fake

Coaching and “fake it ’til you make it”

 in Coaching  tagged action / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / fake / fake it 'til you make it / Free resource / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development

As a coach you may have been give the advice to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Perhaps you have even given that advice for yourself. I know I remember having a conversation when I was starting out as a trainer and a coach where an experienced colleague gave me that advice.

The plus side of faking it ‘til you make it is that it can be the extra something needed to nudge someone into doing something they were not previously doing. Even if they are pretending to be something/someone they don’t think they are in order for that to happen.

A side effect is that the person doing the “faking” often has a nagging feeling that they are about to be discovered as a fraud at any minute. Considering that they are approaching this by pretending to be someone else it’s understandable that is the response that they are having.

It’s not unusual for someone to have gone past the point of having to fake it as they developed their own approach a long time ago. However, they haven’t actually realised this and adjusted their own perception of themselves. So they still feel like they are a fake.

As always as you read this I encourage you to listen to your own wisdom. If you read this and find that what I am talking about works for you, and you are quite happy doing it, then keep using what works for you!

I am sharing this as I wanted to point out that “faking to you make it” is not the only way of becoming comfortable with any “role”, task or activity. Below I’ll share just 3 different approaches you may consider using.

For instance, you could just keep doing regular small steps to move yourself forward until you find that one day you find it is all really comfortable.

A different way is to be honest with yourself – and others if appropriate, and as Susan Jeffers said “feel the fear and do it any way”

Another alternative is about taking the pressure off and allowing yourself to focus on just doing the task to the best of your current abilities can result in you really surprising yourself.

Usually when someone feels that they have to “fake it” there is a set of expectations they feel that they need to be “living up to”. Sometimes these are expectations that have been set by other people. More commonly, these expectations have been set by our own judgements and comparisons.

These are either a comparison to someone else or by our own judgement about what they think they should do if they were being perfect. It can be worth checking the beliefs, judgements and expectations you are setting for yourself – and if they are really needed.

I mentioned in my post yesterday, “Why did I start Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog?”, I believe having an exposure to different approaches, opinions and techniques give coaches a greater flexibility when they coach. So feel free to share other approached you have/could use instead of “fake it ‘til you make it.”

Alternatively, if you feel particularly strongly that “fake it ‘til you make it” is the only approach to use, you’re more than welcome to comment as well 🙂

Do coaches need to be confident? 6

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I’m often interested to see the searches that people do that lead to this blog for coaches. Some are quite frankly mystifying but one recently attracted my attention as it was the simple question, “do coaches need to be confident?”

So my coaching related post today is going to give my own personal answer, with reasons. I invite you to consider your own answer, as well as how that fits into how you are currently coaching.

Now considering one of the programs I offer to support coaches is “From feeling a fake to confident coach” my actual answer may surprise some. No, I personally do not think that coaches need to be confident. I think that it is perfectly possible to run a coaching session without feeling confident.

Confidence is one of those things that we cannot nip down to the local supermarket and pick up a tin of – it means something slightly different to each person. Just so that I am perfectly clear, I’m talking about feeling confident. I’m not talking about someone’s competence with my previous statement.

For some it may be true that a reason for them feeling a lack of confidence is genuinely because their skill levels have not been developed – it’s not always the case, hence my statement that you do not need to be confident to run a coaching session.

I do think that there are many benefits to being a confident coach. Here are just 7 of my initial thoughts:

It’s often makes coaching easier

How does your lack of confidence effect your coaching? If you are not confident then it’s easy for your client to start questioning the coaching and shift their focus off what they want etc.

It feels better and is more enjoyable!

Whilst your client may or may not have a suspicion about how you are feeling there are two of you involved in this coaching conversation. There is nothing to say that, as a coach, you can’t enjoy your work – in fact I personally encourage you to enjoy your work. 🙂

It’s easier to focus on your client if you’re not afraid someone is about to discover that you’re a fake etc

Coaching is much easier when you are listening and focusing upon your client and not any negative thoughts in your own head. I wrote last week about 3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not on your inner critic or negative thoughts etc.

If you trust your skills and coaching instincts you will ask the questions/give the feedback that you think will make the difference.

Often if a coach is not confident they can question yourself about what they will think about you, if that’s the right question etc and hold back from asking a question or giving certain feedback.

You will allow yourself to take the coaching in a different direction if the first one isn’t going anywhere

Coaching conversations are like any other conversations, they can take a turn in a different direction at any time depending upon the response the other person gives. Sometimes I see coaches/trainee coaches think negatively of themselves because they either haven’t got a plan about how a session is going to go or any plan they had alters as the session progresses.

You don’t hold yourself back from taking action just because you don’t feel confident

To run a coaching session you need a client. I’ve often seen coaches who share that they don’t feel confident reluctant to take action to actually get a client – either paid or unpaid. What action would you take if you were more confident about your coaching?

If you are “selling” the idea of working with you, a potential client is more likely to say yes if you appear confident in your own service and skills.

I’ve already mentioned that to run a coaching session you need a client. There are many strategies that you can use for marketing and sales and this isn’t a post about the numerous approaches that could work for you.

Even if you are not asking for an exchange of money you are asking a potential client to invest their time and effort. If you don’t appear confident and appear to be questioning if it will work etc how likely are they to say yes?

At the start of this post I said that coaches do not need to be confident to run a coaching session. What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.