emotion

Tears in Coaching: Embracing Vulnerability for Growth

 in quote  tagged Alfred Austin / coach / coaches / coaching / emotion / quote / vulnerability
Although you cant see any frame etc this looks like it is an image looking through a glass window. The background is out of focus but are natural different shades of green. In the foreground, almost touching the glass are a couple of grean healthy leaves. Rain drops are evident on the glass. The text reads "Never fear to weep; For tears are summer showers to the soul, To keep it fresh and green." (Alfred Austin)

Today’a quote to prompt some thoughts around a coaching related topic is:

“Never fear to weep; For tears are summer showers to the soul, To keep it fresh and green.” (Alfred Austin)

In the realm of coaching, emotions are an integral part of the human experience. Coaching is often an experience that for some clients can feel like its taking a big step into vulnerability. Today’s quote talks about the essence of embracing tears as a natural and rejuvenating expression: Whilst this may not apply to every coaches style, personally I like to ensure that I do what I can so that my coaching takes place in a safe, empathetic, and non-judgmental space where clients feel free to express their emotions, including shedding tears.

The Power of Tears:

A Natural Response:

Tears are not a sign of weakness; rather, they are a natural response to a spectrum of emotions. Whether a reaction to a poignant realization or a part of the healing process, tears convey a depth of emotion that words alone sometimes cannot capture.

An Integral Part of Healing:

Acknowledging that tears can be a significant part of the healing journey is crucial. As coaches, we must recognize and honor the role of tears in the client’s emotional landscape, understanding that they can signify a release and a step towards growth.

Creating a Safe Space:

Non-Judgmental Environment:

As a coach, I see part of my role is not just as a guide but also to create/hold/point to the space where clients can express their emotions without fear of judgment. A non-judgmental environment fosters trust, allowing clients to open up authentically and answer honestly.

Vulnerability:

Expressing vulnerability, including shedding tears, is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it is in these moments of vulnerability that clients often discover their inner strength and resilience. Encourage clients to embrace their emotions, knowing that it’s a crucial part of their personal growth journey. I’m often mindful, expecially when just starting working with a client, that it can feel like it takes a lot to turn up to such a conversation.

Comfort with Emotion:

Embracing the Show of Emotion:

Personally, I am comfortable with clients expressing a range of emotions, including tears. It’s through these authentic moments that we can delve deeper into understanding the client’s needs, desires, and challenges. Remember, I’m not saying that tears are a compulsory part of coaching, but the freedom to express them is.

Strength in Vulnerability:

Letting tears flow is a powerful act of self-expression. It allows clients to wash away emotional barriers, gaining clarity and insight. It’s a process of cleansing the window to the soul, enabling a clearer view of one’s inner self.

Reflection:

The Coach’s Comfort with Emotion:

As coaches, it’s essential to reflect on our own comfort level with clients’ displays of emotion. Are we creating an environment where clients feel safe to express themselves fully? Our comfort and acceptance contribute significantly to the client’s overall coaching experience.

Growth through Vulnerability:

Consider instances where clients have shown vulnerability, and explore how those moments contributed to their growth. Recognize the strength that can emerge from embracing emotions, reinforcing the idea that vulnerability is a pathway to resilience.

Conclusion:

In the dance between coach and client, tears can be a poignant and transformative element. As we guide individuals on their journey of self-discovery, let us remember that tears are not to be feared but embraced. They are the summer showers that keep the soul fresh and green. So, coaches, how comfortable are you with a show of emotion? In this shared space of vulnerability, let us continue to nurture growth, strength, and clarity, one tear at a time.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

If money was your lover how would you describe your relationship? 2

 in Guest Post  tagged clients / emotion / finance / Harmoney life / Helen Collier / money / money coach

In today’s guest post money coach Helen Collier shares some of her experience and knowledge on a topic that can be a stumbling block for coaches (and their clients):

"If money was your lover how would you describe your relationship?" A guest post By Helen Collier

If money was your lover how would you describe your relationship?

By Helen Collier

I often ask groups this question. It usually causes embarrassed laughter. Then responses start to come. Delivered boldly or as aside mutterings,

  • ‘In separate rooms’,
  • ‘Solid’
  • ‘Divorced’
  • ‘Tense’
  • ‘Comfortable’

and so they go on.

We all have a relationship with money which others may puzzle over, criticise or admire. Some of us have more money than others. Some of us spend what we haven’t got. Some of us hoard and refuse to spend even on the essentials.

Money and emotions run deep

Recently I heard Sir Bob Geldorf describing a time in his life when he had very little money and although he is now a successful, wealthy business man he said ‘I can’t escape the panic that I’m back there’

It’s not unusual for me to meet people who say

  • “I earn loads of money and I’m broke”
  • “I thought I was doing all the right things and I know the universe will provide but the money isn’t coming, what am I doing wrong?”
  • “I just hate spending money, I get a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach”

Beneath these statements lay deeper feelings and emotions, often rooted somewhere in earlier experiences.

We all have a personal money story which charts the way money has shown up throughout our lives. As children we learn lessons about money. Quite often many of the lessons aren’t about anything anyone directly set out to teach us. When we are very young we are powerless to have much influence over what happens in our family around money. We make our own sense of what can be a very confusing and contradictory world and we can carry that sense on into our adult lives.

My mentor Deborah Price of the Money Coaching Institute would say that Money is a core survival issue. Woven into the fabric of that £10 note in our purses and wallets are a myriad of beliefs, emotions and reactions which far out weigh the actual monetary value. Am I worth it? Is there enough? Am I enough?

It’s my view that not enough of us have taken the time to really look at money and how it shows up in our lives.

So let’s start now and share some thoughts on this blog.

Here’s that question again and a few more

If money was your lover how would you describe your relationship?

As coaches what sort of issues arise for your clients around money?

How grounded do you feel in relation to money?

What work have you done on your own issues around money, so you’re in a clearer and cleaner place to support your clients?

About Helen Collier

My work as a money coach grew from a growing disquiet before the financial crisis that there was something amiss in the world of money and it wasn’t just £’s and pence. Seeing what was happening in the financial world, a growing reliance on credit and a sense that we could have everything now left me feeling uncomfortable and led me to explore more about the emotional side of money. I trained with the Money Coaching Institute in California to become an accredited money coach. I now work with clients from the inside out, facilitating an understanding of how their past is showing up in their present and, armed with that knowledge, coaching them as they transform their money lives. If you want to contact me click here

Connect with Helen via:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HarmoneyLife

Linked in:uk.linkedin.com/in/helencollier/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Harmoney/324194636947?fref=ts

Access one of Helen’s free webinars on Money Types at http://www.survivedandthrived.com/Money-Quiz/

 

Let your body do the talking 1

 in Guest Post  tagged body / Charlotte Green / clients / coach / confidence / emotion / feeling / kinesthetic / moment / NLP / personal development / self-esteem / senses / thoughts / women

Coach Charlotte Green shares some of her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post:

"Let your body do the talking" A guest post by Charlotte Green, founder of Inner Confidence for Women

Let your body do the talking

By Charlotte Green, founder of Inner Confidence for Women

I am often asked whether ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’ are the same or different – are they interchangeable words or do they mean different things?

Feelings and emotions are certainly related concepts and that is why they are often confused and treated as the same thing, and in many cases that works well. But when we, as coaches, are helping clients to really know and understand themselves, it can be really useful to differentiate between the two.

So what is the difference?

Feelings are in the moment. They are what we experience physically within our bodies and through our 5 senses. It’s useful to refer to them as physical feelings. Unlike our emotions, they do not involve the mind. Emotions on the other hand are a mental interpretation of the feelings we are experiencing mixed in with our thoughts.

When asked how they feel, I notice that people respond on one of three levels. Some respond with a thought – “I’ve got so much going on” – others give an emotion – “I’m finding it hard to cope” – or they go inside and describe exactly what their body is telling them – “I feel so tense and exhausted. Everything aches.”

Here is a table to show examples of the 3 levels:

[table width=”600″ colwidth=”75|175|75|275″ colalign=”centre|left|left|left|”]

,,,,
Level 1:,’no one will help me’,Thought ,An idea or opinion produced by thinking / a mental picture – imagined and contemplated in the mind influenced by life experiences
Level 2:,’I feel anxious’,emotion,A combination of thoughts and physical feelings – an interpretation
Level 3:,’My shoulders feel really tense and my stomach is in knots’,feeling,Physical experiences within the body and information received through one of the bodies 5 senses (touch/ taste/ smell/ sound/ sight)
[/table]

So, which level do we want to be working with?

We are a holistic system and need information from each of the 3 levels to be fully resourceful and yet, in the western society we overemphasise the importance of the mind. This means that thoughts can dominate and hijack the system resulting in stress and overwhelm.

By paying attention to all the messages we receive from our thoughts, emotions and feelings we maintain a balanced and informed system, each giving us feedback that helps us be safe as well as to develop and grow. Imbalance occurs when one level dominates or hijacks another or we shut one down. There is no hero or villain in this situation – each part of the emotional system is equally valid and essential and deserves attention.

EXAMPLE – Inviting client to connect to themselves at a deeper level

Here is an excerpt from a recent coaching session (I have client’s permission to share this) where I was inviting my client to connect to themselves more deeply. They move down through all three levels shown in the table above. For those of you who use NLP, this can be a great tool for accessing positive states to anchor.

Coach: How are you feeling today?

Client: I’ve had a good day (thought)

Coach: I know you said that you have had a difficult few weeks so that’s really good to hear. How are you feeling?

Client: I’m happy (emotion)

Coach: How do you know you are happy?

Client: work went OK, got time with my partner tonight and looking forward to getting together with friends tomorrow (thoughts)

Coach: they sound like a lot of good reasons (thoughts) why you might feel happy. Let’s go inside more and find out how you experience that within your body. How does your body let you know it’s happy? What do you notice about your body right now? How do you feel?

Client: I feel a bit tingly all over and I have a big smile on my face (feelings)

Coach: Just sit with that feeling for a moment. You can turn up the volume if you want …

Client: (smiling) Wow! I feel lovely. My breathing has really slowed down and deepened. I feel really calm and relaxed.

How to apply this to your coaching

  • Introduce the emotional system to your clients and encourage them to check in with themselves regularly throughout the day:
    • Simply ask yourself “how do I feel right now”
    • Then notice at which level you answer
    • Practice moving up and down the levels, particularly going down if you tend to start from thoughts
      • Moving from thoughts to emotions “how am I feeling right now”
      • Moving from emotions to thoughts “what am I thinking about right now”
      • Moving from emotions to feelings “what am I physically feeling in my body”
  • As a coach, remember to walk your talk and check your own emotional system is flowing and that all 3 areas have your attention. It will improve your intuitive abilities to coach and help you build rapport with your clients.
  • You can shift physical feelings simply by being present with your breath (mindfulness) so this is a very effective method of managing stress. Give your breath your full attention – it takes practice but in my experience the calm comes quickly and feels really good.

Although I have been a coach since 2006, I have specialised in working with women for the last 4 years, and more recently with young adults, both of which are hugely rewarding. In my experience, developing a complete emotional language has been a massively influential part of my client’s successful transformations.

Women in particular, who are often so tuned into and committed to the wellbeing of other people’s emotions, have found that having the permission and skills to tune into themselves has enabled them to break free of limiting behaviours, thoughts and habits and be able to create a much more balanced and satisfying life.

I hope you and your clients enjoy exploring your emotional systems.

About Charlotte Green

Charlotte founded Inner Confidence for Women in 2006 after a fascinating corporate career managing an international training team for a global electronic publisher where she and her team ran workshops within Universities and Government organisations across Europe, Middle East and Africa. Although she gained invaluable experience and skills from the corporate world, her real passion lay within personal development.

Inner Confidence for Women specialises in self confidence, self esteem and emotional wellbeing for women and young people. Charlotte is incredibly passionate about her work and reaches her clients through running courses, workshops and through 121 coaching.

Charlotte was inspired to focus on working with women after the birth of her daughter in 2010. “Being around so many women who put their own needs to the bottom of the pile while they made sure everyone else was OK really spoke to me. I love helping women find themselves again, or for the first time. It is a joy to encourage women to raise their self esteem and self confidence so they can embrace their lives”

As a professional trainer as well as a coach, Charlotte is able to reach a wider audience creating and delivering workshops to inspire young adult carers in Suffolk. “When an 18 year stays behind after the workshop to tell me excitedly about how they used the new tools and techniques to improve a situation that normally spirals out of control, it is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world”.

Charlotte believes that unexpressed emotions are like a drunk relative at a wedding – they corner you and won’t leave you alone! As an accredited Peer Support Network trainer she co-runs courses on behalf of a local Mind charity, Suffolk Mind, helping people to learn how to notice, accept, express and understand their own emotions so they can increase their confidence and wellbeing.

Charlotte is passionate about helping people to believe in themselves “when you believe in yourself, anything is possible”

Find out more, get in touch, like, follow, tweet (!) …

Twitter : @ICforWomen

Blog: http://innerconfidenceforwomen.wordpress.com/

Website : www.innerconfidenceforwomen.co.uk

Facebook: www.facebook.com/Innerconfidenceforwomen

The Single Story You Need To Coach 2

 in Guest Post  tagged business coach / business coaching / charging / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / different / emotion / executive coach / imagination / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / mrsmotivator / nlp coach / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / Philippa Davies / similar / story

Philipa Davies shares her experience, expertise and thoughts in today’s guest post.

the single story you need to coach

The Single Story You Need To Coach

By Philippa Davies

We make sense of the world through two main ways: how things are similar and different – and stories.

You’ll know this as a good coach.

You’ll be skilled at getting stories out of your clients which explain how they arrived at where they currently are.

Your clients will have ‘defining stories’ in their accounts of their lives – turning points where something significant shifted and their autobiographies took a distinctive direction.

Just like in great teaching, stories can be used in coaching to ‘show’ more than ‘tell’.

We are likely to have much more impact on a client via a vivid, appropriate and identifiable story than directing them to do five things differently in their lives.

Why? Because stories touch our imaginations and emotions – the real agents for change in our psyches. All stories involve some sort of transformation. And our beliefs about the world come from media stories, stories others have told us, and our own histories.

Your Core Story

But what about you as a coach? Do you have a clear and vivid idea of your own most powerful story?

I’d like to suggest that for all of us who coach, there is one core story we have which can act as professional ballast or an anchor. To be lodged in a memory vault of our own for when the going gets tough for us personally – worrying about not having enough clients or money, maybe.

And this core story will be our own personal experience of being able to influence other people for the better, and produce change.

All stories share some of these elements:

  • Something happens
  • Someone wants to do something
  • There is a complication
  • Struggle and battle arises
  • There is a crisis
  • And a reversal in fortune
  • Then a resolution

My core story involves an all-girl singing group I launched, called Les Bon-Bons. I had this idea for a kind of (very!) alternative Spice Girls, where we performed saucy songs from the 1950s. In my dreams, I knew of two women I admired greatly who I wanted to join – and they agreed.

It was a real struggle to get musicians, rehearsal time and commitment and gigs. But six months in, when we were playing to packed pubs in South London, I got a huge and exhilarating sense of ‘wow, this happened’.

So what is your ‘wow, this happened’ story? What did you change that makes you know you can help others? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments section at the end of this post.

For many of us drawn to coach, it may involve helping family members, friends or people at work.

If you feel you’d like more direction currently, then writing down or sketching this story or retelling it vividly in your mind’s eye can be deeply restorative.

And yes, it’s a vitally useful tool for work with clients, too.

About the Author/Further Resources

Philippa Davies is a psychologist whose clients include UK Olympics Performance Directors and Head Coaches. She blogs at mrsmotivator.com

You can find Philippa on Twitter at @mrsmoti

Background on Image above title via: FreeDigitalPhotos.net