negativity

Do You Take Your Business Personally?

 in Guest Post  tagged business / client / coach / empowerment / invite / Kim Ravida / negative self-talk / negativity / personally / proposal / sales / saying no / taking things personally / victim

In today’s guest post Kim Ravida addresses something that often gets in the way of coaches setting up and running their coaching business successfully.

Do You Take Your Business Personally?

By Kim Ravida

"Do You Take Your Business Personally?" By Kim Ravida Do you take your business personally? It’s an honest question. Most people say “It’s business, don’t take it personally.” But really, is that possible? I don’t think so. I think business is personal. Let’s face it, we are people. We are people who have lives, who love and care for others. As humans we are compassionate, thoughtful and we have feelings. So how can we take the feelings out of business? We can’t. We can, however, take the negativity out of it.

What do I mean by take the negativity out of it? A lot of business owners take ‘no’ personally. Let’s take a look at a service-based business such as a coach, personal trainer, massage therapist or even a virtual assistant. In these businesses it is customary to make offers to prospects to come and benefit from our services. Yet, when we hear ‘no’, we can take it to mean that the prospect is saying ‘no’ to us personally, when in fact it is to the services we provide.

I call this type of behavior victim behavior. It means that when we are told ‘no’, we feel as if we have been rejected and then we go down the “I’m not good enough” path… which never leads to anything positive. That is what I mean when I say take the negativity out of it. YOU are good enough. When you go into victim-mode your energy dwindles, you have less drive to get things done, and you certainly don’t feel like making another offer because — gosh forbid — if that person says ‘no’ too, you just won’t be able to deal with it.

Yes, we do take our businesses personally. I have been there. I have felt down and out when someone has said ‘no’ to me. I have felt like maybe I’m not good at this and who would want to work with me anyway. It wasn’t until I realized that I was being a victim and I was taking ‘no’ personally. What they were saying ‘no’ to, in reality, is themselves. They are saying no to their growth, their potential and their happiness.

Here is a secret: usually when someone who is a good fit for you says no, it is because they aren’t feeling as if they are good enough. They may be feeling they won’t get the great results you are telling them they can have. They may feel it will be too hard (another negative and certainly an excuse) and they won’t be able to live up to your expectations… or even their own.

Just so you know; many people use money as an excuse and truly sometimes it is a valid reason. However, if they have looked you up and asked to talk to you, chances are it is time for them to move forward and they may be fearful and in the victim mentality.

Thus, here are several “rules” to remember so that you don’t take ‘no’ personally in your business:

Rule #1: You are good enough, right here and right now!

Rule #2: You have what it takes to be powerful in every situation.

Rule #3: You are not your business – if someone says no, it isn’t ‘no’ personally.

Rule #4: Keep a list of the things that you excel at, and if you do take a ‘no’ personally pull those out and read them.

Rule #5: Remember Rule #1

Everyone feels as if they might not live up to expectations and therefore they might not even try. Whenever you hear a ‘no’, try to keep in mind also that it is a no now but not forever. I know I’m not the only one who has had a potential client say no and then come to me at another point in time and said yes. Oftentimes people need to think on things and to process it. Yes, sometimes they need to feel the pain of the struggle a little longer before they can say yes to themselves… which, remember, is who they ultimately are saying yes to.

A wise mentor once said to me, “You take yourself everywhere, so why not take the best of yourself each time, leaving behind the possibility to take things personally because it never serves you well.”

About Kim Ravida

Kim Ravida is a lifestyle and business coach who helps women in business take powerful money actions and make solid, productive business decisions that positively impact their life and their business. Stop banging your head against the wall trying to figure out what to do first, wasting time and money. Kim Ravida Coaching can help you. Having been there herself, she has developed a specific system that sets the foundation for a business that brings in more clients, makes more money and saves tons of time so you truly can reach your goals and dreams. Find free resources at http://kimravida.com/resources/.

 

 

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How not to get dragged down by a clients negativity?

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / empathy / executive coach / flexible / Free resource / good job / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listening / listening without sight / mastery / negativity / non-judegemental / performance coaching / personal development / Self care / support system

I recently had this question land in my inbox and I thought it was worthy of this weeks coaching related post.

When I asked myself this question I came up with the several points about how I approach coaching, some of the beliefs I hold and how they impact this potential situation. I’ve included 7 in the post below.

This is not intended to be a list that tells you how all coaches “should” approach coaching. If you read any of these points and find that you use a different approach then, as always, I’m going to say use the way that works for you and your clients. (Plus feel free to contribute your approach/belief in the comment section.)

If you find any points that you totally disagree with I invite you to consider it for a moment as a way of potentially increasing your own coaching flexibility or just re-affirm your own thinking.

The Meaning of Empathy

I know that many coaches think that being empathetic is an important part of how they coach.

If you look up the meaning of the word empathy in the dictionary you will find an entry such as: Noun: “The ability to identify oneself mentally with a person or thing and so understand his or her feelings or its meaning.” Note that it does not say – feeling the same as that other person.

If you had previous thought that you had to show empathy to be the coach you want to be, don’t get tricked in to thinking that means you have to be feeling the same thing as your client.

Look after yourself

It’s just easier to fully focus on your work and your client if you are looking after yourself. You probably already know that it’s a lot easier not to be affected by someone else’s mood if you are feeling well in yourself.

You’ll probably already have a good idea about what the things are that when you do them you have a better day.

Have a support system in place

That may be a system in place that alters over time. It can be individuals and groups that you pay and those you don’t. It may even take the form of a particular book, CD or media clip. The important bit is that it’s a system that works for you.

(I may be biased, but for me as a coach, one of the most obvious members of a support system is another coach!)

Non-judgemental listening

I have to be honest; my initial response was to rack my brains for examples of clients’ negativity. When I looked there were potentially several situations that I guess could be labelled as clients negativity.

You may read that and wonder if I am that unobservant not to have seen/heard that during the actual coaching session. During a coaching session I am listening/looking for what is going on for a particular client – both in “reality” and how they are perceiving a scenario.

I’m normally listening to influence – I find that judging and labelling those conversations and thoughts as positive and negative don’t add anything to my work.

Be aware of your own “stuck points”

If you find yourself feeling stuck at any time you’ve probably bought into the same story that your client is telling themself. Quite possibly because it’s a story you also tell yourself.

It’s a lot easier for someone else’s mood not to impact upon your own if you haven’t bought into their “story” – the things they are telling themselves about a situation.

Change can happen in an instance

I believe that change can happen in an instance. I think that being “dragged down” by negativity can be perceived as a much bigger problem if it’s a situation that you think is something you can’t change immediately. If I feel my mood shift in a direction I don’t want to go, then I know I can also quickly change it back.

Selecting the clients who work with you

If you find a particular client negatively impacts you, then I suggest you consider why you are working with them?

I know, particularly when you are first beginning your coaching journey and setting up a coaching practice, it may feel that you have to say yes to everyone that wants to work with you.

You will know your finances and situation best. You may want to consider what you could be doing with the time and energy you’re using with such a client instead.

If this is a common theme in the majority of your clients, is there anything in your marketing materials etc that is attracting such behaviour?

What else can you add to this list?