In today’s guest post Phil Manington shares how he’s using his coaching knowledge and skills with a personal experience.

The Change Journey

by Phil Manington

I recently returned from a month’s holiday in France and was keen and enthusiastic to get back to work. Imagine how frustrated I felt when I suffered a retinal detachment in my right eye. Now I’d had problems previously with my left eye but this was serious – I needed an emergency operation and there was a real risk of losing my sight.

After the initial shock, I realised that this was a great opportunity to practise what I preach – after all, my colleague Steve and I run coaching courses which are aimed as much at people who want to coach themselves as those who want to coach others.

The approach we use is very simple, based on the principle that coaches help people to change. We use the metaphor of a journey – a successful change journey will involve a start (understanding where we are), a goal (where we want to get to) and action, with monitoring and adjustment on the way before celebrating success.

Now recovering from an eye operation might seem a slightly unusual topic for coaching – usually we are coaching someone through a change they have chosen to make – but it is proving really useful through what is a difficult period of enforced change for me.

So, two weeks after the operation, how am I doing and what lessons have I learned that are helping me in my coaching practice?

Start: This seemed obvious at first sight (as it is with many clients) but it was actually quite complex. My physical state was clear but my emotional state much less so. I was filled with conflicting emotions – feeling simultaneously optimistic, shocked, scared, impatient and irritated at not being able to drive or work. I notice how often my clients are similarly mixed up and are often very uncomfortable about that. In extreme cases, mixed feelings can generate demoralising inner conflicts that are tough to resolve.

Goal: The answer to that favourite coaching question – what do you want – also seemed obvious but was it? I wanted full sight restored. But there was a significant risk that the operation would not be successful and I seemed to have limited ability to control that. This added to all those mixed feelings which created an almost overwhelming sense of doubt and uncertainty.

So what did I really, really want? I needed to think wider than the operation – what was really important to me? What did I want to be able to do whatever state my sight was in? What was possible even if the worst happened? How did I see my life in 5 years’ time? Exploring these questions helped me particularly with the fear and uncertainty and put me in a much more resourceful state.

Two key learning points for me are:

• Many clients find it very difficult to define what they want. It always seems to help to link it to a bigger picture – helping them to imagine future possibilities and tying into their core values and life goals.

• ‘SMART’ goals are often very useful but there are times when they can get in the way. Sometimes a client is better served by an intention which guides direction and can be used to inform intermediate goals.

Take action: I didn’t seem to have much choice – have the operation (or lose my sight), then follow recommendations for recovery. Normally, clients have some choices, but sometimes they feel as if they don’t and this can lead to a feeling of powerlessness. One of my favourite quotations offers help:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl

I couldn’t change what was happening to my eye but I could choose how I responded. For me, this is a key part of coaching – helping clients realise that only they can empower themselves. There are then two roles the coach can play:

• helping clients be in the best emotional state to maximise their chances of success – for me, this included meditation, music and support from friends and family, but it is different for each person and worth spending time identifying what will help.

• holding clients to account – some people will push too hard, be over-ambitious or unrealistic; others might lack confidence and hold back. A valuable role for the coach is to hold up a mirror, give good feedback, which is factual and objective.

Monitoring and adjustment: I thought I’d be well on way to recovery by now but complications mean I still have badly blurred vision, headaches and dizziness and I’m still not able to drive. So there’s not much progress to monitor, just lots of waiting and trusting in the healing magic of time.

The big lesson for my coaching is that it’s not just about monitoring progress towards any objective. It’s also monitoring emotional state, the impact on the rest of life, on relationships, etc.

Celebrating success: I’m not there yet on my own change journey but it’s useful to remember that it’s not just about waiting to finish before celebrating. Small successes on the way are hugely valuable, helping to build enthusiasm and confidence and maintain momentum. In my case, successes have included allowing others to help, resting even though I have a big backlog of work and getting round without a car. This might seem like small things for others but have been massive for me. It reminds me how important it is to put myself in the position of my client.

The overall learning for me is that, whilst there are lots of different approaches to coaching, the important principle that underpins it all centres on helping the client maintain an emotionally resourceful state throughout the whole change journey.

About Phil Manington

Phil Manington is co-founder of Suffolk Coaching Zone. He is a professional trainer, coach and management consultant, specialising in helping businesses and individuals to make successful change and achieve their full potential.

Phil currently offers training, workshops and one-to-one coaching for personal and business clients. Specialist areas include leadership skills, building self-confidence and self-esteem, and improving relationships. Follow Suffolk Coaching Zone on Facebook and Twitter.