executive coach

Share Your Message, Share Your Passion 1

 in Guest Post  tagged Adela Rubio / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / joint venture / Joint Venture Srategist / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / your passion / your vission

Adela Rubio helps coaches and creatives share their message and build their tribe, in today’s guest post she shares her knowledge and expertise.

"Share Your Message, Share Your Passion" A guest post by Adela Rubio

Share Your Message, Share Your Passion

By Adela Rubio

Things are changing everywhere, all the time – in the economy, government, online. And it doesn’t look like the rate of change is going to slow down any time soon. Whether you look at the global or the local landscape, your personal or professional life, change is on the menu.

You can easily get discouraged and fall into the failure of the ‘economic stimulus’ and the energy crisis, the divorce and the downsizing, the market downfall and the Mayan calendar. Or you can claim the invitation to take full responsibility for your own flow, whether it’s your ideas or your income.

Your inner compass is your most valuable resource when the world is in flux. In times such as these, the only place where you can truly, and safely, anchor yourself is your inner world of hopes and dreams, passion and vision. Investing your energy in things that aliven and inspire you, are solid strategies to embody your infinite equilibrium and flow.

A passion, and purpose driven, business is the antidote to a world sourced by external forces. It’s time to free your Essence and BE your flow. After all, you come from a long line of evolutionary adventurers.

Here are 3 steps to share your message and your passion:

1. Become an authority. When you look for a doctor, will anyone just do? No! You look for the best. You want someone who has the experience, and know how, to address your ills. In your business, that’s exactly what your prospective clients want. They want to know that you know how to help them. Expertise and experience, are what people are willing to pay for. If you’re not an authority yet, you need to become one, and it’s not as hard as you think.

2. Help more people. The best thing that you can do for your business is to take massive action in helping more people. You can leverage your know how, and your passions, by working with more people. That means getting the expertise that you already have… Out There! The more people you work with the clearer you become on your niched message and market. The format doesn’t matter – teleclasses, blog posts, expert interviews, Q&A’s, Strategy Sessions, etc. – what matters is that you deliver it ‘in your element.’ Don’t try to trudge through writing blog posts if you’re a natural on camera. Do video, honor your essence! What’s important is that you commit to helping more people, and there’s a way to increase your impact and reach, right away.

3. Do more joint ventures. I don’t know about you, but in high school I was not the girl who waited for the guy to ask her out to dance. I would just start dancing, and sure enough, someone would join me right away… either a boy friend or a girl friend. It’s a lot more fun to dance, than to wait for someone to ask you before you dance. It’s the same thing with joint ventures. If you’re waiting for someone to approach you first, you might be waiting a while. Do your research to find aligned joint venture partners and initiate a conversation. Take charge of engaging in the dance of partnership and you will impact more people, in less time.

Partnership is the currency of the new economy and your business model should include opportunities to partner with other conscious entrepreneurs. It will grow your business, and theirs, and create added value for your community. Today, more than ever, the passion that stirs you can be the very balm that soothes your soul and nurtures your essence.

About the Author/Further Resources

Adela Rubio is a Joint Venture Strategist who helps coaches and creatives share their message and build their tribe using engaging listbuilding strategies. She is an expert at creating experiential online virtual events that position you to free your Unique Essence, share your Authentic Message and power boost your reach with Joint Ventures. Let Adela teach you how powerful partnerships can be. Download Adela’s free audio “Creating Powerful Partnerships” at http://adelarubio.com today!

Follow Adela on:

Facebook – http://facebook.com/adelarubio
Twitter – http://twitter.com/adelarubio

 

 

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Meeting Outcomes

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / Collin Lyons / executive coach / Flow motion cafe / Laura Waite / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / meetings / nlp coach / outcome / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / productivity / time

Business productivity coaches, Laura Waite and Collin Lyons, share their thoughts and expertise in today’s guest post.

Meeting Outcomes:

How to get your meetings where you want them to go

by Laura Waite and Collin Lyons

If you spend any time in meetings, here’s a scenario you may find familiar: an hour is allocated to discuss the issues and what needs to be done about them. The group examines every angle, shares each person’s opinions, and then turns its attention to considering what to do… only to discover the time is up.

Coaching Confidence guest post meeting outcomes. Meetings next exit sign

Many of us find meetings less productive than they should be. This may be familiar to you, either in your meetings or those of your clients. As coaches, on committees or in teams, we rely on meetings to come together, share ideas and ultimately make decisions. However, research shows that only 50% of meetings get through all the planned content*.

You don’t have to be stuck in that rut, and neither do your clients! There’s a simple tool that can turn meetings into brainstorming powerhouses and, whether you find yourself running group meetings or you have a client whose productivity levels are low, everyone can end the meeting feeling positive and clear about the road ahead.

The tool is called “Meeting Outcomes” and it’s the key to a productive meeting, because it ensures you are engaging the right people on the right problem. Essentially, a Meeting Outcome is a brief description of what you will make, decide or generate during that meeting. It provides a solid goal for attendees to achieve. Here are some tips to make Meeting Outcomes work for you:

Before the Meeting, Decide Your Outcomes

  • Write a description of the Outcome – A Meeting Outcome is a description of “what” will be made, decided or generated during the meeting, not “how” we should go about doing so. (By contrast, an agenda provides a path through the meeting – a description of “how” that Meeting Outcome will be achieved.) If you are leading the meeting, write a brief description of what you intend the group to make, decide or generate during that meeting, which you can then include in the invite you send to attendees. Specifically describing the Outcome for the people invited to the meeting allows them to be clearer on their ability and desire to help achieve that Outcome, which in turn ensures that the people in the meeting are interested and eager to actively engage.
  • Often, the best Outcome is an expression of a problem that needs to be solved, for example: Do we have action plans for addressing the most important risks? Do we have a basic understanding of how we will be working together? Do we all agree on the new team structure? Thinking of an Outcome as a question gets you to really focus on the problem or situation to be addressed. This is a great tip for ensuring you don’t end up with an agenda (the “how”) instead of an Outcome (the “what”). The second reason, and some may argue the more important reason, is that a question forces everyone to think about the answer: rather than just saying “done”, you’ll need to think about whether the answer is “yes or no”.
  • The Meeting Outcome needs to be clear and specific and you’ll want to aim for one that can be realistically completed in a single session. It’s usually best to have just one Meeting Outcome, whenever possible, to encourage focus.
  • If necessary, break the Outcome down – If your Meeting Outcome is too large to be completed in a single session, break it down into smaller ones that the group can achieve over multiple sessions.
  • Communicate the Outcome and invite participation – Make sure that every potential participant receives the description of the Meeting Outcome. Open up the invitation list widely to ensure you get the right people to solve the problem. You should find that those people who choose to attend are the ones who are most passionate about achieving the meeting’s Outcome. Not everyone will have a vested interest in achieving the Meeting Outcome. It might fall outside their expertise, or relate to a project or goal that person isn’t working on, or is simply something they aren’t interested in. Giving every potential participant the Meeting Outcome beforehand allows them to make a well-informed decision about their participation. If the passion isn’t there, nor should be the participant.

Coaching COnfidence guest post, Meeting Outcomes. Want to deliver?

Meeting Outcomes are one of the most valuable tools on our coaching belts – we use them whenever we plan a meeting and our clients are regularly impressed at both the outcome and the ease of application, often remarking that it increases the productivity of the meeting substantially. Ultimately, the energised, focused attitude that Meeting Outcomes encourages not only increases a meeting’s productivity by making sure it goes where you wanted it to go, it also provides you with positive, willing attendees who will be excited about your coaching ideas – and excited to take them away and use them!

Want to enhance your technique? Tips for deciding Meeting Outcomes together as a group, using Meeting Outcomes to decide whether to attend a meeting and helping people focus on Meeting Outcomes once you have them are available on our website 🙂

* CyberMeetings by James L. Creighton and James W. R. Adams

About the Authors

Laura Waite and Collin Lyons are the duo of business productivity coaches behind Flowmotion. For people in the office world who want to feel the buzz, Flowmotion is an enterprise that will awaken your passion for work. To address the all-too-typical experience of unenergetic working lives, our mission is to redesign how people interact with their environment to generate engaging, productive and collaborative atmospheres and organisations. We share several decades of experience providing organisational transformation and executive coaching and have worked with large and global organisations including: British Telecom, British Petroleum, Standard Life Assurance and Investments, British Gas/Centrica, JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, Allied Irish Bank and the UK Government. You can find us at www.flowmotioncafe.com 🙂

 

How do you really get to know your clients? 1

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / Karen Williams / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / marketing / niche / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / sales / Self Discovery Coaching / Star Biz Conference / successful coaches

In today’s guest post, Karen Williams answers a question pondered by many looking to start, or grow, a coaching business.

A guest post by Karen Williams

How do you really get to know your clients?

by Karen Williams

Have you been told you need to niche? Perhaps you are reluctant as you don’t want to restrict your market or maybe you don’t know where to start? Even if you know your niche already, how do you really get to know your clients and what they want?

If you don’t get to know your clients, your message is going to get lost. They will be clicking off your website as soon as they arrive, they won’t get where you are coming from or perhaps they won’t find you in the first place.

If you’re not getting the results you want right now in your business, here’s 3 things to look at first:

  • Check that the language you are using on your website is pitched at the right level. When you create your website, your blog or any other literature, make sure you are using your client’s language and ask yourself ‘will my clients understand what I mean?’ Keep it simple. For example, you might want to use ‘say’ instead of ‘verbalise’.
  • How much jargon are you using when you are communicating with others – both in writing and face-to-face? For example, you might get a better reaction if you say ‘I help you to manage the way you feel…’ rather than ‘I help you to get in the right state’.
  • How clear is your message? I mentioned this in my blog recently, where I give suggestions about how to master your message to get the right response.

So how do you actually reach your clients and find out what they want?

I was talking to a client this week and I simply asked him, ‘who do you know in this field who can help you?’ and when he reeled off people he knew, I suggested that he take them for a coffee. Talking to people who are either in your target client group, or are connected to this group, is a great first step to finding out what they want.

If you already know some of your ideal clients, why not do a survey to find out what their problems are and what you can do to help them? I regularly survey the people on my contact list by using Survey Monkey. I also ask questions via my social media contacts. When you do this using a mixture of quantitative and qualitative questions (i.e. to get some figures and more lengthy responses), you can start to understand the dreams and challenges of the group and the actual language they are using.

Lastly, check out your competitors. Even if you have chosen the most unique niche, there are probably other people doing something similar to what you do. Find out what they do well, what you can model and what you can do differently to meet your client’s needs.

There are a lot of coaches in the industry doing something similar to what you do. To be successful you can’t be the same as everyone else and need to stand out from the crowd. By doing your research, you’ll quickly understand what makes you different, how you can be distinctive from everyone else, yet still give people the results that they desire.

About Karen Williams

Karen WilliamsAs a business coach and mentor, author, speaker, and firewalk instructor, Karen Williams, from Self Discovery Coaching, works with coaches and solopreneurs who are breaking free from the corporate world and want to create a successful business. She helps them to develop the foundations for a successful business, stand out from the crowd and enjoy every step of the way.

Karen is the author of The Secrets of Successful Coaches, which reached #1 in the Business charts on Amazon and has just released her second book, How to Stand Out in your Business, which you can order now.

Karen is also running the Star Biz conference on 3 and 4 November, with 8 expert speakers and a firewalk experience. In this unique two day event, you will discover what makes you outstanding, how you can express this uniqueness in your business, and leave with a 90 day step-by-step plan to transform your business and double your clients.
Top Image: © Tatiana53 | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Mentoring

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / calm / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / education / executive coach / focus / hypnotherapy / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / Meeta Sengupta / mentoring / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / teacher

How do you describe what you do so that your ideal clients easily understand?

In today’s guest post, originally published online at The Times of India, Meeta Sengupta describes mentoring for teachers in India.

Mentoring a guest post by Meeta Sengupta

Mentoring

by Meeta Sengupta

Everybody needs a pat on their back. From time to time, everybody needs to be able to talk to somebody more knowledgeable, more experienced and more philosophical. Sometimes because one needs a little encouragement, sometimes to renew the faith in oneself. Often one needs a more experienced hand to help us decide direction. More often than not, it is simply because we need to know that somebody is listening and somebody cares. In this competitive world, it is a relief to find some one who is objective and invested in our success.

Mentors help us with our existential questions, but do not answer them for us. They are there for us both as a sounding board and with handy advice when we tackle our classic stage of life questions: What should we do next? How should we do it? What pitfalls can we envisage and try to avoid? Mentors have the experience and the networks to help us reach farther than we can on our own. They are essential for fledgelings, or for any change or ‘lift off’ stage of life. Mentors are our booster shot in life.

Indian culture, and for that matter many other traditional cultures have mentorship built into the warp and weave of life. Our Guru Shishya parampara was not merely the relationship between teacher and student. The Guru is a mentor, often for life. One relies on the gurus, goes back to them in times of need. Sometimes just to rest, sometimes to lean back, often just to feel safe from the battering that one may receive at work. One comes back renewed, refreshed and ready for the next challenge – and if the guru is skilled, one does not even know how it happened. Then, just the thought that the door of the guru is always open is a resource, a source of strength.

As teachers, we are often mentors to our students, though maybe not to all of them. For those who we mentor, a little nudge here, the right questions asked at the right time, a little mental exercise, a challenge set and achieved – these are some of the tools we use everyday. Students may not even realise they are being mentored. The most elegant mentoring is subtle. Parents are mentors too – but their emotional engagement in the child’s success impairs their mentoring. There is little room for strong emotions in mentoring.

Teaching could be a lonely place, and teachers, more than any other profession need a mentoring network to keep them on track. Much of teaching, in practice is about talking to students, holding one’s own in the staff room and looking invincible. That is exhausting – we know it. All leaders know this, and just like in the corporate world, teachers too need renewal and support.

The best teachers are those who set up self renewal mechanisms. They have senior teachers as mentors. They build relationships full of affection and respect inside their classes. In the staffroom they are able to give and receive advice with no loss of face, because it is between peers. The feedback loops here are constructive and therefore effective. Some people seem to do this naturally, others watch and learn. The ones who watch, learn and then pass it on are those who build institutions.

Mentoring should be a part of the formal role of seniors in organisations and must be kept separate from the reporting relationships or from appraisal networks. This is very difficult in small places. In schools senior teachers and head teachers should have formal mentoring responsibilites – a duty of care in addition to the duty of sight. Formal mentoring would mean allocating time and resources to regular sit down sessions, phone/email conversations and interventions. A mentor has a duty to look out for their charges. Informal mentoring networks look easier but depend too much on personalities. Those who are shy or reclusive often miss out on the potential for growth. Mentoring networks, whether senior or even peer networks do not happen automatically, they need building and nurturing

We seek mentors for advice, but when they give it, it can be difficult to take. Traditional and untutored mentoring can be oppressive too. It is a skilled mentor who guides but does not stifle. It is an extremely lucky person who finds a good mentor. It is a wise person who seeks many mentors and learns from each. And, it is a silly person who takes their mentors for granted. Mentoring others is hard work and takes time away from one’s own life and interests. The rewards are few – satisfaction and the joy of making someone else successful. Within corporates the worth of mentoring has been appreciated and forms part of the formal role, but even then much depends upon the goodwill of the mentor. It is often a one way street. All the more reason for the person receiving support (I am not fond of the word – mentee) to respect the time and effort put in by the mentor in their success. The input is such a treasure that thanks are inadequate, often payment inappropriate.

Does everybody deserve a mentor? We may think so, but would the mentors agree? There is a story in hindu mythology that speaks of a time when Shiva, the most perfect performer would not perform until he found the perfect audience – Vishnu. So it is with mentors, as with gurus. They know that some people benefit more from their inputs. With some people stronger bonds are created, and with the common cause comes a more successful partnership. Mentors seek that, because that is their main reward.

Finally, can mentoring be taught? Is it a skill or a talent? Both of course, but more of a skill – thus the tools can be taught. Most people can give advice, not all can be mentors. Mentoring involves self discipline, objectivity and the ability to eliminate oneself from the discussion. At the same time, mentoring need not be a complex process – sometimes all it takes is a warm hug, virtual or real. From time to time.

About the Author/Further Resources

Meeta Sengupta is an educator and advisor specializing in business education, cross border skill development, and coaching and mentoring. She has worked in a range of sectors including commercial banking, investment banking, publishing, education and skills development. She has strong research, teaching and leadership skills honed through many years of experience in academia, corporate, and multilateral organizations. Meeta currently runs an enterprise that supports various projects across the sector including Words and More (writing by children), a knowledge sharing platform for educators and supports self –organised efforts of the educators in Higher Education as part of her role as chairperson of the North India chapter of the Higher Education Forum.

Follow Meeta on twitter (@Meetasengupta)

How to coach a client who is suffering from stress 2

 in Guest Post  tagged breathing / Brighton hypnotherapist / business coach / business coaching / calm / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / fight or flight / focus / hypnotherapy / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / physiology / relax / Sara Maude / stress

In today’s guest post Sara Maude shares her thoughts and expertise on what some view as an everyday part of modern life:

How to coach a client who is suffering from stress

How to coach a client who is suffering from stress

by Sara Maude

Have you ever wondered why you sometimes find yourself making slow progress with a coaching client? Despite asking the most thought provoking questions or using the finest honed techniques, you still find nothing works?

Before you begin to ponder on your own skills and competency as a coach, stop and ask yourself this question; ‘is it possible my client is stressed?’. If the answer is yes, then you can stop looking in the local jobs section for a new career.

When a person is stressed no amount of coaching will have an effect unless you have the ability to calm an overworked ruminating mind down.

The effects of stress on a client

Stress impacts people on many levels and put simply in a coaching context, it stops a person being available for change. The lights may be on, but no-one is home.

Stress isn’t something that ‘happens’ to us, it triggers only through the basis of our perception to it. So what one client may perceive in a situation to be stressful and a handful to deal with, to another it may be water off a ducks back.

The stress response is also known as the ‘fight and flight’ response. It is hardwired into us and when triggered at the right time, keeps us safe. Unfortunately our brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality so the fight and flight response will trigger based on our perception of what is dangerous. This could be a man with a knife at your throat, or a presentation to the board of directors.

When the fight and flight response is triggered a rapid number of bodily changes take place. All major organs not required in the moment shut down; the body floods with cortisol, the stress hormone, the adrenal glands go into over drive and the body gets ready to fight or take flight. Together with this, the thinking brain shuts down and all bodily responses become primordial.

What does this mean for you as a coach? It means that when the thinking brain shuts down, a client is incapable is taking in any information; they will struggle to process your words and the meaning of them and as for creative thinking, well forget it.

80% of the clients I see as a therapist have some form of stress related disorder, so the chances of you working with a stressed client are extremely high. The stress response was only ever meant to be a short term. Back in our evolutionary days when we were hunter gatherers it triggered to prevent us from being eaten alive in the jungle. Despite being able to forage for food in the local supermarket the ‘dangers’ we face in today’s modern world come in the form of taking on a new job, having to do a presentation or having a tricky relationship with your boss as examples. Modern day life is also seeing people remaining in prolonged periods of stress which in turn impacts on the bodies physical and mental wellbeing.

How to spot the signs your client is stressed?

Stress has many guises and to some people it may not even be apparent that they are stressed accepting it instead as a way of life, but there are some key signs you can look for in a coaching session;

  • Feeling overwhelmed
  • Inability to think clearly or process information
  • Inability to think creatively or access their imagination
  • An inability to relax, appearing fidgety
  • Irrational thinking
  • Negative emotions such as insecurity, guilt, worry, fear
  • Shallow breathing
  • Anger
  • Any mention of trouble sleeping; trouble getting to sleep or disturbed sleep
  • Any mention of psychical problems such as digestive issues, abdominal cramps, pain, bloating

What to do when your client is stressed

One of the key interventions to overcoming stress is to calm down and focus the mind of your client which will be on overdrive. A simple way of doing this is to get the client to do some 7/11 breathing. Breathing in for the count of 7 and out for the count of 11 triggers the parasympathetic side of the nervous system, which is also the relaxation response. Get your client to imagine that their stomach is a balloon and as they breathe in for the count of 7 it fills with air and as they breathe out for the count of 11 it deflates. Do this approximately 7 – 10 times and get them to notice just how much calmer they feel afterwards.

It may feel to some of your clients that stress is part of modern day life and should be accepted. Whilst we all experience a degree of stress now and again, long term if it isn’t dealt with, stress has an overwhelming impact on the body and is currently the number one reason for absence in the UK and the underlying reason of over half of medical conditions. Getting your client to acknowledge that they are stressed and need a helping hand is a major step in the right direction. It is also important to normalise why they may be feeling this way so that they recognise that stress is a subconscious response based on their bodies own survival mechanism and it doesn’t mean that they are not capable of managing their life or work.

Look at what your client is doing to switch off and have down time. Our ability to deal with stress comes from our spare capacity. We can create more spare capacity by taking time out on a regular basis to relax. When we do this we create space in the mind and body allowing us to deal with situations calmly and rationally, to think clearly, to tune into our instincts and to remain in control of our emotions.

Finally, know where you should and shouldn’t go. Be aware of the boundaries between coaching and therapy and know when it is time to suggest alternative interim support for your client. There may be underlying issues which need to be addressed in a way that only therapy can provide. Solution focused psychotherapy and hypnotherapy can clear stress and stress related disorders, including post traumatic stress in two to three sessions. A good therapist will also teach your client key coping strategies to prevent them from getting stressed in the future.

About the Author/Further Resources

166 e1348594568438Sara is a Brighton based hypnotherapist & psychotherapist who provides problem-free therapy which connects people with their inner resources and goes deep into the unconscious mind to create powerful change. Sessions are available on a one to one basis or through Skype. www.saramaudehypnotherapy.com

You can Find Sara on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Sara.Maude.Hypnotherapy.and.Psychotherapy

The Last Lesson 1

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / grown up / Indigo Turtle / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / Marie Yates / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / question / The Survivor's coach

The Survivor’s Coach, Marie Yates shares a personal experience and a question in this week’s guest post:

the last lesson e1349265024794

The Last Lesson

by Marie Yates

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” This was a question my Grandma asked me only a couple of weeks ago! I won’t reveal my age but I can assure you I would be considered ‘grown up’ by anybody’s standards. The question was asked by a woman who has always been an incredible role model to me and whilst her memory was fading, she never ceased to amaze me with her strength and courage.

Initially, the question made me laugh. I am grown up. However, it was only then that the enormity of the question struck me. I looked at my Grandma and told her what I wanted to be when I grow up. ‘I want to be a writer’. She looked at me, smiled and said ‘that’s nice, what are you writing?’

Ok, so the list of reasons why I wasn’t actually writing anything at the moment didn’t work on my Grandma. I love what I am doing at the moment. I am blessed to be able to work with people I connect with and I wouldn’t change anything about my life. I would simply add this element to it. That burning desire to write has never gone away, it has just been muted while I have developed other elements of my life. Grandma simply said, ‘make the most of being young as the time goes so quickly’.

Grandma passed away last week and that was her final piece of advice for me.

I would love for you to ask yourself the question ‘what would I like to be when I grown up?’ Smile as you ask yourself and think about the first burst of inspiration that comes to you.

What are you doing about it? How are you making this a reality?

Don’t put it off thinking that there will be time. Make the time now and make this happen.

As for when you will be ‘grown up’… I will leave that for you to consider!

About the author

Marie Yates, ‘The Survivor’s Coach’, is the founder of Indigo Turtle.

Taking the experience of rape and sexual violence and using it to create a catalyst for positive change is something that seemed impossible. Marie has shown that it is not only possible; it is changing the way that survivors see themselves and the way that survivors are seen by others.

Through a variety of ways, Marie looks at what it means to be a ‘survivor’ and then takes it to the next level. Looking to the future and exploring what can be achieved gives a renewed enthusiasm for achieving success as defined by YOU!

Follow Marie on Twitter here.

 

What to do when encountering challenging situations with your coaching clients! 1

 in Guest Post  tagged action / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching challenges / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / executive coach / expectations / Frederique Murphy / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / Mountain Moving Mindset / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / showing up

Coach Frederique Murphy shares her experience and thoughts in today’s guest post.

what to do2

What to do when encountering challenging situations with your coaching clients!

by Frederique Murphy

This is my fifth guest blog post, and as with every blog posts, I thrive to tackle topics that might not necessarily be often tackled! Earlier this year, when Jen and I discussed the dates for my blog posts, I told her that I knew exactly what my final 2012 blog post would be, and here it is! In this article, I want to talk about, the events when you, as the coach, encounter some challenging situations with your coaching clients.

After close to 5 years of coaching, I can say that I have encountered all of these; and, yes, I am saying it out loud, and publically: it is actually rare for coaches to talk about these situations, even though, they happen. I want to break that pattern, and help you through these. I believe that these situations have either happened to you, or might happen in the future as you continue to stretch and grow yourself and your coaching practice. I also want to say upfront that in most cases, these situations are not a negative reflection of your coaching services. But, as these are often unspoken, when they happen, many coaches feel it was their fault and go into a shame/guilt/unworthy destructive cycle.

So, let’s openly talk about these, and see how we can shift and move forward.

Challenging situation #1

Your coaching client does not “show up”.

And, I don’t mean physically! You know, when they sign up to your coaching programme, and, somehow, don’t “show up”; they might arrive late to your sessions, they might not listen to your programme classes, they might not read your emails, they might not open your attachments, they might not reply to you, etc, etc, etc; these type of things. You know, as the coach, that showing up and playing fully is critical to their success; your coaching programme might be one of the best programmes out there, and yet, it will not do anything for them if they don’t utilised it. It is a challenging situation, as you know that they are not utilising the programme, and know they would get even more out of it, should they do, of course.

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on. There will be 3 scenarios:

  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and (prepare to be surprised), they tell you they are satisfied with the coaching programme! => key lesson: you are not them, and if they are satisfied with what they are getting, then let it be, they are getting what it is they want; your conversation is a good platform to remind them of the various components and encourage them to utilise them to get the best of your programme, that way you’ve reached out to them and reminded them of what is available to them,
  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and (prepare to be surprised), they tell you they are satisfied with the coaching programme, but in fact, they are not! => key lesson: you’ve reached out to them, and, asked what you could do to ensure they would get a satisfied experience, and they, for whatever reason, lie to you; fast forward a bit, and they will soon end their relationship with you, unless, you take charge first, and realise you are not happy working with clients who are not showing up and playing fully, and you take the lead in ending the relationship; this is entirely up to you,
  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and they tell you they are not satisfied with the coaching programme => key lesson: you’ve reached out to them, and, you can now openly talk about it; discuss what is going on, and see if you can come up with ways to make it work; this is an important conversation, and you can turn things around, if both of you are up for it.

Challenging situation #2

Your client does not take actions.

This is a similar situation, as the first one. Here, something for you to be very clear about is that acting is 100% their responsibility; they will not get results if they don’t act, and you cannot guarantee them results, as you are not the ones taking the actions. So, it comes down to their actions

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (again here, I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on, and share your concerns with them. See where this conversation leads you; ultimately, it will once again be up to you, and you might be a coach, who is not happy working with clients not taking actions, and decide to end your relationship.

Challenging situation #3

Your coaching client does not like it when you push their buttons.

Another challenging situation, right? I want you to ask yourself: is pushing buttons part of your role as a coach? I believe it is, in fact, an integral part of your coaching; when something needs to come out but does not, you might need to make it come out and however way you will do it, it might cause the client to feel the heat; you are not their friend, you are their coach, and your outcome is to do whatever is needed to support them, and sometimes supporting them means to push some buttons to get them moving forward.

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (again here, I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on. This will enable you to openly discuss and see how your coaching client is, and to (re)share with them your role, values and practices. However way you do it, I want to strongly emphasise the fact that I believe you should not change your style to suit your clients. In my previous article Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All? I talked about coaching styles, and reminded you that “Your coaching style will be the best for some, and completely clash for others.” And this is what might be happening. During your conversation, you will either decide to make it work, or to end the relationship if you feel this is not going to work. Again here, it is entirely up to you.

Challenging situation #4

Your client expects ABC, and you give them XYZ.

This situation is another challenge in itself! When you are coaching your client, your key outcome is to coach them to the best of your ability. You come to their sessions, without any agenda. However, very often, your coaching client will come to their session with their agenda, their ABC. And, here is what happens; they want ABC, but, for whatever reason, they also come in with a bunch of “stuff”, and you, as the coach, make a judgement call, in tackling the stuff, as you professionally know that once it is tackled, it will make it easy to then move their focus onto ABC; so, you do, XYZ, as you feel, it is what will best support your coaching client in that session. The thing is, they don’t know what’s going on, they are not trained as coaches, so from their point of view, they’ll see things as wanting to get ABC, but getting XYZ instead; and it might well have been that XYZ created huge shifts and breakthroughs, but, it was not ABC, bottom line, they did not get what that wanted.

So, what do you do? In this case, I believe, that instead of being a “what do you do?” question, it is actually a “what can you do post-session? question. Because, you did what you decided was best at the time of the session, so now, it is looking into the post-session follow-up to ensure your client remains satisfied. It has happened to me a couple of times, and should these scenarios happen again, I would do exactly the same things, as in, do the XYZ first and then, deliver a post-session action to ensure you address the ABC.

The BIG silver lining!

While these situations are challenging to face, I actually believe that experiencing these scenarios will make you a stronger coach, as each of these will be beneficial to your growth. You will learn from each of these, and if necessary, refine some of your internal and external processes, that will make your practice stronger too. Now, for this to happen, and for you to be able to view these situations as something positive along your journey, you need to ensure that as these happen, you discuss them with your own coach, so that he/she can help you through these. This is very important.

This is not an exhaustive list, and the recommendations I am giving are the ones that have worked for me; but there are plenty of other ways to tackle these challenging situations. Remember, the key thing is that you should do whatever you think is best for you and your client; I truly believe that facing these situations head on is the best first step. Be proud of who you are as a coach, and stand by your practice.

Have you ever encountered one of these 4 challenging situations with your coaching clients? What did you do? I’d love for you to share, this will be so helpful for other coaches. Comment below!

About the Author/Further Resources

Frederique MurphyFrederique Murphy (@IrishSmiley on twitter) is a mindset strategist, who founded her business to focus on her passion: transformation! Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset programme, Frederique empowers individuals, corporate executives and business owners to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their life, career and business to a whole new level! She shares her M3 Power through her coaching & mentoring packages, her published books & articles, her award-winning blog and newsletters, and her unique live events. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range of products and services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, get your free M3 Power, and start climbing now!

Secrets of Coaching Confidence

 in Guest Post  tagged audio / business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / confidence / executive coach / focus / kinesthetic / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / representational systems / Richard Nugent / state / Twenty One Leadership / unconfident / visual

Richard Nugent shares his thoughts and expertise in today’s guest post about:

A guest post by Richard Nugent

Secrets of Coaching Confidence.

(Adapted from an article written for Fenman Training’s ‘Coach the Coach’)

by Richard Nugent

I’d like you to consider a big paradigm shift from the very beginning of this article – this is that confidence is just a state. It’s not something we have or haven’t got, it’s something you do or don’t do. ‘States’ are changes in chemical and electrical activity in the body caused by alterations in focus or physiology. Many coaches, leaders and managers now understand that by changing what they are paying attention to on the inside or by getting them to move or even hold themselves differently, they can alter their ‘emotional’ state.

While we believe that top people just have it, confidence is a specific emotional state that is alien to many people in many situations. Whether this is as a result of culture (national, local or organisational), upbringing, experience or self-perception, it is clear that for many people the feeling of absolute confidence is felt in only very specific circumstances. In fact the chemical reactions experienced at these isolated times can be recreated in any context, in other words you easily train your self to be more confident more of the time.

The Physiology of Confidence

Who is the most confident person that you know? How do you know that they are confident? How would somebody who has just met them know? People who are seen as ‘confident’ will demonstrate similar characteristics, most of which can easily be replicated by anyone.

Typical Physiological Characteristics of Confidence
  • Straight posture
  • Postive movements (whether attacking or defending)
  • Even breath
  • Firm, positive gestures
  • Steadiness of vocal tone

Being able to copy these characteristics allows more than a simple ‘mimicking’ of confidence. When anyone regularly adopts the physiology of confidence, they are encouraging their body to trigger confidence chemicals and electrical activity to stimulate a genuine state of confidence.

It’s important to remember that many people who are perceived as confident by others don’t always feel that way on the inside. Those who master confidence maintain their focus and regularly adopt the physiology of confidence, which in turn develops their confidence further.

It is vital to remember the important part that the body plays in ‘confidence’ (and indeed any state). As Dr. Candice Pert (‘Molecules of Emotion’ (Pocket Books ISBN: 0671033972, Amazon UK link), the pioneering neuroscientist highlighted, “the brain is located within and throughout the body”. In other words, our memory is quite literally in the muscle. When you discover what your own confidence physiology is, you will begin to access this state increasingly easily.

The ‘Focus’ of Confidence

So, it’s easy to see what confident people do on the outside, what about what happens on the inside? What sets these self-assured people apart from those who doubt themselves? We’ve known for some time now that internal dialogue plays a vital part in our state and how we perceive ourselves at any time. Many people, however, still allow these negative internal dialogues to continue. Their focus that is based on regular dialogue of ‘why do I always choke in the big meetings?’, ‘why do I always do this wrong?’, I’ll never be good enough to get promoted?’.

The more they repeat these (and other) low quality questions and statements, the more they drive doubt and anxiety into their neurology.

What about the focus of those who ‘have’ confidence? What do they know, do or say that allows that to operate more often from this much more resourceful state? On a fundamental level the internal dialogue will be more positive, encouraging and assured. For example ‘whatever level I present to, I’ll always adapt’ is an example of one person’s internal dialogue I’ve worked with. This wasn’t some forced positive self-talk, it was simply something that he has now said to himself so often that it became a belief.

Another useful angle to explore is that the focus of main internal representational systems (senses) changes slightly when focusing on confidence or the lack of it in certain situations. By identifying what these differences it can be relatively simple to help your people alter their strategies and increase their chances of success.

When I was first introduced to this concept, I asked a client to focus on a situation he lacked confidence about and notice his internal representations. He quickly found himself running a whole load of negative ‘strategies’. His internal pictures were all of the situation going badly. He was performing poorly and others were showing a much higher level of ability. His internal dialogue had switched to negative and critical, he was hearing himself complain, and imagining his manager pointing out his weaknesses. Finally he had a significant knot in his stomach – no surprise bearing in mind his visual and auditory focus!

I then had him focus on a future experience that he had full confidence in. Within seconds his internal picture had changed. As well as the internal pictures now showing success and the whole scenario going well, they were also brighter and clearer; mentally it was a sunny day! The auditory tape had changed too; now his internal dialogue was positive and supportive as was the imagined language of those around him. Finally, and most interestingly for me, the knot had moved. Rather than the intense feeling in his stomach, it was now an equally intense feeling in his chest – the same one he gets whenever he is excited!

This client found his key focus differences for fear and excitement and confident and unconfident. The differences between the two will vary in individual from person to person what remains the same is our (and their) ability to change the focus.

Try this experiment. It will be most effective if you can familiarise yourself with the questions, then close your eyes when doing each part of the exploration.

Think of an event in the future you feel less than confident about. Really associate into it, see it through your own eyes, as if it were happening now.

  • Notice what the pictures are like.
  • Are they moving or still?
  • How successful are you seeing yourself being?
  • What are the colours, contrast and brightness like?

 

  • Now focus on the sounds.
  • What kinds of things are you hearing, are they supportive or not?
  • Notice the volume and pitch of what you can hear.
  • Also notice where the sounds are coming from.

 

  • Finally take notice of what feelings this has generated in you.
  • Are they familiar?
  • What would you label them as?
  • Where specifically in the body are they?
  • Are they moving or still? Do they have a shape?

Having noticed the pictures, sounds and feelings that you were focussing on change your focus completely for a moment before moving onto the second part. Stand up and move around, even sitting in a different position will help. When you’ve shaken off the feeling of unconfident, then you’re ready to move on the next part.

Now think of an event in the future you feel supremely confident about. Again associate into it, see it through your own eyes, as if it were happening now.

  • Now notice what the pictures are like.
  • Are they moving or still?
  • How successful are you seeing yourself being?
  • What are the colours, contrast and brightness like?

 

  • Again move onto the sounds.
  • What kinds of things are you hearing, are they supportive now?
  • Notice the volume and pitch of what you can hear.
  • Also notice where the sounds are coming from.

 

  • Now take notice of what feelings this has generated in you.
  • Are they familiar?
  • What would you label them as?
  • Where specifically in the body are they?
  • Are they moving or still? Do they have a shape?

This can be an extraordinarily useful and powerful tool to access your confidence more regularly. Over time this process becomes more and more natural, even automatic allowing us to instantly access our confidence.

Is that it?

Surely those people who have suffered from neglect or criticism over a sustained period of time can’t simply ‘become’ confident by standing straighter or telling themselves how wonderful they are? Well maybe. The assumption that confidence can’t be changed or improved ‘that easily’ comes from the assumption that it is some kind of deep rooted belief. This takes us back to our starting point. Confidence is certainly affected by our beliefs – however confidence itself is a state.

Surely then it’s a long lasting embedded ‘state’? Well there is no such thing, states are always changing, electrical and chemical activity is constantly taking place in our body. It makes sense to describe states as “emergent properties” of our self-organising brains because they are always in a state of flux (Grigsby and Stevens, Neurodynamics of Personality The Guilford Press 2000). This naturally means that to remain in a state of ‘unconfident’ for more than even a few minutes we must repeat and maintain the focus and physiology that is helping us into that state. Anyone can break these patterns by simply changing our physiology or focus.

An added advantage is that it’s often unnecessary to even explore what is causing the lack of confidence. Doing so would merely reinforce feelings of inadequacy. Instead, focus on practicing the focus and physiology of the state of confidence which when mastered, can change lives forever.

About the Author/Further Resources

Richard is the M.D. of Twenty One Leadership and has coached talented people from the fields of sport and business for the last decade. Clients have credited him with everything from million pound transfers to the creation of new market leading organisations. The return on investment from his programmes stretches into the millions of Pounds, Euros and Dollars.