coaching session

Coaching and motivating clients, part one 2

 in Coaching  tagged action / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / desire / executive coach / fun / goal / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / momentum / motivation / performance coaching / personal development / resource

Last week’s coaching post was “What do you do if you get “stuck” in a coaching session?” This week I want to start to talk about a specific situation that may generate that feeling of being stuck – how to motivate a client.

Today’s post is in direct response to a request for “Statements to help motivate the client.” For reason’s I’ll explain in a moment I’m going to expand upon that request with the aim of providing some useful ways to move forward if you find yourself “stuck” and maybe even avoid it in the first place.

Even with just mentioning a few pointers, there is lots to be said so I am posting part one today with part 2 next Wednesday.

Over time you will develop your own coaching style, you will probably already have certain beliefs about what is a role of a coach. I reserve the right to be flexible about the roles that I take during a coaching session but one of the ones I personally often think of myself as is as a facilitator, or if you prefer a catalyst.

Which is why rather than just give a specific couple of questions or statements that you could learn like a script and recite I want to assist you to be able to produce your own and make a difference with each of your individual clients.

Is the client asking for help with motivation?

I ask not because I’m questioning your judgement as a coach, I ask because motivation is one of those things that can mean slightly different things to different people. It’s not like you can nip down to your local supermarket and buy a tin of motivation.

It’s so much easier for you as a coach to provide a service that delivers what your client is looking for, if you have a conversation about what that means to your client.

Question you may ask your client: “How will you know when this is motivating?”

As a coach, what are you looking to achieve by motivating your client?

I know that this can seem like an obvious question but there is a certain logic behind me asking this. Sometimes if you are stuck it can be because you are asking yourself a less than useful question. If “how can I motivate this client?” isn’t throwing up any useful answers let’s ask a different question – knowing what you want to achieve can open up a whole new range of questions for both you and your client.

Often coaches are looking for a way to assist a client to take action towards their goal. One way is to select a step that is really easy to take to get them started taking action – this is particularly useful if they are imaging a huge overwhelming task. For example, which appears easier – writing one chapter or a whole book?

Making the task seem more manageable can lead to your client taking action easily.

Look to add “fun” into the action – make it more pleasant to do. If a client is imagining that the next step will be as much fun as having a limb amputated with a blunt saw and no anaesthetic then they are not likely to be as keen to rush out and take action. If there is an enjoyment factor then it will be much easier for them to start taking action.

Questions that may be relevant to ask a client: “What would be an easy step to take?”

“How can that be even more fun?”

Assist your client to tap into their natural desire

Sometimes a client can get caught up in small detail and miss or lose sight of what they want to achieve. Assist your client by reconnecting them with that motivation so that they naturally have a desire to take action and move forward.

You may choose to ask them direct questions or use guided imagery about their final goal or completing the next stage. Remember that using a description that uses all senses will assist your client to envision something that is easier to connect with.

This is always easier if the “goal” you are working with is something that your client actually wants. Notice if you actually believe what your client is saying.

If you ever hear and see someone talk about something that they genuinely want and desire, there is a light in their eye and sound in their voice. If you are not hearing and seeing that you have the option to explore in more depth.

Next week we will talk about things such as the impact of words and commitment. Meanwhile if you want to share your own advice, or to ask questions feel free to do so below.

Read part two here.

About the Author

Jen WallerJen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.

What are you focusing upon?

 in General life improvement  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / focus / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development / pressure / resource / The cube / Thought

This was originally published as a bonus article in the Coaching Confidence weekly email during April 2011. To start getting your very own copy each week enter your details under “Don’t miss a thing!” to the right of this page.

What are you focusing upon?

One of the shows on Sunday evening British TV at the moment is called “The Cube”. If you have not seen the program the basic context is that a contestant has 9 “lives” to play a series of games inside a “cube”.

The prize money increases with each game and the contestant can choose to walk away with the money that they have already won before they commit to playing the next round. Once they are committed they can only win any money if they successfully complete that game before they have used all the 9 lives. If they loose they walk away with nothing.

The games themselves can look really simple (i.e. stacking a certain number of blocks into a tower within a given time). Often games that if you “played” somewhere you’re normally relaxed, treating it just as a game without putting any pressure on yourself, you’d complete it easily and without thinking.

This is a show where there has been more than one series so contestants now will often have practiced some of the games at home.

However, contestants often find that once “in the cube” they find it’s an entirely different experience. They’ll make comments such as “It’s funny how quickly the pressure builds up” and will report physical effects such as “my mouths a bit dry.”

The game itself can be exactly the same as the one they have easily done at home – the difference is the pressure they are putting upon themselves in “the cube”. They’ll often say things like £x will mean that I can get married, or take the kids on a holiday etc.

That approach may appear sensible when they are making the decision if they wanted to carry on to commit to playing the next game.

Once committed to playing that game, they can easily increase the pressure upon themselves with the thoughts they focus upon.

For example, if the game is based around catching a ball imagine focusing on a thought such as “catching that ball means I can get married” in comparison to just focusing upon catching the ball. Which would be the one that you would find the most stressful?

Notice that I have deliberately chosen to phrase this as focusing upon a thought – I have not said do not think a specific thought. There is a difference between letting a thought pass by and engaging with it.

There will be many thoughts that you have without focusing on – perhaps briefly noticing something different but insignificant on a familiar journey, or noticing you recognise a tune on the radio but going straight back to what you were doing etc.

If you have committed yourself to a project or activity, particularly if you have found you are feeling pressure connected with it, I invite you to consider the thoughts you are focusing upon.

For example, if you have committed to doing a coaching session with someone are you focusing upon coaching that individual or a particular thought in your head?

Love

Jen

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About the Author

Jen WallerJen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.

What do you do if you get “stuck” in a coaching session? 2

 in Coaching  tagged breathe / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching activity / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / goal / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listening / obsticle / performance coaching / personal development / questions / resource / stuck

I often see or hear those new to coaching either ask directly or voice a fear about not knowing what to do if they get “stuck” in a coaching session.

For the purposes of this post I’m going to interpret “stuck” as having no idea what to do next. If this is a fear that you experience then let me share with you that you will probably find that the more coaching experience you get, the more techniques, strategies and skills you’ll gain making the prospect of getting stuck less and less likely.

To get you started (or to add to what you have already) I’ve included 7 pointers below.

  1. Breathe!

It certainly doesn’t help the client if you get caught up in your own head with any thoughts going at a thousand miles per hour or start to panic about what you’ll do next. So firstly take a breath and allow yourself to relax.

As you return your full focus to your client you may notice that your client may also benefit from taking a moment to slow down their thoughts and also take some time “out” to breathe.

  1. Listen

With your full focus upon your client pay full attention to what they are saying, the words that they are actually using and not any interpretation you may have added. There can sometimes be clues in the language that they use that when you incorporate into a question can produce powerful responses. Because these questions are “tailored made” for the client you won’t find them written down in any coaching course material.

Also notice how someone says something, for example if they are telling you about something they say they really want yet they don’t “come alive” when they talk about it use it as a signal to explore more about what they are not saying.

  1. Are you clear with what your client wants to get from the session?

If you feel that your coaching session is heading in an aimless direction, it can be worth checking that you (and your client) are clear about what is the goal for the session.

Once you have that clarity ask yourself, and even your client, what will move them closer to achieving that session goal.

  1. What is getting in your clients way?

Have you identified what’s stopping your client from moving forward? You don’t need to have shared this with your client if it’s not appropriate but if you can see the perceived “problem” then it is easier to identify a line of questioning/activity that will move through, around or over what is stopping them.

Sometimes it can be as simple as asking them to take action during the session – if they’ve been putting of making an appointment to give a presentation you’ve established they are more than prepared for – pass them the phone and invite them to do it then and there. If the issue is more than not having prioritised making that appointment it’s likely to highlight what is getting in their way so you can identify the next step.

  1. For your client to see something as a problem, what must a client believe to be true?

Sometimes what can cause a coach to be “stuck” is because a client is telling them about something they think of as a problem, yet the coach doesn’t perceive that as an issue so struggles to find an effective next step.

It can be worth asking yourself what a client must believe is true for that to appear a problem to them.

It can also be worth checking that this is actually a problem for them – sometimes a client will have “heard” and answered a different question to the one you actually asked. So it could be that the reason you can’t imagine how this is a problem is because it isn’t a problem! (I’ve written previously about clients answering a different question to the one asked here.)

  1. What question can I ask that will make the biggest difference right now?

You may not have an idea of the question that’s going to make the biggest difference right now but what about your client? “What question can I ask that will make the biggest difference right now?” firstly allows the client to dictate the direction of the session.

You’ll find that the slight change in asking them to think in a form of a question can be an additional stepping stone to leading to an answer that provides a big insight for the client. It can also be an indication for you as a coach the story that your client is telling themself about this situation.

  1. Do something different

If what you are doing isn’t working then try a different approach.

Perhaps you may want to ask your client to physically move, take the coaching conversation on the move by going for a walk, or just by swapping seats. In the right circumstances this can all be enough to be a catalyst for a new perspective.

Maybe you may want to introduce a “coaching exercise” that involves writing/drawing on paper instead of working mainly talking. Alternatively, you may have a “technique” from a different and complimenting “discipline” that you can put into practice.

By doing something different you will move the coaching session into a new place, one where it can be easier to see the next step towards that session goal.

These are just 7 pointers, what else would you add?

“It’s life Jim, but not as we know it”

 in General life improvement  tagged assumptions / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / NASA / performance coaching / personal development / resource / strain GFAJ-1

This was originally written for the Coaching Confidence Weekly email in December 2010.

“It’s life Jim, but not as we know it”

I was watching online last night live as NASA held a press conference. I’ve not studied science since leaving education so if you want a scientific explanation of what their announcement was then you can read what they had to say here.

Described by many as an announcement about a new life form, Hollywood images such as ET are easily conjured up in your imagination. In reality, with apologies to the actual science involved, it wasn’t ET that they have identified but a microbe with the catchy name of “strain GFAJ-1.” As I understand it, and I’m certainly not claiming to be an astrobiologist, the reason that they were getting so excited by this is because it disproves one of the basic assumptions about life on Earth.

If you were watching the press conference you would have heard quotes about rewriting textbooks and “If something here on Earth can do something so unexpected, what else can life do that we haven’t seen yet?”

It’s a question that I thought is very valid to more than those with an interest in science. In this weeks message I invite you to consider the possibility that there is perhaps assumptions that you have made. Maybe there is something in your life just waiting to do something so unexpected, what else can you do with your life that we haven’t seen yet?

Love

Jen

How do you help set a goal for the coaching session?

 in Coaching  tagged beginning coaching / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / goal / leadership coaching / learning to coach / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development / resource / session goal

One of the reoccurring questions that I see and hear from those who are beginning to develop their coaching skills is based on the problem of struggling to pin-point a goal for a session.

A common response from more experienced coaches can be a variation of “yes that’s something I remember experiencing and it’s something that gets easier with practice.” Whilst I agree, it is something that gets easier when you practice, let me also give some pointers for that practice 🙂

Firstly, what expectations does your client have about what happens in a coaching session? If you want them to set the direction of the coaching how did you explain that when you both agreed to work together?

If you find that it is a common theme with all your clients struggling to pin point a goal for the session you may want to consider how you are describing coaching and your work.

What could you do so that it was even clearer what a client can do to be prepared before a session? Is there any additional guidance you could give so that it is even easier for them to get the most from your work together?

Perhaps you would like to encourage your clients to consider how they would know it has been a great session? A client often concludes for themselves that this is connected with what they wanted to get from each session (or the goal.) The answer to this question can also be used to form a question using their own language if they come to a session without a “goal” decided.

For example, imagine that Bob is a client who has told you that he will know that it was a good session if he left it feeling relaxed and focused. You could utilise that language in a question to clarify a “session goal” ie what would need to happen in this coaching session for you the leave feeling relaxed and focused?

Perhaps you want to include the use of a coaching preparation form in a format that works for you and your clients. This pre-session exercise can give people time to consider and get into the habit of deciding what they want to get from each session.

I said earlier that I often hear experienced coaches say that identifying a session goal gets easier with practice. Another aspect that can influence how a client “turns up” prepared for the session is their commitment and the value they see from your work together.

I know it’s possible that you are reading this and thinking you are not yet ready to charge for your coaching but I encourage you to consider what you could do to encourage commitment from the people you are coaching right from the start.

What else would you add to how you can help a client set a goal for the coaching session?

 

The squirrel and the ducks

 in General life improvement  tagged assistance / business / business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / ducks / executive coach / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / marketing possibilites / performance coaching / personal development / resource / self-sufficiency / skills / squirrel

This was originally written in 2011 and shared via Coaching Confidence’s weekly email round up.

The squirrel and the ducks

This past week I took a short break. The place that we were staying was in a country setting. Woodland and a lake were all within the vicinity.

I happened to walk past a bird feeder hanging from a tree where a squirrel was busy helping itself to the nuts contained within. If you are familiar with squirrels then I suspect that this wouldn’t particularly surprise you – they are well known for using bird feeders as a source of food – even if they have to manoeuvre around complicated assault courses to be able to access them.

There was no assault courses with this particular bird feeder. There was however a group of ducks gathered below. I am not certain if the squirrel was deliberately feeding the ducks at the same time or if this was just a happy accident. One thing that did seem to be apparent – this was not an unusual occurrence and the ducks were quite happy to accept assistance from someone else.

I may be wrong but I didn’t see those ducks read any more into the situation than it was an opportunity they were not going to miss.

Sometimes, we cannot be as willing as those ducks to accept assistance or even see such opportunities that arise. We may have an idea in our own head that it is important to do everything all by ourselves.

I’ve seen that self-sufficiency manifest itself in coaches in all sorts of ways:

For example,

  • Missing the possibility of hiring someone who loves to do the business bits you hate/spend lots of your time doing. I’m not saying that you will never have to spend any time communicating or keeping track about what is happening with such tasks, just that the option is there to get assistance.
  • I’ve seen beliefs that in order to be a coach you had to be perfect, have all the answers and not require or want to use the services of a coach/mentor/other professional.
  • Choosing to “beat yourself up” and just “try harder” if you encounter a skill you’re not happy with rather than consider another alternative.
  • Ignoring/ not seeing marketing possibilities because you didn’t create them from scratch.

Today I invite you to consider the following question:

If it really didn’t mean anything about you, your skills or your business, what would be different if you took extra assistance?

Have a fantastic week

Love

Jen

How much is your coaching worth?

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / pricing / resource / value

The TV was on in a room I was in the other day and it was showing a daytime TV programme which involved 3 interior designers and antique experts each buying a house gift for a specific family. Each expert had a different monetary amount to spend buying their gift.

The family can only choose one gift to keep, which they do before finding out who brought the gift and how much that expert had to spend. As part of the show we got to see the families discussion about which gift was worth what price tag.

It was interesting to see what they valued in line with their lifestyle, personal preferences, tastes and needs. The value that the family was finding in each gift and their guess at a price tag was not in line with the actually amount that it cost.

So how does this apply to coaching? One of the things I often see coaches doing, particularly those just starting out, is deciding upon their price purely by looking at how much they want to charge per hour.

I’ve attended trainings in the past which taught that the way to decide upon your price is to decide upon the monthly/annual income you want from coaching and then the number of coaching sessions you want to carry out in that time. Dividing the financial amount you want by the number of coaching sessions gives you a price to charge per coaching session.

While this can be a useful piece of information to give an indication about the practicalities about the number of hours you want to be coaching for etc. I have to be honest, it’s not my preferred method of pricing a package.

There is lots that can be said about pricing and I want to focus primarily today on what value your coaching is worth. However, as I have mentioned the exercise above I wanted to briefly add an extra point. Interestingly, on the trainings I’ve seen this done there was no mention of being aware of what outgoings that you have in connection with your coaching. If you are planning on running a profitable coaching practice this information is useful to know!

However, as the family on the tv demonstrated with their house gifts, the “value is in the eye of the beholder.”

I invite you to consider the value that your coaching brings to your ideal clients, both emotionally, financially and practically. As well as what it costs them emotionally, financially and practically if they don’t choose to work with you.

Want to be one of our guest posters?

 in Guest Post / site news  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching post / coaching qualifications / coaching session / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / guest author / guest bloggers / guest post / guest posters / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / performance coaching / personal development / resource

Friday is guest post day here on coaching confidence. It’s the day when a guest author will share a post on a topic or area that they feel will be of interest to coaches/ those interested in coaching.

I’m currently looking to schedule at least the next 6 months worth of guest posts – if you’d like to be one of them contact me via here.

Want to know more info before making an offer to be a guest poster in 2012?

Topic/content

I am very flexible about the topic of the Friday guest posts – I ask that it is something that you think will be of interest to coaches.

I love the fact that this has produced a range of topics, approaches and opinions. I know that this is a very broad brief so if you want a bit more guidance I also offer a list of questions that you can use to act as a catalyst to spark some inspiration about what you want to write your post about. (After all I am a coach and we do like questions 😉 )

The only other request that I make is that you show respect to others views. It’s perfectly OK to discuss why you like a particular approach as long as you don’t throw insults at those who don’t agree with you.

I’ll also mention at this stage I don’t impose any word limit, I allow my posters as many words (or few) that you need to say what you want.

Date

You’ve probably noticed that the Friday guest post is posted on a Friday (normally around 6.30am UK time). So I ask that guest posters send me over their copy by the Wednesday lunch (UK time) allowing plenty of time to make any tweaks you want and generally schedule the post to go live.

If there is a particular Friday you’d prefer a post to run because it helps to promote an event you are running, etc I’ll do my best to accommodate that request. In the event I have two people wanting the same date I think the fairest thing to do is schedule them on a first come first served basis. 🙂 If that does happen I will make sure that I’ll communicate this with you and offer alternative available Fridays.

Bio

At the end of each guest post you may have noticed an “About the author” heading, this is where we put your bio. I think this gives the reader the opportunity to find out more about you and your background. I also like it to include ways (ie a link(s) ) for anyone who wants to find out more about your work etc to easily do that.

Experience

While some of the fantastic guest posters of 2010 and 2011 have decades of coaching experience we have also had some who are just establishing their coaching practice. So do not rule yourself from being a guest poster because you don’t think you have enough experience. As far as I’m concerned it’s that mix of perspectives that makes the Friday guest posts what they are.

What are you actually committing to?

  1. Providing a guest post via email by the date agreed
  2. Providing a bio to be included on your guest post, again by the date agreed.

That’s it – if you are on twitter and you let me know your username then I can include that in any promo about your post.

Want to be a 2012 guest poster?

Contact me via the form here. If previous occasions when I have issued an open invite is anything to go by do act quickly if you want a specific Friday.

Still got questions?

Ask me either by adding a comment below or dropping me an email.

Thanks and a Happy New Year!