authentic


Love: The Heart of Coaching

This is painted in a watercolour dreamlike landscape style. The bottom third of the image is taken up with a stretch of purple landmass, reminding of fields of lavender. a yellow curving path starts about half way across and sweeps to the centre of the horrizom where two gently curving blue slopes meat. A yellow glow radiates from this point and the sky spreads out from there, first into pinks and then into a darker purple. In the top right corner is a round moon which also is picking up some of the the yellow radiating from that sun rise/set.
A large white heart is in the bottom left of the image. The text reads: "Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh, be swift to love, make haste to be kind!"  (Henri-Frédéric Amiel)

Today’s quote is:

“Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh, be swift to love, make haste to be kind!” (Henri-Frédéric Amiel)

In the realm of coaching, amidst the goals, strategies, and growth, it’s easy to overlook the profound impact of love. Yet, Henri-Frédéric Amiel’s timeless words remind us of the essence of our role: “Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh, be swift to love, make haste to be kind!”

Love, in the context of coaching, extends far beyond romantic notions. It embodies a deep, unconditional compassion for our clients and a genuine desire for their well-being and success. In that context love fuels our commitment to walk alongside them on their journey, offering unwavering support and encouragement.

But what does it mean to embrace love as coaches?

  • Authentic Connection: Love begins with authentic connection. Building a genuine rapport with our clients fosters trust and creates a safe space for vulnerability and growth. It involves truly seeing and valuing them as individuals, beyond their goals or achievements.
  • Empathy and Understanding: Love is empathizing with our clients’ struggles and challenges. It’s about stepping into their shoes, understanding their experiences, and validating their emotions without judgment. Empathy cultivates a deeper connection and allows us to offer more meaningful support.
  • Unconditional Positive Regard: Love is offering unconditional positive regard. It means accepting our clients wholeheartedly, percieved flaws and all, and believing in their inherent worth and potential for growth. It involves celebrating their strengths and successes while compassionately guiding them through setbacks.
  • Compassionate Accountability: Love is holding our clients accountable with compassion. It’s about challenging them to stretch beyond what they think are their comfort zones. Compassionate accountability balances high expectations with unwavering support, empowering clients to reach their fullest potential.

Beyond our coaching practice, how can we embody love in our lives?

  • Cultivating Self-Love: Love begins within ourselves. Taking some time to listen to ourselves, and practicing self-compassion are essential for our well-being and resilience as coaches.
  • Nurturing Relationships: Love extends to our relationships with family, friends, and community. Investing time and energy into nurturing these connections enriches our lives and strengthens our capacity for empathy and understanding.
  • Spreading Kindness: Love is contagious. Engaging in acts of kindness and generosity towards others uplifts spirits and fosters a sense of unity and connection within our communities.
  • Embracing Gratitude: Love is appreciating the beauty and abundance in our lives. Cultivating a practice of gratitude cultivates a positive mindset and deepens our appreciation for the richness of life.

In conclusion, for me. love lies at the heart of coaching, guiding our interactions, decisions, and intentions. What did the quote prompt for you? What else would you add to the lists I started? You’re welcome to add your own thoughts in the comments below.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.


The Soulful Dance of Coaching: Nurturing Transformative Connections

This image has a black sillhute of a forest scene with a warm hazy background, as if at sunrise and the start of a new day. Sillhutes of three human figures are stood facing away from the viewer, as if watching the start of a new day. Written at the bottom of the image is the following text: "Great souls by instinct to each other turn,  Demand alliance, and in friendship burn" (Joseph Addison)

Today’s quote of the day is:

“Great souls by instinct to each other turn, Demand alliance, and in friendship burn” (Joseph Addison)

I think this quote resonated with me because it beautifully articulates the essence of deep connections. While its important to say at this stage that coaching is distinct from friendship, for me, there’s an undeniable resonance between these words and the profound experiences that coaching can cultivate.

Exploring the Indescribable:

Depending upon your style and approach, coaching can often delve into realms that challenge easy description. It’s an attempt to articulate the indescribable, a pursuit that might be deemed “woo-woo” by some. In this exploration, I invite you to ponder and recognize your own experiences, considering what draws you to coaching and what you seek in a coaching relationship, both as a coach and a client.

The Flame Within:

One of the enchanting moments in coaching is when a client connects with their “soul” — the instant when they come alive, and you witness the flame within them shining brightly. This transformative spark, often elusive and challenging to articulate, is a magnetic force that transcends mere words. It’s an integral part of my approach to coaching that not all training programs explicitly cover, yet it’s unmistakable when experienced and witnessed.

Authentic Presence and Connection:

Certain coaching approaches create an environment where both coach and client can be authentically present, open, and vulnerable. This authenticity fosters a deep connection that goes beyond verbal communication. Whilst not the only reason, it’s why some coaches insist on connecting with potential clients before committing to a coaching relationship, recognizing the importance of alignment on a profound level.

Believing in the Client:

The question of “believing in a client” might seem perplexing to some. From the perspective of seasoned coaches, the idea of not believing in a client is inconceivable. The alignment between coach and client goes beyond a professional fit; it’s about resonating on a deeper level. It’s about recognizing and respecting each other’s souls and being excited about embarking on a transformative journey together. (I did issue a “woo-woo” warning earlier ;))

I’m always very aware eith a new client, particularly if someone is used to doing everything they can to be the person they think they should be, allowing themselves to just be in that space can feel really vulnerable and can feel like it takes a lot to turn up. Whilst I don’t follow anything as formal as a script its usual for me to acknowledge that in some way during our first conversation – I’ve found it actually aids in the long term. I can often see a physical relaxation once that’s been acknowledged and we can move onto the rest of the conversation.

Beyond Transaction:

When this alignment occurs, I find that the coaching relationship transcends transactional boundaries. It becomes a sacred space for growth— its like a dance of energy to explore evolve. It’s not just about reaching goals; it’s a journey of transformation, where the internal flame burns brighter and stronger and acts as a guide.

A Transformative Journey:

Recognizing the deeper connection in this approach to coaching transforms it into more than just a service—it becomes a transformative journey. This dance of energy propels both coach and client towards growth, evolution, and a profound transformation. It’s about more than achieving objectives; it’s about that allusive term of authenticity.

Your Soulful Coaching Experience:

Do you resonate with this description and experience of coaching? Whether you’re a coach, a client, or someone considering coaching, share your insights in the comments. What draws you to your style of coaching, and what kind of connections do you seek in this transformative process? Your reflections might just inspire and resonate with others on their own coaching journeys. Feel free to share in the coments below.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.


Coaching Through the Bad Times

In this weeks guest post coach Marie Yates shares some of her experience and expertise.

Coaching Through the Bad Times

by Marie Yates

"Coaching Through the Bad Times" by Marie Yates

I’ve been asked quite often about how coaching can really help when a person is having a really challenging time. There’s seems to be a perception that coaching requires positive thinking, positive energy and anything else that’s positive thrown into the mix too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some positive thinking and looking on the bright side; I’ve just also learnt that there’s more than one way to achieve this.

I work with survivors of rape and sexual abuse of all ages. Rather than focusing on positivity, I choose to begin by looking at optimism and hope. I have learnt that the notion of positivity can lead to barriers being put up. It not only seems somewhat unachievable but can also feel false. At the very heart of my coaching approach lies the need for authenticity. If we’re not being true to ourselves, life can be quite exhausting.

If coaching can look at goals from a realistic standpoint, there is a much higher chance that the client engages with the process and begins to take action. For the clients I work with, taking those first steps can lead to the most incredible breakthroughs. I know for a fact that’s not exclusive to survivors.

Offering a message of hope and optimism has become a much more important part of the work I do. It is also the core message in my first book which was published last month. The story of Dani, a teenage survivor, shows that regardless of what we’re experiencing there is always hope. The book was written for teenagers but I’ve been amazed (and really pleased!) that adults are enjoying it too. The message of hope and story of resilience transcends age in a way that has proven to me that this message needs to be shared far and wide.

Coaching is an incredible means of working through the difficult times. It doesn’t have to be an unrealistic pursuit; it is a tangible and effective means of training yourself to live in a way that works for you. I have worked with people who wanted riches, bigger houses and cars, increased income and tropical holidays. They are all well on their way to achieving their dreams and some have reached them and are now striving for more. Some clients want to share their skills with the world by writing books, creating artwork or working directly with people in a way that resonates with them. For some, that has meant a decrease in their income generation and a significant increase in their happiness and wellbeing. Each and every person shares optimism and hope that they will achieve the thing that matters most to them. That is an incredibly powerful common value and is the means that keeps them motivated.

So, next time you’re feeling overwhelmed or unhappy about your current circumstances. Don’t feel that you have to create a falsely positive outlook, instead, allow yourself to feel optimistic that there is a much brighter future waiting for you and take a step towards it.

About Marie Yates

Marie Yates works with survivors of rape & sexual abuse to use their resilience and strength to really live their dream.

the first book in the Dani Moore TrilogyLodestone Books has just published “Reggie and Me” the first book in the Dani Moore trilogy by Marie. The story of Dani, told through her diary as she starts a new school in the wake of her rape and subsequent court case, is a unique take on the notion of being a survivor.

There is absolutely no sensationalism about the rape and the story begins after the event. Having moved to a new area with her Mum, Dani starts year eleven at a new school. She faces various challenges throughout the year and these bring a renewed energy to face whatever is thrown at her and carry on regardless. It is more than a story of survival as the reader is taken on a journey of personal development.

Interweaved throughout the diary are the tools that girls and young women need to create the positive future they deserve. Whatever challenges the reader is facing, the story will guide them. Dani is facing challenges that every teenage girl faces and she realises that ‘normality’ is something that she can define herself, with the help of her dog Reggie and the people around her.

Find out the latest about Marie and the Dani Moore triolgy of books on Twitter @DaniM_Trilogy

 


7 Things Confident Coaches Do 1

In today’s guest post coach Annie Ashdown, known in the press as “The Confidence Expert”, shares some of her expertise and knowledge in:

7 Things Confident Coaches Do

by Annie Ashdown

"7 Things Confident Coaches Do" by Annie Ashdown

I asked my friend who is a very close personal friend of Paul McKenna’s the secret of Paul’s success. He responded ‘Paul is not at all arrogant, but aside from a passion to help others, he has loads of self – confidence, high self -esteem and stacks of self – belief. That’s the secret behind his success, no question!’

Confident coaches are regular women/men with flaws, shortcomings and defects. Every-one experience’s challenges and bad days, however when you have self- confidence, high self –esteem and oodles of self- belief you do not allow anything to hold you back. Not everyone wants to become a high profile coach or a New York Times best -selling author or a world famous leader, but confident coaches become a leader in their own world. Confidence is an essential component to create a healthy relationship with yourself and in turn that inspires and motivates clients to do the same.

All that is fed into your subconscious mind between the ages of 0 to 5 is done so without your consent or knowledge which means that we internalise everything as true, and record this as our own assessment of ourselves. Unfortunately for many of us we were fed negativity from an early age and consequently end up listening to and believing our inner critic, which feeds us lies and tells us that we are not important.

  1. They consider themselves important.

Confident coaches respect themselves and do so from looking inside at their shortcomings, rather than denying them. They are aware that by feeling important, they are behaving authentically and respecting their values instead of compromising them to gain external validation from their clients, peers and colleagues.

Confident coaches;

  • Focus on their positive characteristics.
  • Tell themselves they are perfectly imperfect.
  • Cherish and honour their principles.
  • Respect their own needs and wants.
  • Advertise their strengths, not their weaknesses.

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  1. They speak to themselves with kindness.

Confident coaches praise and acknowledge themselves; they are cool about their imperfections. They are aware that if they are unkind to themselves, they will subconsciously attract others to be unkind to them.

Confident coaches;

  • Are aware of their triggers, beliefs and habits and reframe them.
  • Are patient with themselves
  • Record every success – whatever size in their mind or in a success journal.
  • Repeat over and over again ‘I am worthy’.
  • Let go of the compulsive need for approval.

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  1. They are comfortable with being authentic.

Confident coaches have self-acceptance. They embrace themselves as they are regardless of mistakes or their weaknesses. They do not believe they will be rejected if they reveal their true self, they know only too well no one bids for a fake, the real deal is always more valuable.

Confident coaches;

  • Make amends to themselves.
  • Understand fake is last season.
  • Appreciate, validate, accept, respect, cherish, like and honour themselves regardless of how others treat them.
  • Believe self – acceptance is the key.
  • Know that all that glisters is not gold and therefore don’t waste time comparing and despairing.

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  1. They trust themselves and their intuition.

Confident coaches are their own master and are always best friends with their inner voice. They are comfortable being in charge of what they think, do and say, as they trust themselves. They know their intellectual mind is strong, yet their intuition is way wiser and far more accurate and they have learnt that the aim of their intuition is to get past their intellect.

Confident coaches;

  • Feel aligned with their purpose.
  • Practise self-discipline and focus.
  • Understand the difference between logic, feelings and intuition.
  • ALWAYS listen to their inner voice.
  • Constantly challenge all negative assumptions.

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  1. They keep their expectations high.

Confident coaches know persistence and self-belief is the main pillar of success. Confident people have indestructible self-belief. They feel worthy of success, happiness, prosperity and a thriving coaching business.

Confident coaches;

  • Know they have to change their perceptions to change their life.
  • Are crystal clear about their individuality and preferences.
  • Are not discouraged or disheartened by rejections.
  • Let go of self-defeating beliefs about what might happen in the future.
  • Say over and over again ‘I am good enough.’

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  1. They take responsibility for their own lives.

Confident coaches know they have a choice to face and everything and run or face everything head on, to be stressed, or be grounded, be lazy or be fit, be overweight, or be slim, get enough sleep, or be constantly tired, respond or react. They know that in order to be emotionally sober they have to be accountable for their life and understand self-responsibility is the foundation of empowerment.

Confident coaches;

  • Own up when they are wrong
  • Set boundaries with others.
  • Know self-care is not selfish, it is self-loving.
  • Don’t wait to be rescued, instead they take action.
  • Are aware they have a constant responsibility to be good to themselves.

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  1. They are assertive

Confident coaches feel comfortable expressing how they feel. They do not waffle, or feel obliged to justify, defend or explain their reasoning. They know their rights, feel worthy, important and deserving. They are willing to be open and to compromise, as they don’t expect to get their own way every time. They have an ‘I like you, but I like me too’ approach. They face the other person, look them in the eye, and are aware of the power of the spoken word so they use words like ‘could’ ‘might’ instead of ‘should’ ‘must’.

Confident coaches;

  • Choose their thoughts carefully.
  • Use anger to be assertive in a non -aggressive way
  • Have reasonable expectations of themselves and others.
  • Decide what they need and are courageous enough to ask for it
  • Take advantage of all opportunities

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Final word from Annie

My hope is that you begin to know who you are and change the messages you tell yourself and start giving yourself permission to be authentic. I would like you to find the peace and joy I have found with a clear mind and a steady heart. This is not a magic formula, you have to make it happen.

Show Up, Speak Up, – It’s Your Time to Shine.

Annie Ashdown

The Confidence Expert

www.annieashdown.com

About Annie Ashdowne

Annie AshdownAnnie Ashdown is dubbed by the press as ‘The Confidence Expert’ and for the past 10 years has been teaching Celebrities, Lawyers, Bankers, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Business owners, and Corporate employees the way to gain that all importance self-confidence and self–belief.

Based in Harley St, London, Annie is the UK’s leading Confidence coach, and is an emotional freedom technique practioner, theta healer and master clinical hypnotherapist.
Annie’s engaging personality and real life experiences have made her popular with the media and she co-hosted 13 episodes of Kyle’s Academy for ITV1 and was Resident coach on Bump and Grind, Sky1. Annie is a regular guest on BBC radio as well as a frequent contributor to magazines and newspapers and was a judge in 2009 on Britain’s Next Top Coach.

It was after working through her own difficulties Annie recognized the tangible benefits that coaching can bring to so many parts of our lives. Following a successful career in film and TV between Los Angeles, New York and London, Annie hit rock bottom around her chronic eating disorder. This sparked a journey of self-discovery and making profound changes, Annie changed career direction in order to help others maximize their potential. Her tough love
approach is practical and down to earth, tempered with a dose of humor and more often than not related to her own life experiences.

In addition to her 1-1 client sessions, Annie has been called upon to design and deliver seminars and workshops for organizations including: Nokia, Vertu, Yahoo, Chelsea Football Club, Business Link, AMEX, Orange, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and DWP.

In 2010 Annie was the first to introduce a team of 50 coaches nationwide to Job Centre Plus, helping motivate and inspire professional executives back to work. Annie is a regular on the speakers’ circuit, and was invited in November 2011 to be key speaker at the prestigious Everywoman’s 12th annual conference for 500 female entrepreneurs sponsored by Nat West and Marie Claire magazine.

Annie is fully insured and a member of British Institute of Hypnotherapy, Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapists, NHS Directory, CHCH, GHR, Register for Evidence Based Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy, Association Of Meridian Energy Therapists, and Complimentary Medical Association.

Annie’s book The Confidence Factor -7 Secrets of Successful People is in top 10 best sellers chart in WH Smith and is available on Amazon, in WH Smith, Waterstones, and all good bookstores in UK, Barnes and Noble, USA and Easons in Ireland. Her debut book Doormat Nor Diva Be – How to take back control of your life and your relationships was published in Sept 2011.

Annie has two comp tickets to give away for her talk at Well Being Show at Earls Court sponsored by Psychologies Magazine on 26 May. Go to www.AnnieAshdown.com to receive the 26 page FREE report ‘Master the art of self -belief’, a FREE hypnotic mp3 and details of the comp tickets. (Please note that there is only one week for the comp tickets so act now if it’s of interest to you.)

Connect with Annie

Follow Annie on Twitter

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Coaching Confidence Chatterbox with Jane Minton

Chatterbox

Coaching Confidence Chatterbox with

Jane Minton

The Coaching Confidence Chatterbox is an interview feature with coaches where the questions are generated based on the origami fortune teller/chatterbox game.

Jane Minton

Name: Jane Minton

Name of your Coaching Business: Jane Minton Coaching

Website: www.janemintoncoaching.co.uk

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(The answers to the above questions are then used to generate a choice of numbers)

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Select one of the following numbers 7, 2, 3 or 6: 7

“What do you look for when choosing a coach for yourself?”:

A sense of connection; this might be something in their personal story that is shared or similar, but it’s also a feeling about them – a gut reaction.

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Select one of the following numbers 8, 1, 4 or 5: 5

“What is your favourite way that a client has found out about your work?”:

When I shared some writing from a month long project that I took part in. An example of something I’d written was shared on the course leader’s site and that brought a client to me. I love the way those kind of things can happen – it’s about connection again!

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Select one of the following numbers 8, 1 or 4: 4

“What is the biggest lesson that you’ve learnt, so far, as a coach?”:

To be authentic. This applies in all interactions with clients and when I’m networking. I think that’s where a good website and blog can be really useful; potential clients can get a sense of who you are if you’re genuine in your content.

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What question would you like to add to the Chatterbox for another coach to answer?:

What advice would you give to someone who thinks that they’d like to become a coach?

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How would you answer that question?:

To remember that it’s not about YOU it’s about THEM!

 

Thanks for playing Jane, if you want to find out more about her work visit www.janemintoncoaching.co.uk.

If you are a coach and want to play with the Coaching Confidence Chatterbox send an email via this page.


Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice 2

In today’s guest post coach Gail Gaspar shares her experience and knowledge as she shares the message:

"Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice" A guest post by Gail Gaspar

Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

By Certified Career Coach Gail Gaspar MA, ACC

Your unique voice is a gift to the world. Your voice does not need to be fixed, squeezed or formatted into an acceptable template according to the standards of others.

We learn early on to take our cues from society and others. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs are tethered to our perceptions about what will others think. If we continue to cue up unconsciously and hand our voice over to others, we lose our ability to trust ourselves. We must trust ourselves before others can trust us.

Let’s begin with some backstory. I got my first and last chance to be a singer in a rock and roll band when I was 16 years old. Much to our delight, my two best friends and I were invited to band practice in the guitar player’s basement. My friends jumped at the chance to sing with the band. Like any self-conscious teenage girl worth her bell-bottoms, I hung back, quite relieved to sit this one out.

When the song was over, one of the band members turned to me. How about YOU? Let’s hear YOU sing. Picture me resisting, shrinking, embarrassed by unwanted attention. They literally had to pull me up to the microphone to sing Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. For the record, it clocks at 8:02 minutes. When the song was over, the band members made a fuss about my voice and did not mention my friends’ duet. My friends were mad. They did not speak to me the entire ride home.

I apologized to my friends. It was not the last time I did not OWN the sound of my own voice.

One of the band members showed up at my house the following day to ask my parents if I could join the band as a singer. My parents were not at all agreeable. They forbid me to sing with the band. No daughter of theirs was going to be a singer in a rock n roll band, and all that. Of course I was furious with my parents. But more than anything, I felt the wrath of my friends. My voice had landed me in an enviable position, and I did not want to lose my friends.

This circumstance fueled a powerful story I carried around for years. My ability to shine would have adverse consequences. And so, for a time, I dulled my shine and squashed my voice.

Do you trust the truth of your voice? Where are you voicing what others want or expect to hear? Is your voice story supportive for you?

In my line of work as a Career Coach, the ONE thing that stops more people from acting on more dreams is the refrain, “What will OTHERS think?”

I see it going on all around me. Recently, I met a lovely woman who was an opera singer. She confided to me, I’d like to audition for a solo. I’m good enough and yet stay in my comfort zone singing as part of the ensemble. The truth is, she said, I don’t trust the sound of my own voice.

When our consideration is primarily externally focused, the result is a tempered, vanilla voice that does not sing true or support us in doing what we want to do in the world.

Intellectually, we may know it is best not to feel needy, attached to outcomes or what others think of us. But sometimes, as you also probably well know, it’s hard!

So how do you stop yourself from being driven primarily by external expectations and tune in to your inner voice?

Lose your mind. Get physical and check in with your body to discover what’s true.

Let go of the need for perfection and struggle. Your true voice is best coaxed from non-attachment to outcome, willingness to make mistakes and belief that voicing your truth trumps it all.

Give yourself permission to honor what YOU want. More free writing? Play time? Sitting still each afternoon for a cup of tea? Whatever it is, recognize and create space to honor what’s true for you.

Cultivate faith and trust. Even though you can’t see what’s ahead, you have something important to say and the world needs your gifts. If you hide or hoard your gifts, you are depriving others who need to hear what you have to say.

Go big or go home. Shake things up. Question the way things are. Take more risks. Say it proud. Everyone doesn’t have to like what you say. Those who can and need to, will hear you.

Led Zeppelin did not know when they were composing Stairway to Heaven that it would become one of the greatest rock songs of all time. They put their voices out in the world.

Allowing your inner voice to drive the action will result in rewarding opportunities. The good news is you can create a new voice story at any time and from wherever you are. You never know who your voice will touch, how your authentic voice will carry forward. Until you try.

Do you tend to heed or ignore your inner voice? What is your voice story? How is it serving you? Is it time to take action on your story? We all benefit when you share your voice to comment below.

About Gail Gaspar

Gail helps women entrepreneurs activate powerful truth, awareness and intention for more impact, freedom and fun.

If you like this article, you’ll LOVE my newsletter! For resources and inspiration you can use to Transform your Career Reinvention, visit http://www.iDecideCoach.com to sign up for my monthly newsletter.

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Article Source: Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

by Ezine expert Gail Gasper