Judy Rees


Call Yourself A Coach? 3

“How do you get clients?” is a question I see and hear asked a lot. In today’s guest post Judy Rees shares her experience and knowledge in:

"Call Yourself A Coach?" A guest post by Judy Rees

Call Yourself A Coach?

By Judy Rees

Do you call yourself a coach? A life coach, an executive coach, a wellbeing coach? Are you a mentor, advisor or counsellor? Or does your business card claim that you’re a “change agent” or even a “personal consultant”?

And does it matter? I think it probably matters quite a lot.

At one level, all the above titles could refer to the same role – someone who helps other people make lasting changes in their life or work.

But some of them sound a whole lot more appealing than others, don’t they? Which would you choose when you wanted help to make a lasting change? And more to the point, which would your potential clients choose?

It’s important to remember that people tend to define words like Humpty Dumpty in Alice – they use words to mean just what they choose them to mean, not necessarily what you expect them to mean.

I had a lovely example of this when I went to Jordan as a volunteer ‘mentor’ for young entrepreneurs, with a UK-based organisation called Mowgli.

I was worried, because I expected that mentoring must mean giving advice – and I wasn’t at all sure my experiences would be useful or relevant in this new cultural context.

Mentors advise. Coaches ask questions. Instructors, trainers and teachers provide instruction. Those were my definitions.

But that’s not what Mowgli meant by mentoring.

Their view was that mentors ask questions, perhaps tell stories, but aren’t expected to give advice. It’s coaches that teach people to do things – to fly planes, for example. For them, the exact work I think of as ‘coaching’ was called ‘mentoring’.

If your potential clients think a ‘coach’ is someone who offers training in a subject, it’s no wonder that people searching for ‘coaching’ look for a subject-area expert, rather than a process-driven generalist whose business card just says ‘coach’.

What words do your potential clients use to describe what you do? And how do these sit with your marketing?

About Judy Rees

My business card says “Judy Rees: X-Ray Listener”. At least it gets people to ask, “What’s that then?” 🙂 I tell them it means I help people to get un-stuck and make big changes in their lives by working with the metaphors which underpin their thinking and which drive their behaviour. For example, if they’re thinking of making “a big career jump” I help them decide if that’s the right jump, at the right time, for them, and help them build the fitness they need to make it. Hear more – and book a free sample session – at www.xraylistening.com


Could Asking Better Questions Make You Better At Everything?

Judy Rees shares her experience and knowledge in today’s guest post as she asks:

"Could Asking Better Questions Make You Better At Everything" A guest post by Judy Rees

Could Asking Better Questions Make You Better At Everything?

By Judy Rees

What would you like to get better at? Public speaking? Running meetings? Time management? Persuasion? Choosing the perfect gift?

Whatever’s on the top of your learning list, chances are there’s someone out there who’s good at it. Just track them down and… you could hit a communication gap.

Because finding stuff out from people actually takes considerable skill.

The best interviewers in the business make it all look so easy. But when you try it yourself, you’ll find there’s a whole lot more to it than first appears. Unless you know the ground rules, you’ll soon be stumbling over your words and struggling to decide what to ask next. Embarrassing!

Those same interviewing skills are absolutely vital when it comes to coaching. The best coaches spend most of each session asking great questions, stretching their coaches’ thinking in new directions, rather than giving their opinions or advice.

Don’t Make These Six Mistakes When Asking Questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. People usually love being asked about themselves and their passions! As long as you’re polite and explain why you’re asking, even well-known experts will gladly spare the time.

Don’t expect your interviewee to do all the work. An interview is an exchange – you show interest, they open a window into their inner world. So make sure you do show interest! Smile and nod for encouragement, repeat back key words and phrases, and ask relevant follow-up questions.

Don’t ask complex, multiple-choice questions. They can easily leave your interviewee floundering. Instead, simple, open questions are usually best. “What kind of job?” is a better question than, “What kind of job, was it in the postroom or the car park or the office…?”

Don’t over-prepare, and be ready to go with the flow. Any worthwhile interview will be full of surprises! If you already knew everything your interviewee was going to say, why would you bother?

Don’t let them escape! If they avoid answering a question which seems important to you, make a note of it. Then bring them back to it, gently but firmly, perhaps asking the question in a slightly different way.

Don’t forget to listen! The best interviews sound natural and conversational, because the interviewer is genuinely interested in the subject and what they have to say. If taking notes and listening is too much for your brain, choose listening – and use an app on your phone to record the conversation.

© Judy Rees 2013

About the Author/Further Resources

X-Ray Listener Judy Rees was a news journalist for 20 years and is now an internationally-renowned Clean Language coach. She also teaches questioning and listening skills to coaches. On 20 April, she’ll be running a workshop on interviewing skills in central London: details at http://secretskill.eventbrite.co.uk/

Find out more at www.xraylistening.com and www.judyrees.co.uk or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/xraylistening

 


Do You Know Enough To Be A Coach?

Judy Rees asks a question that many new to coaching asks themselves, in this week’s guest post:

Do You Know Enough To Be A Coach?

By Judy Rees

Are you a coach who actually coaches people? Or are you a perpetual preparer?

I often coach people who are in the process of becoming coaches. I’ve noticed a lot of beginners seem to attend endless workshops and events, learning more and more about how to be a coach, and how to market themselves as coaches, rather than getting on and actually doing it.

Using Clean Language questions and metaphor, I’ll help my clients to understand the pattern – and we’ll frequently discover that on the current plan, they’d never know enough to get started.

As Nicholas Taleb points out in The Black Swan, the more expert someone becomes, the more they realise what they don’t know.

“You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books,” he says.

If you are determined to become a coach, perhaps because you want to help people, it’s important to find a way to manage this. (Just getting a Kindle doesn’t do the trick!)

I like to pride myself on “making change happen, whatever happens” in my coaching work, and I have a pretty solid record of success.

But that success is not just based on knowing a lot of stuff – it’s based on having a coaching methodology that is robust enough to work well, even when I don’t know what’s going on for my client.

At one level, I have to accept, I’ll never know what’s happening. I can’t see the world exactly through my client’s eyes.

And the more clients I have, the more I learn… and the more I realise I don’t know.

If you suspect you might be a perpetual preparer, I’d strongly suggest shifting your attention towards finding a robust coaching methodology that works well for you (Clean Language is my suggestion: others are available) and then getting started.

Practice, get feedback, practice some more, get referrals… and enjoy discovering how much you don’t know.

About the Author/Further Resources

Judy Rees is an author, mentor and information marketer, and an expert in Clean Language and metaphor. Her blog is at www.xraylistening.com

You can learn Clean Language online, free on Judy’s new website http://learncleanlanguage.com


Three ways personal development may be making you bad at marketing 1

In this week’s guest post Judy Rees shares her expertise and thoughts about what may be a reason you are struggling for clients.

Three ways personal development may be making you bad at marketing

By Judy Rees

I’m fed up with meeting “struggling coaches”! Every workshop, networking event or conference I go to (and I go to a lot), I seem to bump into dozens of coaches and therapists who are struggling to find paying clients.

I’d understand it if these guys weren’t so skilled. But the “strugglers” included people with fantastic skills as catalysts of transformation; people I’d even trust to coach me! And while they were unhappy and stuck, the people they might have helped were staying unhappy and stuck, too.

I got so fed up that I decided to do something about it, using Clean Language coaching blended with a little internet-marketing fairy dust.

I offered dozens of free “sweet spot sessions” to struggling coaches, helping them to find places where their unique skills, knowledge, experience and passion coincided with the needs of a hungry crowd, waving wads of fivers and keen to work with them.

We proved the crowds were there – one woman found that more than 13m people per month were searching for exactly the kind of service she could provide. And nobody else was serving those people. They were searching for help, and getting none.

And in the process, I realised that as coaches, we get in our own way. There are some lessons we’ve picked up in our personal development that are tripping almost everybody up.

Here are three ways personal development may be making you bad at marketing:

3. Deleting the word ‘why’. Particularly on NLP courses, we’re discouraged from asking ‘why?’ There are perfectly valid reasons for this – but over time, not asking why can become a habit. And that means you’ve accidentally deleted one of the most compelling ways of convincing someone to work with you.

Make sure you know why you offer great value; why people chose to work with you and not somebody else, why you structure your programmes as you do. And remember, once you get a potential client talking about their challenges, it’s legitimate to ask why their challenge is a problem for them. Then you can step in as the solution!

2. Presenting yourself as limitless. Most coaching skills are very generic: you probably can help pretty much anyone achieve pretty much anything. But people’s problems are very special – and when you have a special problem, you seek out a specialist solution. If you had a serious illness, who would you prefer to ask for help?

“I can do anything for anybody” marketing also makes people suspicious of your claims, and makes it difficult to present supporting evidence.

I’m violently opposed to the idea of “finding your niche” as a coach. I haven’t come all this way just to be pigeonholed! However, I do favour starting the journey with a single step, and focussing on one specific kind of problem (perhaps one where you have some success stories to tell) is a great way to begin.

1. Staying positive. I love ‘solution focussed’ coaching. I love being able to work with clients to figure out what’s gone right; what’s working; and what they would like to have happen.

And that can be a problem, particularly when I’m talking to a potential client. Because its people who have problems who buy solutions. It’s people who are experiencing pain who spend money to change things.

If you’re busy spreading sweetness and light, while everyone around seems ‘negative’ and obsessed with problems, you’re failing to pace your potential clients’ experience. You may be making yourself forget your troubles. But by sabotaging your own marketing efforts, you’ll also be prolonging them.

About the Author/Further Resources

Judy Rees is an author, mentor and information marketer, and an expert in Clean Language and metaphor. Her blog is at www.xraylistening.com

If you’d like to find out more about the sweet spot sessions and perhaps book a session of your own, go to www.tranceformingcommunications.com


2010 guest posters 1

The Friday Guest post on Coaching Confidence is taking a break over the festive period. (Want to be a guest poster in 2011? visit HERE)

Instead, today you will find a list of all the guest posters since we started the feature with links to their respective posts.

I’d like to take this moment to thank all these posters for taking the time to share so generously. I’d also like to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

[table id=1 /]


The power of parrot-phrasing 1

In this weeks guest post, clean language and x-ray listening expert, Judy Rees discusses the impact phrasing language can have.

The power of parrot-phrasing

by Judy Rees

I wonder if you were ever taught to paraphrase someone as a way of showing you’d been listening to them? This “active listening” technique has been widely encouraged in teaching, counselling and coaching for many years.

But modern research has revealed that it’s parrot-phrasing, not paraphrasing, that pays.  You should use the person’s own words, not yours, for best effect.

For example Professor Richard Wiseman (in his brilliant book 59 Seconds) quotes a study from the University of Nijmegen in which a waitress increased her tips by 70 per cent simply by repeating the customer’s order back to them, rather than saying “okay” or “coming right up”.

How does this work? As commentator Dr Nicholas Ostler put it on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4 recently: “The way people talk is close to their soul.”

Using the other person’s words, parrot-phrasing rather than paraphrasing:

  • encourages the person to like you. Matching language sends a strong hint that you are similar, that you belong to the same group. And it’s well established that people tend to like people who they believe are like themselves.
  • helps you to build rapport and trust with the person. In repeating their words you acknowledge that you have actually heard them, that you are listening, and that you are inclined to continue the conversation.
  • retains subtle distinctions of meaning, and retains the metaphoric structure of the thought. For example, “closing the gap” contains a presupposition that the gap can vanish completely – “narrowing the gap” does not.
  • supports the person to continue speaking, expressing themselves more fully and perhaps more clearly.
  • encourages the person to think about what they have just said, and perhaps to understand their own ideas more deeply.
  • saves you the trouble of thinking of suitable paraphrases.
  • prevents the distracting and time-consuming disagreements (“That’s not quite what I meant”) which often arise over slight differences in wording.
  • conceals your lack of knowledge or understanding about a subject. It’s quite hard to make a fool of yourself it you only use the other person’s words!

As you may know, the questioning system and coaching methodology Clean Language uses parrot-phrasing (along with people’s metaphors) to get “close to the soul” of clients.

For example, the two most widely used Clean Language questions are:

“What kind of X (is that X)?”

and

“Is there anything else about X?”

where the “X” represents one or more of the person’s words.

Clean Language can be spectacularly successful at getting people “unstuck” quickly, and helping them to make dramatic changes in their lives. And it works partly because of the power of using a person’s own words.

And the same approach can be applied in many other contexts. For example, imagine the power of getting “close to the soul” when you’re keen to influence or persuade someone!

So why not try it out today? For something so powerful, it’s amazingly easy. Just repeat back the last few words someone says with a curious tone to encourage them to say more – or try one of the Clean Language questions and see what happens next.

About the Author/Further Resources

Judy Rees is an expert in Clean Language and the co-author, with Wendy Sullivan, of Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds. Her company, X-Ray Listening, puts Clean Language to work in a variety of business contexts – and is about to release an audio course, Intelligent Influence with X-Ray Listening. Visit www.xraylistening.com to find out more.

UPDATE 11th November 2010: For a limited period Judy is offering some video’s where she shares more secrets. Have a look now HERE.