asked.

Let’s take a look at some of the reason’s why you may not be getting an answer.

They genuinely don’t understand your question

Something in the question you asked was outside of the clients frame of reference.

Perhaps it was a word that isn’t used in their home country or culture; maybe it was terminology that just isn’t used in the business they work in.

On other occasions it can be because the clients understanding about a word or terminology is different to your own. This often happens when talking about labels for feelings/experiences that are then talked about as if they are a real physical thing – something you could pop down to the local supermarket and buy a packet. Success and confidence are two examples that can cause confusion.

They don’t actually know the answer to your question

If you are asking for a piece of information, it is not outside the realms of possibility that your client really doesn’t have the answer and there is another “step” to do to allow them to find the answer.

For example, imagine the following situation in a workplace: Your client is “stuck” on a project, through questioning you find that it is because they haven’t got a specific piece of knowledge about the business – one question you may ask in that situation is “Who would have that knowledge?” It’s not outside the realms of possibility that they don’t know  – in which case you can ask questions about how to find out who in the business had that knowledge.

They didn’t “hear” your question and are answering what they thought you asked

This means that it’s not that they are deliberately not answering your question it’s just that from their current perspective they thought you asked a different question.

A simple example is when a client answers what they will do when you asked what they could do.

More involved answers where a client gives a thoughtful and considered answer but still doesn’t answer your question can give you a huge clue into what has a client stuck in the first place. What question would your client have hear you ask for their answer to make perfect sense?

They are afraid of getting the answer “wrong”, appearing “bad” etc

It’s possibly they only want to share an answer if they are 100% certain (or for some 200% 😉 ) that it is correct or they are judging themselves negatively for the answer they thought and don’t want you to also think of them that way.

They don’t know where to start

I think of this as similar to sitting down to write something and staring at a blank piece of paper not knowing where to begin. It may be that the question was such a big jump from their normal viewpoint that it’s a completely alien concept for them.

For example, one question that people often ask themselves that falls in this category is “what do I want to do with my life?” Which is potentially a huge question to answer if you haven’t looked at what you want to do right now.

They have some sort of belief about what would happen if they permitted themselves to consider the question and/or speak the answer aloud.

It’s not unusual for there to be some unspoken fear about what could happen if they allowed themselves to answer. There can be some quite elaborate stories that are behind these fears.

Consider the following: You can tell by the way that your client has answered the question “what would you love to do?” that their answer doesn’t make them come alive at the thought. You are convinced that there is something that your client hasn’t “admitted” to that would be even better. Sometimes your client may be concerned that if they really shared what they want they would be disappointed when it didn’t happen – because they tell themselves a story that they never get anything they want. So to protect themselves from that hurt they just don’t answer the question, even to themselves.

It may also be that they are afraid what will happen next if they speak their answer aloud and share it with you. For example, you may “make” them do something to get that and that idea terrifies them.

They haven’t considered the question before and just need time to process it for themselves.

This is a situation where the heading pretty much says it all! Sometimes a client may just say anything just because they are not comfortable with silence and/or feel pressured to say something because it’s their turn to speak!

They don’t actually want to share that information with you

Coaching is often about the choices that we make and not actually wanting to share the answer is just another choice a client can make. This may also combine aspects of not wanting to appear bad etc with some story about what will happen if they do share.

An easy example of this is in the case of a manager coaching one of their team. The team member may be afraid of the consequences if they share they feel it was the clarity of the managers instructions that has slowed down a project.

What can you do?

Reacting to a non-answer can include one of the following ways:

• Draw the clients attention to the fact that they didn’t answer
• Asking the same question again
• Asking the question in a different way
• Asking a totally different question
• Giving them the space/time to explore their answer
• Removing any perceived pressure and generally reassuring
• Making a couple of suggestions to “get the ball rolling”
• Exploring what they are afraid will happen if they answer
• Ignoring the fact that they didn’t actually answer because you feel that there are other equally valid directions the conversation can go.

I invite you to consider if you pay attention to the possible reason a client isn’t answering your question.

What are some of the ways you personally could respond comfortably given each of these potential reasons?

Have I missed a potential reason why a client may not answer? What other ways do you like to respond if a client doesn’t answer your question?

If you would like to answer any of my questions above, or just share your thoughts on the topic then leave a reply below and click submit comment.