J. M. Barrie

When We Compare the Life We Live to the Life We Imagined: What Stories Are We Telling Ourselves?

12 December 2024 in quote tagged coach / coaches / coaching / compare / comparison / J. M. Barrie / quote

A notebook, is wide open with blank pages and an attached blue ribbon bookmark is laying across the right-hand page. It is the style of notebook you may keep as a diary.
Above a quote reads: "The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it." (J. M. Barrie, The Little Minister)

“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.” (J. M. Barrie, The Little Minister)

J. M. Barrie, best known as the creator of Peter Pan, had a knack for exploring the complexities of human nature and the stories we tell ourselves. His quote invites us to reflect on how we view our lives, not just as they are, but in comparison to how we imagined they would be.

Comparison and How It Can Get in Your Way

Comparison has a way of clouding our perspective, especially when it’s tied to unattainable ideals or stories we’ve constructed about who we should be. Often, those stories come with a generous helping of judgement about how much time has passed or how little progress has been made.

As coaches, we see this often—clients caught up in comparing themselves to others or to their own expectations. These expectations, while seemingly immovable, are creations of their own making. Yet, when we are caught up in this, we often forget this truth.

What happens when we compare our actual lives to the stories we vowed to write? We often fail to notice the subtle, profound ways we’ve changed. Comparison can blind us to growth, trapping us in a narrative that no longer serves us.

For clients, this means missing the richness of what is because they’re so focused on what they believe should be. One powerful realisation for clients is recognising that these stories are not set in stone. They’re drafts, shaped by perspective, and can be rewritten.

Comparison often blinds us to the richness of what is, keeping us tethered to the stories we tell ourselves about what should be. However, within these stories lies an opportunity: to view our lives not as fixed narratives but as dynamic works in progress.

I think, this is where the metaphor of life as a diary offers a powerful opportunity to play and explore perspective. Diaries, like life, are full of revisions, surprises, and moments of clarity. They remind us that our stories are never final — they are living, evolving reflections of our experiences and insights.

Life as a Diary: Unlocking Insights Through Metaphor

This is where Barrie’s metaphor of life as a diary becomes a powerful tool for exploration. Diaries, like life, are imperfect, messy, and often contradictory. Yet they are profoundly human. They capture not just what’s happened, but also how we’ve made sense of it.

At this time of year, many people reflect on the past and begin imagining the year ahead. The diary metaphor offers an invitation to approach these reflections with curiosity and creativity.

As a coach, you might invite a client to explore:

What does your “diary” look like right now? If you were to flip through its pages, what would stand out?
Are you stuck trying to rewrite chapters instead of writing new ones? How does that serve you?
If your own wisdom was to take over writing whilst your intellect took some time of – what would be written next?
What if your diary is already written, and you’re simply experiencing each page as it unfolds? How would that be different?

By engaging with this metaphor, clients can shift their perspective from judgement to curiosity, opening up space for wonder and for new insights. It’s not about erasing what’s been written, but about seeing it for what it is – our telling of the story.

Closing Reflection

As coaches, we, too, write and rewrite the stories of our practice, comparing where we are now to where we imagined we’d be. But what if growth isn’t about achieving the perfect narrative, but instead about embracing the beauty of the unexpected edits along the way?

How might you, as a coach, use the diary metaphor to help your clients honour their unique stories? And in doing so, how might you also learn to embrace your own?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

Choose Your Adventure: Navigating Life’s Big and Small Journeys

14 October 2024 in quote tagged adventure / coach / coaches / coaching / J. M. Barrie / quote / thinking / Thought

The image depicts a tranquil outdoor camping scene by a lake, surrounded by lush green hills and distant mountains under a clear blue sky. In the foreground, there are two tents: one orange and one yellow, set up on a grassy area. A campfire with flickering flames is situated on the ground, encircled by a ring of stones. Above the fire, a black pot is suspended on a tripod, suggesting that something is being cooked. To the side of the fire, a bright orange backpack and a rolled-up sleeping mat are placed on the grass. A wooden chair is nearby, providing a place to sit and enjoy the surroundings. An axe is resting on a log, indicating preparation for chopping wood. A lantern is also visible, adding a warm ambiance to the scene. At the top of the image, there is text that reads: "Would you like an adventure now," he said casually to John, "or would you like to have your tea first?" This quote is attributed to J.M. Barrie's Peter and Wendy.

The quote of the Day is:

“‘Would you like an adventure now,’ he said casually to John, ‘or would you like to have your tea first?'” (J. M. Barrie, Peter and Wendy)

J.M. Barrie, the Scottish author and playwright, is best known for creating Peter Pan, the boy who refused to grow up. His novel Peter and Wendy (1911), a follow-up to the play that introduced Peter Pan, immortalized the boy who wouldn’t grow up for readers everywhere. The story is filled with adventure, youthful wonder, and the tension between staying forever young or embracing the journey of growing up.

If you were given that choice—an adventure now, or tea first—what would your gut response be?

Barrie’s whimsical quote invites us to think about adventure as a choice—one that’s often right in front of us, waiting to be made. But how often do we, like John, hesitate, preferring the comfort of the known over the allure of the unknown? Whether it’s the fear of failure, doubt in our abilities, or simply the cosiness of routine, we often delay the adventures life offers. Yet, when we pause to consider, we might ask ourselves: What are we waiting for?

What Is an Adventure to You?

Adventure means something different for everyone. For one person, it’s travelling to distant lands; for another, it might be starting a business or even learning a new hobby. Depending upon your situation, it may be what to other seems so ordinary, like a trip out to the shops. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures—it can be found in the small, everyday decisions that push us out of our own personal comfort zones.

Does stepping into the unknown require courage and thoughtfulness? Sometimes, absolutely. Adventure isn’t always about leaping without looking; it’s about intentional exploration, knowing there are risks but stepping forward anyway. Does it have to feel that way? I think, how we feel in any given moment is down to what our thinking is doing, so no, I don’t think we have to feel that. At any moment we can let go of any specific thinking and new thought will flow, bringing its own feelings. So, when faced with a new opportunity, ask yourself: What would it look like to embrace this adventure, however big or small?

Perhaps the better question is: Is it possible that adventure is less about where you go and more about who you become through the process?

The Power of Thought: How We Shape Our Adventures

Our perceived world is shaped by how we think. The idea of an adventure—whether it’s a grand expedition or simply a shift in routine—demonstrates how we use our thoughts to interpret and create experiences. A mundane task can become an adventure if, for example, we approach it with curiosity and openness.

As coaches, part of our role is to help individuals notice their thinking and explore insights. Often, resistance to adventure isn’t about the situation itself, but how it’s being framed. For example, are they focused on the risks or the possibilities? Do they trust the unknown, so there is more excitement and less fear, or do they feel it can only be safe if their intellect has figured everything out in advance with absolute certainty?

Balancing Adventure with Regular Life

Barrie’s quote subtly reminds us that adventure doesn’t mean abandoning our regular lives. After all, Peter offers John a choice: adventure or tea? Perhaps both? You don’t have to choose between bold steps and daily routines—there can be a balance to be found. You can embark on new journeys while still making time for the familiar comforts of life.

Sometimes, the greatest adventures are the ones that seamlessly integrate with the rhythm of everyday life. A small change in your routine, a new project, or even a shift in perspective can bring a sense of adventure into what might seem mundane.

Taking Bold Steps and Reflection

How do you know when it’s time to take bold steps and when it’s time to pause and reflect? Adventures often require action, but they can also call for moments of reflection. Boldness without introspection can lead to reckless leaps; reflection without action can leave us stuck in place. There’s wisdom in knowing when to move forward and when to pause.

Perhaps the key lies in being attuned to your internal signals. As a coach, you can help clients explore this balance. What feels like a bold step today? What’s the next small, adventurous action they can take, and how can they reflect on their progress along the way?

Encouraging reflection while in the midst of adventure allows for course corrections, learning, and growth in real-time. It can make it easier to notice and hear our own inner wisdom when we take a moment to listen and check what we already know to do, or not do.

In closing, Barrie’s question is both playful and profound: Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first? It reminds us that adventure is always available if we choose to embrace it. Sometimes it’s about stepping boldly into the unknown; other times, it’s simply about shifting our mindset. Either way, adventure and tea can coexist—and perhaps, the best adventures are those that make space for both.

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you own your own adventures here.

Wonderful Thoughts: Questions for Coaches

17 June 2024 in quote tagged coach / coaches / coaching / J. M. Barrie / questions / quote / thoughts

The sun is rising in the background, causing everything in the foreground to be in silhouette. An individual is leaping, arms stretch wide and legs bent so they are silhouetted against the sky
The text reads: "You just think lovely wonderful thoughts and they lift you up in the air." (J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan)

Today’s quote is:

“You just think lovely wonderful thoughts and they lift you up in the air.” (J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan)

Questions For Coaches:

What connections, if any, do you make between your coaching and this quote?

How can you create a coaching environment that fosters optimism and hope?

What do you see about thinking wonderful thoughts and the power of using imagination for personal growth?

What impact does thoughts have on a client’s innate well-being?

Bonus Questions:

Does this quote seem true to you?

If it was really OK just to wonder about a topic or a question, what topic or question would you love to explore?

Are there thoughts you have a habit of thinking that you know are more prone to lift you up in the air?

About Jen Waller

A Coaching Invite To Be Kinder Than Is Necessary

10 April 2024 in quote tagged coach / coaches / coaching / J. M. Barrie / kindness / quote

This image has a dreamlike golden glow about it. A tranquil stream runs throw the middle and out into the distance. On each side is lush grass with flowers mixed in. Rolling fields and tress are in the distance to the horizon, where the sun is setting. The text reads: "Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?" (J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird)

Today’s quote is:

“Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?” (J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird)

In the realm of coaching, where transformation and growth are paramount, kindness often emerges as a silent yet powerful force. J.M. Barrie’s quote invites us to explore the profound impact of kindness in our coaching practice.

The phrase, ‘a little kinder than is necessary,’ leapt out at me as an invite to confront the notion of necessity itself. What exactly is necessary in our interactions, both as coaches and as individuals navigating the complexities of life? Often, necessity is framed within the confines of societal norms, expectations, and personal agendas.

However, the proposition in that quote challenges us to expand our understanding of necessity beyond the conventional boundaries. It beckons us to question whether our actions and attitudes truly align with the highest expression of humanity. Perhaps, what is truly necessary is not merely meeting the minimum requirements of decency, but rather, embracing a higher standard of compassion, empathy, and understanding. By transcending the limitations of necessity as dictated by external factors, we open ourselves to a realm of possibility where kindness becomes not just a choice, but an essential guiding principle in our interactions with others and ourselves.

Kindness, in its simplest form, is the act of extending warmth, empathy, and compassion towards ourselves and others. It is a gentle reminder to approach every interaction with a spirit of generosity and understanding, regardless of the circumstances. As coaches guided by the principles of innate well-being, resilience, and clarity, embracing kindness becomes not just a choice, but a way of being.

At the heart of my approach to coaching lies the understanding that we are all innately whole and capable of experiencing profound insights and transformations. Kindness serves as a conduit for connecting with this innate wisdom, fostering an environment of trust, safety, and openness within the coaching relationship. When we approach our clients with kindness, we create a space where they feel valued, supported, and empowered to explore their innermost thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or criticism.

Moreover, kindness has the remarkable ability to dissolve barriers and cultivate deeper connections between coach and client. It allows us to see beyond the surface and truly empathize with the unique experiences and challenges faced by those we coach. By extending kindness, we acknowledge the inherent humanity within each individual, paving the way for authentic, meaningful interactions that facilitate growth and self-discovery.

It’s looking at kindness is not merely a superficial gesture, but a fundamental aspect of our shared human experience. It is a reminder that beneath our differences lies a common thread of compassion and understanding that unites us all. By embracing kindness in our coaching practice, we honour this shared humanity and create a ripple effect of positivity and transformation that extends far beyond the confines of our sessions.

Furthermore, that space of kindness is contagious. As coaches, when we embody kindness in our interactions with clients, we inspire them to do the same in their own lives. This ripple effect extends outward, creating a ripple effect of positivity and compassion that has the power to transform not only individuals but entire communities.

However, kindness towards yourself is a great gift you can also give yourself. I speak to so many coaches that find it easy to be kind to others but set much harsher rules to live by in their own heads! Recognising that’s what’s going on and choosing a kinder, more gentle, approach can have a huge difference on your own experience. Countercry to many peoples fears still results in you getting things done etc.

I invite you to pick a period of time – it could be a month, an entire week or if that feels too long for you at this moment just an hour and just allow yourself to be kind to yourself as you go about your life. If you find yourself being harsh at any point, my suggestion would be, rather than adding criticism for failing to be kind, just acknowledge that you caught a habit of thinking and choose to be kinder instead.

In conclusion, J.M. Barrie’s quote serves as a poignant reminder of the profound impact of kindness in our coaching practice. From a Three Principles perspective, kindness is more than just a virtue – it is a guiding principle that shapes our interactions, fosters deeper connections, and facilitates transformative growth. As coaches, let us embrace kindness as a new rule of life, striving always to be a little kinder than is necessary, and in doing so, create a world filled with compassion, understanding, and genuine human connection.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Radiating Sunshine: Spreading Joy and Kindness in Coaching

13 March 2024 in quote tagged coach / coaches / coaching / J. M. Barrie / joy / kindness / quote / sunshine

The background of this image is in a watercolour style with golden rays of sunshine emanating from the top blending into reds and oranges at the bottom of the image.
The text reads: "Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." (J. M. Barrie)

Happy Wednesday! Today’s quote is:

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” (J. M. Barrie)

In the realm of coaching, we often encounter profound truths that resonate deeply with our understanding of human nature and our capacity for positive change. One such truth is beautifully encapsulated in the quote by J. M. Barrie: “Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” This simple yet profound statement holds within it a wealth of insight into the interconnectedness of our actions and their impact on both others and ourselves.

At its core, this quote speaks to the power of kindness, compassion, and generosity—the qualities that allow us to uplift and inspire those around us. When we extend a helping hand, offer a listening ear, or share a moment of joy with others, we not only brighten their day but also nourish our own spirits. By spreading sunshine, we create an abundance of warmth and light that envelops not only those we touch but also ourselves.

But what does it mean to “bring sunshine into the lives of others”? It goes beyond acts of kindness or generosity; it’s about embodying qualities such as empathy, understanding, and love in our interactions with others. Being a source of positivity, encouragement, and support, even in the face of challenges or adversity, is essential. Whether it’s offering words of encouragement to a struggling friend, lending a helping hand to someone in need, or simply sharing a smile with a stranger, each act of kindness has the power to brighten someone’s day and lift their spirits.

Moreover, bringing sunshine into the lives of others is not just a selfless gesture—it’s also an act of self-care and nourishment. When we give freely of ourselves, whether it’s our time, attention, or love, we create a ripple effect of positivity that returns to us in unexpected ways. By shining our light into the world, we attract more light into our own lives, illuminating the path ahead and guiding us towards greater fulfillment and happiness.

In the context of coaching, this principle holds particular significance. As coaches, we have the privilege of guiding and supporting others on their journey of personal growth and transformation. By embodying the qualities of kindness, compassion, and positivity in our coaching practice, we not only empower our clients to thrive but also cultivate a sense of fulfillment and joy within ourselves. It’s a symbiotic relationship where both parties benefit from the exchange of positive energy and support.

Have you ever witnessed someone melt at the sight of a contented baby or a cute puppy/kitten? When someone is in that space of calm, peace, and wisdom, with little thinking on their mind, it can be infectious, with those around them often quieting down. It’s like a resonance.

The reason I like this quote in connection to coaching is because it speaks to the direction my coaching has headed—helping clients connect more with their own wisdom and creativity, while I guide them through exploration of that space.

In conclusion, J. M. Barrie’s quote reminds us of the profound truth that those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. By embracing the power of kindness, compassion, and generosity, we uplift those around us and nourish our own spirits, experiencing greater fulfillment and happiness in our lives. As coaches, let us strive to embody these qualities in our practice and spread positivity wherever we go, knowing that in doing so, we create a brighter and more joyful world for all.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.