Coaching

Being in the Zone

13 July 2024 in Coaching tagged being in the zone

This video crossed my social media feed earlier, and I immediately recognised what was being described as being in the zone. I may use different words, but it was still familiar with what I’ve experienced – what about you?

Did it feel true for what you’ve observed for yourself?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here

Exploring the Impact of TED Questions in Coaching

4 July 2024 in Coaching tagged coach / coaches / coaching / description / explaination / questions / Ted Questions

A teal background has a pile of different coloured piles of PostiIt notes books. The yellow top one has a question mark drawn on it. Three words are written to the left in the form of a list: Tell, Explain and Describe. The first letter of each word is capitalised, demonstrating what TED questions is an abreviation for.

One of the more popular older posts in the coaching category is one around TED questions.

What are TED Questions?

For those who aren’t familiar, TED questions are more of an instruction than a question. They are excellent for being vague enough so that the client volunteers information they feel is important, which may not be captured with a single open-ended question.

The reason they are called TED questions is that they start with:

Tell me
Explain
Describe

It’s important to note that placing a TED question in front of an open-ended question can negate its impact, as the client will simply answer the open-ended question. For example:

“Tell me more” vs. “Tell me more about who would need to be involved.”

The impact of TED Questions

For a long time, I’ve favoured the “Tell” aspect of the TED questions. “Tell me more” is a phrase I frequently use. It often opens up a conversation, serving as a gentle invitation to delve deeper and explore more around a topic.

Recently, I’ve started to pay more attention to the “Explain” and “Describe” aspects. These weren’t phrases I naturally used, so I hadn’t considered their power and impact for a long time.

It was an exercise during a recent Michael Neill training that brought them back to my attention. Consider the impact of the instruction to explain something versus the instruction to describe it.

At first glance, they may seem similar, especially when explaining and describing something that physically exists. However, think about what happens when you are explaining or describing intangible aspects—things like confidence, happiness, safety, wisdom, etc.

Try it for yourself and notice the difference, especially if you allow yourself to be less focused on being eloquent and more on what occurs to you to say, especially in a new way that you’ve not used before. Give yourself the space to let the words come, rather than dismissing the experiment after a few seconds.

For me, describing something that’s invisible, some may say formless, leads me to feeling more connected to that aspect. Explaining it, on the other hand, often results in more fluent sentences, but they don’t have the same impact.

Before you assume I’m suggesting one type of question is better than another, let me be clear: that’s not what I’m saying. Each type has a different impact. Being aware of these differences, I think, can be very useful during a coaching conversation. I wonder if you could see how these could be used in your natural coaching style and approach?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

The feeling that goes with the thought … like a pat on the head

17 May 2024 in Coaching tagged coach / coaches / coaching / thoughts

A couple of weeks ago I took part in a discussion with a group of fellow coaches where the topic was “Thoughts gone wild” Here is a short clip from that session.

You can watch the full conversation at: https://www.youtube.com/live/55WB2EYQPOE?si=GY7aNeswJBF6MdYb

If you want to watch the next conversation live, then join us this Wednesday, 22nd at 9:45 am (PST) / 12:45 pm (EST) / 5:45 pm (UK) / 6:45 pm (CET). The topic? See Beyond Illusions

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Uncoachable clients

26 July 2018 in Coaching tagged clients / coaching / uncoachable

Uncoachable clients

by Jen Waller

The image for the uncoachable clients post is a no-entry sign, a red circle with a line running top left to bottom right.

A surprising number of searches arrive at this blog looking for an answer to a variation of the question “who is uncoachable?”

It’s not the only things searched for that lead people to the blog but it’s this one that caught my eye and inspired me to share some thoughts around the subject. First, I want to look at how we can use such a question as a prompt for ourselves as coaches, and use it for our own coaching practices. Later, I will also share some thoughts from the perspective of those doing the searching.

For coaches

All the variations of the questions searched for imply that it is the individual and not any behaviour they are using that is not conducive to being “coachable”. Which also potentially implies that it’s a condition that can not alter, a person is destined to be “uncoachable” for eternity once labelled as such.

I’ll leave you, as a coach, to decide how those implications fit with your beliefs around coaching. I also invite you to consider how you would answer the question being asked “who is uncoachable?”

Consider this from a perspective of coaching in general as well as who you personally would consider uncoachable by you. Notice if there is any difference in your responses. It may be that your answers are exactly the same but it’s worth checking what answers come up for you.

Any coaching training you have already experienced may influence part, or all, of your answer(s). Perhaps you have been told that there are certain situations or types of behaviour you should not be coaching in.

Your answer may also have been influenced by an experience of working with a specific client in the past and it’s not an experience you wish to repeat!

Maybe you reason that you have learnt to look for specific signs.

Your answer may also be influenced by other beliefs and expectations about what behaviours a client should demonstrate. Equally, you may have expectations about behaviours a client shouldn’t demonstrate.

I’m not so interested in this post in saying which answers are right or wrong, I’m more interested in shining a light on how this works for you and your coaching.

If you have ever looked for a definition of coaching you will have found that different people and organisations use different wording (sometimes you’ll even find more than one definition from the same group.) So it’s not surprising that, whilst there are some overlaps, that different coaches have their own opinions about who is uncoachable.

As we’ve considered who is uncoachable, what about who is coachable? Are there any behaviours, characteristics etc that you specifically think make a great coaching client? Again, does your answer change if you consider coaching clients for all coaches and then your own specific ideal coaching clients?

So, what are your answers?
Once you’ve considered them, are they all actually true?
Having got these answers what are you doing with the information?
Is it information that is useful for you?
How can you use this information to build a coaching practice filled with clients you’d love to work with?

Obviously, it will depend upon the answers you came up with. Some coaches may find that they may want to tweak their marketing to make it less appealing to those they feel are uncoachable. It may also mean they can do more to encourage those that they feel are more coachable.

Alternatively, perhaps you realised that you have been unconsciously operating on assumptions and beliefs that you no longer think are true. Possibly it’s highlighted something you can include in your intake process to ensure that you are working with clients that are a great fit for you.
Maybe it’s sparked inspiration for a new program for those who you think are ideally coachable….

For those who have searched “who is uncoachable”

So what about those reading this because they have actually searched for a variation of “who is uncoachable”? Obviously, I’m going to have to guess at the possible reason for such a search and I came up with two potential reasons. (Feel free to comment below if you’ve searched and it’s for a different reason then the ones I’ve come up with.

1) You’re a coach in training and there is a training school somewhere that has asked their students to answer the question “who is uncoachable?”
2) You are interested in getting some coaching but for some reason suspect that either you personally or your situation is uncoachable.

If you’ve searched because you’re a coach in training:
Hopefully, for those in coach training I hope that the first half of this post has prompted some ideas. I would also encourage you to use your answers not just to be able to complete an assignment but to put it to use as you move forward with your coaching. I can only guess what your trainers and assessors are looking for in an ideal answer. I hope that they have given you pointers with your course so far.

Review what you have done so far in your training and the experiences you’ve had coaching. Are there situations and scenarios you feel don’t fit with your definition of coaching? Are there behaviours and characteristics you would want to look out for? What else would you want to know before deciding if a client was someone you wanted to coach?

How can you use knowing who is uncoachable to build your coaching practice? I know that the most common explanation I was given in some coaching trainings was that it is there to ensure that you don’t accept clients who would be better suited seeking other forms of support and help. (Which depending upon your country of residence may potentially have insurance/legal implications)

For those who are interested in becoming a coaching client and suspect you may be uncoachable:

Firstly, my own personal belief is that it’s not you personally who is uncoachable. You may be in a specific circumstance or situation where another approach other than coaching would be more appropriate to get the solution you’re looking for. This does not mean that you are any less “worthy” or that it’s a permanent diagnosis you’re stuck with forever.

Not knowing your precise situation I can’t rule out the possibility that in the past someone has said that you are uncoachable in response to a specific behaviour or attitude. If that’s the scenario you find yourself in, having not personally witnessed the initial situation, I can’t comment upon how appropriate the comment was at that time. I can say that behaviour and attitude can change, it’s not set in stone, and with a different coaching approach it may not be relevant.

To find out if coaching is right for you right now, the easiest way is to have a conversation with the coach who you’re interested in working with. Be honest with them and tell them your concerns. It may be that they feel that now isn’t the right time for you to work with them or that in their professional opinion another form of approach would currently be a better fit. Most coaches I know will point you in the direction of something or someone else if they already can see a better choice.

About Jen Waller

A headshot of Jen Waller smiling at the camera Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. One of the aspects of her role Jen loves the most is seeing individuals find their voice, grow their confidence and take the next steps. This allows them to make a massive positive impact and difference with their coaching. (For more info about Jen’s coaching click here, including the From non-coach to coach discovery session) Jen has owned and run Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog since 2010.

In her spare time Jen is a volunteer for the UK based charity The Cinnamon Trust. This charity supports elderly and terminally ill pet owners to provide care for their pets. As a volunteer, Jen regularly walks dogs for owners who physically often find that more challenging then they once did. As a pet owner herself, Jen finds it really rewarding to be able to assist an owner stay with an animal that has become part of the family. (Plus it’s a great additional motivator when working from home to get out and get some fresh air and exercise)

Jen also loves theatre and has been known to watch certain popular science fiction films and TV shows!

Asking difficult coaching questions

19 July 2018 in Coaching tagged asking questions / coaching / coaching questions / questions / technique

Asking Difficult Coaching Questions

by Jen Waller

The image that accompanies the asking difficult coaching questions post is a 3D white modeling clay type human figure laid on the floor at an angle - their head top rightt, feet bottom left. They are holding a big red question mark along their body starting around the mid thigh point, up along their body and obscuring much of their head.

Today’s post is in response to a question I was asked. As a coach have you ever wanted to ask a client a difficult question? Did you actually ask the question or did you back away and ask something else instead?

I’m not trying to say that in every situation that the difficult question must be asked, I think a coaching conversation is far more nuanced than such a generalised rule would imply. This post is about looking at providing the option if you find you’re wondering about asking a difficult question.

So let’s define what I mean by a difficult or hard question. In reality exactly the same question may seem a difficult question for one coach to ask and another wouldn’t even give it a second thought.

Personally I’ve found that one of two things is going on if I, or another coach is thinking that a potential question is hard or difficult to ask.

1) There’s some concern there about what the client will think of the coach if that question is asked.

2) There’s something about the question that you want to ask that you think will potentially provoke an “ouch” reaction from your client.

The following are my thoughts and approach about each of those scenarios plus some suggestions about what you can do if you find yourself in either. I invite you to consider your thoughts around your approach.

What will the client think of me if I ask that question?

I think many coaches experience this particularly when they are first learning coaching skills and again when they start charging for their services. It’s not at all compulsory but equally it’s not uncommon.

If your only concern is about what your client will think if you ask that hard question, are you really serving your client by not asking it? After all, that coaching conversation is not about you.

All of which you may agree with in theory but what do you do if you still find your attention wandering in the middle of a session?

Before I share some more on the topic, what would you say to a client who had just said exactly the same in an actual coaching session? Sometimes as coaches we have a “toolbox” or understanding that we forget to make use of because we’re so caught up in the moment and our own thinking.

If nothing comes to mind about what you suggest, here are some ways I and other coaches try. You could notice what you are doing, “beat yourself up” and criticise yourself as a bad coach. Or you could just congratulate yourself for noticing and simply bring your focus back to the coaching conversation and your client. 😉

Often just noticing and bringing your focus back is normally sufficient. If that isn’t working you may like to use one of the many techniques to quiet that “inner critic”. You could mentally tell it “not now, I’m working”, tell it to go away in no uncertain terms or imagine it’s something that is being whispered from a very long way away.

I’ve also seen the external reminders work placed somewhere saying coaching is about your client not you. Maybe it’s a post it note that just says, “It’s not about [your own name]”, or perhaps it’s something else that will act as a prompt when you are actually coaching.

What else occurs to you?

There’s something about the question that you want to ask that you think will potentially provoke an “ouch” reaction from your client.

You may have formed this opinion based on what you already know about your client. It may be you are applying your own beliefs and values and decided that anyone would respond with an “ouch”.

This does not mean that the question you have in mind is not a good one. It could be just the one that is going to make all the difference to your client. You may want to consider how you present the question.

Your style may naturally be blunt, so it’s quite possible that your client already expects you to ask the hard questions without a moment’s hesitation. If that’s the case you’ve probably not got this far reading this post because it’s not something you consider. However, you setting up the expectations that this may happen before you’ve even started coaching together can be a great help.

If this does not suit your style, and I’m not saying it’s right or wrong – just one approach, here are some other suggestions:

• Be honest. Tell them there are several questions you could ask at this stage and how direct would they like you to be? This allows your client to indicate to you how they’d like you to proceed.

Some will give you full permission to just “go for it”, others will make it clear that blunt is not what they want to hear right now.

• Tell your client that you have a question that you are aware may appear to be harsh, it’s certainly not what you intend it to be but you’re wondering if you should ask it.

Notice their response. They are likely to be curious and it’s quite possible that they will give you permission to ask that question. I would suggest that you take your cue from your client and whilst a “no” may not result in you asking your initial question it could open up another line of questions exploring fears etc. (Again, said in the context of a possible avenue to explore, not to be taken as a rule to be used in every scenario)

• Get their permission to ask. This may take the form of one of the above or may just be as simple as “Can I ask you a question?”

Once someone has given you permission to ask a question they are far more likely to answer.

• Asking a question out right can, to some clients in some situations, appear confrontational. This does not necessarily result in a state that you want your client to be in – aggressive or defensive is often not conducive to your client providing an honest answer.

One way you can do this is to put the “question” out there as a thought or something that you were wondering. “I was just wondering …” (delivered in a non-aggressive manner) is a much more gentle way of asking the question.

You may also introduce it as “I’m curious …”

The extent that this point is relevant to you will depend upon your natural style and potentially even the clients you are working with at the time.

• There may also be a way that you can find the same information, or guide the client to the same conclusion/realisation by using much more gentle language. It may take more questions but if that’s what it takes at that time with that particular client, that’s what it takes!

• Use the hypothetical to introduce possibility. “What if …” is one question that will softly get a client to consider a question that they may automatically reject without those two words, “what if”, at the start.

Finally, a question is just a question. Sure there may be ways and methods that you use to make it easier for a client to hear (or for you to ask), but it’s still just a question.

What other ways do you use to ask “hard” questions?
Have you got anything you want to say on the topic?
I invite you to leave your views below and click submit comment.

You are allowed to evolve as a coach

12 July 2018 in Coaching tagged belief / coaches / coaching / coaching business / Develop / evolve / obstacle

The image for the post you are allowed to evolve as a coach is a white painted background with a woodern grain showing through. Ontop is 6 woodern blocks pushed together, each has a letter on that spells out the word Evolve.

You are allowed to evolve as a coach

by Jen Waller

One of the things I often see coaches having as a stumbling block is a belief around not being allowed to change direction or to evolve.

This can present in several different ways below are just some of the real life examples I’ve seen that’s stopped people from either growing their coaching practice or even start coaching.

For those just starting out it may show up as not inviting a potential client to experience your coaching because you’ve not got the wording on your website perfect. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve pointed out in this situation that it’s not written in stone, websites can be edited and changed as you adapt your offers and how you work.

Maybe it’s not knowing the niche that you want to work with that’s stopping you from working with anyone at all. There’s much that can be said about finding a coaching niche, for the purposes of this post, all I’ll say is it’s not being signed in blood – you’re allowed to change direction and niche later on if that’s what you want to do then.

Perhaps you’ve already got a coaching practice and you’re struggling, due to how your circumstances have changed, to schedule everything in the same sessions as you once did. You are allowed to change how you schedule your working day – need to give yourself breaks between sessions then structure that into your day. Just because you’ve always worked your appointments back to back does not mean you always have to do that.

May be you’re looking to take your coaching practice to the next level and there just isn’t enough hours in the day for you to do everything. Again you are allowed to involve others in the running of your business, do you now need to hire a personal assistant or another professional to free up more time for your coaching.

Perhaps you have an idea for a new coaching video, however the thing that’s stopping you from doing it is thinking that you may look back at it in the future and think that could be better. Presuming that you continue to develop your skills then that is very likely to happen – what if you accepted that part of evolving as a coach is finding new ways to phrase something or developing new skills along the way.

What if, you allowed yourself the flexibility to adapt and adjust what and how you offer your service as appropriate over time?

It may be that you stick with exactly the same way of working for your entire coaching career, however, I struggle to think of any long serving coach who has not altered their approach over the years they have been coaching. Some have changed niches totally, others have altered their working patterns, others changed the medium they coach via (phone, face to face etc), others developed new packages, approaches and group work. The list can go on and on, mainly because they allowed themselves and their coaching practice to evolve.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

Jen also loves theatre and has been known to watch certain popular science fiction films and TV shows!

How do you deal with “I don’t know” as an answer to a coaching question? 2

28 June 2018 in Coaching tagged clients / coaching / Coaching answers / I don’t know / questions

To represent I don't know there is a question mark and an exlaimation mark written in what looks like a red tomato type sauce on a white background.

How do you deal with “I don’t know” as an answer to a coaching question?

by Jen Waller

Have you ever asked a question during a coaching session and been met with the reply “I don’t know”? I suspect most coaches have lost count of the number of times this has happened. “I don’t know” is a perfectly valid answer to so many questions. I’ve also seen some who are new to coaching find the thought of getting that answer really unsettling. So today’s post is all about getting “I don’t know” as an answer.

So let’s explore some of what could be going on when you get that answer to a question.

1) Your client doesn’t actually know the answer.

For example, you find yourself coaching Joy, who works in a large corporation. Her aim for the coaching session is to find a solution to a problem with a project at work that’s currently stuck on a technical issue. You ask the question “Who in the business would have the technical knowledge to help with this?”
It’s quite possible that Joy does not know who would have this technical knowledge. In which case you may then choose to question how to get that information.

2) Your client doesn’t understand the question.

This may be because the question used a term that may be familiar in certain job roles, companies or even on a bigger scale countries but isn’t a term that your client uses.

This can also happen if you are talking about something that may have a slightly different meaning to each individual – concepts and feelings often fall into these situation. For example, it may be what one person describes as confidence another thinks of as verging on arrogance. Or perhaps if you specialise in working with students you’ll discover that different students have different ideas about what “revision” means to them.

3) It’s a question that your client hasn’t considered before and needs time to find the answer

There is nothing wrong with allowing a client the time and space to find the answer. Silence really can be OK as a client considers something new. How long that silence lasts really will depend upon what new insights, calculations and general figuring out the client is doing for themselves. I suggest all you have to do as a coach is keep out of the way and wait until your client has finished “processing” that new thought/idea.

4) The client has “given up” trying to find the answer to that and is so used to not having an answer that it’s an automatic response without considering it again.

How you respond to this will depend a lot upon many things including your own natural coaching style, your coaching approach, the established relationship with your client.
Many coaches will respond to this in one of 4 ways:
i) challenging directly
ii) Finding a way to approach the situation from a different perspective
iii) Deciding that it’s a question that isn’t important in the “bigger picture” of the work that you are doing with the client and moving on.
iv) Temporarily moving on and planning to revisit it at a later time.

5) Your client has some belief that is preventing them from exploring that possibility or speaking the answer out loud.

For example, Lets imagine you’re coaching Bob who has answered “I don’t know” to a “what do you want question”. You discover that Bob firstly believes that if he “admitted” his answer he would have to start work towards it. Further questioning shows that he would want to make more money but has a belief that to make money he would have to work many hours, lose his relationships with his loved ones and generally have no fun.

6) Your client has an expectation that every answer they give must be perfect and “correct.

Which means if they are not 100% certain they aren’t voicing the possibilities.

7) Your client doesn’t know where to start

If you’ve ever been confronted with a huge task and not known the best place to start, this is the same thing. You may have your own coaching approach that applies to this, personally I suggest the pick one part and we can work from there.

8) They think you’ll judge them for their answer

This generally happens when they’ve already judged themselves for something, usually negatively. They are afraid that you will agree with that judgement and confirm that judgement.

9) They don’t want to share the information with you

This may be more common in some situations than others. For example, if you are a manager coaching one of your team that you may find that there are certain elements that an employee may not want to share with your other role as their boss.

So is “I don’t know” a problem?

Personally, I don’t think it is. At this stage it’s worth also pointing out that you will find that, even on the questions the client feels are important, not every client will feel that not knowing an answer is an issue. All that answer is, is an indication of what’s happening for that client at that moment in time.

I’m often asked how to deal with the “I don’t know” as an answer. I find it’s common when I’m asked that it’s an alternative/expansion of the coach fearing not knowing what to do in a session. I shared last week 7 suggestions for what to do when you didn’t know what to do.

So here’s an extra couple of points to think about when you get an I don’t know answer.

Consider why you may have got an “I don’t know” as a response. As I listed some of the reasons why you may have got that answer you may have formed ideas about what you could do in each situation. I suspect that you will have seen that each scenario is likely to respond to a different approach.

If you find you get a lot of “I don’t know’s” that you consider is down to a client wanting to be 100% correct or because of fear of being judged, is there anything you can do at the start of your coaching relationship to minimise this. Perhaps you can set the expectation that there may be times when you ask questions when they will be encouraged to list all possibilities, not just ones that are correct and the client feels they’d actually take action about. Maybe it’s about reassuring that you’re not asking them to sign anything in stone or make lifetime commitments when exploring a topic.

I suspect that over time you will have found a version of the question – if you did know, what would the answer be? Personally I found that asking someone if you did know when a client has just said they didn’t can prompt an indignant response to the question rather than focusing upon answering the question. So my personal version is often “if you had to guess what would the answer be?”

Have I missed a reason that a client may say I don’t know? Add your comments below or email me directly here.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

Jen also loves theatre and has been known to watch certain popular science fiction films and TV shows!

7 things to do when you don’t know what to do next in a coaching session

21 June 2018 in Coaching tagged coaching / coaching questions / knowledge / skills

7 things to do when you don’t know what to do next in a coaching session

by Jen Waller

I often speak to those new to coaching who feel that as part of their preparation to coach in a coaching session they must have the entire session planned in advance.

The underlying fear behind this is often that without this they could get “stuck” mid-way through the session. They may find themselves at a point where they don’t know what to do next. Not having any idea what question to ask or an exercise etc that will move their client forward.

This often involves a whole imagined nightmare scenario of their client judging them for a lack of skill, knowledge, professionalism and all round unworthiness. Not to mention being fired immediately by the client and never having another client ever again!

For the record, I’ve never come across anyone who has experienced that imagined scenario in real life, though I’ve found plenty who are afraid of it happening. 😉

If this is a fear that you experience then let me say that you will probably find that the more coaching experience you get, the more techniques, strategies and skills you’ll gain. Which makes the prospect of getting stuck less and less likely.

I thought today it may be useful to share 7 steps of what to do if you find yourself “stuck” with what to do next during a coaching session.

1. Breathe!

Take a breathe and allow yourself to relax.

Often when a coach feels that they are in this situation their focus has turned inwards. Their attention is caught up with what’s going on in their own head. Usually thoughts are going at a thousand miles per hour and/or they are starting to panic about what you’ll do next.

None of that usually helps for inspiration to spark and creativity to flow.

It’s worth pointing out at this stage that it’s not outside the realms of possibility that your client is in a similar situation. So you may also become aware that your client could also benefit from taking a moment to slow down their thoughts and also take some time “out” to breathe.

2. Listen

With your full focus upon your client pay full attention to what they are saying. Watch out for the words that they are actually using and not any interpretation you may have added. There can sometimes be clues in the language they use which when you incorporate it into a question can produce powerful responses. As these questions are “tailored made” for the client you won’t find them written down in any coaching course material.

Also notice how someone says something. For example, if they are telling you about something they say they really want, how are they telling you? If they don’t “come alive” when they talk about it use it as a signal to explore more about what they are not saying.

3. Are you clear with what your client wants to get from the session?

Feel that your coaching session is heading in an aimless direction? It can be worth checking that you, and your client, are clear about what they wanted from the session.

Once you have that clarity ask yourself, and even your client, what will move them closer to achieving that session goal?

4. What is getting in your clients way?

Have you identified what’s stopping your client from moving forward? You don’t need to have shared this with your client if it’s not appropriate but if you can see the perceived “problem” then it is easier to identify a line of questioning/activity that will move through, around or over what is stopping them.

Sometimes it can be as simple as asking them to take action during the session. For example, if they’ve been putting off making an appointment to give a presentation you’ve established they are more than prepared for – pass them the phone and invite them to do it then and there. If the issue is more than not having prioritised making that appointment it’s likely to highlight what is getting in their way so you can identify the next step.

5. For your client to see something as a problem, what must a client believe to be true?

Sometimes what can cause a coach to be “stuck” is because a client is telling them about something the client thinks is a problem. However, the coach doesn’t perceive that as an issue so struggles to find an effective next step.
It can be worth asking yourself what a client must believe is true for that to appear a problem to them.

It can also be worth checking that this is actually a problem for them – sometimes a client will have “heard” and answered a different question to the one you actually asked. So it could be that the reason you can’t imagine how this is a problem is because it isn’t a problem!

6. Ask your client

You may not have an idea of the question that’s going to make the biggest difference right now but what about your client?

I’ve already mentioned above the possibility of asking your client what will move them closer to achieving the aim for this coaching session. But that’s not the only question you can ask.

The question “What question can I ask that will make the biggest difference right now?” firstly allows the client to dictate the direction of the session.
You’ll find that the slight change in asking them to think in a form of a question can be an additional stepping stone to leading to an answer that provides a big insight for the client. It can also be an indication for you as a coach the story that your client is telling themselves about this situation.

Another variation, along a similar theme is “What question do you hope I don’t ask you right now?”

7. Do something different

If what you are doing isn’t working then try a different approach.
In the previous point I mentioned getting the client to think of questions instead of just answering. It’s not the only change you can make though.

Perhaps you may want to ask your client to physically move, take the coaching conversation on the move by going for a walk, or just by swapping seats. In the right circumstances this can be enough to be a catalyst for a new perspective.

Maybe you want to introduce a “coaching exercise” that involves writing/drawing on paper instead of communicating mainly by talking. Alternatively, you may have a “technique” from a different and complimenting “discipline” that you can put into practice.

By doing something different you will move the coaching session into a new place, one where it can be easier to see the next step towards that session goal.

These are just 7 pointers, what else would you add?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

Jen also loves theatre and has been known to watch certain popular science fiction films and TV shows!