Coaching Quote of the Day 4th August 2015
“No one tests the depth of the river with both feet.”
(Proverb from Ghana)
test
Coaching Quote of the Day 8th July 2013
“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.”
(E. Joseph Cossman)
Decisions, decisions, decisions 1
Coach Gabby Mottershead shares, in this week’s guest post, a technique she’s used with a client feeling overwhelmed.
Decisions, decisions, decisions
by Gabby Mottershead
‘It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped’ according to Tony Robbins. I have been thinking about him a lot recently as I am working as crew at his Unleash the Power weekend in London soon. I am very excited about this, his events are always amazing. As well as helping the attendees with their goals, I know it will be a great time for me to reflect upon my own journey, and also to connect with some great people.
Helping clients who are stuck with decisions they want to make is an area I get a lot of personal satisfaction from. I know it is sometime easy to feel overwhelmed with the amount of choices we have to make, and many people feel paralysed, unable to choose between two equally great choices, or two equally unappealing ones. This week I had a great result with a client using ‘Parts Integration’, also known as ‘Visual Squash’
This tool is very useful for coaching clients who have decisions to make, and let’s face it, that is most of them.
If you are not familiar with it the process is:
1. Identify the conflict and the issues involved
Key Questions: What does that give you? What’s important to you about that?
2. Create a visual image of each issue and place one in each hand
3. Separate intention from behaviour
a. Reframe (through questioning, what does this issue really mean) each part through chunking-up (getting to the ‘big picture’, the client starts with saying that they want a promotion, the key questions result in the client realising that they want to feel loved. Keep questioning until you find the ‘common intention’ of both sides of the dilemma, this is always the result that they want, which is usually a feeling.
A good example of this is ‘I need to earn more money’ being the issue. Questioning elicits that this means ‘visiting my son in Australia’, which means ‘I can feel loved and know I am a good mother’, which means ‘this will make me feel loved’ much more compelling, and once the client is conscious that this is the driving force, other solutions may appear to them.
b. Identify what resources (skills, knowledge, memories, etc) each side has that would be useful to the other part in achieving their highest intention
4. Suggest hands come together while the two images come together through a series of images that create a third image that is an integration of the two
5. Bring the third ‘integrated’ representation inside
6. Check ecology, to the coach shifts in thinking are very obvious, red faces are common!
7. Test and future pace
Once you have those key words from step 1, it is quite easy to play those back to the client as the driving forces behind the course of action that is right for them
Not only is this good for clients, it is a very playful way to work on your own decisions to be made. I realise that I suffer with serial incongruity, in plain English, I repeat the same patterns in my own behaviour, and just one example is yo-yo dieting. I believe once you recognise these patterns, it is easy to change them; it is recognising them that can be a challenge.
An interesting twist I was recently introduced to was the assertion that there is no thing as self sabotage, only competing intentions. Mmmm some coaches I know talk at length about the self saboteur, so who is right?
I would say, whatever works for you.
I hope this is useful, thanks to Kate Trafford for reminding me about this tool.
I would love to hear from other coaches who use this model, I love it.
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
About the Author/Further Resources
Gabby Mottershead, founder of Confidence After Cancer, an organisation that provides coaching and support for women after cancer treatment.
Gabby was inspired to start this support and coaching non profit based on her own experience, she was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive breast cancer in 2008 aged 44. Following chemotherapy, surgeries, and radiotherapy, she suffered with depression and lack of confidence .She realised that there is lots of support for cancer patients during their treatment, but when that ends you are very much alone. She started to connect with other people on Facebook, and set up a support group, and was stunned by the numbers of women who contacted her saying they felt the same, and had nowhere to turn to.
It is a sobering fact that that breast cancer survivors are 37 percent more likely to commit suicide, and depression and anxiety are common (Source the Journal of Cancer Institute) and that this elevated risk continues for at least 25 years after diagnosis.
Gabby provides 121 and group coaching and has been approached by local hospitals to run sessions for them, as the medical teams acknowledge that they are not able to support cancer survivors in the way that they would like to.
Gabby is passionate about holistic care, Reiki, NLP and her mission is to inspire healthy minds and healthy bodies.
Follow her
Twitter : @gabbymot
Blog: http://gabbymottershead.wordpress.com/
Website : www.confidenceac.co.uk
5 Tips when starting a new job 1
In this week’s guest post Karen Wise shares her expertise as an Organisational Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist about starting a new job.
5 Tips when starting a new job
By Karen Wise
Starting a new job is never easy. There’s lots of “new” things – new colleagues, new environment, new boss, and generally new ways of doing things.
But how often do you think about the fact that You are the “new” person? Whilst you’re on a massive learning curve about your new organisation and role, the people around you are also learning about who you are, how you think, your behaviours and responses to the every-day things that occur in the office.
It’s just as important that they learn the right things about you as you are inducted into the organisation.
Because of the nature of my work I’m always the “new” person – so I have developed a few techniques to help me. Below are a few tips to think about when you next start a new job and how to make the most of it:
1) Pictures of Family & Friends.
Most workplaces allow you to bring in personal items such as photos of your family, your friends. I often bring in a recent picture that my kids have drawn and I find that it’s a great ice-breaker. Asking someone about these pictures is an easy way to start a conversation with new colleagues and a way to get to know them better beyond the job they do.
2) What are you good at?
It may be that you’ve able to manage difficult conversations with irate customers; or you’re able to touch-type at 90+ wpm. Find opportunities within the first few days of starting your new job to demonstrate this skill.
3) Give positive feedback:
In the first few weeks you’ll come across a lot of new and different things. If you see, hear or learn about something that you find interesting – tell them. If you like the way that someone does something – tell them. People like getting feedback when it’s compliment and it also highlights to them about what you like or enjoy too.
4) “The Test”.
It’s very likely that in the first few days or you’ll be given a particularly important job or task to do. View this as “The Test”. Think carefully about what’s required; ask questions if you need to clarify your understanding of what’s required; put extra effort in to ensure that you do this job to the highest standard possible; and make sure you do it within the required timeframe.
5) Lastly, believe in yourself.
Always remember that you were recruited to the post because your boss believed that you could do the job. You will probably have many doubts within the first few days or weeks about whether or not you’re good enough. When you have these thoughts just stop. And remember. You were recruited because you have the potential to do really well in this job. Believe in yourself.
About the Author/Further Resources
Karen Wise, MCIPD is an Organisational Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist, with over 12 years’ experience of working in Human Resources roles up to and including Director level within the NHS in the UK. Karen now runs her own consultancy and coaching business, with a particular interest in outplacement coaching. She is also currently undertaking a Masters Degree in Coaching Psychology at the University of East London. You can follow Karen on twitter (karenwise) and read her weekly blog on working in HR in the NHS at www.karenwise.wordpress.com
Coaching Quote of the Day 20th March 2011
“Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.”
(Budha)