Today’s quote is:

“A good example is the best Sermon.” (Thomas Fuller)

When you coach, are you ever aware of wanting to set a good example? I’m quite prepared to believe that this is something I’m more aware about because of who I generally work with. I have many conversations with those who are just starting out as coaches and are finding their own style and voice. Certainly, when I first started working with this group, I was more conscious about the structure of a session etc because one of the reasons they were coming was to experience coaching from a clients’ perspective, and I wanted to set a good example of questioning etc.

Over time, two things happened. First, so much of those skills I had been focusing upon that it became second nature. The second was that I came to see that the more present I am in a session and respond to the actual person in front of me, as opposed to any thinking I have predicting how they may react to a question etc, then that had a much bigger impact than having the perfectly structured question etc.

I still occasionally think about setting a good example, but it’s from a different perspective. The more I live from this place, the more I see, then I just feel more authentic when talking to clients. I find that it helps a client to be honest with their answers if I am with mine – if they’re asking about something I’ve not looked at in any depth I’ve been known to say a variation of “I don’t know, shall we look together.” I’m also human, so if they’re sharing that they’ve had insecure thinking I’ve been known to say,

I think at some stage I thought that a good example was to be perfect – and that meant never having any insecure thinking, never feeling uncertain, always feeling confident and certain etc. Never feeling pressure and feeling stressed obviously meant I was failing.

I’d missed that that all came from the fact that as humans, we experience our thinking – and rather than having to go after every negative thought and change that, that looking above that to the nature of thought gives new perspective. It allows for any feeling of pressure or stress to act like an alarm call just to show my thinking is revved up right now. Or when I recognise insecure thinking, it can be a signal to pause and reflect rather than react impulsively. This shift in perspective has been transformative not only in my coaching practice but in my personal life as well.

When we coach, whether it’s in a formal session or an informal conversation, our example speaks volumes. Clients often look to us not just for guidance, but also for inspiration. They observe how we navigate challenges, how we handle uncertainty, and how we show up authentically in our interactions. In embracing our humanity and vulnerability, we give permission for others to do the same.

Setting a good example isn’t about perfection; it’s about authenticity and integrity. It’s about showing up as our true selves, flaws and all, and being willing to learn and grow alongside our clients. When we acknowledge our limitations and embrace our humanity, we create a space for genuine connection and empathy. I don’t know about you, but when I am a client, one of the things I choose my coaches based upon is that human connection. I don’t expect them to be perfect. In fact, it’s a great relief when they share what’s real for them.

Moreover, leading by example isn’t just about what we do; it’s also about how we are. Our presence, our energy, and our intentions shape the coaching dynamic in profound ways. When we approach our work with curiosity, compassion, and openness, we invite our clients to do the same.

I’m often reluctant to share the next piece of advice because I’m conscious that from a cynical perspective, this can look like a sales pitch. However, for me, investing the time and energy in having coaching conversations as a client allows me to speak from a more authentic place when talking to others about the benefits of coaching.

As Thomas Fuller reminds us, “A good example is the best Sermon.” In our role as coaches, we have the privilege and responsibility of being that example for our clients. By living our truth, embracing our humanity, and embodying the principles we teach, we inspire others to do the same. In doing so, we not only empower our clients to create positive change in their lives but also contribute to a more compassionate and resilient world.

So the next time you coach, remember the power of your example. Be authentic, be present, and be true to yourself. Your example may just be the best Sermon your clients ever receive. I leave you with an invitation to consider the example you want to set with your coaching. Your coaching style may differ from mine, so your answers may vary. Is that example serving you and your clients?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.