Coaching Quote of the Day 3rd July 2013
“Eloquence is the power to translate a truth into language perfectly intelligible to the person to whom you speak.”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
language
Coaching Quote of the Day 10th August 2012
“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”
(Nelson Mandela)
5 Big Mistakes that Life Coaches make Networking 4
Today, coach Nicky Kriel discusses errors she’s seen coaches make attempting one particular marketing approach.
5 Big Mistakes that Life Coaches make Networking
You may not know this, but Life Coaches have a bad reputation on the networking circuit. Anyone can call themselves a life coach and start a business without any formal training or certifications. So many people feel that because they have undergone a crisis, it qualifies them to be a life coach. The reality is there are more people wanting to be a life coaches than there are people looking for life coaches.
(Using the Google Keyword tool to find out what people are searching for on the internet, shows that each month 368,000 people search for the phrase “How to be a life coach” vs. 2,900 searches for “How to find a life coach”.)
Now let’s assume that you are still reading this and you are serious about earning a living from helping others develop themselves. What can you do to come across more professionally at networking meetings? Well, here are some of the mistakes that give life coaches a bad name.
1. Not realising that you are running a business
You may feel that you have found your purpose in life through what you do, but if you don’t make any money from doing it, it is just a hobby. It is not enough to be a good coach. You also need to be good at marketing and selling your business otherwise you won’t have any clients. If you don’t have the business skill yet, then it is time to make the effort to learn. There are many people at networking meetings who can give you advice.
2. Bad Business Cards
You don’t have to spend a fortune on business cards, but handing out a cheap looking business card won’t do your business any good. Some of the worst business cards have been given to me by life coaches. Some indications that you don’t take your business seriously are:
- Printed on a flimsy card,
- obviously home-made,
- blatant typos,
- email addresses or numbers crossed out and corrected,
- “free” business cards from companies such as Vistaprint
- Email address is obviously a shared family addresses or a Hotmail or yahoo address
3. Saying you can help everyone
If someone doesn’t know what type of customers you are looking for, how can they help you? If you can’t be specific about what type of client you want to work with, how do you expect other people to know whether you are a good match for a friend or acquaintance that needs some help? You cannot help everyone with everything. If you are too general, you will end up with no business.
4. Assuming that everyone knows what life coaches do
Most coaches are good at talking in coach talk with other coaches, but most people in a networking meeting don’t know what life coaching is about. Be aware of any jargon you might be using and think about what other people might be interested in. Stop talking about you and start thinking about what your audience might need.
5. Coming across as though you need a life coach yourself
If you want people to trust their inner most feelings with you, don’t air your dirty laundry or share your latest crisis with people you have only just met. People need to be confident that their secrets are safe with you.
If you are passionate about what you do, you need to find a way to make a living from doing it. Be professional and learn the skills you need to grow your business.
About the Author/Further Resources
Nicky Kriel, Guildford’s Social Media Queen, is passionate about empowering small business owners to use Social Media to grow their business. Her background is in Marketing and Sales and she is a Master NLP Practitioner.
As a Communication Coach, she helps people remember the “Social” aspect of Social Networking: It is not all about tools and technology, but about people and human relations.
Aside from her private coaching clients, she runs Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook workshops for business owners and bespoke courses for SMEs. Nicky really enjoys helping business owners to level the playing field by harnessing the power of social media.
You are welcome to follow Nicky on Twitter or like her “social media for newbies” Facebook page
Parallel conversations and coaching 1
Coach Liz Scott shares her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post.
Parallel conversations and coaching
by Liz Scott
What’s a parallel conversation? Let me give you an example. The other day I was meeting a friend for coffee at ‘Marsh Mills Sainsbury’s. She was late – so I thought I’d give her a call.
On answering the phone she assured me that she had already arrived and was waiting for me. Whilst still on the phone I looked around the cafe but she was nowhere to be seen. She was insistent that she was there and said she was moving towards the till and the food counter. Still I could see no one.
It was very frustrating; I stood up too and said I was moving towards the food counter could she see me? This conversation carried on for what seemed an age (but was only about a minute!). “You are at Marsh Mills?” She asked me. “Yes,” I said, “I’m at the Sainsbury’s café.”
Suddenly the penny dropped and we realised that we had arrived in different locations. I had gone to Sainsbury’s she had gone to a pub called ‘Marsh Mills’. We had been having a parallel conversation on the phone, both thinking we were talking about the same thing, but meaning something very different.
It’s a great reminder for coaching. Never assume you really know what your client it talking about. As the words come out of their mouth you will no doubt understand some of what they are saying. However, there is an iceberg of meaning beneath the surface: most of which you’ll never have access to. When they talk of ‘stress’ or ‘efficiency’ or ‘feeling vulnerable’ you will never really understand what it means. If you do make an assumption and you get it wrong it can jolt the client out of their journey of discovery.
How do you avoid going down the road of a parallel conversation? Don’t feel you have to be wise, or smart or overly clever. Use the language that they are using, and have a light touch. Remember – less is more. This means never assume you know what they really mean and give them the space to resolve whatever they need. If you can do this then you will find your coaching can become incredibly powerful.
About the Author/Further Resources
Liz Scott is the co-founder of Coaching Connect. Coaching Connect brings coaches together to share experience and expertise both on the web and at popular coaching events. Meet like minded coaches at the next Coaching Connect events on March 16th click http://coachingconnect2012.eventbrite.com/ for details.
3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not your own inner critic/ thoughts
So how do you avoid being distracted by your own thoughts when you are coaching? This is a conversation and question I often get asked.
My answer normally is that there are many different techniques and approaches that you can use. And finding the ones that work for you is, in my opinion, beneficial.
Shut up/ don’t listen
One of the coaching skills that is highly valued is listening but in a coaching session it’s probably useful to listen to your client not any negative thoughts inside your head 🙂
There are many different techniques that you can use to quiet/not connect with any thoughts that you are finding distracting.
On day 4 of my confidence e-course I share five different ones. Here is just one technique that you may like. It just turns down the volume of that voice that was yakking away.
Imagine that you have a control panel, now this is your control panel so you can have as many buttons, dials, slider switches etc as you want. You will notice that one of these actually controls the volume of that voice and in a moment you can just reach out and gradually turn down the volume of that voice. Do that now and notice that voice get quieter and quieter and quieter.
Personally, because I believe that the coaching session is a time for the client not me I found saying to myself a simple “shh, later – their time not yours” works for me. Whilst that may appear to invite a deluge of negative thoughts after the session – in reality those thoughts are not relevant afterwards.
I’ve also found that the more I used this, the less I’d actually needed to use it. It’s become habit to fully focus on my client and not any negative thoughts.
Preparation
Make life easier for yourself by not having your thoughts go at thousands of miles per hour. Do whatever you know to do to slow those thoughts down prior to your coaching session.
I know some coaches who do a short meditation, others who listen to a particular piece of music, whilst others use other techniques to get into a more useful state.
Personally, I don’t think there is a “right or wrong” way, just ones that will work for you as a coach!
Don’t get caught in a loop
If you notice during a coaching session that you have momentarily been distracted by a thought what do you then do? Curse that you have “done it again”, followed by various other thoughts and stories about how this is just more proof about how bad you are as a coach etc?
Getting caught in a loop of negative thinking or telling yourself a much longer negative story about what that must mean is a very common reaction. Yet, it doesn’t have to be the only way.
What you can also do is to congratulate yourself for noticing and bring your attention back out of your head and to the client in front of you.
You’ll find that you attention returns to your client a lot faster when you don’t start interacting with other negative thoughts that may pass through your head.
As a coach, over time, you will develop your own style. One that you are comfortable with and that works for your clients. As far as I’m concerned, there is no reason why you shouldn’t also find the way that works for you to focus upon your clients and not negative thoughts whilst coaching.
If you have a particular favourite technique etc you use feel free to comment below.
Coaching and did it work?
At some stage in a coaching conversation it’s not at all unusual for me to ask a variation of the question – did/does it work?
I’ve written before about different types of questions (you can read that post again here) and you may recognise that “did/does it work?” can be labelled as a closed question.
In case you have not come across the terminology of a closed question – they are questions were the answer is only yes or no.
You will often come across the label of open questions at the same time – These are questions that start with Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. Open questions are designed to allow answers that are more open with the scope of the information provided.
Often as coaches, we can develop our own “rules” or what should or shouldn’t be done to get coaching “right”. Sometimes these are rules, or beliefs, we have been told by someone we perceive as being more knowledgeable about coaching.
On other occasions it can be something that we have inferred and then told ourselves is what we should do to be a good coach.
From time to time I come across, usually trainee coaches, who have taken on a belief that when coaching closed questions are always bad and open questions are always good.
If this is a belief that you have then I ask you does it work for you at the moment? If so then, as always, I encourage you to keep what works for you!
Personally, I don’t think that it is always so black and white. Sometimes a clear and decisive yes or no is actually really productive.
One of the benefits of a closed question is that it can cut through a whole story that someone is telling themselves about a situation.
“Did/Does it work?” is one of those questions I find can do just that when chosen and asked deliberately.
Particularly if a client is telling you about a course of action where you suspect that he/she is comparing themselves to someone else/the perfect way of doing something.
In this instance, it’s not at all uncommon for your client to have missed and not acknowledged the results they did achieve.
Let me give you an example. Imagine that you are talking to Bob who is “beating himself up” about the fact he could have approached a sales conversation, with a potential client, “better”. He feels that he lacks confidence in his own abilities.
In response to a question about how the last sales conversation went, he could give a detailed account of what he had done wrong, but doesn’t mention the outcome.
When asked, “Did it work?” Bob’s “yes”, both verbally and non-verbally, was surprised – as if this was completely new information.
There may indeed be space for Bob to strengthen his skills and develop other approaches. However, if he never acknowledges his achievements and abilities the harder it will be for Bob to have confidence in his own abilities!
I find that using the question
“Did it work?”
at this stage focuses their attention upon the reality of what they have already achieved. Particularly if they are in the middle of listing everything they perceive they did wrong.
How often do you use a variation of “did it work?” both as a coach and in your own life?