I’m often interested to see the searches that people do that lead to this blog for coaches. Some are quite frankly mystifying but one recently attracted my attention as it was the simple question, “do coaches need to be confident?”
So my coaching related post today is going to give my own personal answer, with reasons. I invite you to consider your own answer, as well as how that fits into how you are currently coaching.
Now considering one of the programs I offer to support coaches is “From feeling a fake to confident coach” my actual answer may surprise some. No, I personally do not think that coaches need to be confident. I think that it is perfectly possible to run a coaching session without feeling confident.
Confidence is one of those things that we cannot nip down to the local supermarket and pick up a tin of – it means something slightly different to each person. Just so that I am perfectly clear, I’m talking about feeling confident. I’m not talking about someone’s competence with my previous statement.
For some it may be true that a reason for them feeling a lack of confidence is genuinely because their skill levels have not been developed – it’s not always the case, hence my statement that you do not need to be confident to run a coaching session.
I do think that there are many benefits to being a confident coach. Here are just 7 of my initial thoughts:
It’s often makes coaching easier
How does your lack of confidence effect your coaching? If you are not confident then it’s easy for your client to start questioning the coaching and shift their focus off what they want etc.
It feels better and is more enjoyable!
Whilst your client may or may not have a suspicion about how you are feeling there are two of you involved in this coaching conversation. There is nothing to say that, as a coach, you can’t enjoy your work – in fact I personally encourage you to enjoy your work. 🙂
It’s easier to focus on your client if you’re not afraid someone is about to discover that you’re a fake etc
Coaching is much easier when you are listening and focusing upon your client and not any negative thoughts in your own head. I wrote last week about 3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not on your inner critic or negative thoughts etc.
If you trust your skills and coaching instincts you will ask the questions/give the feedback that you think will make the difference.
Often if a coach is not confident they can question yourself about what they will think about you, if that’s the right question etc and hold back from asking a question or giving certain feedback.
You will allow yourself to take the coaching in a different direction if the first one isn’t going anywhere
Coaching conversations are like any other conversations, they can take a turn in a different direction at any time depending upon the response the other person gives. Sometimes I see coaches/trainee coaches think negatively of themselves because they either haven’t got a plan about how a session is going to go or any plan they had alters as the session progresses.
You don’t hold yourself back from taking action just because you don’t feel confident
To run a coaching session you need a client. I’ve often seen coaches who share that they don’t feel confident reluctant to take action to actually get a client – either paid or unpaid. What action would you take if you were more confident about your coaching?
If you are “selling” the idea of working with you, a potential client is more likely to say yes if you appear confident in your own service and skills.
I’ve already mentioned that to run a coaching session you need a client. There are many strategies that you can use for marketing and sales and this isn’t a post about the numerous approaches that could work for you.
Even if you are not asking for an exchange of money you are asking a potential client to invest their time and effort. If you don’t appear confident and appear to be questioning if it will work etc how likely are they to say yes?
At the start of this post I said that coaches do not need to be confident to run a coaching session. What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.
Absolutely. Coaches are selling placebos, we’re constructing scenarios where people might choose to believe that they’ve been cured or improved. Our confidence in our own ability, and our confidence in the outcome invariably affects the client.
Do we need confidence? Yes. We’re worthless without it.
Hi Harry,
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’m interested in what confidence means for you. As I said in the post it’s not something that you can nip down and buy a tin of, and it means something different to everyone. I suspect that your definition is different to my own 🙂
Whilst I agree trusting in our own coaching ability etc can effect the behaviour that we take, the questions we ask etc which may affect the client. I may even go as far as saying that for many it strengthens their coaching yet I’m not convinced that an unconfident coach is a worthless coach.
I’ve seen plenty of instances when trainee coaches, for example, who are still getting to grips with coaching skills and describe themselves as unconfident still make a positive difference for their clients. Feedback from those clients certainly back up the fact they found the session as valuable and not worthless.
I’m guessing that you have different experiences though so feel free to add more 🙂
Jen
Indeed – but I think real confidence goes beyond a self-report.
There are many people who loudly proclaim that they are confident, and that claim alone is often evidence of the opposite.
I would say in the case of trainee coaches, as with many things (sports are a great example) a healthy genuine curiosity and desire to learn is really important. It takes a truly confident person to accept that they don’t know, and remaining curious to learn.
I have only only recently joined the field, I feel that I’m constantly making mistakes. But my genuine interest in improving peoples lives, and a persisting state of not knowing makes up for a wealth of experience.
Hi Jen, blog analytics are incredible aren’t they? In this case, I’m glad that this search query was the inspiration for a great post on a topic I believe many coaches have wondered about.
It invites the ‘trap’ of making the coach a ‘guru’. Really good coaches may have an inner confidence that they can help the other person, but that need not translate to the kind of guff that I regularly experience from some people in the profession.
Dear Jen,
Thanks for sharing your point of view with us.
I’d say I totally agree with you: a coach does not need to be confident, but on the other hand not being confident is not that handy.
Speaking for myself, I choose to be totally honest with my client. That means that sometimes I’ll share my doubts and questions with them. I’ll sometimes tell them I doubt whether coaching is working, or that I am not convinced that he/she wants to achieve that which he/she said should be our goal. I’ll sometimes tell them I don’t know whether what I’m about to say or do the best is for him/her. Sometimes I’ll say I am not really sure what he/she means. At such moments, I also choose to share how I feel about it – that it makes me anxious, worried, afraid, insecure, suspicious.
Such moments are never easy. I can feel it in my guts. I sweat. I stutter or lose my voice. And there is, in my opinion, nothing wrong with those feelings and emotions, because they make the session real. It also shows my client that he/she may also do it if he/she feels like it.
I may not be confident at such moments, and once again: that is no big deal, that’s real. However, I am totally confident about what I am doing. Totally aware of my choice. Totally confident in my own insecurity.
That’s the way I’ve experienced it so far.