Coaching Quote of the Day 2nd August 2014
“The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely. You must be calm before you can utter oracles.”
(Henry David Thoreau)
“The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely. You must be calm before you can utter oracles.”
(Henry David Thoreau)
In today’s guest post, Sarah Hutton shares some of her experience and thoughts around supporting clients and herself.
By Sarah Hutton
As coaches we always want to show up 100% for our clients, to give them our absolute best. This can be more easily said than done, especially if our personal lives are in turmoil, or we’ve just received some distressing news.
The same of course applies to our clients. Whatever it is they’ve come to us for coaching on, they want to get the most from their time with their coach. They want to be able to think clearly and be as free from distractions as possible.
So what do we do when we know our executive coaching client has just had bad news or we know they are experiencing problems at home which will affect their stress levels and decision making capability at work?
It was this quandry which lead me to seek different ways in which to support my clients – and myself. With a background in complementary therapies as well as coaching I felt there should be something more I could do to support clients in difficult situations, other than to “just” coach them through it.
I was also experiencing challenging times at home as a relationship slowly broke down, and at the same time I needed to perform at my best in my business. I wanted something simple and easy I could apply which would help me get off the emotional roller-coaster and think with a calm, clear head. I needed something which would enable me to reconnect with that deep sense of inner calm we all have within us.
I’ve tried going outdoors and grounding myself, moving around and changing my state, or even dancing to my favourite music. I’ve also used NLP, and have anchored feelings of calm, focus, confidence etc, but I wanted something more.
My answer came through training in Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique). A really simple breathing and tapping technique enables me to release stress and get myself onto an even keel where I can think clearly and focus on my clients – in the space of less than 5 minutes! I share the same “Finding Calm Amidst The Storm” technique with my clients – especially those going through emotional turmoil. It has proven invaluable, and helps both me and my clients to perform at our best even when faced with troubles elsewhere in life.
I now work much more holistically, combining coaching, belief transformation and EFT to helping my clients develop emotionally, as well as to transform their lives even when it feels as though their world is falling apart. And while there is never a “one size fits all” solution, I have found that sharing how to find a moment of calm helps both me and my clients to stay calm, focused and to achieve great results both during and after a session.
What do you do to ensure you are in the right “space” to coach your clients?
What do you do to find that moment of calm to give you clarity and focus?
How can you support your clients in the same way?
As a life coach, therapist, BeliefCloset practitioner and speaker, Sarah Hutton from Dare to Live Your Dreams specialises in working with business leaders and solopreneurs who need to perform at their best while going through a relationship breakup. She uses fast, effective techniques to help her clients manage stress and get off the emotional roller-coaster so they can stay calm and focused, and step forward confidently into their new lives
You can sign up for Sarah’s free “Finding Calm Amidst the Storm” technique along with her free 6 day self coaching e-course on her website here.
How do you describe what you do so that your ideal clients easily understand?
In today’s guest post, originally published online at The Times of India, Meeta Sengupta describes mentoring for teachers in India.
Everybody needs a pat on their back. From time to time, everybody needs to be able to talk to somebody more knowledgeable, more experienced and more philosophical. Sometimes because one needs a little encouragement, sometimes to renew the faith in oneself. Often one needs a more experienced hand to help us decide direction. More often than not, it is simply because we need to know that somebody is listening and somebody cares. In this competitive world, it is a relief to find some one who is objective and invested in our success.
Mentors help us with our existential questions, but do not answer them for us. They are there for us both as a sounding board and with handy advice when we tackle our classic stage of life questions: What should we do next? How should we do it? What pitfalls can we envisage and try to avoid? Mentors have the experience and the networks to help us reach farther than we can on our own. They are essential for fledgelings, or for any change or ‘lift off’ stage of life. Mentors are our booster shot in life.
Indian culture, and for that matter many other traditional cultures have mentorship built into the warp and weave of life. Our Guru Shishya parampara was not merely the relationship between teacher and student. The Guru is a mentor, often for life. One relies on the gurus, goes back to them in times of need. Sometimes just to rest, sometimes to lean back, often just to feel safe from the battering that one may receive at work. One comes back renewed, refreshed and ready for the next challenge – and if the guru is skilled, one does not even know how it happened. Then, just the thought that the door of the guru is always open is a resource, a source of strength.
As teachers, we are often mentors to our students, though maybe not to all of them. For those who we mentor, a little nudge here, the right questions asked at the right time, a little mental exercise, a challenge set and achieved – these are some of the tools we use everyday. Students may not even realise they are being mentored. The most elegant mentoring is subtle. Parents are mentors too – but their emotional engagement in the child’s success impairs their mentoring. There is little room for strong emotions in mentoring.
Teaching could be a lonely place, and teachers, more than any other profession need a mentoring network to keep them on track. Much of teaching, in practice is about talking to students, holding one’s own in the staff room and looking invincible. That is exhausting – we know it. All leaders know this, and just like in the corporate world, teachers too need renewal and support.
The best teachers are those who set up self renewal mechanisms. They have senior teachers as mentors. They build relationships full of affection and respect inside their classes. In the staffroom they are able to give and receive advice with no loss of face, because it is between peers. The feedback loops here are constructive and therefore effective. Some people seem to do this naturally, others watch and learn. The ones who watch, learn and then pass it on are those who build institutions.
Mentoring should be a part of the formal role of seniors in organisations and must be kept separate from the reporting relationships or from appraisal networks. This is very difficult in small places. In schools senior teachers and head teachers should have formal mentoring responsibilites – a duty of care in addition to the duty of sight. Formal mentoring would mean allocating time and resources to regular sit down sessions, phone/email conversations and interventions. A mentor has a duty to look out for their charges. Informal mentoring networks look easier but depend too much on personalities. Those who are shy or reclusive often miss out on the potential for growth. Mentoring networks, whether senior or even peer networks do not happen automatically, they need building and nurturing
We seek mentors for advice, but when they give it, it can be difficult to take. Traditional and untutored mentoring can be oppressive too. It is a skilled mentor who guides but does not stifle. It is an extremely lucky person who finds a good mentor. It is a wise person who seeks many mentors and learns from each. And, it is a silly person who takes their mentors for granted. Mentoring others is hard work and takes time away from one’s own life and interests. The rewards are few – satisfaction and the joy of making someone else successful. Within corporates the worth of mentoring has been appreciated and forms part of the formal role, but even then much depends upon the goodwill of the mentor. It is often a one way street. All the more reason for the person receiving support (I am not fond of the word – mentee) to respect the time and effort put in by the mentor in their success. The input is such a treasure that thanks are inadequate, often payment inappropriate.
Does everybody deserve a mentor? We may think so, but would the mentors agree? There is a story in hindu mythology that speaks of a time when Shiva, the most perfect performer would not perform until he found the perfect audience – Vishnu. So it is with mentors, as with gurus. They know that some people benefit more from their inputs. With some people stronger bonds are created, and with the common cause comes a more successful partnership. Mentors seek that, because that is their main reward.
Finally, can mentoring be taught? Is it a skill or a talent? Both of course, but more of a skill – thus the tools can be taught. Most people can give advice, not all can be mentors. Mentoring involves self discipline, objectivity and the ability to eliminate oneself from the discussion. At the same time, mentoring need not be a complex process – sometimes all it takes is a warm hug, virtual or real. From time to time.
Meeta Sengupta is an educator and advisor specializing in business education, cross border skill development, and coaching and mentoring. She has worked in a range of sectors including commercial banking, investment banking, publishing, education and skills development. She has strong research, teaching and leadership skills honed through many years of experience in academia, corporate, and multilateral organizations. Meeta currently runs an enterprise that supports various projects across the sector including Words and More (writing by children), a knowledge sharing platform for educators and supports self –organised efforts of the educators in Higher Education as part of her role as chairperson of the North India chapter of the Higher Education Forum.
Follow Meeta on twitter (@Meetasengupta)
In today’s guest post Sara Maude shares her thoughts and expertise on what some view as an everyday part of modern life:
by Sara Maude
Have you ever wondered why you sometimes find yourself making slow progress with a coaching client? Despite asking the most thought provoking questions or using the finest honed techniques, you still find nothing works?
Before you begin to ponder on your own skills and competency as a coach, stop and ask yourself this question; ‘is it possible my client is stressed?’. If the answer is yes, then you can stop looking in the local jobs section for a new career.
When a person is stressed no amount of coaching will have an effect unless you have the ability to calm an overworked ruminating mind down.
Stress impacts people on many levels and put simply in a coaching context, it stops a person being available for change. The lights may be on, but no-one is home.
Stress isn’t something that ‘happens’ to us, it triggers only through the basis of our perception to it. So what one client may perceive in a situation to be stressful and a handful to deal with, to another it may be water off a ducks back.
The stress response is also known as the ‘fight and flight’ response. It is hardwired into us and when triggered at the right time, keeps us safe. Unfortunately our brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality so the fight and flight response will trigger based on our perception of what is dangerous. This could be a man with a knife at your throat, or a presentation to the board of directors.
When the fight and flight response is triggered a rapid number of bodily changes take place. All major organs not required in the moment shut down; the body floods with cortisol, the stress hormone, the adrenal glands go into over drive and the body gets ready to fight or take flight. Together with this, the thinking brain shuts down and all bodily responses become primordial.
What does this mean for you as a coach? It means that when the thinking brain shuts down, a client is incapable is taking in any information; they will struggle to process your words and the meaning of them and as for creative thinking, well forget it.
80% of the clients I see as a therapist have some form of stress related disorder, so the chances of you working with a stressed client are extremely high. The stress response was only ever meant to be a short term. Back in our evolutionary days when we were hunter gatherers it triggered to prevent us from being eaten alive in the jungle. Despite being able to forage for food in the local supermarket the ‘dangers’ we face in today’s modern world come in the form of taking on a new job, having to do a presentation or having a tricky relationship with your boss as examples. Modern day life is also seeing people remaining in prolonged periods of stress which in turn impacts on the bodies physical and mental wellbeing.
Stress has many guises and to some people it may not even be apparent that they are stressed accepting it instead as a way of life, but there are some key signs you can look for in a coaching session;
One of the key interventions to overcoming stress is to calm down and focus the mind of your client which will be on overdrive. A simple way of doing this is to get the client to do some 7/11 breathing. Breathing in for the count of 7 and out for the count of 11 triggers the parasympathetic side of the nervous system, which is also the relaxation response. Get your client to imagine that their stomach is a balloon and as they breathe in for the count of 7 it fills with air and as they breathe out for the count of 11 it deflates. Do this approximately 7 – 10 times and get them to notice just how much calmer they feel afterwards.
It may feel to some of your clients that stress is part of modern day life and should be accepted. Whilst we all experience a degree of stress now and again, long term if it isn’t dealt with, stress has an overwhelming impact on the body and is currently the number one reason for absence in the UK and the underlying reason of over half of medical conditions. Getting your client to acknowledge that they are stressed and need a helping hand is a major step in the right direction. It is also important to normalise why they may be feeling this way so that they recognise that stress is a subconscious response based on their bodies own survival mechanism and it doesn’t mean that they are not capable of managing their life or work.
Look at what your client is doing to switch off and have down time. Our ability to deal with stress comes from our spare capacity. We can create more spare capacity by taking time out on a regular basis to relax. When we do this we create space in the mind and body allowing us to deal with situations calmly and rationally, to think clearly, to tune into our instincts and to remain in control of our emotions.
Finally, know where you should and shouldn’t go. Be aware of the boundaries between coaching and therapy and know when it is time to suggest alternative interim support for your client. There may be underlying issues which need to be addressed in a way that only therapy can provide. Solution focused psychotherapy and hypnotherapy can clear stress and stress related disorders, including post traumatic stress in two to three sessions. A good therapist will also teach your client key coping strategies to prevent them from getting stressed in the future.
Sara is a Brighton based hypnotherapist & psychotherapist who provides problem-free therapy which connects people with their inner resources and goes deep into the unconscious mind to create powerful change. Sessions are available on a one to one basis or through Skype. www.saramaudehypnotherapy.com
You can Find Sara on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Sara.