Coaching Quote of the Day 19th June 2011
“Confidence is the companion of success.”
(anon)
“Confidence is the companion of success.”
(anon)
“There are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.”
(Thomas Edison)
In today’s guest post Andy Lucas shares his expertise and experience and invites you to have fun…
By Andy Lucas
Somebody recently asked me if I would describe myself as a “coach”. I told them I’m more like a “school minibus”.
I can remember being at school. In fact in my imagination I can go there right now, sitting in the classroom listening to my favourite teacher – Miss Chevus. She always invented great games for us to play. It was much more fun than doing lessons. Whenever she explained a new game to us we became very playful. And sometimes she made us even more excited by saying she had a surprise for us.
I wonder if you’ve noticed what happens to you when you find out somebody has a surprise for you – a surprise birthday present, a secret guest at a party, a special treat, a holiday to a secret destination. I wonder what you remember about the feelings you have when you get that sense of anticipation.
I think Miss Chevus had quite an influence on me, because now, as a coach, I like to make up games for my clients.
I remember a client called Jane came to see me because she wanted to feel good more often. She told me a bit about her life and the way she had been feeling lately. And she told me she would like to feel happier and see herself being more contented. She wanted to feel that way even when she was trying to work things out in her head and when she was going about certain daily chores.
I asked Jane: “Have you ever noticed there are certain words that always make you feel good? Maybe you can think of such a word right now. I wonder if you hear yourself saying that word more often on a day when things are going well for you. Or have you felt really good just because you’ve seen somebody else using this word in a conversation?”
Jane thought for a moment. Then she looked up and smiled at me. “There are all kinds of words that make me feel good. I can think of some names of places, countries I’ve visited, landscapes I’ve seen where I’ve been transformed into an amazing state of happiness. Wow, I feel good just thinking of them. If you just say the word “sahara” to me I’m there in the plains and I feel so happy and free.”
And as I watched Jane I could see her face change and I could hear her voice sound soft and calm as she told me all about her visit to North Africa.
Well here’s a game you can play, but only play this game if you want to feel good more often. You might want to follow the procedure very carefully so you complete the whole game and get the really good feelings. Or you might like to explore different ways of playing it to get the best results.The rules of the game are very simple. Just pick one word at the start of the day – the kind of word that always creates extremely good feelings in you. If you want to make sure you have chosen the right kind of word, just say the word to yourself a few times and notice what kind of feelings it creates. This isn’t the same as affirmations, so I don’t want you to pick a phrase or a sentence – just pick one word.
Then, during the course of the day, see how many times you can deliberately introduce the word into conversations with other people or even during the conversations in your head. Try and do a bit of both. Use the chosen word at least ten times in the day to get the best kind of results.
You might enjoy noticing the mental images and pleasant feelings that naturally arise from your chosen word. And I wonder what you notice about how good you feel at the end of the day just by letting the sound of this word do its magic, at a deep and unconscious level..
I was still curious to discover what other words might make Jane feel good. I asked her if there were any words about actions, ways of doing something or just descriptive words that might resonate. Jane laughed immediately and said, “Some of my favourite words are “laughing”, “exhilaration”, “freedom” and “bliss”. I have a friend who really likes the word “guacamole” He has this neat trick of dropping the word randomly into conversations. No matter how I was feeling before, when I hear him say “guacamole” I just find myself smiling and giggling inside. I love it because he can be so silly sometimes”
Miss Chevus regularly shared games and surprises with us. I think she must have enjoyed seeing us all responding to her with great anticipation, eagerly awaiting the surprises. We always knew she had lovingly created these experiences for us. I don’t suppose we even realised how much we were learning at the time. But some time later I was certainly aware that I knew a lot of stuff and that Miss Chevus had taught me some really cool things. She seemed to know how to get us perfectly primed to absorb this stuff at a deep unconscious level. My eager mind was using these things in its own unique and resourceful way.
Then, as time passes, I find I have learnt a lot from these games. And these learnings have just effortlessly integrated into the mind’s pool of knowledge. Perhaps there is some correlation between having fun and learning. Or maybe it’s that anticipation which fosters the ability to understand more.
Somebody recently asked me if I would describe myself as a “coach”. I tend to think of myself more as a school minibus. Climb on board and have some fun!
About the Author/Further Resources
Andy lives and works in Brighton. He is an NLP trainer (Society of NLP), coach, hypnotherapist and meditation instructor with a particular interest in Hawaiian Huna and Yoga Nidra.
Visit www.springtomind.co.uk for more details about Andy’s work.
Click here to read Andy’s previous guest post, “The source of personal power?”
“A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.”
(Axel Munthe)
Regular readers will know that each Friday is guest post day. It’s time to issue a general invite to anyone who is interested in being a future guest poster during the second half of this year.
Here is some information for those interested:
Topic
Your choice, whatever you think will be of interest to coaches/those interested in coaching.
I know that’s a broad brief so if you are struggling to choose a specific topic let me know and I can send over a list of questions specifically designed to be a catalyst for a spark of inspiration.
Word count
As many (or as few) as you feel you need to say what you want!
If it helps, the average guest post word count falls in the 250-500 range. You’re welcome to use that figure as a guide, just remember it’s not a rule – If your guest post is outside of that I’m not going to refuse to publish. 🙂
When for?
The post itself is published at 6.30 am (UK time) on the agreed Friday (that’s 1.20am EST). I ask that I have the copy to format by noon UK time (which is 7 am EST or 4 am PST) on the Thursday.
I assign Fridays on a first requested basis and do my best to coincide and accommodate any promo schedules for events/product launches you may have.
Dates often go fast, if this is something you’re interested in doing my advice is to contact me sooner rather than later.
Bio/links
I’ve taken the view that readers like to know about the author and have the option to click through to find out even more/get in touch/ sign up for offers etc. So I do ask that you provide a bio. 🙂
If you want to include a photo that is fine – you are responsible for ensuring there are no copyright issues with any pictures you send. i.e. only use photos you either own or have permission to use in this context.
Experience
While some of the fantastic guest posters we’ve already had have decades of coaching experience we have also had some who are just establishing their coaching practice – so do not rule yourself out from being a guest poster because you don’t think you have enough experience. As far as I’m concerned it’s that mix of perspectives that makes the Friday guest posts what they are.
Who is the audience you are writing for?
Promo
I’ll mention at this stage that there will be various tweets scheduled to go out throughout the actual Friday that the guest post is scheduled for – these will probably show up in your mentions feed as they do normally include your twitter username. 🙂
Interested?
I’d love to hear from you – fill in your details here.
Still got questions?
Drop me an email and let me answer them
“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.”
(André Dubus)
As a coach you may have been give the advice to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Perhaps you have even given that advice for yourself. I know I remember having a conversation when I was starting out as a trainer and a coach where an experienced colleague gave me that advice.
The plus side of faking it ‘til you make it is that it can be the extra something needed to nudge someone into doing something they were not previously doing. Even if they are pretending to be something/someone they don’t think they are in order for that to happen.
A side effect is that the person doing the “faking” often has a nagging feeling that they are about to be discovered as a fraud at any minute. Considering that they are approaching this by pretending to be someone else it’s understandable that is the response that they are having.
It’s not unusual for someone to have gone past the point of having to fake it as they developed their own approach a long time ago. However, they haven’t actually realised this and adjusted their own perception of themselves. So they still feel like they are a fake.
As always as you read this I encourage you to listen to your own wisdom. If you read this and find that what I am talking about works for you, and you are quite happy doing it, then keep using what works for you!
I am sharing this as I wanted to point out that “faking to you make it” is not the only way of becoming comfortable with any “role”, task or activity. Below I’ll share just 3 different approaches you may consider using.
For instance, you could just keep doing regular small steps to move yourself forward until you find that one day you find it is all really comfortable.
A different way is to be honest with yourself – and others if appropriate, and as Susan Jeffers said “feel the fear and do it any way”
Another alternative is about taking the pressure off and allowing yourself to focus on just doing the task to the best of your current abilities can result in you really surprising yourself.
Usually when someone feels that they have to “fake it” there is a set of expectations they feel that they need to be “living up to”. Sometimes these are expectations that have been set by other people. More commonly, these expectations have been set by our own judgements and comparisons.
These are either a comparison to someone else or by our own judgement about what they think they should do if they were being perfect. It can be worth checking the beliefs, judgements and expectations you are setting for yourself – and if they are really needed.
I mentioned in my post yesterday, “Why did I start Coaching Confidence, the coaching blog?”, I believe having an exposure to different approaches, opinions and techniques give coaches a greater flexibility when they coach. So feel free to share other approached you have/could use instead of “fake it ‘til you make it.”
Alternatively, if you feel particularly strongly that “fake it ‘til you make it” is the only approach to use, you’re more than welcome to comment as well 🙂
“Simplify!”
(Henry David Thoreau, Philosopher)