This week’s TED Talk clip is from an independent TEDx event:
What helps unlock our Inner creativity? | Jill Perry-Smith | TEDxPeachtree
Clip length: 13 mins 05 secs
Prefer to watch via YouTube? In that case you’ll need to click here.
In this weeks guest post business coach and HR professional Lisa Thomson shares and reflects upon a recent experience:
“This above all: to thine own self be true.”
(Shakespeare)
This is a more of a personal reflection than many of my usual LinkedIn posts and content but is, I think, relevant in a professional context and I hope will be an interesting and stimulating point for discussion….
Recently (a couple of weeks ago) I was turned down for an opportunity I’d pursued and received feedback that I’ve been mulling over and digesting since. I always appreciate feedback, positive and negative, as constructive feedback is essential for our personal development. I try to do the same myself when recruiting – for the benefit of candidates.
I have to admit though, this one stung me a little. I was told I need stronger “gravitas and presence” to make a better first impression, and that with my current approach, for that opportunity, I’d run the risk of “being eaten alive”. Wow! As a result, I was very disappointed in myself, feeling I hadn’t represented my skills and approach to the best of my ability, and that I’d let myself down.
I’ve spent some time since though reflecting, and so share these thoughts in the hope this might be helpful and thought-provoking to others in my network too, or at least generate some discussion.
Those of you who’ve met me in person I expect will have noticed that I am quietly spoken. I’m aware of this and have worked very hard to build my confidence and to project my voice, both throughout my earlier career and particularly during my recent participation on the Saltire Fellowship programme and studying in the States at Babson College, Boston.
I believe the only way to get better at the things you struggle with is to embrace them, and to push yourself out of your comfort zone as often as possible. For example when attending events, I always make an effort to ask questions and engage in group discussions.
I am a passionate networker, something I’ve learned to love – getting out to meet new contacts and share ideas as often as possible. I’ve had regular opportunities to develop my public speaking skills, through my role as Director for Scotland at Startup Grind, pitching at startup events & competitions, and most recently giving a talk at the launch of the Entrepreneurial Scotland Future Leaders network at Edinburgh Castle. I’m massively grateful for all of these opportunities and embrace these whenever I can.
My Myers-Briggs type, for those of you who are interested in psychometrics, is INFJ. A fantastic book for the introverts among us (and for the extroverts too!) is Susan Cain’s ‘Quiet’ – a great read on the often undervalued power of introverts and why those who shout the loudest are sometimes not the ones we should focus attention on…..
Having received the recent feedback mentioned above, I wondered whether I should have represented myself differently at the meeting, asserted myself more strongly, raised my voice louder or taken a more challenging approach. Perhaps. We can always improve ourselves and self and personal development is the only way.
However I also think that there is something to be said for staying true to yourself, and being authentic – and perhaps there is a point where, if we try too hard to be something we are not, we risk losing what makes us different and successful. In Boston, I attended a workshop with the inspiring Dorie Clark, author of Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Reimagine Your Future.
One enduring take away from that for me was:
“Your reputation lasts for a long time, and needs to be treated with respect. You won’t get very far if you try to be something you’re not. Rather, your personal brand is about figuring out who you really are and what you do best, and then living that brand out. It’s the essence of authenticity.”
In my HR work, I regularly deal with tough situations. I’ve managed change projects, restructures, downsizing and very challenging employee relations issues, and received regular feedback from managers and leaders that my support and guidance has been invaluable – a strong and calming presence, keeping everyone right and on track in tough situations. I hugely appreciate that. I’ve managed these situations in my own style and my own tone of voice.
I believe I don’t need to shout to be heard, so long as what I have to say is credible and I have the knowledge and reasoning to back it up, and that the best way to gain respect and authority is through building positive relationships and building rapport – skills I do well, and am proud of.
I’m also not afraid to stick up for myself and what I believe in. Specializing in early stage and often founder-managed high-growth businesses, I’ve worked with some very strong and challenging characters during my career and am proud to have earned their ears, support and respect.
I probably don’t come across as a domineering character. I might not thrive in a ‘dog eat dog’ environment. However I’ve been privileged so far in my career and education to work with a number of incredibly supportive previous managers, mentors and contacts, who have believed in me, listened and helped to build my confidence and it’s in that type of positive environment I excel and thrive.
And so what? Am I trying to lick my wounds in the face of rejection? I hope not. In summary, I think it’s important to know yourself, your strengths, to play to those strengths and to be authentic. It’s important to listen to feedback, take it on board, but also filter it – stay true to who you are. It might not be for everyone, but what matters most is that it’s right and works for you.
As a business coach, I work with clients to help develop confidence and leadership and management skills, and I’d love to hear your feedback on my thoughts above and any personal style or feedback challenges you might have faced or be working through. Please comment below or get in touch direct ( li**@**********co.uk), as I’d be delighted to hear from you.
Lisa is a 2014/15 Saltire Fellow with Entrepreneurial Scotland, with a range of HR experience gained in high-growth, Scottish technology companies including Wolfson Microelectronics, Axios Systems, Sumerian Europe and Aridhia Informatics. She is also Director for Scotland of Startup Grind, a global networking community for entrepreneurs operating in more than 160 City Chapters and 65 countries worldwide. She is a qualified Executive Coach having trained with the Edinburgh Coaching Academy and currently undertaking an ILM Level 7 accreditation qualification.
Lisa has recently returned from a programme of accelerated MBA programme studies at Babson College in Boston USA and is now building Purpose, a niche HR/Management growth consultancy providing services to early stage and investor backed businesses.
Connecting with Lisa via Social Media:
On LinkedIn at https://uk.linkedin.com/in/lisaandersonhr
On Twitter: @LisaA_HR
“A friend’s eye is a good mirror.”
(Irish Proverb)
Judy Rees asks a question that many new to coaching asks themselves, in this week’s guest post:
By Judy Rees
Are you a coach who actually coaches people? Or are you a perpetual preparer?
I often coach people who are in the process of becoming coaches. I’ve noticed a lot of beginners seem to attend endless workshops and events, learning more and more about how to be a coach, and how to market themselves as coaches, rather than getting on and actually doing it.
Using Clean Language questions and metaphor, I’ll help my clients to understand the pattern – and we’ll frequently discover that on the current plan, they’d never know enough to get started.
As Nicholas Taleb points out in The Black Swan, the more expert someone becomes, the more they realise what they don’t know.
“You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books,” he says.
If you are determined to become a coach, perhaps because you want to help people, it’s important to find a way to manage this. (Just getting a Kindle doesn’t do the trick!)
I like to pride myself on “making change happen, whatever happens” in my coaching work, and I have a pretty solid record of success.
But that success is not just based on knowing a lot of stuff – it’s based on having a coaching methodology that is robust enough to work well, even when I don’t know what’s going on for my client.
At one level, I have to accept, I’ll never know what’s happening. I can’t see the world exactly through my client’s eyes.
And the more clients I have, the more I learn… and the more I realise I don’t know.
If you suspect you might be a perpetual preparer, I’d strongly suggest shifting your attention towards finding a robust coaching methodology that works well for you (Clean Language is my suggestion: others are available) and then getting started.
Practice, get feedback, practice some more, get referrals… and enjoy discovering how much you don’t know.
Judy Rees is an author, mentor and information marketer, and an expert in Clean Language and metaphor. Her blog is at www.xraylistening.com
You can learn Clean Language online, free on Judy’s new website http://learncleanlanguage.com
The above quote is from the band The Feeling. It was a comment said during an interview following a small live show where they had “tried out” some new songs in front of a live audience. They went on to explain that with the live feedback from the audience they can make immediate adjustments to how and what they are playing – feedback that is just not available within the rehearsal room.
So why am I including such a quote on a blog about coaching? To me, there are a couple of similarities with what I have observed successful & skilled coaches do and the sentiments in that 6 word quote.
Yes, I know that, for some, this is a really scary prospect. It may feel safer to just do another course, “rehearse” another batch of questions you could ask or study a new technique. Don’t get me wrong they are all one of a number of fantastic development approaches and things that many successful and skills coaches also do, however none of it is of any use to your potential clients if you don’t actually go and put it into practice!
There is so much value to be got from actually working with an individual, normally you’ll find you get a boost in confidence because it turns out to be far less scary than any story you may tell yourself in advance. (To my knowledge, there have been no reported fatalities because a coach didn’t immediately know “the right” question in a coaching session – if you know different by all means let me know 😉 )
While some may think that they have to be “perfect” before they work with “real clients”, I’d disagree. I have a belief that as a working coach there is so much potential to keep learning, developing skills and creating new approaches.
You’ll also find that you learn a lot from working practically instead of theoretically.
In a coaching training/skills development situation you may well have been asked specifically to use a particular technique or approach for an exercise. This is because the main focus of the experience is developing your skills as a coach.
When working with a “real life” client (as opposed to one on a training exercise) their focus is about getting a result, they don’t care if you adjusted a question or a technique if it made a positive difference for them. It really isn’t important to them that you only did 5 steps of a 6-step technique etc, if they got something out of the session!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting with one technique or approach and being flexible enough to alter that approach by the real time feedback your client is giving you. Personally I think it’s actually a sign of a coach who is really listening and paying attention to their client that they are capable and prepared to easily change their approach.
Word of caution: I’m conscious that using this quote may suggest that a coaching session is a performance and that you “play the part” of a coach. While “acting as if” is an approach some may take, personally I would suggest that this does have a potential downside. When you “act as if” you are someone else, rather than yourself, you can feel like a fraud – which makes sense when you consider logically you are playing a part.
If you find yourself in the situation where you are just waiting to … before you actually start working with a real life client I invite you to go and do a coaching session anyway. You don’t have to ask for an exchange of money, or even set the expectations high about what a client will get from the session but go and experience what it’s like to work with a “real life” client. Oh and you may want to consider having fun while you do it 😉
Do you agree or disagree with any of the above? Perhaps you want to make a public commitment to do some coaching of your own. Feel free to leave your thoughts below and click submit comment.