coaches

Exploring the Impact of TED Questions in Coaching

 in Coaching  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / description / explaination / questions / Ted Questions
A teal background has a pile of different coloured piles of PostiIt notes books. The yellow top one has a question mark drawn on it. Three words are written to the left in the form of a list: Tell, Explain and Describe. The first letter of each word is capitalised, demonstrating what TED questions is an abreviation for.

One of the more popular older posts in the coaching category is one around TED questions.

What are TED Questions?

For those who aren’t familiar, TED questions are more of an instruction than a question. They are excellent for being vague enough so that the client volunteers information they feel is important, which may not be captured with a single open-ended question.

The reason they are called TED questions is that they start with:

  • Tell me
  • Explain
  • Describe

It’s important to note that placing a TED question in front of an open-ended question can negate its impact, as the client will simply answer the open-ended question. For example:

  • “Tell me more” vs. “Tell me more about who would need to be involved.”

The impact of TED Questions

For a long time, I’ve favoured the “Tell” aspect of the TED questions. “Tell me more” is a phrase I frequently use. It often opens up a conversation, serving as a gentle invitation to delve deeper and explore more around a topic.

Recently, I’ve started to pay more attention to the “Explain” and “Describe” aspects. These weren’t phrases I naturally used, so I hadn’t considered their power and impact for a long time.

It was an exercise during a recent Michael Neill training that brought them back to my attention. Consider the impact of the instruction to explain something versus the instruction to describe it.

At first glance, they may seem similar, especially when explaining and describing something that physically exists. However, think about what happens when you are explaining or describing intangible aspects—things like confidence, happiness, safety, wisdom, etc.

Try it for yourself and notice the difference, especially if you allow yourself to be less focused on being eloquent and more on what occurs to you to say, especially in a new way that you’ve not used before. Give yourself the space to let the words come, rather than dismissing the experiment after a few seconds.

For me, describing something that’s invisible, some may say formless, leads me to feeling more connected to that aspect. Explaining it, on the other hand, often results in more fluent sentences, but they don’t have the same impact.

Before you assume I’m suggesting one type of question is better than another, let me be clear: that’s not what I’m saying. Each type has a different impact. Being aware of these differences, I think, can be very useful during a coaching conversation. I wonder if you could see how these could be used in your natural coaching style and approach?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

To Do or Not To Do: Coaching Insights from Aesop on Getting Things Done

 in quote  tagged Aesop / coach / coaches / coaching / flow / noticign / productivity / quote / should / to do list
A cup of coffee in a white cup and saucer is sat on a table. The text reads: "It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite a different matter to do it." (Aesop)

The quote of the day is:

“It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite a different matter to do it.” (Aesop)

This quote from Aesop encapsulates a fundamental truth about human behaviour: the gap between intention and action. As a coach, I often observe this gap in my clients’ lives, as well as in my own. I suspect that as a coach, you’ll have your own observations around this topic.

I tend to find that my experience of doing things from my to-do list can vary significantly. There are tasks I just do because they need doing, regardless of my feelings about them. Interestingly, my experience isn’t the same each time I perform these tasks. Sometimes, I have a lot of thoughts about a task; other times, not so much. The tasks with less mental chatter tend to be more pleasant, but this isn’t necessarily a reason to do or not do something. This is a real-time example of how we are living in the experience of our thinking!

Then, there are tasks that don’t even make it to my to-do list. These are spontaneous actions that occur to me in the moment, like dropping a quick message to someone or jotting down notes that turn into a draft for a blog post. These tasks often feel more organic and less burdensome because they arise naturally from my present awareness.

On the other hand, some tasks sit on my to-do list for a long time without getting done. These tasks typically fall into two categories. First, there are tasks I think I “should” do, but that don’t actually achieve anything meaningful. When I look at them honestly, these tasks seldom create genuine progress—they often do nothing except make me look busy or fulfil some other perception I have a thought around. Second, there are tasks burdened with judgmental thoughts about how long they should take. Interestingly, I’m usually wrong about the time required, and often, I end up doing them naturally when the timing feels right, with minimal thinking involved.

Understanding the “Shoulds” and “Shouldn’ts”

One insight I’ve gained is that the tasks burdened with “shoulds” are often tied to external expectations rather than internal motivation. These are tasks we feel obligated to do to meet others’ expectations or societal norms. The challenge is that these tasks can create a sense of resistance and procrastination because they aren’t aligned with our intrinsic goals or values.

Understand that I’m not saying you should now add another rule about shoulds and shouldn’ts. I’m suggesting that when you notice that’s what you are doing to yourself, it can be worth reassessing with a fresh perspective whether it’s something you want to keep on your to-do list. It may be that there are real-world consequences for either completing or not completing a task, and sometimes when we look, there actually aren’t!

The Role of Noticing

It seems to me that as humans, our system is set up so that when we are getting caught up in thinking, adding pressure to ourselves, etc., we feel that. Depending upon how aware we are of that, it can take a lot for us to notice those increasingly less subtle signals.

What if, when we notice that, it can be just a signal for us to “step away from that thinking”? Acting as a gentle nudge that we don’t need to figure out what a particular thought was that is turning up the heat, just that we could mentally do with a bit of fresh air and take a moment to let that settle down.

Embracing Natural Flow

Another key insight is embracing the natural flow of action. When we act spontaneously on tasks that occur to us in the moment, we often experience a sense of ease and accomplishment. This natural flow is disrupted when we overthink or judge our actions too harshly. Trusting our intuition and allowing ourselves to act on impulses can lead to more productive and satisfying outcomes.

Practical Tips for Bridging the Gap Personally

  • Simplify Your To-Do List: Focus on meaningful tasks that contribute to your goals. Remove or delegate tasks that only create the illusion of productivity.
  • Trust Your Intuition: Allow yourself to act on spontaneous impulses when appropriate. Trust that your natural inclinations can lead to productive and fulfilling actions.
  • Challenge Time Judgments: Notice when you’re imposing unrealistic time expectations on tasks. Give yourself permission to complete tasks in the time they naturally require.

What does this quote prompt for you? What do you see as a coach and as an individual around this topic?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Curiosity And Wonder In Coaching

 in quote  tagged Auguste Villiers de l'Isle-Adam / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching qualities / curiosity / humility / quote / wonder
A greyish white clay like featureless model is stood holding a large key across the front of their body. Instead of the tradition key part cut into one end is the word KNOW in upper case letters. The text reads: "I am a man who knows nothing, guesses sometimes, finds frequently and who's always amazed.".(Auguste Villiers de l'Isle-Adam)

The quote of the day today is:

“I am a man who knows nothing, guesses sometimes, finds frequently and who’s always amazed.”.(Auguste Villiers de l’Isle-Adam)

This quote got me thinking as, for me, it points a lot to elements I recognise in my coaching. As coaches, we often find ourselves in the delicate position of guiding others through their personal and professional growth. This quote can inspire us to embrace humility, curiosity, and a sense of wonder in our coaching practices.

Embracing Humility

“I am a man who knows nothing” speaks to the importance of humility. By humility, I don’t mean thinking of yourself as small or somehow less worthy. I mean just not bringing all your thinking into the mix and just letting your naturally self shine.

In coaching, I think it’s important to recognise that we don’t have all the answers. Our role is not to impose our knowledge, but to facilitate our clients’ own discoveries. By approaching each session with an open mind and a willingness to learn from our clients, we create a space where genuine exploration can occur. For me, I think that this humility allows us to connect more deeply with our clients and fosters an environment of mutual respect and trust.

The Power of Curiosity

“Guesses sometimes” highlights the role of curiosity in the coaching process. Curiosity drives us to ask questions, explore new perspectives, and challenge assumptions. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones and venture into the unknown. As coaches, cultivating curiosity can lead to powerful breakthroughs for our clients. When we model curiosity, we invite our clients to adopt a similar mindset, encouraging them to look at their challenges and goals from different angles.

Having worked a lot with coaches over the years, I’ve often found myself explaining to a new client that if I’m asking a question in will be because it’s occurred to me to ask – it really won’t be because there’s some secret meaning behind the question. I’ve found that coaches can fall into the trap of trying to analyse the reason behind a question rather than looking at what the question is asking.

I’ve also found that giving clients permission to guess or make up an answer can sometimes be all it takes to get creativity flowing again and for ideas to spring that unstick them from their thinking around a situation. It’s usually when they have put added pressure on an answer that must be perfect and a fully formed solution – often unconsciously dismissing any idea that isn’t 100% correct immediately. It’s like expecting an author to produce a best-selling book immediately they sit down without a process of a series of drafts and edits later – it may happen, but why make the process more difficult than it needs to be?

Frequent Discoveries

“Finds frequently” reminds us of the frequent discoveries that happen throughout the coaching journey. These moments of insight can range from small realizations to significant shifts in understanding. Celebrating these discoveries, no matter how minor they may seem, is crucial.

I’ve been guilty in the past of not crediting the impact from a gentle almost unobserved fresh perspective, instead looking for the really obvious earth-shattering new insight – the sort that feels like your whole world perspective has just been shaken to its core.

Acknowledging progress helps to build momentum and reinforces the value of the coaching process. Encouraging clients to recognise and celebrate their own discoveries fosters a sense of achievement and motivates them to continue their growth.

A Sense of Wonder

“Who’s always amazed” speaks to maintaining a sense of wonder and amazement. The coaching journey is full of surprises, both for the coach and the client. Approaching each session with an attitude of wonder keeps the process fresh and engaging. I’ve found that there is something special that can happen when a client is free and willing to wonder, it can create a space for a fresh perspective, insight and creativity to emerge.

In conclusion, the quote by Auguste Villiers de l’Isle-Adam is a powerful reminder of the qualities that can enhance our coaching practice: humility, curiosity, frequent discovery, and a sense of wonder. By embracing these qualities, we can create a more enriching and impactful experience for our clients and ourselves. These are just the qualities pointed to with this quote, what other aspects would you add, specifically in relation to your coaching?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Experience life from the inside out

 in Resource  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / Coaching from the soul / inside-out

A few weeks ago, I took part in a conversation with the title “Experience life from the inside out” on the Coaching From The Soul YouTube channel.

Here is a short clip from that chat where I talked about how my understanding of the phrase living from the inside out has changed over time.

What does experiencing life from the inside out mean to you, and has that changed over time?

(You can watch the full discussion at https://www.youtube.com/live/9bNMQe3_b4g?si=oLtDT40ggUAgfIsM)

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success. Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Wonderful Thoughts: Questions for Coaches

 in quote  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / J. M. Barrie / questions / quote / thoughts
The sun is rising in the background, causing everything in the foreground to be in silhouette. An individual is leaping, arms stretch wide and legs bent so they are silhouetted against the sky The text reads: "You just think lovely wonderful thoughts and they lift you up in the air." (J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan)

Today’s quote is:

“You just think lovely wonderful thoughts and they lift you up in the air.” (J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan)

Questions For Coaches:

  • What connections, if any, do you make between your coaching and this quote?
  • How can you create a coaching environment that fosters optimism and hope?
  • What do you see about thinking wonderful thoughts and the power of using imagination for personal growth?
  • What impact does thoughts have on a client’s innate well-being?

Bonus Questions:

  • Does this quote seem true to you?
  • If it was really OK just to wonder about a topic or a question, what topic or question would you love to explore?
  • Are there thoughts you have a habit of thinking that you know are more prone to lift you up in the air?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success. Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Recognising Unseen Areas, Questions For Coaches

 in quote  tagged blind spots / Charles Babbage / coach / coaches / coaching / questions / quote
A black and white image of a single eye. The iris is brightly coloured, like a colour wheel with one colour blending into another seamlessly. The text reads: "An object is frequently not seen, from not knowing how to see it, rather than from any defect of the organ of vision." (Charles Babbage)

The quote of the day:

“An object is frequently not seen, from not knowing how to see it, rather than from any defect of the organ of vision.” (Charles Babbage)

Questions For Coaches:

  • As a coach, how do you help clients recognise/overcome unseen areas?
  • Are you open to seeing things in a new way?
  • How do you think your perceptions influence your reality?
  • What difference does being aware of your unseen areas make?
  • What areas of your work might you be overlooking due to preconceived notions?

Bonus Questions:

  • In what ways can you help clients develop a more open-minded approach to viewing the world around them?
  • Do you do anything in the “set up” of your coaching that encourages clients to look at things with fresh eyes?
  • In what ways can you develop your intuition and instincts to better understand situations beyond surface appearances?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Questions For Coaches About Self-Care

 in quote  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / proverb / questions / quote / self-care
This is the interior of a cobbers work space. Two large arched windows let in lots of light. Shoe making equipment and tools are neatly arranged around the workbenches and shelves. the text reads: "The cobbler always wears the worst shoes." (Proverb)

The quote of the day is:

“The cobbler always wears the worst shoes.” (Proverb)

Questions For Coaches:

  • As a coach, how do you describe the work that you do? How do you apply that to your own life?
  • When was the last time you had a coaching conversation where you are the client?
  • How do you recognise areas in your life where you might be neglecting your own needs while helping others?
  • How do you ensure that your professional skills and knowledge are up-to-date?

Bonus Questions:

  • How do you prioritise your own business development while maintaining high-quality service for clients?
  • How can you model self-care for your clients?
  • Do you guide clients in balancing self-care with caring for others, if so, how do you describe that?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Facing Your True Self, Questions For Coaches

 in quote  tagged Carl Jung / coach / coaches / coaching / questions / quote / soul / true self
A dreamlike image of a misty forest. A lone figure stands in the foreground on a path looking out into the glowing mist ahead. The text reads: "People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul." (Carl Jung)

The quote of the day is:

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul.” (Carl Jung)

Questions For Coaches:

  • What are some ways you might be avoiding facing your true self?
  • How do you foster a safe environment for clients to explore their truths?
  • How might avoidance behaviours be impacting your professional growth and decision-making?
  • What if, your soul is there to support and love, not judge?

Bonus Questions:

  • How do you help clients distinguish between their true self and the stories they tell themselves?
  • How do you ensure that your marketing messages resonate with the true values and beliefs of your audience?
  • What role does vulnerability play in the journey of self-discovery and acceptance?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.