How to coach a client who is suffering from stress 2
In today’s guest post Sara Maude shares her thoughts and expertise on what some view as an everyday part of modern life:
How to coach a client who is suffering from stress
by Sara Maude
Have you ever wondered why you sometimes find yourself making slow progress with a coaching client? Despite asking the most thought provoking questions or using the finest honed techniques, you still find nothing works?
Before you begin to ponder on your own skills and competency as a coach, stop and ask yourself this question; ‘is it possible my client is stressed?’. If the answer is yes, then you can stop looking in the local jobs section for a new career.
When a person is stressed no amount of coaching will have an effect unless you have the ability to calm an overworked ruminating mind down.
The effects of stress on a client
Stress impacts people on many levels and put simply in a coaching context, it stops a person being available for change. The lights may be on, but no-one is home.
Stress isn’t something that ‘happens’ to us, it triggers only through the basis of our perception to it. So what one client may perceive in a situation to be stressful and a handful to deal with, to another it may be water off a ducks back.
The stress response is also known as the ‘fight and flight’ response. It is hardwired into us and when triggered at the right time, keeps us safe. Unfortunately our brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality so the fight and flight response will trigger based on our perception of what is dangerous. This could be a man with a knife at your throat, or a presentation to the board of directors.
When the fight and flight response is triggered a rapid number of bodily changes take place. All major organs not required in the moment shut down; the body floods with cortisol, the stress hormone, the adrenal glands go into over drive and the body gets ready to fight or take flight. Together with this, the thinking brain shuts down and all bodily responses become primordial.
What does this mean for you as a coach? It means that when the thinking brain shuts down, a client is incapable is taking in any information; they will struggle to process your words and the meaning of them and as for creative thinking, well forget it.
80% of the clients I see as a therapist have some form of stress related disorder, so the chances of you working with a stressed client are extremely high. The stress response was only ever meant to be a short term. Back in our evolutionary days when we were hunter gatherers it triggered to prevent us from being eaten alive in the jungle. Despite being able to forage for food in the local supermarket the ‘dangers’ we face in today’s modern world come in the form of taking on a new job, having to do a presentation or having a tricky relationship with your boss as examples. Modern day life is also seeing people remaining in prolonged periods of stress which in turn impacts on the bodies physical and mental wellbeing.
How to spot the signs your client is stressed?
Stress has many guises and to some people it may not even be apparent that they are stressed accepting it instead as a way of life, but there are some key signs you can look for in a coaching session;
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Inability to think clearly or process information
- Inability to think creatively or access their imagination
- An inability to relax, appearing fidgety
- Irrational thinking
- Negative emotions such as insecurity, guilt, worry, fear
- Shallow breathing
- Anger
- Any mention of trouble sleeping; trouble getting to sleep or disturbed sleep
- Any mention of psychical problems such as digestive issues, abdominal cramps, pain, bloating
What to do when your client is stressed
One of the key interventions to overcoming stress is to calm down and focus the mind of your client which will be on overdrive. A simple way of doing this is to get the client to do some 7/11 breathing. Breathing in for the count of 7 and out for the count of 11 triggers the parasympathetic side of the nervous system, which is also the relaxation response. Get your client to imagine that their stomach is a balloon and as they breathe in for the count of 7 it fills with air and as they breathe out for the count of 11 it deflates. Do this approximately 7 – 10 times and get them to notice just how much calmer they feel afterwards.
It may feel to some of your clients that stress is part of modern day life and should be accepted. Whilst we all experience a degree of stress now and again, long term if it isn’t dealt with, stress has an overwhelming impact on the body and is currently the number one reason for absence in the UK and the underlying reason of over half of medical conditions. Getting your client to acknowledge that they are stressed and need a helping hand is a major step in the right direction. It is also important to normalise why they may be feeling this way so that they recognise that stress is a subconscious response based on their bodies own survival mechanism and it doesn’t mean that they are not capable of managing their life or work.
Look at what your client is doing to switch off and have down time. Our ability to deal with stress comes from our spare capacity. We can create more spare capacity by taking time out on a regular basis to relax. When we do this we create space in the mind and body allowing us to deal with situations calmly and rationally, to think clearly, to tune into our instincts and to remain in control of our emotions.
Finally, know where you should and shouldn’t go. Be aware of the boundaries between coaching and therapy and know when it is time to suggest alternative interim support for your client. There may be underlying issues which need to be addressed in a way that only therapy can provide. Solution focused psychotherapy and hypnotherapy can clear stress and stress related disorders, including post traumatic stress in two to three sessions. A good therapist will also teach your client key coping strategies to prevent them from getting stressed in the future.
About the Author/Further Resources
Sara is a Brighton based hypnotherapist & psychotherapist who provides problem-free therapy which connects people with their inner resources and goes deep into the unconscious mind to create powerful change. Sessions are available on a one to one basis or through Skype. www.saramaudehypnotherapy.com
You can Find Sara on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Sara.