confidence

Coaching and “fake it ’til you make it”

 in Coaching  tagged action / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / fake / fake it 'til you make it / Free resource / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development

As a coach you may have been give the advice to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Perhaps you have even given that advice for yourself. I know I remember having a conversation when I was starting out as a trainer and a coach where an experienced colleague gave me that advice.

The plus side of faking it ‘til you make it is that it can be the extra something needed to nudge someone into doing something they were not previously doing. Even if they are pretending to be something/someone they don’t think they are in order for that to happen.

A side effect is that the person doing the “faking” often has a nagging feeling that they are about to be discovered as a fraud at any minute. Considering that they are approaching this by pretending to be someone else it’s understandable that is the response that they are having.

It’s not unusual for someone to have gone past the point of having to fake it as they developed their own approach a long time ago. However, they haven’t actually realised this and adjusted their own perception of themselves. So they still feel like they are a fake.

As always as you read this I encourage you to listen to your own wisdom. If you read this and find that what I am talking about works for you, and you are quite happy doing it, then keep using what works for you!

I am sharing this as I wanted to point out that “faking to you make it” is not the only way of becoming comfortable with any “role”, task or activity. Below I’ll share just 3 different approaches you may consider using.

For instance, you could just keep doing regular small steps to move yourself forward until you find that one day you find it is all really comfortable.

A different way is to be honest with yourself – and others if appropriate, and as Susan Jeffers said “feel the fear and do it any way”

Another alternative is about taking the pressure off and allowing yourself to focus on just doing the task to the best of your current abilities can result in you really surprising yourself.

Usually when someone feels that they have to “fake it” there is a set of expectations they feel that they need to be “living up to”. Sometimes these are expectations that have been set by other people. More commonly, these expectations have been set by our own judgements and comparisons.

These are either a comparison to someone else or by our own judgement about what they think they should do if they were being perfect. It can be worth checking the beliefs, judgements and expectations you are setting for yourself – and if they are really needed.

I mentioned in my post yesterday, “Why did I start Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog?”, I believe having an exposure to different approaches, opinions and techniques give coaches a greater flexibility when they coach. So feel free to share other approached you have/could use instead of “fake it ‘til you make it.”

Alternatively, if you feel particularly strongly that “fake it ‘til you make it” is the only approach to use, you’re more than welcome to comment as well 🙂

Why did I start Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog? 1

 in site news  tagged best coaching blog 2011 / blog / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching confidence / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / follow up / Free resource / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development

You may have noticed that in the top right section of the screen is this logo:

Please Vote for us

You may also have deduced that Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog, is entered in the Best Coaching Blogs 2011 competition. Obviously I’d love if you would spare a few moments to vote for us.

I’d thought I’d spend a few moments sharing why I started this blog. The final “push” was when I read an “advanced” coaching article that advised coaches to interact with their coaching client during the actual coaching session.

At first I was convinced that there was a typo somewhere and what I was literally reading was not actually the authors meaning. However, it was repeated several times and I could spot no other interpretation so had to come to the conclusion that this had to be the actual “advanced” message.

I cannot begin to imagine how anyone can coach without interacting with a client. In my mind, even non-verbal communication, such as nods, raised eyebrows etc are interactions. It certainly isn’t what I class as a piece of advice for advanced coaching.

Having got on my soap box to a friend and colleague about how much better quality information could be given than interact with your client I realised I was “preaching to the converted”.

One of the possible explanations I’d looked for in that post was if the author had been advising about increasing interaction in general. Whilst I’d found no evidence that was the intended meaning, I did think it sounded a fun approach. As I am so passionate about supporting and nurturing coaching skills and talents creating my own coaching blog would be one ideal way to do this.

I was also keen to have a regular guest post feature. For three reasons:

  1. I believe that having an exposure to different approaches, opinions and techniques give coaches a greater flexibility when they coach. Something that, in my mind, helps you to be a stronger coach so you can adapt to the individual in front of you.
  2. I don’t expect that my approach to coaching will be every other coaches approach – yet I still wanted to provide a space where all coaching styles could get an opportunity to share. I want to credit my audience with the intelligence but also have the responsibility for deciding which ones appeal to them.
  3. I wanted to provide an opportunity to support the guest posters by providing a space to connect with a new audience.

I know that my work is about supporting, nurturing and encouraging coaching skills and talents for all levels of coaching. It’s what I love doing. It’s also what I check if a particular post has the potential to do when I sit down to blog.

Technically it could be classed as part of a marketing strategy; however, I did not wake up one morning and think, “I know, I’d love to start a marketing strategy!” I did come to the realisation I enjoy writing for this blog – I enjoy this form of interaction.

I have never claimed to be a marketing expert yet the one piece of “marketing advice” I give to coaches when I’m asked is to find strategy(s) that you enjoy doing – rather than ones you hate. You are far more likely to do something that you enjoy more than something you hate. The best conceived marketing strategy and knowledge in the world is not going to create clients if you don’t put it into action!

You’ll notice if you click through to the best coaching blogs 2011 nominations that there are other coaching blogs there. If you enjoy this blog I’d love you to vote for us. If you have the time, why not have a look at the links to the other blogs at the same time. You never know when that right comment may just give you the nudge to take that next step!

After all, who knows if and when I’d have started this blog if I hadn’t read about interacting in a coaching session!

Click here to vote for us in the Best Coaching Blogs 2011.

Follow up between Coaching Sessions 2

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / follow up / Free resource / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development

One of the requests for topics that people wanted to read more about that I have received recently was about follow up between coaching sessions. So today’s coaching post will share some of my thoughts to answer this request.

Personally, I believe that when a coaching client hires me as their coach it isn’t just about what happens during the appointed time of our coaching session.

This means that I have built into my coaching packages the ability to provide follow up and assistance as and when it’s wanted. I know that this may concern some coaches from a time management perspective.

Personally, this is not something that worries me, probably because I’ve chosen to include those as a solution and as I offer coaching packages rather than thinking of charging by the hour.

I give all my clients various different means to contact me in their welcome pack, including guidance about which is usually the quickest method and how quickly I will respond. This includes priority email response if they wish to contact me between sessions with questions to share successes etc.

When a client commits to their action assignments (the action they will take before the next session) it’s not unknown for me to ask if there is anyway I can assist to make those tasks easier.

Note that I usually leave the responsibility with the client to request but offer the invitation for them to use, as they want.

Why do I say usually? Well, sometimes I suggest action assignments that I have designed with a specific purpose in mind and that may involve following up with me before our next session.

Let me list some examples of what I think of as follow up and why it may be used. The reason’s I mention will not be the only ones, so if you think one of the following would be beneficial for one of your clients don’t eliminate it if it doesn’t fall into my reason why!

Sometimes following up may involve a daily email updating the action taken with a requested email nudge from me if it’s not sent. This isn’t for every client or every occasion but can assist if someone is looking to include something into a routine or just become more comfortable doing.

Other occasions may include a commitment to sending me a completed piece of work. Again, not for every client or situation but for some having that extra accountability can make it easier for them to keep their focus.

I do offer a coaching package that has coaching sessions every 2 weeks instead of every week – some clients like to have a reminder email of their action assignments and commitments sent to them after 1 week.

Some coaches, myself included, suggest clients complete a coaching preparation form before a scheduled coaching session. I find that this allows a client to reflect upon the time since our last session. It also allows them to identify what they want to get from our next session. It’s not at all unknown for the act of completing the preparation in advance to act as a reminder to finish anything they had committed to during the last session but not yet completed.

There are also other electronic means of following up on coaching. Some online coaching tools provide the coach with the option of providing feedback on the answers a client enters.

What, if any, other examples of follow up in coaching do you use? Feel free to comment below.

 

 

Do coaches need to be confident? 6

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / explaining coaching / fake / focus / Free resource / inner critic / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listening / negative thinking / negative thought / performance coaching / personal development / questions / selling / thinking / thoughts

I’m often interested to see the searches that people do that lead to this blog for coaches. Some are quite frankly mystifying but one recently attracted my attention as it was the simple question, “do coaches need to be confident?”

So my coaching related post today is going to give my own personal answer, with reasons. I invite you to consider your own answer, as well as how that fits into how you are currently coaching.

Now considering one of the programs I offer to support coaches is “From feeling a fake to confident coach” my actual answer may surprise some. No, I personally do not think that coaches need to be confident. I think that it is perfectly possible to run a coaching session without feeling confident.

Confidence is one of those things that we cannot nip down to the local supermarket and pick up a tin of – it means something slightly different to each person. Just so that I am perfectly clear, I’m talking about feeling confident. I’m not talking about someone’s competence with my previous statement.

For some it may be true that a reason for them feeling a lack of confidence is genuinely because their skill levels have not been developed – it’s not always the case, hence my statement that you do not need to be confident to run a coaching session.

I do think that there are many benefits to being a confident coach. Here are just 7 of my initial thoughts:

It’s often makes coaching easier

How does your lack of confidence effect your coaching? If you are not confident then it’s easy for your client to start questioning the coaching and shift their focus off what they want etc.

It feels better and is more enjoyable!

Whilst your client may or may not have a suspicion about how you are feeling there are two of you involved in this coaching conversation. There is nothing to say that, as a coach, you can’t enjoy your work – in fact I personally encourage you to enjoy your work. 🙂

It’s easier to focus on your client if you’re not afraid someone is about to discover that you’re a fake etc

Coaching is much easier when you are listening and focusing upon your client and not any negative thoughts in your own head. I wrote last week about 3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not on your inner critic or negative thoughts etc.

If you trust your skills and coaching instincts you will ask the questions/give the feedback that you think will make the difference.

Often if a coach is not confident they can question yourself about what they will think about you, if that’s the right question etc and hold back from asking a question or giving certain feedback.

You will allow yourself to take the coaching in a different direction if the first one isn’t going anywhere

Coaching conversations are like any other conversations, they can take a turn in a different direction at any time depending upon the response the other person gives. Sometimes I see coaches/trainee coaches think negatively of themselves because they either haven’t got a plan about how a session is going to go or any plan they had alters as the session progresses.

You don’t hold yourself back from taking action just because you don’t feel confident

To run a coaching session you need a client. I’ve often seen coaches who share that they don’t feel confident reluctant to take action to actually get a client – either paid or unpaid. What action would you take if you were more confident about your coaching?

If you are “selling” the idea of working with you, a potential client is more likely to say yes if you appear confident in your own service and skills.

I’ve already mentioned that to run a coaching session you need a client. There are many strategies that you can use for marketing and sales and this isn’t a post about the numerous approaches that could work for you.

Even if you are not asking for an exchange of money you are asking a potential client to invest their time and effort. If you don’t appear confident and appear to be questioning if it will work etc how likely are they to say yes?

At the start of this post I said that coaches do not need to be confident to run a coaching session. What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.