Coaching Quote of the Day 18th July 2012
“The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart — not from the mind.”
(Sheri Rosenthal)
“The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart — not from the mind.”
(Sheri Rosenthal)
“The imagination exercises a powerful influence over every act of sense, thought, reason,- over every idea.”
(Latin Proverb)
“No man is happy who does not think himself so.”
(Publilius Syrus)
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
(Epictetus)
“Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.”
(David Hume)
This was originally published as a bonus article in the Coaching Confidence weekly email during April 2011. To start getting your very own copy each week enter your details under “Don’t miss a thing!” to the right of this page.
One of the shows on Sunday evening British TV at the moment is called “The Cube”. If you have not seen the program the basic context is that a contestant has 9 “lives” to play a series of games inside a “cube”.
The prize money increases with each game and the contestant can choose to walk away with the money that they have already won before they commit to playing the next round. Once they are committed they can only win any money if they successfully complete that game before they have used all the 9 lives. If they loose they walk away with nothing.
The games themselves can look really simple (i.e. stacking a certain number of blocks into a tower within a given time). Often games that if you “played” somewhere you’re normally relaxed, treating it just as a game without putting any pressure on yourself, you’d complete it easily and without thinking.
This is a show where there has been more than one series so contestants now will often have practiced some of the games at home.
However, contestants often find that once “in the cube” they find it’s an entirely different experience. They’ll make comments such as “It’s funny how quickly the pressure builds up” and will report physical effects such as “my mouths a bit dry.”
The game itself can be exactly the same as the one they have easily done at home – the difference is the pressure they are putting upon themselves in “the cube”. They’ll often say things like £x will mean that I can get married, or take the kids on a holiday etc.
That approach may appear sensible when they are making the decision if they wanted to carry on to commit to playing the next game.
Once committed to playing that game, they can easily increase the pressure upon themselves with the thoughts they focus upon.
For example, if the game is based around catching a ball imagine focusing on a thought such as “catching that ball means I can get married” in comparison to just focusing upon catching the ball. Which would be the one that you would find the most stressful?
Notice that I have deliberately chosen to phrase this as focusing upon a thought – I have not said do not think a specific thought. There is a difference between letting a thought pass by and engaging with it.
There will be many thoughts that you have without focusing on – perhaps briefly noticing something different but insignificant on a familiar journey, or noticing you recognise a tune on the radio but going straight back to what you were doing etc.
If you have committed yourself to a project or activity, particularly if you have found you are feeling pressure connected with it, I invite you to consider the thoughts you are focusing upon.
For example, if you have committed to doing a coaching session with someone are you focusing upon coaching that individual or a particular thought in your head?
Love
Jen
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About the Author
Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.
She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.
“The really valuable method of thought to arrive at a logically coherent system is intuition.”
(Albert Einstein)
Coach and author Karen Williams shares her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post and asks:
by Karen Williams
Let me share with you one of my beliefs. I believe that you can have all the marketing and business knowledge you need, but unless you have the right mindset, you’ll struggle to make it in terms of running a successful business.
Our mindset has an incredible affect on what we do and how we do it. It is more than just belief and confidence, it is about the way we approach a situation, our outlook, our mental attitude and the way in which we think. It is about the language we use to talk to ourselves and others, as well as the thoughts we have in our head about a problem or a solution.
Think about it now. Have you been with someone where their mindset has not been at its best? Perhaps they have been feeling down, depressed or concerned about something. Or maybe they have been feeling unsure or frustrated. Now that’s not to say that we always have to be on top form, but noticing your mindset, your thoughts and your actions is the starting point of understanding how it impacts on your success.
Let’s think about another person you know who has a positive mindset. Someone who always sees life with the glass completely full, has energy and enthusiasm, and a zest for life.
Where do you fit?
How do you feel about that?
If you are like most people, you are probably somewhere in the middle. Some days you will be feeling fantastic, and on other days, you will want to stay beneath the duvet. So with my comment in mind that your mindset affects your success, what can you do to recognise your state and do something about it when you need to?
The first step is to recognise how you feel every day and be aware of your emotions and feelings. If you are feeling negative or frustrated, what can you do to change your state? I know that sometimes you’ll want to wallow for a while, but think about how you will feel when you’ve broken the pattern and done something else instead? One of the strategies I follow is the premise that motion changes your emotion, so physically get up, do something different and return to your task later.
The second step is to be aware of what you could do differently to retrain your brain. In a nutshell, we have thousands of thoughts every day and we need to decide what to hold onto and what ones to ditch. Our beliefs often inform the thoughts we have, which inform the feelings we have about the beliefs, then this influences our behaviour and the consequences. You then have a choice on whether you create a vicious circle or a virtuous circle. If you keep thinking negatively, which creates negative behaviour, you will enter a downward spiral, but if you break the pattern, you can create a virtuous circle. These, by their very nature, then create more happiness and wellbeing.
The third step is to be aware of the impact that other people’s behaviour has on you. You could say that it is your choice how another person’s behaviour can affect you, it is often difficult to put this into practice, especially if this behaviour is pessimistic. Generally negativity breads negativity, so it can be difficult to break the pattern. But there are things you can do about it. The late Jim Rohn said that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So ensure you spend your time with inspirational people whose goals, aims and intentions are bigger than your own. When you do this, you’ll raise your game, achieve more, and get the support to step through your comfort zone quicker and more easily than you could do by yourself.
Before I move on, I’d like to give you something else to think about.
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left?
Answer: five
Why? Because there is a difference between deciding and doing!
With this in mind, what are you going to decide to do differently going forward? Are there new strategies and habits you need to put into place? Only you can decide to have a success mindset. Then when you have chosen this mindset, you will be focused on abundance rather than lack, success rather than failure, so can you see now how it can make a difference to your business?
You’ll be the one achieving results, getting more clients and generally feeling inspired and inspirational! Doesn’t this sound like a great place to be?
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out” ~ Robert Collier
Karen Williams runs Self Discovery Coaching and is the author of The Secrets of Successful Coaches, which reached #1 in the Business charts on Amazon. Having interviewed 24 top performance coaches, Karen has learnt from the experts how to create a successful coaching business. Since just 10% of coaches make it in terms of running a successful business, she gets frustrated when she sees coaches who are amazing, but don’t have the business skills or confidence to make a difference. Karen’s big vision is to enable more coaches to reach more people and help them to live a happier and fulfilled life.
You can download Karen’s 38 Success Mindset tips at http://www.thesecretsofsuccessfulcoaches.com/successmindset/ and follow Karen’s current Ultimate Blog Challenge – 31 posts in 31 days so I make this number 32!
You can also follow Karen on Facebook and Twitter.