personal development

Making A Difference

 in Guest Post  tagged growth / Jennie J Gorman / journey / personal development / purpose / wisdom

One of the motivators that attract many coaches to coaching is the desire of making a difference – in today’s guest post Jennie J Gorman discusses:

Making A Difference

By Jennie J Gorman

"Making A Difference" By Jennie J Gorman

‘Did I do enough today to make a difference to someone?’ This is what I ask myself at the end of every day.

It is such an important question. Not only to ask oneself, but knowing and hearing the answer is just as important, as we dig deep within for the answer and reflection of how our day progressed.

‘What counts in life is not the mere fact we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead’. Nelson Mandela

Making a difference for me is what my life is all about. I spend many hours a day on social media, knowing from the messages and feedback I get, that the posts that go out do make a difference, not only those people I know but also to many I have never met.

We all have the opportunity every day to change someone’s life by just being aware of the world around us. If you love what you do, you will be in the minority unfortunately. These are the people who want and intend to change the world in their own way. They are not the complainers or the people who just tolerate what they have to do to survive. These are the change-agents.

Do you see yourself as someone who is making a difference? Are you a change-agent?

We all have the opportunity to make a true and measurable impact in our own unique way. We have our gifts that give us the opportunity to use, as an influencer, in not only our own life but with others as well. It may be to change the life of one person or hundreds or thousands. It does not matter, as long as we are creating a change in whatever way we are able.

Often people who have struggled with some misfortune are given the chance to give back, and become privileged where they would never have imagined they would be. Often they come from disadvantages backgrounds, have a physical disability or have had their own life transformed as a result of an experience. The secret for them is that they recognised it and changed their own life, and then, the lives of others around them to a more positive attitude and outcome.

To make a difference, we need to recognise that we are blessed with something special to pass onto others. Everyone has something special if they the time and care to look and be aware. This comes to us all in different ways and it is getting out of our own limited thinking into a positive attitude that will distinguish us from others.

If you are a mover and shaker, who wants to change the world in your own unique way, it is because you recognise how blessed you are and dedicate yourself to giving your life a meaning and purpose. To do this, you need to be prepared to take risks, knowing in yourself that you have a message to pass onto others. Once you recognise your purpose you will become driven and focused to make the difference in whatever way you can perceive. You know that all you need to do is to move forward with commitment to do whatever your purpose.

Another thing, I notice with people who want to make a difference, is that they are on the road of self-improvement understanding that they are not perfect and only have to do the best they can for the outcome they are pursuing. They also know that every day is a new learning that will guide them forward in their endeavour to reach their goals. They are innovators who are open to learning and experiencing and not concerned about showing their loving compassionate heart. Their aim is to be the best they can be whilst they create the way forward for others.

Having been a relationship builder and teacher for many years, I understand the importance of how a positive attitude is in being an influencer, as we open to all those around us. Building good relationships is about being a giver (not a taker) in all things. We all have exceptional gifts that we can share with others, that will mutually benefit the world around us. By sharing our gifts, knowledge, strategies and talents we can freely give of ourselves to others our opinions and support authentically, without expectation of some return. We know that all authentic relationships are equal, supportive and positive, and that these create the foundation to what we wish to create and achieve.

Wanting to be a change-agent in this world, in whatever capacity we do it, takes time and effort. It is not something that happens overnight. It takes personal energy, and lots of trust in ourselves, to impact others, by striving to be and do the best we can in whatever area we are beckoned to make the difference. Self-belief is what pushes us forward to affect the change we are wishing to make in others, be it through thinking, behaviours, boundaries or beliefs. We know in ourselves that this will create something bigger and better in the long-run in their lives too.

Sharing what we know is important to all change-agents. We are happy to share our time, knowledge, work and ideas without any fear of loss. We know that what gifts we have been given to share are for anyone who wants them. They are not ours to keep for ourselves, they are given to us to share and teach in a true and positive way for the enhancement and growth of others. I believe, as all change-agents do, that the more we give, the more we receive in return. In fact, we receive ten-fold in unexpected and mysterious ways, which would not have been there had we not shared in the first place.

We are here to uplift others to be the best they can be. It is not about us. It is about the people we are given the opportunity to influence so they can become the best they can be. We are just the door opener for others, by inspiring and uplifting them to reach their full potential to make a difference to others as well. As we help and support others, we in turn are helped and supported to make the difference we set out to make in the beginning. We sow what we reap and this in turn gives others the opportunity to do the same.

So make a difference, be the leader by operating from your own heart-centre, by moving others forward with grace and ease, compassion and care. We are blessed to have the opportunity to make a difference.

I suggest that you ask yourself two questions.

question mark smallThe first one, are you personally impacting the world around you?

question mark smallThe second question, how significant is your life to this juncture?

For more information on how you can be supported email je****@**************om.au or http://www.AnOnPurposeLife.com.au

About Jennie J Gorman

My passion and mission has always been to help and support not only business professionals and SME’s to create business relationships to claim their place in the marketplace but to support those wishing to become more self aware too.

I support people through Business MasterMinding, using a process which I have been developing over the last seven plus years, giving participants their own individual ‘board of directors’ to keep them accountable and on track.

I am known to motivate and inspire people to perform at a level that they hadn’t yet recognised by either doing one-on-one sessions, on-going Coaching, Mentoring or MasterMind groups.

My book ‘Awesome Authenticity’ – mastering business relationships is available via my website or Amazon.

 

 

Ezinearticles expert page: Jennie J Gorman

Article Source: Making A Difference

Soul Values – It Starts Here

 in Guest Post  tagged belief / Business with Passion / Living From Your Heart / personal development / possibility / Reeny Carvotta Barron

September is one of those times of year when many take the opportunity to reflect on their progress and plan. In this weeks guest post Reeny Carvotta Barron shares some of her experience and knowledge in:

Soul Values – It Starts Here

By Reeny Carvotta Barron

"Soul Values - It Starts Here" By Reeny Carvotta Barron

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and writing and planning this year as I launch my business and refine my message and my purpose – it’s hard work but it feels like the most valuable work there is in many ways. I’m learning so much, I’m connected with amazing people and I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. It’s exhilarating – even though some days are exhausting. Who knew thinking could be so tiring?

Lately I’m thinking about the ego vs. the soul and what motivates and drives us to succeed and accomplish and how the soul and ego fit into the picture. Both the soul and the ego exist and they both have their place – even when they are in conflict with one another.

In my view, the soul drives us to be, rather than do – the soul is connected to our higher purpose and isn’t as concerned with the day to day or with the outer.

It’s a delicious part of ourselves that we sometimes forget to take time to nourish. It’s where our inner wisdom lives. It’s where we know that we’re exactly right and perfect just as who we are and where we are. It’s a place that is always satisfied and doesn’t experience the longing that is so human and so defeating sometimes.

The soul is where we know that exactly what we’re doing right now and exactly what we’re experiencing is what is right for our growth and development.

And, it is. Truly it is. So often we don’t really see, believe or understand that it’s all right and perfect until we have the distance and luxury of time. Then we can look back and understand perfectly why things unfolded the way they did and we get that crisp, brilliant perspective on life. That’s when we understand that it all happened/happens as it ultimately meant to.

Why not skip the waiting and just know that right now? Not so easy you say? Agreed. But we can work toward that…

The ego on the other hand is like the competitive neighbor who wants what the person next door has, just because. Because why? Because it can, because it’s bent on desiring and agitating.

That ego agitation does generate motivation and drive and that certainly has a purpose, keeping our feet on the ground and the processes moving forward.

I’m going to spend some time this month on the soul vs. ego and I hope you’ll join me on the journey, by reading along and telling what you think, and how you see it. Together, let’s gain clarity about it all and see how we define these ideas… ready?

 

About Reeny Carvotta Barron

Reeny brings together the strengths of Higher Purpose Guidance Open Heart Coaching Heart of Business Mentor to guide intuitive sensitive women find their voice and embrace a soul aligned path to financial empowerment.

Her blogs, includes inspirational articles to guide you into the change you want to be.

You can have access to over 10 templates tools and meditations to use to realize change for yourself as you continue to live your life on purpose http://www.passionandpossibilities.com/gifts

 

 

 

Article Source:  Soul Values – It Starts Here

Reeny Carvotta Barron Ezinearticles expert page

Let your body do the talking 1

 in Guest Post  tagged body / Charlotte Green / clients / coach / confidence / emotion / feeling / kinesthetic / moment / NLP / personal development / self-esteem / senses / thoughts / women

Coach Charlotte Green shares some of her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post:

"Let your body do the talking" A guest post by Charlotte Green, founder of Inner Confidence for Women

Let your body do the talking

By Charlotte Green, founder of Inner Confidence for Women

I am often asked whether ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’ are the same or different – are they interchangeable words or do they mean different things?

Feelings and emotions are certainly related concepts and that is why they are often confused and treated as the same thing, and in many cases that works well. But when we, as coaches, are helping clients to really know and understand themselves, it can be really useful to differentiate between the two.

So what is the difference?

Feelings are in the moment. They are what we experience physically within our bodies and through our 5 senses. It’s useful to refer to them as physical feelings. Unlike our emotions, they do not involve the mind. Emotions on the other hand are a mental interpretation of the feelings we are experiencing mixed in with our thoughts.

When asked how they feel, I notice that people respond on one of three levels. Some respond with a thought – “I’ve got so much going on” – others give an emotion – “I’m finding it hard to cope” – or they go inside and describe exactly what their body is telling them – “I feel so tense and exhausted. Everything aches.”

Here is a table to show examples of the 3 levels:

[table width=”600″ colwidth=”75|175|75|275″ colalign=”centre|left|left|left|”]

,,,,
Level 1:,’no one will help me’,Thought ,An idea or opinion produced by thinking / a mental picture – imagined and contemplated in the mind influenced by life experiences
Level 2:,’I feel anxious’,emotion,A combination of thoughts and physical feelings – an interpretation
Level 3:,’My shoulders feel really tense and my stomach is in knots’,feeling,Physical experiences within the body and information received through one of the bodies 5 senses (touch/ taste/ smell/ sound/ sight)
[/table]

So, which level do we want to be working with?

We are a holistic system and need information from each of the 3 levels to be fully resourceful and yet, in the western society we overemphasise the importance of the mind. This means that thoughts can dominate and hijack the system resulting in stress and overwhelm.

By paying attention to all the messages we receive from our thoughts, emotions and feelings we maintain a balanced and informed system, each giving us feedback that helps us be safe as well as to develop and grow. Imbalance occurs when one level dominates or hijacks another or we shut one down. There is no hero or villain in this situation – each part of the emotional system is equally valid and essential and deserves attention.

EXAMPLE – Inviting client to connect to themselves at a deeper level

Here is an excerpt from a recent coaching session (I have client’s permission to share this) where I was inviting my client to connect to themselves more deeply. They move down through all three levels shown in the table above. For those of you who use NLP, this can be a great tool for accessing positive states to anchor.

Coach: How are you feeling today?

Client: I’ve had a good day (thought)

Coach: I know you said that you have had a difficult few weeks so that’s really good to hear. How are you feeling?

Client: I’m happy (emotion)

Coach: How do you know you are happy?

Client: work went OK, got time with my partner tonight and looking forward to getting together with friends tomorrow (thoughts)

Coach: they sound like a lot of good reasons (thoughts) why you might feel happy. Let’s go inside more and find out how you experience that within your body. How does your body let you know it’s happy? What do you notice about your body right now? How do you feel?

Client: I feel a bit tingly all over and I have a big smile on my face (feelings)

Coach: Just sit with that feeling for a moment. You can turn up the volume if you want …

Client: (smiling) Wow! I feel lovely. My breathing has really slowed down and deepened. I feel really calm and relaxed.

How to apply this to your coaching

  • Introduce the emotional system to your clients and encourage them to check in with themselves regularly throughout the day:
    • Simply ask yourself “how do I feel right now”
    • Then notice at which level you answer
    • Practice moving up and down the levels, particularly going down if you tend to start from thoughts
      • Moving from thoughts to emotions “how am I feeling right now”
      • Moving from emotions to thoughts “what am I thinking about right now”
      • Moving from emotions to feelings “what am I physically feeling in my body”
  • As a coach, remember to walk your talk and check your own emotional system is flowing and that all 3 areas have your attention. It will improve your intuitive abilities to coach and help you build rapport with your clients.
  • You can shift physical feelings simply by being present with your breath (mindfulness) so this is a very effective method of managing stress. Give your breath your full attention – it takes practice but in my experience the calm comes quickly and feels really good.

Although I have been a coach since 2006, I have specialised in working with women for the last 4 years, and more recently with young adults, both of which are hugely rewarding. In my experience, developing a complete emotional language has been a massively influential part of my client’s successful transformations.

Women in particular, who are often so tuned into and committed to the wellbeing of other people’s emotions, have found that having the permission and skills to tune into themselves has enabled them to break free of limiting behaviours, thoughts and habits and be able to create a much more balanced and satisfying life.

I hope you and your clients enjoy exploring your emotional systems.

About Charlotte Green

Charlotte founded Inner Confidence for Women in 2006 after a fascinating corporate career managing an international training team for a global electronic publisher where she and her team ran workshops within Universities and Government organisations across Europe, Middle East and Africa. Although she gained invaluable experience and skills from the corporate world, her real passion lay within personal development.

Inner Confidence for Women specialises in self confidence, self esteem and emotional wellbeing for women and young people. Charlotte is incredibly passionate about her work and reaches her clients through running courses, workshops and through 121 coaching.

Charlotte was inspired to focus on working with women after the birth of her daughter in 2010. “Being around so many women who put their own needs to the bottom of the pile while they made sure everyone else was OK really spoke to me. I love helping women find themselves again, or for the first time. It is a joy to encourage women to raise their self esteem and self confidence so they can embrace their lives”

As a professional trainer as well as a coach, Charlotte is able to reach a wider audience creating and delivering workshops to inspire young adult carers in Suffolk. “When an 18 year stays behind after the workshop to tell me excitedly about how they used the new tools and techniques to improve a situation that normally spirals out of control, it is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world”.

Charlotte believes that unexpressed emotions are like a drunk relative at a wedding – they corner you and won’t leave you alone! As an accredited Peer Support Network trainer she co-runs courses on behalf of a local Mind charity, Suffolk Mind, helping people to learn how to notice, accept, express and understand their own emotions so they can increase their confidence and wellbeing.

Charlotte is passionate about helping people to believe in themselves “when you believe in yourself, anything is possible”

Find out more, get in touch, like, follow, tweet (!) …

Twitter : @ICforWomen

Blog: http://innerconfidenceforwomen.wordpress.com/

Website : www.innerconfidenceforwomen.co.uk

Facebook: www.facebook.com/Innerconfidenceforwomen

Growing your client list

 in Guest Post  tagged Ben Morton / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / growing client list / leadership / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / marketing / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / sales / TwentyOne Leadership

In today’s guest post, Ben Morton shares his experience and knowledge in a post that provides an answer to one of the “how to” questions that so many coaches have when they start their coaching business.

"Growing your client list" A guest post by Ben Morton

Growing your client list

By Ben Morton

If you are thinking about starting your own coaching practice there are two routes you can take. Both have their merits and both have some ‘big names’ in coaching purporting their benefits. Having recently stepped out of the corporate world to do just this, I have tried both and ended up coming full circle back to my original plan.

So what are the two routes?

Route 1 is to focus on getting clients whereas route 2 is about focusing on being a great coach.

But surely you can and should do both I hear you say! Well, yes you can but at the same time – no, you can’t. Or at least, I don’t believe you can do both well enough to really enable your coaching business to take off.

To be a successful coach you need to have clients. The natural extension of this thought process is to focus on how to get coaching clients, which is exactly what I spent some time trying to do.

There is a lot of advice out there that supports this approach and goes even further by saying that you shouldn’t give away your time for free. The reasons being that your time is both precious and valuable, by giving it away you are somehow devaluing your own worth.

That may all be true but the net result of focusing on getting clients is that you will not be spending time doing the thing that you love and are good at – coaching.

Now, considering the fact that coaching is an inherently personal intervention where success is largely based upon open, honest and often deeply personal conversations. Do we really believe that we will get clients through traditional marketing activity? It doesn’t mater how many adverts, tweets, LinkedIn and Facebook posts we make, people will not engage us based on this alone.

Another pitfall of focusing on getting clients is that when we meet a prospect we naturally shift into ‘sell’ mode. As we go on looking for clients we place more and more pressure on our selves and subconsciously start to project a sense of desperation. There is nothing more un-attractive to a potential client than an overly ‘salesey’ and desperate coach.

So you can see that by focusing on getting clients we can actually end up sabotaging our own chances of success. And what’s more, our energy will slowly ebb away because we’re not doing what we love – helping others to develop and succeed.

What drives people to work with a new coach? Referrals, recommendations and social proof. None of which you will ever get if you aren’t actually coaching somebody. And it only needs to be somebody, anybody. One client is all you need because then you are into the land of referrals, which is where new clients live.

So route two is about focusing on being a great coach. Route two is about the virtuous circle, and this is how it can work…

You focus your efforts and energy on being a great coach, being the best coach you can be and being of service to people. You do what you love, do what gives you energy and do what makes you feel valuable. You focus on helping people solve their problems, helping future clients and in doing so you subconsciously project energy, confidence and enthusiasm – characteristics that are inherently attractive to potential clients.

It may be that when starting out you coach people for free, you offer them the first session free or you give them the option of paying you what they feel the session was worth.

This approach does two things. Firstly, it provides you with a happy client who will be willing to provide you with referrals. Secondly and most importantly, providing you have set the relationship up with well defined boundaries initially, it removes the difficult decision of them deciding whether to work with you or not. How? Because you are replacing the decision with a far, far less painful one of deciding whether or not to continue working with you. Research from neuroeconmics and neuromarketing has found that buying something can cause the pain centre in our brains to light up. It is therefore much easier for someone to buy when they have experienced the value of your coaching service as opposed to ‘buying blind’.

So those are two routes you can choose between. You can sit in your office developing a marketing plan, updating your LinkedIn profile and tweeting until the cows come home or you can get out there and do what you love.

I’ve tried both and I’m pretty clear which has had the biggest impact for me.

Coach

Obsessively

And

Clients

Happen

About the Author

Ben MortonBen Morton is a Leadership Consultant at TwentyOne Leadership and a Chartered Member of the CIPD with approaching two decades experience in leadership and management. His work as a coach and trainer focuses on three key areas; helping clients to develop the leadership capability across all levels of the organisation, creating and delivering programmes to support key talent and helping to build highly effective, high performing teams.

You can find out more about Ben’s work via his blog, Leadership and Learning, or via his LinkedIn profile.

Four Simple Coaching Confidence Boosters 1

 in Guest Post  tagged ask / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confidence / executive coach / experience / faith / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / more-to / mountain / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / Sarah Maliphant / uncertainty

In today’s guest post coach and mountain guide Sarah Maliphant shares her thoughts and experience to offer:

"Four Simple Coaching Confidence Boosters" A guest post by Sarah Maliphant

Four Simple Coaching Confidence Boosters

by Sarah Maliphant

What’s made the greatest difference to your coaching confidence? Whether you’re just starting or have been coaching for years, the explorative nature of coaching takes us and our clients into new territory often, and that brings with it uncertainty, unknowns and potential for confidence dips.

First step therefore is to accept that moments of uncertainty are frequent and normal! They dissolve by continuing to explore, staying open, resourceful and curious; Sometimes by just noting that a particular area feels “uncertain,” acknowledging this to be the case and getting certain about what’s uncertain!

"Four Simple Coaching Confidence Boosters" A guest post by Sarah Maliphant. New Territory? Explore!

New Territory? Explore!

Behind that there is your own faith and experience of the coaching process. For me, my initial coaching confidence came from knowing how much I value being listened to, being asked questions with interest and without judgement or advice. I trust the process and love the underlying approach of coaching, that assumption that your client has the answer and simply values a bit of support to connect things up.

Conversely, my most challenging confidence-dips as a coach have been when I have a judgement on how I’m doing as a client with my own coach. Accepting that my little steps forward are often really, really mind bogglingly little usually releases that double bind… and in becoming more accepting of my own sustainable pace, I feel more confident in travelling at whatever pace my clients seek.

"Four Simple Coaching Confidence Boosters" A guest post by Sarah Maliphant - Mountain Metaphors

Mountain Metaphors: Half way through 8 hours of REALLY small steps to a summit in the Andes, June 2005

On an ongoing basis, the biggest confidence booster that comes to mind is: Ask your client

  • Not sure whether the pace is right? Ask!
  • Aware that a lot of coaching time is being used to repeat stories or detailed content? Ask if that’s how they want to spend their time, ask how and when to intrude
  • Not sure how to raise something? Ask how they’d like you to handle it
  • Wondering whether there’s more you could provide? Ask what else they’d like

The simplicity of this is rich: Asking is, after all, a fundamental of coaching. But there’s a deeper value too. By asking your client, you reinforce their belief in their ability to identify, communicate and respond to their own needs. Regardless of the specific outcome they are moving towards, this strengthens their connection to their own resourcefulness.

Does this make the conversation all about you, the coach? No, these are moments where you check in, create space for your client to do the same – and then you can continue your explorations together.

Our job is not to be awesomely amazing, but to help craft a space that is safe enough for our clients’ amazingness to blossom to their satisfaction. So relax, ask, and carry on coaching 🙂

About the author

Sarah MaliphantSarah Maliphant combines coaching and mountain guiding, a pairing she finds natural for open conversation and perspective. As well as one-one work, she leads mountain retreats in a peaceful the Brecon Beacons each month, with plenty of coaching, pampering and tasty home cooked meals – plus cake of course. The cake is a very important part of nurture in nature!
Website: http://www.more-to.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/moretomountains
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SarahMaliphant

The Allure of Failure 2

 in Guest Post  tagged Andy Murray / Benjamin Zander / Bill Gates / Brian Lumsdon / business coach / business coaching / charging / Chris Cook / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confucius / Elbert Hubbard / executive coach / failure / focus / Ivan Lendl / Justin Rose / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / success / TwentyOne Leadership

In today’s guest post leadership trainer and coach Brian Lumsdon looks at:

"The Allure of Failure" A guest post by Brian Lumsdon

The Allure of Failure

By Brian Lumsdon

Now this might just be me, but don’t you think there’s a feel good factor around Britain again this summer? Perhaps it’s the prolonged spell of wonderful weather and maybe Andy Murray’s victory at Wimbledon has influenced the nation’s mood. Whatever the trigger, I sense an air of positivity amongst friends, family and the people I work with across the country.

So with this in mind you might be curious as to why I’ve chosen to talk about the topic of ‘failure’ today! It’s a subject that’s crept in and out of my thinking since the start of this summer, encouraged by some notable sporting successes and the role their ‘failures’ played in the success they enjoyed. So stay worry-free, I’d simply like to share my take on how we might embrace failure and help our clients do the same.

A seed was sown during a lecture I attended by Olympic swimmer Chris Cook, a commonwealth gold medallist. To the backdrop of a screen full of events and dates, Chris shared numerous ‘failures’ he had experienced over a five year period. The Olympics he missed because selectors thought he wasn’t good enough, the championships where he didn’t make the qualifying time. He explained to the audience with so much passion that he was as proud of these moments as he was about actually winning commonwealth gold medal.

To be more specific, he was as proud of himself when thinking about these moments of failure in the context of his focus.

I know we are often conditioned to a culture of deleting the negatives and accentuating the positives to achieve success. I do believe this can be really useful. But there seems to be something liberating, even energising, about acknowledging a failure and just continuing in the direction of our focus. I’ve used the word ‘focus’ here. You may prefer to describe this as your purpose, goal or best intention.

“Our greatest glory is not in ever falling, but in rising every time we fall” Confucius.

My summer failure-theme was cultivated by Justin Rose, who in June became the first English golfer to win the US Open for 43 years. In one of his post-tournament interviews he recounted the fact that when he first became a professional golfer Justin missed the cut TWENTYONE times in a row. (In these four day tournaments, ‘missing the cut’ means a player failed to reach a qualifying standard after the first two days and is therefore removed from the competition).

“If I missed the cut by six shots one week and by four the next, I would spin it in a positive light. I didn’t drill myself further into the ground.” said Rose. He also went on to say that days like that help remind him that winning is even more special.

So for some people, like Chris, just to understand our reaction to failure is in our own hands is enough. The fact we know we are in choice allows a more resourceful thought or reaction to appear without having to work at it. Others, like Justin, greatly benefit from spending a few moments cultivating a useful meaning or philosophy.

Throughout my coaching career I’ve worked with clients who have become stuck or even crippled by their own thinking of a failed event. This has applied to job interviews, delivering presentations, working with sales targets, relationships, parenting and countless other examples I could mention.

I’ve noticed that two patterns of thought typically play out for clients, often unconsciously, after an event that didn’t go to plan. They often get stuck in either the ‘what if…’.or ‘blame’ patterns of thinking.

  • What if….it happens again… I’m found out…..it’s worse next time….all my fault….I’m just useless
  • Blame …it’s my partner / parent / colleague fault … I blame the lack of resources / luck /culture

Either way, these thought patterns create a negative state of mind and affect our entire physiology. And of course from this unresourceful state it is little wonder we either don’t perform next time or we do everything in our power to avoid the same situation next time.

Benjamin Zander, Conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra and Leadership guru, insists his students use a novel approach whenever they make a mistake. Their natural tendency would be to cringe, perhaps slouch into their seat and look to the floor. Instead he has them jump up, fling their head & shoulders back and shout ‘HOW FASCINATING’. Now which of these two responses do you think helps the student smile and quickly move on?

You see, if there is no blame or shame attached to a failure, no holding on to negative thought of an experience, we are free to head towards better results.

“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure” Bill Gates

My failure-themed summer concludes with Andy Murray’s glorious success at Wimbledon. I’d imagine the majority of people reading this will know he was the first Briton to win the men’s title for 76 years.

In a radio interview shortly after his Wimbledon success his biographer told how the way Andy had kept hold of his past failures was something he had discussed in depth with his coach, Ivan Lendl. ‘Take what you want to learn and move on’ became a bit of a mantra for them. Andy also caused a bit of a stir in a pre-tournament interview this year when he admitted he may never win the Wimbledon championship. While this was hard to hear for many at the time, his biographer said this admission seemed to be a liberating and pivotal moment for the player.

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually afraid you will make one”

Elbert Hubbard

So here is an approach I’ve found to work really well for myself and clients recently, helping us embrace failure. You might want to adapt them to your own style or try them out for yourself as they are.

  • Re-examine a lingering ‘failure’ from the past and consider :
    1. What was your key focus (or best intention) at the time?
    2. What does that focus say about you?
    3. What can you learn from that moment before you move on?
  • Think ahead to a future activity or challenge. Spend a moment in healthy anticipation of failure :
    1. What does it say about you that you want to go for this thing?
    2. How many times are you willing to have a go? One, TwentyOne or as long as it takes?
    3. How will you ensure you learn from, or even celebrate, this brilliant failure?

 

About the Author

Brian Lumsdon is a leadership trainer and coach with TwentyOne Leadership and has created lasting change in diverse organisations over the last 15 years.

Brian specialises in helping business leaders create a high-performance coaching culture. He develops an organisations capability to coach their people brilliantly well.

You can contact Brian via e-mail ( br***@*****************ip.com) or connect via Twitter (@brianlumsdon) or LinkedIn (uk.linkedin.com/pub/brian-lumsdon/38/824/735/)

 

Finding a moment of calm

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / calm / charging / clarity / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / Dare to live your dreams / EFT / executive coach / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / Sarah Hutton / support

In today’s guest post, Sarah Hutton shares some of her experience and thoughts around supporting clients and herself.

"Finding a moment of calm" A guest post by Sarah Hutton

Finding a moment of calm

By Sarah Hutton

As coaches we always want to show up 100% for our clients, to give them our absolute best. This can be more easily said than done, especially if our personal lives are in turmoil, or we’ve just received some distressing news.

The same of course applies to our clients. Whatever it is they’ve come to us for coaching on, they want to get the most from their time with their coach. They want to be able to think clearly and be as free from distractions as possible.

So what do we do when we know our executive coaching client has just had bad news or we know they are experiencing problems at home which will affect their stress levels and decision making capability at work?

It was this quandry which lead me to seek different ways in which to support my clients – and myself. With a background in complementary therapies as well as coaching I felt there should be something more I could do to support clients in difficult situations, other than to “just” coach them through it.

I was also experiencing challenging times at home as a relationship slowly broke down, and at the same time I needed to perform at my best in my business. I wanted something simple and easy I could apply which would help me get off the emotional roller-coaster and think with a calm, clear head. I needed something which would enable me to reconnect with that deep sense of inner calm we all have within us.

I’ve tried going outdoors and grounding myself, moving around and changing my state, or even dancing to my favourite music. I’ve also used NLP, and have anchored feelings of calm, focus, confidence etc, but I wanted something more.

My answer came through training in Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique). A really simple breathing and tapping technique enables me to release stress and get myself onto an even keel where I can think clearly and focus on my clients – in the space of less than 5 minutes! I share the same “Finding Calm Amidst The Storm” technique with my clients – especially those going through emotional turmoil. It has proven invaluable, and helps both me and my clients to perform at our best even when faced with troubles elsewhere in life.

I now work much more holistically, combining coaching, belief transformation and EFT to helping my clients develop emotionally, as well as to transform their lives even when it feels as though their world is falling apart. And while there is never a “one size fits all” solution, I have found that sharing how to find a moment of calm helps both me and my clients to stay calm, focused and to achieve great results both during and after a session.

What do you do to ensure you are in the right “space” to coach your clients?

What do you do to find that moment of calm to give you clarity and focus?

How can you support your clients in the same way?

About the Sarah

As a life coach, therapist, BeliefCloset practitioner and speaker, Sarah Hutton from Dare to Live Your Dreams specialises in working with business leaders and solopreneurs who need to perform at their best while going through a relationship breakup. She uses fast, effective techniques to help her clients manage stress and get off the emotional roller-coaster so they can stay calm and focused, and step forward confidently into their new lives

You can sign up for Sarah’s free “Finding Calm Amidst the Storm” technique along with her free 6 day self coaching e-course on her website here.

STRESS: This too shall pass

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / Fitzinga / health / health coach / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / mental / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / physical / relaxation / stress / Susan Digiaimo

In today’s guest post, Susan DiGiaimo, a certified Health Coach who also teaches Boot Camp and kids fitness programs, shares some of her experience around dealing with stress.

"STRESS: This too shall pass" A guest post by Susan DiGiaimo

STRESS: This too shall pass

By Susan DiGiaimo

Stress. It creeps up on you like a daddy-long-legs spider. Stress can scare you as well because symptoms of stress can mimic more serious ailments like a heart attack. A couple of these sneaky symptoms are pain in your shoulder blades, elevated heart rate, and high blood pressure. We all experience it one way or another. How to handle it is the differentiator.

You start burning the candle at both ends, skipping sleep, and serious down time. You have constant deadlines, either self-inflicted or given to you by your spouse, friends, boss, or your family. Watch out, Honey, because I am going to be irritable, miserable, and angry all the time. Great. Everything and everyone suffers when you have stress. We feel doomed and know that our performance will not meet rising expectations.

Patience is a virtue they say. I haven’t had much of it in the last six months as I am trying to accomplish everything all at once. That will definitely kill you. I constantly tell myself to write down my goals and make lists. I make sure these lists are in direct view either in the kitchen, near my bed, in the bathroom, or wherever else I am often, oh right, my car. If I can just knock off one item on that list I have accomplished something. Baby steps get you to your bigger goals. If you are always looking at the big picture you will never get there. Yes, it’s good to envision it but just like a kid learning how to swim, he or she is not going to jump into the deep end right away. They will slowly build up their confidence and swimming skills prior to that.

Taking care of your body and mind should be top priority but for most of us it’s number five or six on our list of to-dos. My schedule makes quite the demands on my body. I have an extreme activity level and this too can cause serious stress not only emotionally, but physically. I try to take my necessary days of rest, but seriously rest to me is Stand Up Paddling. It releases my mind and rejuvenates my body. You have to do what works for you. If you are not getting enough sleep or if you are overtraining, this has a double negative effect. Welcome to my world. Certainly if I want to live longer I need to figure out how to beat stress. I don’t have an anti-stress strategy in place, do you? Who does? I know my health depends upon it. I need to figure something out.

Certain supplements can help you manage and/or minimize stress. You need to help your brain produce more GABA, an inhibitory neurotransmitter, which helps to wind down your nervous system. Magnesium, L-Theanine, Lemon Balm, and B vitamins all help support GABA production. You can also help out your Adrenal glands by taking Vitamin C, Ashwagandha, Holy Basil (not sure how “Holy” this basil is), and Phosphatidylserine. These all support healthy Adrenal activity. I would just choose one of these and see how it works. Most of the time we just need to get our brain to calm down so we can see and do things more clearly and without a great deal of stress.

Most stress I believe is self-inflicted. We put so much pressure on our ourselves. It handles us more than we handle it. Being a Type A personality doesn’t help either. Most people would say that I am an expert at multi-tasking and able to do it all in the blink of an eye. I really try to stay positive and for the most part I do. ”Three steps forward, four back.” As long as you keep moving forward that’s all that matters. I know I can manage my stress and yelling in Boot Camp at 5AM certainly lessens the blow. Stress is usually the result of negative thoughts. Our mind can play sick tricks on us if we want it to. Things can get so warped and blown out of proportion that it seems way more stressful than it actually is. In reality, nothing is worth having a heart attack over.

Summer is approaching and I need to start thinking about taking a vacation. Just thinking about it is stressing me out. ”I don’t have time.” ”I have a company to run.” (one that is just getting off the ground) ”Who’s going to cover for me?” Maybe I should see a shrink or maybe I should just drink more. Those things may help but they definitely do not resolve the problem. I need to make my vacation a priority because everyone needs down time and I also need to spend time with my family.

You can’t go 100 miles per hour 24 hours a day. That will definitely wear you down and may even send you to your grave. Sometimes I feel like digging one for myself just in case. Who am I kidding? I have dealt with stress in the past and know that I can overcome it. As an entrepreneur, you learn to fail to succeed. If you told this to a kid they would think you were crazy, as my kids do. You have to make mistakes in order to succeed. That is how we learn and that is how we get better. So the next time you are feeling stressed, sit down, take a look around you, take a deep breath in, and know that this too shall pass.

Unstressfully Yours,

Susan

About the Author

First and foremost I am a Mother of 3 children. I have been teaching a 5AM Boot Camp class for 10 years now and decided to pursue my Health Coach Certification. I am the CEO & Founder of FitZinga – Get Your Zing On! We provide engaging tools and solutions to individuals, fitness centers, and companies to keep you on track to reach your fitness goals. FitForensics is my blog which details my daily fitness habits from nutrition to workouts to how to deal with stress. http://www.fitzinga.com