Jeannette Attryde – Coaching Confidence

Coaching “By the Book”?

8 July 2016 in Guest Post tagged clients / coaching / coaching style / Jeannette Attryde / technique

In today’s guest post coach Jeannette Attryde shares an insight about coaching.

Coaching “By the Book”?

By Jeannette Attryde

"Coaching 'By the Book?'" By Jeannette Attryde

So much has been written about coaching. In fact, I did a search on Amazon.co.uk for books on coaching and it returned 43,367 results. If you narrow the search to just paperback books (to remove the duplication of multiple versions in hardback and Kindle) it still gives 26,786 results. So when you start coaching and you want to try and make sure you are doing it “by the book”, which book should you be doing it by?

I have a huge hang up about making sure I do things “right”. So when I first decided to start up my coaching business I felt I needed to know what the “right” way of coaching was. The fact that I had been successfully coaching people for over 20 years, with over 18 years of that having coaching as part of my job description too, almost fell by the wayside. In my head, there was some definition, or some model, out there which was “the” way to coach somebody and to be a “proper” coach I needed to learn and practice this way.

Having already read widely on the subject of coaching I already knew that there were multiple models out there but my obsession with “right” meant I was still looking for validation of a specific path to being a “proper” coach. My next decision was to look for an accredited coaching course because if it’s accredited it must be “right”, right?

It was on that course that the scales fell from my eyes. In essence, the only “right” is what works for the person you are coaching. The “right” I had been searching for was the wrong one. I had been looking for a process, a tool or methodology. What I needed to be looking for was an understanding.

The understanding and recognition of when the person you are coaching needs to be challenged, or reassured, or probed, or encouraged to reflect. Everything about coaching is about the person you are coaching and the outcomes they are looking for. How you achieve that will be different for each person because each person is different. Not only is each person you coach different but the relationship, the dynamic, between you and the person you are coaching will be different to the relationship between them and a different coach. Even if the same tools and techniques are used, you each bring something unique to the conversation and you will have a unique way of reaching the desired outcome.

Once I surrendered myself to this truth, I felt authentic again in my coaching. The coaching I had done throughout my career before starting my business, had been organic. It had been about me trying to find the best way possible to help a person achieve a goal. And at its heart that is what my coaching will always be. So whilst I will continue to read widely on the subject I have decided that the “right” way won’t be in any of the books I read, it will be a book I write with every coaching session I hold and every outcome my clients achieve.

About Jeannette Attryde

Jeannette Attryde runs Different Perspectives, Coaching and Consultancy. She has over 18 years’ experience in leading and managing teams of varying sizes in a range of organisations including Blue Chip Financial Services companies. She specialising in Leadership and Management coaching, helping people to unlock their leadership potential. With her help, clients identify and implement action plans to overcome their challenges and be a more effective leader of a motivated, high performing team. Sessions are conducted face to face, by phone/Skype or online messenger.

Jeannette loves connecting with people and can be reached in the various ways below

Website – www.different-perspectives.co.uk

Twitter – @DP_Jeannette

Facebook – www.facebook.com/differentperspectivesuk

LinkedIn – www.linkedin.com/company/different-perspectives

What to do when it doesn’t work! 1

19 February 2016 in Guest Post tagged Angus McLeod / clients / coaching / Jeannette Attryde

In this weeks guest post experienced coach Jeannette Attryde shares some insights from her work.

What to do when it doesn’t work!

By Jeannette Attryde

"What to do when it doesn’t work!" by Jeannette Attryde

There has been a recent trend on Twitter of the hashtag #IAlwaysGetAnnoyedWhen and it got me thinking about the last time I got annoyed. I am not the sort of person who is easily angered or frustrated so it took some thinking and I decided that the times when I get annoyed are usually when I can’t help somebody.

I decided to start my business to give me the ability to focus on doing what I love – helping people. The desire to help is also why I volunteer for the local council as an Employment Mentor helping the long term unemployed overcome barriers to work. So when I can’t help somebody I feel frustrated, disappointed and like I have failed.

There are likely to have been times when you have been trying to coach somebody, or manage somebody, and no matter how much you try or what techniques you use, you just can’t achieve the outcome you are working towards. How does that make you feel? Probably similar to myself. My first reaction is to look internally to try and work out why I “failed”, why my skills “weren’t good enough” on this occasion, and what else I “should have done”. But there is one simple truth I overlook – you can’t help everybody.

So how can you get some real perspective on the situation and why this happens?

Firstly, it is worth remembering that these occasions are very few and far between. When you assess the objective data you will see that these cases make up a tiny amount of the people you have worked with and it’s important not to forget all the successes you have had because of one or two cases which didn’t work out.

Secondly, as a coach you are there to facilitate change. As Angus McLeod describes in his book Performance Coaching,

“The coach is not the player, but an instrument, in service to the art of the coachee…”

so there will be occasions when despite your best efforts the coachee cannot or will not change. This can be due to lack of will, lack of skill, or lack of ability. There may be occasions, such as one I recently experienced, where the person I was working with needed a much more directive intervention than I could offer through coaching. In that case the best help I could give was to ensure he was referred to the best source of that support. If I had tried to work with his it would have been frustrating for him and may have weakened his trust in any interventions subsequently recommended.

Thirdly, to make a real collaborative team and achieve the goals the coachee desires will need an element of rapport. If the two of you do not have that rapport, then the relationship can be strained and any work you try to do together may be undermined. Similar to when you are looking for a romantic life partner, it is better for either party to recognise at an early stage that the chemistry is not there and to seek an alternative partnership which will be more productive. There is no shame in this, it is simply that you didn’t “click”.

And finally, as well as doing some self-reflection, use your coaching supervision, or other coaches/managers to discuss the situation. There is always something to learn from these events and it may be something that is visible to you through the guided reflection that coaching supervision gives you.