This week’s TED Talk clip chosen because the topic can be of interest to coaches is from an independent TEDx event:
Staying stuck or moving forward | Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko | TEDxWilmington
Clip length: 15 mins 03 secs
Prefer to watch via YouTube? In that case you’ll need to click here.
In today’s guest post coach and mentor Lottie Moore shares some of her practical experience and knowledge:
At some point in our coaching careers we all come across the clients who are ‘stuck’, who, despite our best efforts, are unable to move forwards with their plans, dreams, or ambitions.
As coaches this can be a frustrating process. As an outside pair of eyes, we can often see, or at least guess at, what the issue is that is holding the client back. Quite often it can feel that there is an elephant in the room with us, glaringly obvious, and yet unmentioned by our client despite all our best lines of questioning and cajoling.
Sometimes even when the client recognises what it is that is holding them back from achieving their goals, they are unable to break out of the old, destructive patterns of behaviour. You may sit in sessions with them where it seems likely that they are going to breakthrough what is holding them back, only to see them in a fortnights time to realise nothing has changed.
So how do we help these clients? How can we facilitate them moving forward when they appear to be well and truly stuck? Here are my top 5 tips to creating breakthrough when it’s needed most
1. Drop the F-bomb – sometimes your client may just require some serious reinforcement to realise how important this issue is. A carefully placed f@@k, or equivalent bad language, can bring it home with a bang how pivotal you think this issue is.
2. Use Physical Metaphors – creating great confidence and self-belief in one area can hugely assist your client to live that out in other areas of their lives. Activities like glass walking, or arrow breaking with the throat can have a deeply impactful effect on all areas of life, and learning the skills to use these activities in your daily work is easier than you think.
3. Look Back To Move Forward – you don’t need to be an expert in timeline therapy to assist you client to look back on their past experiences to find out where the initial cause of the limiting belief sits. By uncovering what lies at the root of the problem, they can then start to take steps to move away from past learnings that are holding them back.
4. Create Anchors – although physical metaphors are great for this, they are not the only way to enable your client to use this powerful NLP technique. Get them to think back on a time were they were hugely successful and happy, then assist them to create a physical anchor such as a simple hand movement. When they are struggling with what is holding them back, they can then use this anchor to root them in success and positivity.
5. Be Kind – Life can always seem easier to an external set of eyes, but it’s important to remember that we all have our own shiz to deal with. Don’t let yourself get frustrated or disappointed if it’s taking your client longer than you would have hoped to reach that moment of breakthrough. Sometimes all anyone needs is patience, understanding, and encouragement, so keep being that positive influence in your client’s life, and reminding them of what they are capable of when they set their minds to it.
Clients that take a long time to reach a point of breakthrough can rock our confidence in our coaching ability, but also can be hugely rewarding when they finally get there. I hope these 5 tips will be of use to you next time a client that is well and truly stuck comes through your door.
Lottie is a multi-award winning coach and mentor who lives life outside of the comfort zone. Best known for her firewalking, and physical metaphors training, Lottie is passionate about creating change for the individuals and groups that she works, encouraging them to look beyond their limitations and shine
Lottie loves to connect and can be found at: 
PIM
and
WISH
I often see or hear those new to coaching either ask directly or voice a fear about not knowing what to do if they get “stuck” in a coaching session.
For the purposes of this post I’m going to interpret “stuck” as having no idea what to do next. If this is a fear that you experience then let me share with you that you will probably find that the more coaching experience you get, the more techniques, strategies and skills you’ll gain making the prospect of getting stuck less and less likely.
To get you started (or to add to what you have already) I’ve included 7 pointers below.
It certainly doesn’t help the client if you get caught up in your own head with any thoughts going at a thousand miles per hour or start to panic about what you’ll do next. So firstly take a breath and allow yourself to relax.
As you return your full focus to your client you may notice that your client may also benefit from taking a moment to slow down their thoughts and also take some time “out” to breathe.
With your full focus upon your client pay full attention to what they are saying, the words that they are actually using and not any interpretation you may have added. There can sometimes be clues in the language that they use that when you incorporate into a question can produce powerful responses. Because these questions are “tailored made” for the client you won’t find them written down in any coaching course material.
Also notice how someone says something, for example if they are telling you about something they say they really want yet they don’t “come alive” when they talk about it use it as a signal to explore more about what they are not saying.
If you feel that your coaching session is heading in an aimless direction, it can be worth checking that you (and your client) are clear about what is the goal for the session.
Once you have that clarity ask yourself, and even your client, what will move them closer to achieving that session goal.
Have you identified what’s stopping your client from moving forward? You don’t need to have shared this with your client if it’s not appropriate but if you can see the perceived “problem” then it is easier to identify a line of questioning/activity that will move through, around or over what is stopping them.
Sometimes it can be as simple as asking them to take action during the session – if they’ve been putting of making an appointment to give a presentation you’ve established they are more than prepared for – pass them the phone and invite them to do it then and there. If the issue is more than not having prioritised making that appointment it’s likely to highlight what is getting in their way so you can identify the next step.
Sometimes what can cause a coach to be “stuck” is because a client is telling them about something they think of as a problem, yet the coach doesn’t perceive that as an issue so struggles to find an effective next step.
It can be worth asking yourself what a client must believe is true for that to appear a problem to them.
It can also be worth checking that this is actually a problem for them – sometimes a client will have “heard” and answered a different question to the one you actually asked. So it could be that the reason you can’t imagine how this is a problem is because it isn’t a problem! (I’ve written previously about clients answering a different question to the one asked here.)
You may not have an idea of the question that’s going to make the biggest difference right now but what about your client? “What question can I ask that will make the biggest difference right now?” firstly allows the client to dictate the direction of the session.
You’ll find that the slight change in asking them to think in a form of a question can be an additional stepping stone to leading to an answer that provides a big insight for the client. It can also be an indication for you as a coach the story that your client is telling themself about this situation.
If what you are doing isn’t working then try a different approach.
Perhaps you may want to ask your client to physically move, take the coaching conversation on the move by going for a walk, or just by swapping seats. In the right circumstances this can all be enough to be a catalyst for a new perspective.
Maybe you may want to introduce a “coaching exercise” that involves writing/drawing on paper instead of working mainly talking. Alternatively, you may have a “technique” from a different and complimenting “discipline” that you can put into practice.
By doing something different you will move the coaching session into a new place, one where it can be easier to see the next step towards that session goal.
These are just 7 pointers, what else would you add?
In this week’s guest post Amber Fogarty shares her expertise and thoughts about what will assist you, as a coach, to continue growing.
By Amber Fogarty
In my last Coaching Confidence blog post, I wrote about the importance of being coachable. I also emphasized the value of HAVING a coach if you are a coach.
Here’s the undeniable reality: Even coaches get stuck. Our lives aren’t perfect, and we shouldn’t claim that they are. In many cases, we KNOW what we should be doing. We just don’t always do it. Right? In each of our lives, there is often a gap between knowing and doing. At times, that gap is as wide as the Grand Canyon.
We’ve all heard the saying that “knowing is the enemy of doing.” Knowing is also the enemy of learning, and we always have more to learn.
At a recent team meeting of the coaches in the SOS Coaching Network, we discussed the pressure coaches often feel as they strive to be “a product of the product” and how tough it can be for coaches to challenge themselves in the same ways they challenge their clients.
Our founder Bill Moyer, a veteran coach of 25+ years, imparted this advice, “You can teach something you haven’t mastered, but you can’t teach something you haven’t tried.” He reminded us of the importance of continuing to strive to become a better version of ourselves.
Bill’s words of wisdom ring true, “Perfection is not a realistic goal nor is it relatable for the people we work with. Our clients don’t need a perfect coach, but they do need a coach who’s growing. Working toward our full potential is a lifelong journey. We can NEVER stop growing.”
One of our organizational mottos is, “If you don’t grow, you go.” We share our personal development goals and continually work to achieve them. We encourage each other, while recognizing the need for personal accountability in addition to accountability to each other and the clients we serve. All of us are in the personal development industry, so we must remain committed to our own personal development.
Give some thought to these questions today:
Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, one-on-one and group coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.