nlp coach

You Are Not Their Friend, You Are Their Coach!

4 November 2011 in Guest Post tagged boundaries / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / expectations / Frederique Murphy / friend / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / M3 Power / Mountain Moving Mindset / nlp coach / outcomes / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development

In this week’s guest post Frederique Murphy shares her expertise and shares her advice to coaches.

You Are Not Their Friend, You Are Their Coach!

By Frederique Murphy

And before, you start shouting at me (!) in front of your screen, let me add, “During sessions”.

This is something that comes up often in my work with coaches, and I thought it would be a great topic to guest blog about, for Jen at Coaching Confidence.

So, here it goes: During sessions, you are not their friend, you are their coach.

And, before reading any further, take a few seconds to check in internally and become fully aware of what comes up for you, as clarity and consciousness always help us more forward. Whatever is coming up is good, and are things for you to be aware of, so that you can do something about it.

When it comes to roles, it is important to lay out some boundaries, and to stick to these; let’s take a look at the various scenarios and roles.

Life -context, as in, outside sessions = can you and your client be friends?

Yes AND No

The choice is up to you, it is a personal choice; and, it will probably depend on the client too, I think this is a grey area with no straight answer; in the end, it is entirely your choice. You may be comfortable being friends outside, or you may not; it is up to you to decide on your terms; you decide on your role or roles, and as a result, on the relationships you are having with the people surrounding you.

Business -context, as in, during sessions = can you and your client be friends?

Yes, you can, BUT…

I believe that bringing in the friendship has consequences. And, I base my answer on the following scenarios, and it is not an exhaustive list.

I truly believe that during sessions, you as the coach, definitely need to put your coach hat on, and leave outside the friend one, as this is what your client has signed up for.

As a coach, you want to be objective and neutral as this is what your client needs from you; as a friend, sometimes, you would leave the objectivity at the door as this is not what your friend needs.

As a coach, you want to be able to say the things that your clients needs to hear, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for them; as a friend, sometimes, you simply want to be there for them, as this is what your friend needs.

As a coach, you want to interrupt the patterns you are noticing in your clients, even if that means to interrupt them verbally; as a friend, sometimes, you want to lend a listening ear, as this is what your friend needs.

As a coach, you want the best for your client and are ready to push the buttons that need pushing; as a friend, sometimes, you will not say what you have in mind as you want to be liked, and you will fear hurting their feelings.

As a coach, you want to hold your client accountable to what they told you they would do, and will not accept any excuses; as a friend, sometimes, you will be there and accept the excuses as this is what your friend needs.

As a coach, you want to be there for your client, and that means leaving your own “stuff” at the door; as a friend, sometimes, you will not be able to be there, as you have your own stuff to deal with.

As a coach, you want to challenge and stretch your client, and it might mean “pushing” them to greatest heights, as you are there to help them be at their best; as a friend, sometimes, you will settle for their wins, it is not your job to stretch them.

As a coach, you want to be there for your client when they open up, and share their dreams, doubts, fears, and deepest insecurities; as a friend, sometimes, you will not hear what your friend is trying to tell you, or see what is going on in their mind, and you will not be able to help them push through the blocks and make it all happen.

In the end, you will do what you want… But, something very clear is that, as a coach, you owe your client to do your utmost to guide them to be at their best, to guide them to reach their goals, and to guide them to fulfil their outcomes. And doing though, will require you to step in, fully, in your coach role, with the right intent, that, you will do whatever is necessary for that relationship to work.

Be clear, have boundaries, set expectations, and always and first, have your client’s outcome at heart.

About the Author/Further Resources

FrederiqueMurphy EventB Medium Frederique Murphy is a business mindset strategist, who founded her business to focus on her passion: transformation! Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset programme, Frederique empowers business owners, entrepreneurs, and corporate executives to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their life and their business to a whole new level! She shares her M3 Power through her coaching and mentoring packages, her published books & articles, her award-winning blog and newsletters, and her unique live events. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range of products and services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, get your free M3 Power, and start climbing now!

Inspire Confidence through Simplicity 2

28 October 2011 in Guest Post tagged alienation / attribute / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confidence / credibility / empathise / executive coach / finance for non-finance / goal / insecurity / jargon / Jonathan Lamptey / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / problems / simplicity / solutions

In this weeks guest post, Jonathan Lamptey shares his expertise about how coaches can inspire confidence.

Inspire Confidence through Simplicity

by Jonathan Lamptey

As a reader of this blog, you will agree that forward thinking Coaches provide a holistic approach to their clients, considering the circumstances of the individual in order to correctly address the client in the appropriate context.

As Coaches we provide solutions for the problems, wants and desires of our clients, using our expertise to successfully navigate our clients through a period of personal development in order to arrive at their goal. As experts, we have in depth knowledge and expertise of a particular area; this is often accompanied by a glossary of technically specific language. Too frequently, Coaches hide behind jargon as a means of demonstrating their credibility to an audience that is unfamiliar with the terms being used.

One of the key skills in being a Coach is the ability to make the difficult look simple and the challenging look effortless. This comes from years of practice and experience which to a spectator may look like child’s play. Consider a concert pianist, a skilled craftsman, a trained athlete, their abilities seem effortless. The same can be said of their Coach.

This is an attribute that I have observed in all the great Coaches that I have had the privilege to work with. They don’t hide behind acronyms; they use simple language to deliver their message effectively. The skill lies in reassuring the client not how difficult the task is, but to explain how easy it is going to be now that they have the support of a passionate, enthusiastic and talented Coach.

The excessive use of technical language damages the client relationship in a couple of ways:

Alienation:

The Coach creates an additional barrier between the client and their desired outcome. The client already knows that they need assistance because they have hired a Coach. This may reinforce existing anxieties and undermine their confidence. This does not help the client.

Insecurity:

This behaviour often reveals a desire to convince the client that as Coaches we possess the skills that we claim we have by highlighting to the client what they do not know. This is not the behaviour of a confident and competent Coach.

Here are some tips to help you to keep things simple for your clients:

Empathise:

The client may be anxious and as such is looking for inspiration and guidance; try to understand how they are feeling and use this to inform the tone of the dialogue.

Avoid jargon:

Use basic principles as a starting point for any explanation of complex terms, this will reduce potential misunderstandings and instil confidence. Think of some of the technical words you use, can they be adequately replaced with plain English? If so, use everyday language until the client’s knowledge increases.

Place their needs first: Consider what they want to achieve and help them to achieve this to the best of your ability, our role must also be to reassure and guide, this can be achieved by explaining things simply.

A true teacher works towards their own redundancy and to some extent this is applicable here. Use simplicity to allow you to demonstrate your expertise and this will set you on the path to being a great Coach.

About the author

Jonathan is a chartered accountant, consultant and financial skills trainer with 15 years of operational experience with companies including The Walt Disney Company, Channel 4, Sky and the Telegraph.

His experience of working in dynamic organisations has created interesting opportunities to develop resourceful methods for presenting financial information to different audiences with varying requirements; from Board Directors to new starters.

Jonathan seeks to demystify Finance and Accounting in order to help people move beyond the numbers and increase their productivity. This has inspired an interest in academic research. Jonathan’s research interests include social entrepreneurship and workplace diversity and he is currently conducting research as part of a PhD at the London School of Economics.

His distinctive background allows him to combine rigorous academic research with commercial experience to provide a unique and refreshing approach to business problems.

Visit Jonathan’s comapny Finance for Non Finance Managers online at www.financefornonfinance.co.uk

The Power of Living with Intention 1

21 October 2011 in Guest Post tagged action / business coach / business coaching / challenge / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confidence intention / Create Yourself / creative / different / executive coach / kindness / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / Louise Gillespie Smith / love / nlp coach / peace / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / play / Thought

In today’s guest post coach Louise Gillespie Smith shares a personal experiment that she now uses with her own clients.

The Power of Living with Intention

by Louise Gillespie Smith

Six months ago I began an experiment to see what would happen if I fully lived with intention for a whole year. The idea is to set a different intention every month and to fully immerse myself, by directing my thoughts and action in alignment with each one.

I am in the middle of the experiment now and it’s been quite amazing how the different intentions I quite flippantly set for each month at the beginning have all flowed into each other perfectly. The timing has been right for all of them.

Why am I doing this?

Setting my intention for a yoga class or situation has always worked for me. I have found it quite a fun and empowering way to choose how I want to be and act around anything I do. So I thought, what if I was to expand this and see what would happen if I lived with a different focus each month.

I have always dreamed of travelling around India for 6 months and this is going to be part of the journey, I leave in January. As a coach I also believe it’s good to step outside your boundaries and challenge yourself. I find I am more a more effective coach when I am developing and stretching myself as well as my clients.

The intentions so far….

I began with “being creative”, I had not done any art for well over twelve years, it was always something I had loved at school but ever since have just become stuck with. My intention lead me to drawing again, visiting different art galleries each week, going on a graffiti hunt, and watching a street dance show.

It was amazing, I found just sitting down with the intention of being creative with no expectations just helped me to start doing art again. I was drawing nearly every day and I discovered that art is a great meditation, once you are immersed in a picture you think of nothing else.

What has been interesting since I have moved on to new intentions, I have not done any more art which just proved to me the power of having an intention.

My next intention for June was to “do things differently”, now this was a challenge. I literally aimed to shake everything up; I ate different food, I walked different routes, I listened to different music, I gave up TV for a week, I went to new places basically anything that was routine was changed.

I had no idea how much mental effort this would take as most of what we humans do is habit. Luckily my creative juices were already flowing from the previous month so they were put to good use.

Since then I have focused on kindness, love, play and now peace. Kindness and love opened my heart, I felt extremely connected with people and an intense feeling of love, play bought out my spontaneous side which had lain dormant for a year or so and I had an unbelievable about of fun. My intention this month is being peaceful, this is perfect timing as I have just moved from London down to the seaside.

What I have learnt

Living with intention creates how you want to be in your life.
It doesn’t have to be for a whole month, it could even just be for a particular task you need to complete. When I have to do something that I really don’t want to do I’ll set an intention that will support me to make it easier for example being powerful or playful always creates a shift.
Setting an intention around what you want to create in your life can help your focus on making it happen.
Sticking my intention on post it notes and posting them in obvious places helps to keep my intention in mind.
I use this when coaching my clients now too, they create their own intentions around what they would like to achieve. We create mini challenges for them to do to stretch them with in their goals and build their self-confidence.
Setting an intention for each session also is a powerful tool to make each session unique and have the right energy for what is needed that day.

Have fun with it, it can open all sorts of experiences that you would never imagine!

You can read about my Journey of Intention here; http://ajourneyofintention.com/ or follow me on Twitter LouiseatCreate.

About the Author/Further Resources

Louise is a confidence coach and image consultant, she runs a business called Create Yourself supporting people to create lives they love.

Less is more

14 October 2011 in Guest Post tagged anchoring / business coach / business coaching / charging / circle of excellence / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confidence / executive coach / healing / intuition / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listen / Nigel Heath / nlp coach / perceptual positions / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / problems / relationship coach / Richard Bach / Richard Bandler / solutions / swish / techniques / The relationship people / tools

In this week’s guest post experienced coach and NLPer Nigel Heath shares his advice about coaching.

Less is more

By Nigel Heath

I was at a meeting of NLPers one day, long ago, discussing the tools & techniques, when one of the group asked for ‘advice’ with a specific client. The group member told us a bit about the issue and then proceeded to tell us what she had ‘done’ to help the client fix their problem.

“I started with a ‘swish pattern’” she said, “and then I used a ‘circle of excellence’ to build some extra resources.” “I tested to see if the issue was still there, it was, so I used ‘perceptual positions’ and threw in some ‘anchoring’ to help with reinforcing the resources discovered earlier.” “This still hadn’t shifted the original problem.” She then told us of three other things she had tried without success before finally giving up and making another appointment. She asked us “What do you think I should do next?” (Answers on a postcard please to Jen!)

I too remember the heady excitement of discovering I now had the power to heal the world with my new NLP and coaching skills – even if particular individuals, who were clearly in need of healing, resisted my attempts to fix them. Fortunately for me, and everyone else, this phase soon passed.

I began to incorporate my new skills into my existing ones as a physical therapist. As people relaxed under my hands and felt able to express what was really bothering them so I was able to guide them to their own solutions. Increasingly my clients came to me for these skills rather than my physical therapy and I relaxed into knowing they brought their own solutions wrapped in their problems. My job was to listen, ask a few questions and wait for the ‘solution’ to present itself. Their solution, which I reflected back to them. Because it was their solution there was no resistance to it and they would often exclaim “Yes! That’s it!” I think it was Richard Bandler who said “The art of therapy is 99% listening and 1% intervention.”

I now work with my wife, Jenny, as specialist Relationship Coaches. We use NLP, Clean Language and many other assorted skills we have acquired over the years. We have available many resource sheets and exercise plans to give to our clients. Always we hold in our minds “Less is More”. We coach couples and coach together. We see them for two hours minimum but increasingly we see them for one day or two days together. We know that in the ‘dance’ of their unique relationship are the weeds of their problem and the seeds of their own solutions.

I was powerfully influenced by Richard Bach, discoverer of Bach flower remedies, who spent many years ‘unlearning’ the dogmatic approach taught to him in medical school and learning to listen and intuit what his clients really needed to solve their own issues.

As coaches we hold a ‘space’ for our clients, where it is safe for them to confront issues they prefer to ignore. We remind ourselves to:

remain relaxed and just know they will show us or tell us the solution they need
resist the urge to give them ‘solution No 42’, which works in nearly every case!
rely on the skills learnt, and as a coach, the innate skills that drew us to this profession in the first place
allow our skills to be in the background, supporting us as coaches, providing a loose structure to the session and giving us confidence.

My message to any new coach is “Only use just enough to get the job done. Please don’t ‘try out’ every technique you know on every client. They will leave more screwed up than when they arrived. Trust your intuition and your experience to help your clients have a positive experience with you they will either want to repeat, or recommend to their friends.”

About the Author/Further Resources

Nigel Heath works with his wife Jenny as The Relationship People. They coach together and have trained other coaches to do the same. They are both Master Practitioners of NLP, Clean Language Facilitators and Life Coaches.

They work from their home on the northern edge of the New Forest, on the Hampshire / Wiltshire border.

They have written their first book, “Let’s Talk Love” a one message book based on just one of the exercises they give their couples to do when they are looking to repair or enhance their relationship. It’s available on Amazon and other online bookstores. Their second book “How to have a better argument” is in progress and should be out in 2012.

For 13 years they ran the successful NLP practice group NLP-South, which still meets once a month in Eastleigh near Southampton. Www.nlp-south.org.uk

Visit their web site at www.therelationshipeople.co.uk

read their blog http://relationshipeople.blogspot.com/

follow them on Twitter http://twitter.com/#!/relationspeople

find us on LinkedIn http://www.linkedin.com/company/the-relationship-people

like us on facebook https://www.facebook.com/#!/LetsTalkLove

or contact Nigel direct ni***@*********************co.uk

Using Coaching Questions to develop your Social Media Strategy

7 October 2011 in Guest Post tagged awareness / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / Facebook / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / LinkedIn / loyalty / measurement / Nicky Kriel / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / questions / sales / social media / social media strategy / Twitter

In this weeks guest post, communications coach and social networking expert, Nicky Kriel shares how you can use your coaching skills when developing your social media strategy.

Using Coaching Questions to develop your Social Media Strategy

by Nicky Kriel

Are you using Social Media to help grow your Coaching Business? It is very easy to say you do Social Media as a business because you have a Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook account, but do you have a Social Media strategy? So many businesses rush into setting up accounts without looking at the bigger picture.

Have you thought what you want to achieve through Social Media and how you will know when you’ve achieved it? It is so important to start with the end in mind; otherwise, you could get caught up in the chat, or find it to be an endless, mindless, unmeasured chore.

As a coach, have you ever asked your clients the following questions?

“What do you want?”
“And what will that do for you?”
“How will you know when you have achieved it?”

Have you thought of asking those questions to yourself about using Social Media for your business?

Here are some questions that will help you focus on what you want to get out of Social Media:

What’s the point?

Awareness?
Sales?
Loyalty?

Pick one! Your focus will be very different according to which one you choose. For most small businesses the point of doing Social Media will be to build Awareness. More awareness tends to drive sales.

Where do your customers hangout?

To answer this question you will need to have a clear idea of who your customers are. Which Social Media platform are they most likely to use? Just because you might be comfortable using Facebook doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be using LinkedIn if your business is predominantly business to business.

What’s your business about?

Forget having a few minutes to explain your business. Can you clearly state what your business is about in one sentence? The clearer you are about your business, the more customers you will attract. It is wonderful being warm and fuzzy as a coach, but if you can’t get your message across concisely, you will struggle to get new clients. On Social Media you have 120 characters on LinkedIn (The Headline) and 160 characters on Twitter (your Bio). People will make a decision whether or not to follow you or connect with you based on what you have written.

Do you have a list of keywords? It is worth spending a few minutes jotting down at least 10 words as your keywords. When you post updates or tweet are you using your keywords?

What’s your one Thing?

What makes you special? What is the one word that you would like to be associated with you? Disney has the word “Magic” and Volvo has “Safety”: So what word is yours? Are you consistently getting that message across on your website, in your bio and in your updates?

How will you know?

How will you know if you have been successful using Social Media?

What will you see? – (Will it be more visits to your website or more email enquiries?)

Hear? (Is it the phone ringing more often?)

Or feel? (Will it be the satisfaction of working with someone new?)

If you don’t know what success means to you, how will you know if you are wasting your time? If what you are currently doing on social media is not helping your business, you need to do something different. Start with the end in mind.

It is worth thinking about because Social Media can grow your business if you are focussed about using it.

About the author

Nicky Kriel, Guildford’s Social Media Queen, is passionate about empowering small business owners to use Social Media to grow their business. Her background is in Marketing and Sales and she is a Master NLP Practitioner.

As a Communication Coach, she helps people remember the “Social” aspect of Social Networking: It is not all about tools and technology, but about people and human relations.

Aside from her private coaching clients, she runs Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook workshops for business owners and bespoke courses for SMEs. Nicky really enjoys helping business owners to level the playing field by harnessing the power of social media.

You are welcome to follow Nicky on Twitter or like her “social media for newbies” Facebook page

Using social media to speak to your clients

30 September 2011 in Guest Post tagged blog articles / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / content / Delicious bookmarks / executive coach / Facebook / forum postings / Hubworking / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / Mei Qi Tan / nlp coach / online communications / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / repostings / social media / status updates / Twitter

In today’s guest post Mei Qi Tan shares her expertise about how you can use social media to benefit your coaching business.

Using social media to speak to your clients

by Mei Qi Tan from Hubworking

‘I don’t get this Twitter thing. Why on EARTH would anyone want to know what I’m doing, if I’m sitting on a toilet or picking my nose?”.

Sound familiar? I’m sure we’ve all heard this exclamation before.

Well, that person is right. No one is interested in you, and no one is interested in what you say. Unless of course, you’re saying something of interest to them. Using social media at its basest level is providing an unfiltered, running commentary of your day in thoughts, experiences and happenings. People who know you personally will probably find this more interesting than people who do not. For your followers, it’s the lure of inner-circle access and the empowerment of being in-the-know.

In a business sense, followers are customers, or potential ones at that. If someone is following you, then they’re interested in what you have to say. Creating a link between a potential customer and your business is easy – just make sure the ‘submit’ button on your website enquiry form is clear enough. Maintaining and growing that initial contact into a long-standing relationship between client and company however, is a different story.

Historically speaking, only large companies could afford to make their voices heard in the marketplace. Large budgets = More marketing. The rise of social media has allowed small businesses to be more competitive, foster a community online, and be able to attend to their needs personally. Using social media to speak to your customers creates opportunities for creative expression, and is an ongoing exercise in genuine customer service and new discoveries.

But social media is not the ‘new’ marketing. Rather, its rising use across generations and demographics represents a new tactic of marketing, particularly for building your personal brand.

Using social media for small business is like building a house, then maintaining it. The bricks-and-mortar of any small business or freelancer is your relationships with clients. The overarching structure holding it all together, is you. The furniture and objects you place in your House include your tweets, status updates, blog articles, Delicious bookmarks, forum postings, repostings of interesting content that relates to the business; in a nutshell, it’s anything and everything you say online. You are responsible for what you place in your House – if it doesn’t look right or more importantly, feel right, then it shouldn’t be there in the first place. If your clients like what they see, they’ll move in. But it doesn’t stop there – you’ll need to keep maintaining your property, and performing upgrades where necessary to keep your tenants happy and from moving out.

Maintaining these relationships requires a plan that is structured and strategic. It involves having to create a brand persona that’s consistent – constructed from the tone of your interactions with others (followers and dissidents alike), and enriched from related content you’ve discovered online that applies to your business and its customers. Using social media for your small business isn’t just about telling others what you think, it’s about listening, responding and anticipating what your customers might want. And if they want to hear about you sitting on a toilet or picking your nose, best to stick to a description under 140 characters.

Using Social Media for small business at a snapshot

Adopt a consistent and positive tone for all online communication eg. When responding to a complaint made in a public space like Twitter, always address the feedback publicly “I’m sorry for your bad experience, we would like to offer you a complimentary meal to make up for it”
Post content that is relevant – Not only should you post interesting articles or videos that relate to your business and industry, but you should also make sure your content is optimised with metadata tags and key words, which make it relevant to the search engines
Make sure your website is user-friendly – This is the base that all the content you post online should direct your followers to. If it’s not up-to-scratch, the only figures that will be soaring will be your bounce rates
Measure, measure, measure! Use free tools like Google Analytics to find out how many incoming links to your website are generated through social media. Have a look at Facebook Insights to see demographic profiles of who’s viewing your business’ Facebook page, and sign up for a bit.ly account to track the number of clicks and re-tweets of your links on Twitter.

About the Author/Further Resources

Mei has recently arrived in London from Sydney and is embarking on a Masters Degree in Electronic Publishing. She is also working part time for Hubworking, contributing to their social media activity.

Note from Jen; the owner of Coaching Confidence, this coaching blog: For those who don’t already know Hubworking provides Ad hoc, pay as you go meeting space for businesses in central London. If you are looking for a coaching or meeting room in this area it’s a great resource.

An Alternative Mantra to ‘Think Positive’

23 September 2011 in Guest Post tagged 3 principles / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / distinctions / executive coach / frame / insight / Kaizen Training / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / mantra / motivational coach / motivational coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / positive psychology / positive thinking / Richard Nugent / the talent coach / Thought / useful thinking

In this weeks guest post, talent coach, Richard Nugent shares his expertise and approach to “motivational coaching”.

An Alternative Mantra to ‘Think Positive’

by Richard Nugent

As a coach with a background in NLP and a bucket full of other positive psychology you would think that my clients would regular be coached to ‘think positive’. After all that’s what us ‘motivational coaches’ do right?

However I think that ship has sailed. Many perspective clients have tried the whole positive thinking thing and it hasn’t really worked for them. Where does that leave us? I don’t think that positive psychology should be ditched and we should go back to the days of trawling through clients’ past for sessions upon end to enable their future. Instead I think as a profession we should look for new distinctions in the field to help our clients think more clearly.

My experience of 3 principles based work has certainly helped me become more aware of my thoughts and the ‘reality’ that they create for me. This in turn has of course helped me create new insights and more distinctions for clients. Here is a very simple example of this in action.

A recent meeting in the south meant a 5am start for me and a ninety minute drive either side of a full day of thinking, challenging and learning. My return journey to the airport was halted by a closed motorway and after a lengthy spell stuck in traffic and a missed flight the realisation that a five hour drive home beckoned. I was speaking to a client during the trip back up north who asked how I managed to be positive even at a time like this. It struck me that having to think positive as well as driving safely, finding my way home and communicating with my family just felt like an extra chore.

For me the distinction between positive thinking and useful thinking is a small but powerful one. I became aware that ‘getting positive’ about not getting home until 1am after a long day would be a task, however also being aware that being unhappy, angry or blaming the world for it would not get me home any quicker at all. Acceptance of the situation, gratitude that I had been delayed by an accident rather than involved in it and a focus on being present in the task (driving safely) was a much more useful frame. Notice the ‘useful’ frame rather than positive.

Those of you who are experienced coaches this awareness of thought should not be new, but my experience of sharing the distinction with a client – and an experienced client at that – highlighted again that we are lucky enough to have insights that are natural and obvious to us that others aren’t aware of.

Try this simple exercise.

Reflect on your last five coaching sessions

List the interventions, solutions or models that you used to move you clients close to where they want to be

Now chunk this list a step further, ‘stuff other coaches probably know’ ‘stuff most clients know’ ‘stuff not many other people on the planet know’.

You could probably use this as a catalyst for an article or even product but for me the purpose of this is simply to become more consciously aware of your own thinking and your thoughts.

My guess is that as you explore your thinking, you will find that you have your own pretty unqiue take on positive thinking which helps your clients create more of the world that they want. It is unlikely to be directly aligned with early nineties ‘happy clappy high fives all round’ approach nor is it likely to be the ‘sit where you are, think positive and all will come to you’ approach popularised in the last decade. Whatever your philosophy is in this specific area can you describe your distinction?

I would love to hear it (email ri*****@*************ng.com) and I bet your clients would too.

About ‘The Talent Coach’

Richard works with talented people in the fields of business and sport – and has been for almost a decade. Those who he has worked with all say the same thing: they have achieved more than they thought was possible because of his support and insight.

He has helped leaders in international brands such as Lego, Merlin Entertainments and Tesco to realise their potential while his work with professional footballers, managers and cricketers has led to trophy winning performances and multimillion pound transfers.

Entrepreneurs with the commitment to work with Richard reshape businesses, unlock the secrets of financial success and discover the answer to the ultimate question for business owners – how do I balance my work and personal life?

You Can Coach Better if You Give Your Intuition a Toolbox

16 September 2011 in Guest Post tagged Bill Gates / business coach / business coaching / Career Support Services / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / intervention / intuition / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / Perry Zeus / personal coach / personal development / Peter Tate / Suzanne Skiffington / toolkit / wheel of life / William C. Red Field / Winston Churchill

In today’s guest post coach Peter Tate shares his expertise and thoughts about coaching intuition.

You Can Coach Better if You Give Your Intuition a Toolbox

by Peter Tate

Have you ever found yourself afraid of what is going on during a coaching intervention; you know, when it’s really intense and you feel like you are living on a toxic coctail of adrenaline and intuition?

I used to lie to myself and call it “being in awe of the process”.

Fortunately, for me, experience led to wisdom, and stress led to strategies that helped me mature my own practice sufficiently that I’m pretty certain both client and coach come out unscathed these days.

“If you give people tools, [and they use] their natural ability and their curiosity, they will develop things in ways that will surprise you”
Bill Gates

I discovered the real power of tools in coaching. I know that sounds like it should be obvious, I mean we all know about the “Wheel of Life” exercise. We know how it can bring direction and focus to a coaching session. So we all use it, even if not in that simple format.

Yet sometimes tools like this for me created a terrifying experience. I started calling the wheel of life the “Wheel of Fortune” when my clients somehow applied arbitrary measures to the segments and found an interpretation of the words based on some distant dialect of a long lost language. The problem was simply that using a subjective tool kept me on my back foot unless I had a really good handle on my client’s reference points and frame of mind.

“Facts have a cruel way of substituting themselves for fancies. There is nothing more remorseless, just as there is nothing more helpful, than truth”.
William C. Red Field

What I discovered about the real power of tools in coaching was that when used more objectively, with structured measures and interpretation, I could get to the real heart of the issues; issues that I had previously used my intuition to probe.

And my real discovery was that these tools helped me cope with myself in a coaching session better. I had a better grasp of the client and I was on firm ground enough that my intuition became productive more often. I could genuinely start to be in awe of the process because I could coach with confidence.

“We shall neither fail nor falter; we shall not weaken or tire…give us the tools and we will finish the job.”
Winston Churchill

I love the work of Suzanne Skiffington and Perry Zeus at the Behavioural Coaching Institute and can highly recommend their books. Their work in applying a rigorous basis to coaching tools taught me to consider the same in my own field and has freed me from some of my fear of coaching.

I specialise these days in career coaching and have found that expert knowledge embodied in tools can lead to breakthrough situations occuring for my clients much quicker. For example, theory states that Job Satisfaction is related to Work Vales. So, the tool on work values comes out to play when a client indicates they are dissatisfied with their work. More often than not the client “discovers” what is missing or what they have to compromise in their current job and all of a sudden I am a successful coach.

Remember that most coaching models are inherently a toolkit, but I’d like to encourage you to find specific tools that do the groundwork and provide you with the knowledge you need in your own niche to give you the space and confidence to coach at your best. You won’t regret the effort.

About the Author/Further Resources

Peter Tate is based near Guildford in the UK, enjoying life as a Career Coach and developer of a powerful Career Coaching Toolkit called Career Horizons. Peter runs a career management practice (http://careersupportservices.co.uk) that equips professionals and those just starting out in the world of work to find their own career success. You can find Peter tweeting as @intolife.