expectations

Reflecting on Anticipation: Navigating Expectations in Coaching and Life

 in quote  tagged Amelia Earhart / anticipation / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / expectations / quote / reflecting
On the left of this image is a black and white photo of Amelia Earhar taken in March 1937 when she was 39 years old. It is a photo showing her head and shoulders with what is apparently the nose of her plane in the background. She is a white woman with short brown hair standing facing forward and grinning at the camera. She is wearing what looks like the a flight jacket open with a checked collared shirt that is open at the collar. She is wearing a neck tie around her neck. The text to the right reads: It's Thursday! Today's #QuoteOfTheDay is: “Anticipation, I suppose, sometimes exceeds realization.” (Amelia Earhart)A handfull of #QuestionsForCoaches prompted by this quote is: How does anticipation play a role in shaping our perceptions and experiences? On the left of this image is a black and white photo of Amelia Earhar taken in March 1937 when she was 39 years old. It is a photo showing her head and shoulders with what is apparently the nose of her plane in the background. She is a white woman with short brown hair standing facing forward and grinning at the camera. She is wearing what looks like the a flight jacket open with a checked collared shirt that is open at the collar. She is wearing a neck tie around her neck.The text to the right reads: “Anticipation, I suppose, sometimes exceeds realization.” (Amelia Earhart)

It’s Thursday! Today’s quote is:

“Anticipation, I suppose, sometimes exceeds realization.” (Amelia Earhart)

This quote first prompted me to reflect on managing expectations and anticipation, particularly within the context of coaching relationships. Over my years of coaching experience, I’ve observed that certain aspects can hinder our ability to fully engage and benefit from our time together. Speaking to other coaches it seems that we often notice a common theme that can trip our clients up. It’s not the same thing for every coach and their clients but there’s usually something that we can take action to minimise from the start.

For example, one common challenge I found when working with coaches, especially those new to coaching, is that they could sometimes become overly preoccupied with analyzing the reasons behind specific questions rather than focusing on their own responses. It was completly understandable as many of them credited feeling a lack of confidence down to thinking that they needed a better understanding of questions and what to ask when. etc

Recognizing this tendency, I’ve adopted a proactive approach to address it. Before starting our first session together, I usually initiate a conversation with clients, about how to get the best from our time together. It’s at that stage I set the expectation that if I do revisit certain questions it doesn’t imply a lack of preparation or doubt in their initial answers. Instead, it’s an acknowledgment of the dynamic nature of coaching conversations and the potential for transformative insights to emerge in unexpected moments. By setting this expectation upfront, clients with limited coaching experience can shift their focus from overanalyzing to simply engaging with the questions in the present moment.

This proactive approach with a different set up meant that anticipation and expectation was managed. It is now not something that often comes up as something that gets in the way of our coaching clients. I’ve heard other coaches have similar conversations about it being OK to take a moment to answer a question – there’s no need to rush if it’s soemthing a client has never considered before. So if there’s a common trend you see with many of your clients – is it something that would bennefit from having a conversation about before you start?

Reflecting on the interplay between anticipation and realization also led me to explore the broader implications of our thought patterns on our present moment experiences. In the realm of coaching and beyond, our subjective reality is profoundly influenced by the quality of our thoughts in any given moment. By recognizing the transient nature of thought and its direct impact on our perceptions, we gain the capacity to navigate life’s uncertainties with greater clarity and resilience.

Consider, for instance, the common scenario of anticipating future outcomes. When we become overly fixated on hypothetical scenarios or expectations, we risk diluting our present experience with unnecessary worry or anticipation. Instead, by cultivating mindfulness and embracing the inherent wisdom of the present moment, we can navigate uncertainty with grace and equanimity.

Furthermore, acknowledging the role of thought in shaping our experiences opens the door to a deeper understanding of resilience and well-being. Rather than attributing our emotional state solely to external circumstances, we recognize that our inner resilience stems from our innate capacity to navigate the ebb and flow of life’s challenges with grace and resilience.

In conclusion, Amelia Earhart’s timeless quote serves as a poignant reminder of the intricate relationship between anticipation and realization. By embracing the fluidity of the present moment and cultivating a deeper understanding of our thought patterns, we can navigate life’s uncertainties with clarity, resilience, and wisdom.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Navigating the Uphill Climb with Resilience: The Wisdom of William Shakespeare for Coaches

 in quote  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / expectations / quote / resilience / shakespeare
This background is in an animated style. A winding path and steps curves round one green hill and continues on up the slope of another hill behind leading up to the top. The text reads "To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first." (William Shakespeare)

Today’s quote is:

“To climb steep hills requires slow pace at first.” (William Shakespeare)

As coaches, we often find ourselves guiding our clients through treacherous terrains and daunting obstacles. This quote serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of patience, persistence, and strategic pacing in our coaching practice.

Building Momentum

Sometimes getting started can seem the hardest part and it just takes a bit of time for momentum to take over. Depending upon what this is being applied to sometimes it takes a moment for a new habit to be formed. A slow gradual increase to build momentum may also be needed to avoid overwhelm and to build the path of progress.

Managing Expectations with Compassion

At times, progress may seem slower than anticipated. It’s crucial to approach this with understanding and empathy. As coaches, our role is to provide unwavering support, reminding our clients that growth requires time. We help them see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, fostering resilience and perseverance.

Discussing Expectations:

It’s worth discussing the perceived timeline of achieving something. This is often a self-created notion accompanied by judgmental thoughts. A candid conversation can shed light on these unacknowledged expectations, helping to understand their unrealistic nature while recognizing the progress made.

Promoting Patience and Resilience

Patience and resilience are indispensable qualities on the journey towards success. Through coaching conversations and reflective exercises, we can help our clients cultivate these qualities within themselves. By celebrating small victories and acknowledging the effort invested, we reinforce the importance of patience and resilience in achieving long-term goals.

Navigating the Urge to Rush

In a world that glorifies instant gratification, it’s common for clients to want to rush the process. However, as coaches, it’s our responsibility to remind them of the wisdom in Shakespeare’s words. Rushing through challenges often leads to burnout and dissatisfaction. By encouraging clients to embrace the journey, to savor each step of the process, we help them build a solid foundation for momentum to take over.

Exploring Deeper Questions

Beyond the surface, Shakespeare’s quote prompts us to explore deeper questions about coaching and life. What other challenges do our clients face that require a slow and steady approach? How can we apply the principles of pacing and patience in our own lives as coaches? These questions invite introspection and self-discovery, enriching our coaching practice and fostering personal growth.

As we navigate the uphill climb alongside our clients, let us embody the wisdom of William Shakespeare. Let us embrace the journey, one step at a time, knowing that with patience, persistence, and unwavering determination, we will reach the summit of success.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Expectations: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

 in Guest Post  tagged clients / coaching / dopamine / expectations / Frederique Murphy / motivation / neuroscience

In this week’s guest post experienced coach Frederique Murphy shares:

Expectations: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

By Frederique Murphy

"Expectations: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!" By Frederique Murphy

Ever wondered why you feel pain when you don’t meet a goal? or Why you feel good when you do? or Why you feel so good when you reach more? Beyond the rationality of these 3 scenarios, and of course understanding why you would feel pain when not reaching something or feel good when reaching it, there is an actual neuroscientific explanation to what is going on.

When any of these 3 things happen – and you know that these happen all the times, both to you and your clients, in your life, career, business – your brain releases or withdraws dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, produced in the brain, primarily involved in motivation and reward. When it releases dopamine, you feel good; when it withdraws it, you feel pain. The more your brain releases dopamine, the more you want to keep going and experience it over and over again.

When it comes to you or your clients not meeting, meeting or exceeding something, dopamine plays a huge role. And, all 3 scenarios are linked to the same one thing: EXPECTATIONS.

Expectations are what we think, or hope, is most likely to happen, and whether or not we realise it, we actually have expectations about everything. Let’s break down these 3 scenarios and see what happen when….

  • …your or your coachee’s expectations aren’t met: you or they experience a fall of dopamine; it feels painful,
  • …your or your coachee’s expectations are met: you or they experience a boost of dopamine; it feels good,
  • …your or your coachee’s expectations are exceeded: you or they experience a super boost of dopamine; it feels super good.

As coaches, I believe that the gap between unconscious expectations and conscious expectations is where our potential lies. Work with your clients to help them become aware of their unconscious expectations; this will help them manage their expectations better, and in turn they’ll gain a better control of their dopamine releases throughout the day, thus increasing their motivation.

How will you use this knowledge to better manage your expectations? And, your clients’ ones? I’d love for you to share; this will be helpful for the other coaches. Comment below!

About Frederique Murphy

Frederique MurphySpecialising in Inspirational Leadership, Frederique Murphy is a mindset strategist who inspires leaders to believe and accomplish the extraordinary. With her Mountain Moving Mindset (M3) platform, she equips you with scientifically-based strategies to take your life, career and business to a whole new level: she makes change happen. With over 15 years of experience in corporate change and expertise in positive psychology, neuroscience and behaviour change, she helps your organisation reap the benefits of tapping into the power of the mind. Frederique is a passionate and charismatic speaker, who captivates audiences – when she takes to the stage, sparks fly and beliefs, attitudes and behaviours will be instilled to create lasting change. For more information on Frederique’s transformational services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com.

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7 Things Confident Coaches Do 1

 in Guest Post  tagged Annie Ashdown / assertive / authentic / coach / confidence / confident / expectations / intuition / kindness / responsibility / self / trust

In today’s guest post coach Annie Ashdown, known in the press as “The Confidence Expert”, shares some of her expertise and knowledge in:

7 Things Confident Coaches Do

by Annie Ashdown

"7 Things Confident Coaches Do" by Annie Ashdown

I asked my friend who is a very close personal friend of Paul McKenna’s the secret of Paul’s success. He responded ‘Paul is not at all arrogant, but aside from a passion to help others, he has loads of self – confidence, high self -esteem and stacks of self – belief. That’s the secret behind his success, no question!’

Confident coaches are regular women/men with flaws, shortcomings and defects. Every-one experience’s challenges and bad days, however when you have self- confidence, high self –esteem and oodles of self- belief you do not allow anything to hold you back. Not everyone wants to become a high profile coach or a New York Times best -selling author or a world famous leader, but confident coaches become a leader in their own world. Confidence is an essential component to create a healthy relationship with yourself and in turn that inspires and motivates clients to do the same.

All that is fed into your subconscious mind between the ages of 0 to 5 is done so without your consent or knowledge which means that we internalise everything as true, and record this as our own assessment of ourselves. Unfortunately for many of us we were fed negativity from an early age and consequently end up listening to and believing our inner critic, which feeds us lies and tells us that we are not important.

  1. They consider themselves important.

Confident coaches respect themselves and do so from looking inside at their shortcomings, rather than denying them. They are aware that by feeling important, they are behaving authentically and respecting their values instead of compromising them to gain external validation from their clients, peers and colleagues.

Confident coaches;

  • Focus on their positive characteristics.
  • Tell themselves they are perfectly imperfect.
  • Cherish and honour their principles.
  • Respect their own needs and wants.
  • Advertise their strengths, not their weaknesses.

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  1. They speak to themselves with kindness.

Confident coaches praise and acknowledge themselves; they are cool about their imperfections. They are aware that if they are unkind to themselves, they will subconsciously attract others to be unkind to them.

Confident coaches;

  • Are aware of their triggers, beliefs and habits and reframe them.
  • Are patient with themselves
  • Record every success – whatever size in their mind or in a success journal.
  • Repeat over and over again ‘I am worthy’.
  • Let go of the compulsive need for approval.

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  1. They are comfortable with being authentic.

Confident coaches have self-acceptance. They embrace themselves as they are regardless of mistakes or their weaknesses. They do not believe they will be rejected if they reveal their true self, they know only too well no one bids for a fake, the real deal is always more valuable.

Confident coaches;

  • Make amends to themselves.
  • Understand fake is last season.
  • Appreciate, validate, accept, respect, cherish, like and honour themselves regardless of how others treat them.
  • Believe self – acceptance is the key.
  • Know that all that glisters is not gold and therefore don’t waste time comparing and despairing.

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  1. They trust themselves and their intuition.

Confident coaches are their own master and are always best friends with their inner voice. They are comfortable being in charge of what they think, do and say, as they trust themselves. They know their intellectual mind is strong, yet their intuition is way wiser and far more accurate and they have learnt that the aim of their intuition is to get past their intellect.

Confident coaches;

  • Feel aligned with their purpose.
  • Practise self-discipline and focus.
  • Understand the difference between logic, feelings and intuition.
  • ALWAYS listen to their inner voice.
  • Constantly challenge all negative assumptions.

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  1. They keep their expectations high.

Confident coaches know persistence and self-belief is the main pillar of success. Confident people have indestructible self-belief. They feel worthy of success, happiness, prosperity and a thriving coaching business.

Confident coaches;

  • Know they have to change their perceptions to change their life.
  • Are crystal clear about their individuality and preferences.
  • Are not discouraged or disheartened by rejections.
  • Let go of self-defeating beliefs about what might happen in the future.
  • Say over and over again ‘I am good enough.’

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  1. They take responsibility for their own lives.

Confident coaches know they have a choice to face and everything and run or face everything head on, to be stressed, or be grounded, be lazy or be fit, be overweight, or be slim, get enough sleep, or be constantly tired, respond or react. They know that in order to be emotionally sober they have to be accountable for their life and understand self-responsibility is the foundation of empowerment.

Confident coaches;

  • Own up when they are wrong
  • Set boundaries with others.
  • Know self-care is not selfish, it is self-loving.
  • Don’t wait to be rescued, instead they take action.
  • Are aware they have a constant responsibility to be good to themselves.

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  1. They are assertive

Confident coaches feel comfortable expressing how they feel. They do not waffle, or feel obliged to justify, defend or explain their reasoning. They know their rights, feel worthy, important and deserving. They are willing to be open and to compromise, as they don’t expect to get their own way every time. They have an ‘I like you, but I like me too’ approach. They face the other person, look them in the eye, and are aware of the power of the spoken word so they use words like ‘could’ ‘might’ instead of ‘should’ ‘must’.

Confident coaches;

  • Choose their thoughts carefully.
  • Use anger to be assertive in a non -aggressive way
  • Have reasonable expectations of themselves and others.
  • Decide what they need and are courageous enough to ask for it
  • Take advantage of all opportunities

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Final word from Annie

My hope is that you begin to know who you are and change the messages you tell yourself and start giving yourself permission to be authentic. I would like you to find the peace and joy I have found with a clear mind and a steady heart. This is not a magic formula, you have to make it happen.

Show Up, Speak Up, – It’s Your Time to Shine.

Annie Ashdown

The Confidence Expert

www.annieashdown.com

About Annie Ashdowne

Annie AshdownAnnie Ashdown is dubbed by the press as ‘The Confidence Expert’ and for the past 10 years has been teaching Celebrities, Lawyers, Bankers, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Business owners, and Corporate employees the way to gain that all importance self-confidence and self–belief.

Based in Harley St, London, Annie is the UK’s leading Confidence coach, and is an emotional freedom technique practioner, theta healer and master clinical hypnotherapist.
Annie’s engaging personality and real life experiences have made her popular with the media and she co-hosted 13 episodes of Kyle’s Academy for ITV1 and was Resident coach on Bump and Grind, Sky1. Annie is a regular guest on BBC radio as well as a frequent contributor to magazines and newspapers and was a judge in 2009 on Britain’s Next Top Coach.

It was after working through her own difficulties Annie recognized the tangible benefits that coaching can bring to so many parts of our lives. Following a successful career in film and TV between Los Angeles, New York and London, Annie hit rock bottom around her chronic eating disorder. This sparked a journey of self-discovery and making profound changes, Annie changed career direction in order to help others maximize their potential. Her tough love
approach is practical and down to earth, tempered with a dose of humor and more often than not related to her own life experiences.

In addition to her 1-1 client sessions, Annie has been called upon to design and deliver seminars and workshops for organizations including: Nokia, Vertu, Yahoo, Chelsea Football Club, Business Link, AMEX, Orange, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and DWP.

In 2010 Annie was the first to introduce a team of 50 coaches nationwide to Job Centre Plus, helping motivate and inspire professional executives back to work. Annie is a regular on the speakers’ circuit, and was invited in November 2011 to be key speaker at the prestigious Everywoman’s 12th annual conference for 500 female entrepreneurs sponsored by Nat West and Marie Claire magazine.

Annie is fully insured and a member of British Institute of Hypnotherapy, Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapists, NHS Directory, CHCH, GHR, Register for Evidence Based Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy, Association Of Meridian Energy Therapists, and Complimentary Medical Association.

Annie’s book The Confidence Factor -7 Secrets of Successful People is in top 10 best sellers chart in WH Smith and is available on Amazon, in WH Smith, Waterstones, and all good bookstores in UK, Barnes and Noble, USA and Easons in Ireland. Her debut book Doormat Nor Diva Be – How to take back control of your life and your relationships was published in Sept 2011.

Annie has two comp tickets to give away for her talk at Well Being Show at Earls Court sponsored by Psychologies Magazine on 26 May. Go to www.AnnieAshdown.com to receive the 26 page FREE report ‘Master the art of self -belief’, a FREE hypnotic mp3 and details of the comp tickets. (Please note that there is only one week for the comp tickets so act now if it’s of interest to you.)

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Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice 2

 in Guest Post  tagged authentic / career coach / comfort zone / expectations / Gail Gaspar / inner critic / led zeppelin / limiting beliefs / self / true voice / trusting yourself / voice

In today’s guest post coach Gail Gaspar shares her experience and knowledge as she shares the message:

"Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice" A guest post by Gail Gaspar

Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

By Certified Career Coach Gail Gaspar MA, ACC

Your unique voice is a gift to the world. Your voice does not need to be fixed, squeezed or formatted into an acceptable template according to the standards of others.

We learn early on to take our cues from society and others. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs are tethered to our perceptions about what will others think. If we continue to cue up unconsciously and hand our voice over to others, we lose our ability to trust ourselves. We must trust ourselves before others can trust us.

Let’s begin with some backstory. I got my first and last chance to be a singer in a rock and roll band when I was 16 years old. Much to our delight, my two best friends and I were invited to band practice in the guitar player’s basement. My friends jumped at the chance to sing with the band. Like any self-conscious teenage girl worth her bell-bottoms, I hung back, quite relieved to sit this one out.

When the song was over, one of the band members turned to me. How about YOU? Let’s hear YOU sing. Picture me resisting, shrinking, embarrassed by unwanted attention. They literally had to pull me up to the microphone to sing Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. For the record, it clocks at 8:02 minutes. When the song was over, the band members made a fuss about my voice and did not mention my friends’ duet. My friends were mad. They did not speak to me the entire ride home.

I apologized to my friends. It was not the last time I did not OWN the sound of my own voice.

One of the band members showed up at my house the following day to ask my parents if I could join the band as a singer. My parents were not at all agreeable. They forbid me to sing with the band. No daughter of theirs was going to be a singer in a rock n roll band, and all that. Of course I was furious with my parents. But more than anything, I felt the wrath of my friends. My voice had landed me in an enviable position, and I did not want to lose my friends.

This circumstance fueled a powerful story I carried around for years. My ability to shine would have adverse consequences. And so, for a time, I dulled my shine and squashed my voice.

Do you trust the truth of your voice? Where are you voicing what others want or expect to hear? Is your voice story supportive for you?

In my line of work as a Career Coach, the ONE thing that stops more people from acting on more dreams is the refrain, “What will OTHERS think?”

I see it going on all around me. Recently, I met a lovely woman who was an opera singer. She confided to me, I’d like to audition for a solo. I’m good enough and yet stay in my comfort zone singing as part of the ensemble. The truth is, she said, I don’t trust the sound of my own voice.

When our consideration is primarily externally focused, the result is a tempered, vanilla voice that does not sing true or support us in doing what we want to do in the world.

Intellectually, we may know it is best not to feel needy, attached to outcomes or what others think of us. But sometimes, as you also probably well know, it’s hard!

So how do you stop yourself from being driven primarily by external expectations and tune in to your inner voice?

Lose your mind. Get physical and check in with your body to discover what’s true.

Let go of the need for perfection and struggle. Your true voice is best coaxed from non-attachment to outcome, willingness to make mistakes and belief that voicing your truth trumps it all.

Give yourself permission to honor what YOU want. More free writing? Play time? Sitting still each afternoon for a cup of tea? Whatever it is, recognize and create space to honor what’s true for you.

Cultivate faith and trust. Even though you can’t see what’s ahead, you have something important to say and the world needs your gifts. If you hide or hoard your gifts, you are depriving others who need to hear what you have to say.

Go big or go home. Shake things up. Question the way things are. Take more risks. Say it proud. Everyone doesn’t have to like what you say. Those who can and need to, will hear you.

Led Zeppelin did not know when they were composing Stairway to Heaven that it would become one of the greatest rock songs of all time. They put their voices out in the world.

Allowing your inner voice to drive the action will result in rewarding opportunities. The good news is you can create a new voice story at any time and from wherever you are. You never know who your voice will touch, how your authentic voice will carry forward. Until you try.

Do you tend to heed or ignore your inner voice? What is your voice story? How is it serving you? Is it time to take action on your story? We all benefit when you share your voice to comment below.

About Gail Gaspar

Gail helps women entrepreneurs activate powerful truth, awareness and intention for more impact, freedom and fun.

If you like this article, you’ll LOVE my newsletter! For resources and inspiration you can use to Transform your Career Reinvention, visit http://www.iDecideCoach.com to sign up for my monthly newsletter.

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Article Source: Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

by Ezine expert Gail Gasper