solution focus


Mental Pause can be a Game Changer

In this weeks guest post coach Diane Dutchin shares some of her experience and knowledge:

"Mental Pause can be a Game Changer" by Diane Dutchin

Mental Pause can be a Game Changer

By Diane Dutchin

Regardless of what part of the world you live in, mental health is becoming one of the most important topic of discussion equal to physical health. It has evolved as a growing concern not only in the health industry, but in our homes, schools and work place.

It’s about time, and long overdue! There’s shame in sharing about personal struggles with mental issues – fatigues, lows, struggles, stress or depression. Different types, depth, and occurred from various life experiences. We clam up because we don’t want to be judged, and looked at differently.

Listen, if our mental state is unwell, eventually the impact will be felt and seen in other areas of our lives. No one is immune to the effects of mental illness, no matter how brilliant, popular, loving, or successful you are, it can affect us, and yes, this applies to life coaches and counsellors too.

However, through honest conversation (sometimes hard conversations) exercise, and support, we can increase awareness, and help ourselves and others remove any stigma of shame and judgement associated with mental issues, and improve our mental state.

I consider myself a highly motivated, seeing the glass as half full person, however a year ago when I graduated college as a Life Coach and Counsellor, the transition back to work wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped, money ran out, and rejection from potential employers, found me at my all-time lowest…ever.

My first reaction was self-denial…not me, couldn’t be, I am in control! However, the energy needed to pretend was spent on crying at a drop of a hat, and thoughts going places I feared. I quickly learned that it was OK to express my fears, show my most scared fearful side, to a core group of people I completely trust.

Fortunately, my decline wasn’t as low as those who struggle with mental illness every day. My loving partner was there showing support to listen and ask questions about “how I felt”, why, affirmation and encouragement. A few close friends were there whenever I needed them. Realizing I could STOP pretending and BE honest, was the first step towards the mental nourishing I needed.

We’re masters at being busy doing, telling and pleasing, and fail miserably at mental-care, being present, sensitive, and honest with self. If we continue to expend more take in less, eventually like a car that needs fuel and oil to run effectively, we’ll have mental break-downs instead of break-through, easily agitated and deflated, instead of charged and elevated.

Why mental pause? Simply put, mental pause is meant to do just that – make us pause to give our minds a BREAK! Time to check in, filter and unload and sort through what the mind consumed during the day or week. Time ALONE allows us to stop DOING and practice BEING and make an intimate connect with self by tuning into the messages your body, mind, soul, intuition and senses are sending, and provides release space.

Let’s take a look at three exercises I use to elevate my mental state.

Mental Pause I – Practice meditation:

Connect to your spiritual side, nature, yoga, prayer, formal meditation, chanting, or mindfulness. Before your feet hit the floor express thankfulness or gratitude for at least one thing. Doing this helps sets the stage to centre your mind on starting your day off right.

Mental Pause II – Mind your Thoughts:

When, not if, but when your thoughts rise up to overwhelm and affect moods, pause and count your blessings (people, accomplishments and things you enjoy). The one thing we have control over is our thoughts, so bring awareness to what goes on between your ears, and the next time your mood shifts to anger, agitation, sad or anxious, pin point the thought and work it out, don’t let it sit and fester.

Mental Pause III – Solution focus:

When unexpected things happen in our lives it throws us off guard, and consumes our every thought. Stress, anxiety, anger, and fear interrupts the flow of finding a solution. By practicing meditation and minding our thoughts, we can use that time to figure out an answer. This might be a good time to reach out to another life coach to help you with that process.

Taking time to care for your mental state can be a game changer. It will put you more in control of your mental health, and empower you to be a better coach and person who practices what they preach.

To your health and enjoyment!

About Diane Dutchin

Diane Dutchin is a certified personal and development coach at www.makethemovecoaching.com

Follow Diane on twitter or connect on LinkedIn


Using The Pygmalion Effect in Coaching

In this week’s guest post Beth Burgess shares a study from the 1960’s and how it links to coaching.

"Using The Pygmalion Effect in Coaching" A guest post by Beth Burgess

Using The Pygmalion Effect in Coaching

By Beth Burgess

As coaches, we often work on the limiting beliefs of our clients; but we should be just as concerned about how much we believe in our clients and their potential, and how we demonstrate that.

We know that what people believe about themselves has a massive impact on what they are capable of. But often clients come to us because they don’t necessarily believe in themselves. Our clients have frequently been struggling to reach a goal or take action because of their limiting beliefs.

How vitally important it is, then, that we impart to our clients the belief they may lack. If we hold limiting beliefs about our clients, we will not be able to help them get to where they want to go.

Belief in the realisation of our goals motivates us to keep pursuing them and overcoming the obstacles. The same goes for how we motivate our clients. You can not push someone to achieve if you don’t really believe they have a chance.

In fact, the belief of the coach in the potential of the client is a fundamental factor in their success, much more so than what their current abilities may be.

A 1964 study by Robert Rosenthal gave us the term The Pygmalion Effect, a phenomenon in which people perform better if others believe in them and expect them to excel.

In an experiment, school children were given an IQ test, with Rosenthal telling the teachers it was a special test from Harvard University that would predict which students would be ‘academic bloomers’. Rosenthal picked out a few random children and told teachers that these students were more gifted than the others, ostensibly based on the test results.

Over the next two years, the children who had been identified as gifted had gained more IQ points in comparison to the kids who had not been picked out as ‘special’. The only defining factor in which of the kids achieved was the teachers’ belief in these being academically gifted students.

Rosenthal found that teachers who believed in their students tended to be warmer, more nurturing, gave more detailed feedback and ‘pushed’ their learners more.

All good coaches know the importance of building a nurturing relationship, good feedback, encouragement and accountability. As long as a strong and genuine belief in the client underpins that, then you are setting your client up for success.

And remember to make it known to your clients that you believe in them, too. Anyone who has ever heard the heartfelt words “I believe in you” can tell you the massive boost in confidence and self esteem that it gives them. Just knowing that another person believes you can succeed can be a very powerful experience.

“If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

About the Author

Beth Burgess is the founder of Smyls a solution-focused service which she set up to help people to overcome obstacles in their lives and create a fulfilling future.

Using a mixture of Coaching, NLP, Hypnotherapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Beth specialises in working with addiction, anxiety disorders, eating disorders and other mental health problems. In addition to her work with individuals, she also runs anti-stress workshops.

Beth is the author of two books on addiction recovery; The Recovery Formula: An Addict’s Guide to Getting Clean & Sober Forever (2012) and The Happy Addict (due to be published in July 2013).

She has also published a mini e-book, What is Self Esteem? How to Build your Self-Esteem and Feel Happy Now.

Beth lives in North London and coaches clients from all over the world. Her other projects include writing articles for The Huffington Post and promoting the message of recovery wherever she can.

For more about Beth, visit http://www.bethburgess.co.uk