Coaching Confidence

Questions on Embracing the Silence: Enhancing Conversations and Coaching

A tranquil image of still water stretching out to the horizon. Occasionally a smooth stone is sticking out above the water line. The text reads: "Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence." (Spanish proverb)

The quote of the day is:

“Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.” (Spanish proverb)

Questions For Coaches:

What does it mean to you to “improve on the silence” in a conversation with others and with yourself?

How do you handle situations where speaking may not be necessary?

How can you empower clients to find their voice while respecting the importance of silence?

How can you use silence as a tool for reflection and introspection?

Bonus Questions

What insights arise when you take a moment of silence before responding to this question?

What have you noticed about choices you make when your mind is quieter and when your mind is noisy?

How do you address clients’ discomfort with silence during coaching sessions?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

Questions of Desire: Fuelling Purpose and Excellence in Coaching

A 3D figure made from modelling clay is holding a fountain pen, which is larger than the figure itself, so it is resting on their right shoulder and angled as if to write on the ground in front of the figure. The text reads: "I have no desire to write my own biography, as long as I have strength and means to do better work." (Charles Babbage)

The quote of the day is:

“I have no desire to write my own biography, as long as I have strength and means to do better work.” (Charles Babbage) [Written in his own biography]

Questions For Coaches:

How do you define “better work” in your personal and professional life?

When have you felt the most motivated to do your best work?

What steps can you take to consistently improve your skills and knowledge?

How do you support clients in finding their passion and purpose in their work?

Bonus Questions

How do you measure the success of your work in your business?

How does your sense of purpose drive your daily actions?

What lessons from your past do you apply to your ongoing work? Are they lessons that are still relevant?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

Being in the Zone

This video crossed my social media feed earlier, and I immediately recognised what was being described as being in the zone. I may use different words, but it was still familiar with what I’ve experienced – what about you?

Did it feel true for what you’ve observed for yourself?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here

Liberating Your Story: The Power of Expression in Coaching

This image is in an animated style. A wooden table/bench is against a wall with windows so that sunlight is shining though onto a two battered hard backed books, one open and a bigger one underneath. Alongside these is a smaller pamphlet. In the background are shelves full of books.
The text reads: "There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you." (Zora Neale Hurston)

Happy Thursday! Today’s quote is:

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you.” (Zora Neale Hurston)

To put this quote into context, Zora Neale Hurston was describing the experience of writing for her—how inspiration and creativity can feel so much bigger than oneself.

This quote opens up two interesting directions for our discussion: one exploring the space where inspiration and creativity come from, and the other examining how this quote might be interpreted without context, especially in relation to imposter syndrome.

Tapping into the Space of Inspiration and Creativity

Hurston’s quote hints at the overwhelming sensation of being consumed by a story or idea that feels bigger than oneself—those thoughts that keep tapping us on the shoulder, urging deeper exploration. As a coach, I often witness this phenomenon in clients on the brink of uncovering their deepest truths and passions. They sense there’s more on offer, but aren’t quite sure of the details yet.

This is often described as an inner knowing, akin to the soul communicating its desires. Ironically, despite being the source of so much creativity and wisdom, it’s challenging to find the words to describe this feeling.

The Ups and Downs of the Creative Journey

However, it’s important to acknowledge that the journey towards self-expression and creative fulfilment has its ups and downs. This brings us to the second direction: examining the impact of our thinking, such as imposter syndrome and self-doubt.

Without context, Hurston’s quote could be interpreted as a reflection of the internal struggles many face with imposter syndrome—the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite one’s accomplishments. In today’s fast-paced and competitive world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to perform, measure up to unrealistic standards, and silence our voices out of fear of judgment or rejection.

These struggles often stem from our own thinking. While these thoughts may be stories we haven’t shared with others, they are narratives we have been telling ourselves, quite innocently. What if, like any book, we could put that story down for a bit, knowing there’s nothing stopping us from picking it up again in the future?

The Role of Thoughts in Shaping Our Reality

One of the underlying foundations of many coaching conversations is the idea that our thoughts create our reality. It’s not unusual for us to have a lot of thinking around negative emotions and what they mean. There can be a lot of judgment that accompanies these feelings, especially for those familiar with self-improvement or helping professions. Insecure thoughts like, “If I really understood this, I wouldn’t be feeling this,” or “If I were any good at this, I would never feel [insert negative emotion],” are common.

When we keep our stories hidden and suppress our truth, it’s often because of fearful, insecure thinking. We fear judgment and create elaborate narratives about what that judgment would mean and what could happen.

The Transformative Power of Storytelling

In coaching sessions, the transformative power of storytelling is evident. As clients share their experiences and insights, they begin to see themselves and their challenges in a new light. They gain perspective and clarity, recognizing the patterns and beliefs that have been holding them back.

Reflecting on the Quote

What did this quote prompt for you? Did it spark connections with your coaching practice and your clients? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here

Exploring the Impact of TED Questions in Coaching

A teal background has a pile of different coloured piles of PostiIt notes books. The yellow top one has a question mark drawn on it. Three words are written to the left in the form of a list: Tell, Explain and Describe. The first letter of each word is capitalised, demonstrating what TED questions is an abreviation for.

One of the more popular older posts in the coaching category is one around TED questions.

What are TED Questions?

For those who aren’t familiar, TED questions are more of an instruction than a question. They are excellent for being vague enough so that the client volunteers information they feel is important, which may not be captured with a single open-ended question.

The reason they are called TED questions is that they start with:

Tell me
Explain
Describe

It’s important to note that placing a TED question in front of an open-ended question can negate its impact, as the client will simply answer the open-ended question. For example:

“Tell me more” vs. “Tell me more about who would need to be involved.”

The impact of TED Questions

For a long time, I’ve favoured the “Tell” aspect of the TED questions. “Tell me more” is a phrase I frequently use. It often opens up a conversation, serving as a gentle invitation to delve deeper and explore more around a topic.

Recently, I’ve started to pay more attention to the “Explain” and “Describe” aspects. These weren’t phrases I naturally used, so I hadn’t considered their power and impact for a long time.

It was an exercise during a recent Michael Neill training that brought them back to my attention. Consider the impact of the instruction to explain something versus the instruction to describe it.

At first glance, they may seem similar, especially when explaining and describing something that physically exists. However, think about what happens when you are explaining or describing intangible aspects—things like confidence, happiness, safety, wisdom, etc.

Try it for yourself and notice the difference, especially if you allow yourself to be less focused on being eloquent and more on what occurs to you to say, especially in a new way that you’ve not used before. Give yourself the space to let the words come, rather than dismissing the experiment after a few seconds.

For me, describing something that’s invisible, some may say formless, leads me to feeling more connected to that aspect. Explaining it, on the other hand, often results in more fluent sentences, but they don’t have the same impact.

Before you assume I’m suggesting one type of question is better than another, let me be clear: that’s not what I’m saying. Each type has a different impact. Being aware of these differences, I think, can be very useful during a coaching conversation. I wonder if you could see how these could be used in your natural coaching style and approach?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.

To Do or Not To Do: Coaching Insights from Aesop on Getting Things Done

A cup of coffee in a white cup and saucer is sat on a table. The text reads: "It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite a different matter to do it." (Aesop)

The quote of the day is:

“It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite a different matter to do it.” (Aesop)

This quote from Aesop encapsulates a fundamental truth about human behaviour: the gap between intention and action. As a coach, I often observe this gap in my clients’ lives, as well as in my own. I suspect that as a coach, you’ll have your own observations around this topic.

I tend to find that my experience of doing things from my to-do list can vary significantly. There are tasks I just do because they need doing, regardless of my feelings about them. Interestingly, my experience isn’t the same each time I perform these tasks. Sometimes, I have a lot of thoughts about a task; other times, not so much. The tasks with less mental chatter tend to be more pleasant, but this isn’t necessarily a reason to do or not do something. This is a real-time example of how we are living in the experience of our thinking!

Then, there are tasks that don’t even make it to my to-do list. These are spontaneous actions that occur to me in the moment, like dropping a quick message to someone or jotting down notes that turn into a draft for a blog post. These tasks often feel more organic and less burdensome because they arise naturally from my present awareness.

On the other hand, some tasks sit on my to-do list for a long time without getting done. These tasks typically fall into two categories. First, there are tasks I think I “should” do, but that don’t actually achieve anything meaningful. When I look at them honestly, these tasks seldom create genuine progress—they often do nothing except make me look busy or fulfil some other perception I have a thought around. Second, there are tasks burdened with judgmental thoughts about how long they should take. Interestingly, I’m usually wrong about the time required, and often, I end up doing them naturally when the timing feels right, with minimal thinking involved.

Understanding the “Shoulds” and “Shouldn’ts”

One insight I’ve gained is that the tasks burdened with “shoulds” are often tied to external expectations rather than internal motivation. These are tasks we feel obligated to do to meet others’ expectations or societal norms. The challenge is that these tasks can create a sense of resistance and procrastination because they aren’t aligned with our intrinsic goals or values.

Understand that I’m not saying you should now add another rule about shoulds and shouldn’ts. I’m suggesting that when you notice that’s what you are doing to yourself, it can be worth reassessing with a fresh perspective whether it’s something you want to keep on your to-do list. It may be that there are real-world consequences for either completing or not completing a task, and sometimes when we look, there actually aren’t!

The Role of Noticing

It seems to me that as humans, our system is set up so that when we are getting caught up in thinking, adding pressure to ourselves, etc., we feel that. Depending upon how aware we are of that, it can take a lot for us to notice those increasingly less subtle signals.

What if, when we notice that, it can be just a signal for us to “step away from that thinking”? Acting as a gentle nudge that we don’t need to figure out what a particular thought was that is turning up the heat, just that we could mentally do with a bit of fresh air and take a moment to let that settle down.

Embracing Natural Flow

Another key insight is embracing the natural flow of action. When we act spontaneously on tasks that occur to us in the moment, we often experience a sense of ease and accomplishment. This natural flow is disrupted when we overthink or judge our actions too harshly. Trusting our intuition and allowing ourselves to act on impulses can lead to more productive and satisfying outcomes.

Practical Tips for Bridging the Gap Personally

Simplify Your To-Do List: Focus on meaningful tasks that contribute to your goals. Remove or delegate tasks that only create the illusion of productivity.
Trust Your Intuition: Allow yourself to act on spontaneous impulses when appropriate. Trust that your natural inclinations can lead to productive and fulfilling actions.
Challenge Time Judgments: Notice when you’re imposing unrealistic time expectations on tasks. Give yourself permission to complete tasks in the time they naturally require.

What does this quote prompt for you? What do you see as a coach and as an individual around this topic?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Curiosity And Wonder In Coaching

A greyish white clay like featureless model is stood holding a large key across the front of their body. Instead of the tradition key part cut into one end is the word KNOW in upper case letters. The text reads: "I am a man who knows nothing, guesses sometimes, finds frequently and who's always amazed.".(Auguste Villiers de l'Isle-Adam)

The quote of the day today is:

“I am a man who knows nothing, guesses sometimes, finds frequently and who’s always amazed.”.(Auguste Villiers de l’Isle-Adam)

This quote got me thinking as, for me, it points a lot to elements I recognise in my coaching. As coaches, we often find ourselves in the delicate position of guiding others through their personal and professional growth. This quote can inspire us to embrace humility, curiosity, and a sense of wonder in our coaching practices.

Embracing Humility

“I am a man who knows nothing” speaks to the importance of humility. By humility, I don’t mean thinking of yourself as small or somehow less worthy. I mean just not bringing all your thinking into the mix and just letting your naturally self shine.

In coaching, I think it’s important to recognise that we don’t have all the answers. Our role is not to impose our knowledge, but to facilitate our clients’ own discoveries. By approaching each session with an open mind and a willingness to learn from our clients, we create a space where genuine exploration can occur. For me, I think that this humility allows us to connect more deeply with our clients and fosters an environment of mutual respect and trust.

The Power of Curiosity

“Guesses sometimes” highlights the role of curiosity in the coaching process. Curiosity drives us to ask questions, explore new perspectives, and challenge assumptions. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones and venture into the unknown. As coaches, cultivating curiosity can lead to powerful breakthroughs for our clients. When we model curiosity, we invite our clients to adopt a similar mindset, encouraging them to look at their challenges and goals from different angles.

Having worked a lot with coaches over the years, I’ve often found myself explaining to a new client that if I’m asking a question in will be because it’s occurred to me to ask – it really won’t be because there’s some secret meaning behind the question. I’ve found that coaches can fall into the trap of trying to analyse the reason behind a question rather than looking at what the question is asking.

I’ve also found that giving clients permission to guess or make up an answer can sometimes be all it takes to get creativity flowing again and for ideas to spring that unstick them from their thinking around a situation. It’s usually when they have put added pressure on an answer that must be perfect and a fully formed solution – often unconsciously dismissing any idea that isn’t 100% correct immediately. It’s like expecting an author to produce a best-selling book immediately they sit down without a process of a series of drafts and edits later – it may happen, but why make the process more difficult than it needs to be?

Frequent Discoveries

“Finds frequently” reminds us of the frequent discoveries that happen throughout the coaching journey. These moments of insight can range from small realizations to significant shifts in understanding. Celebrating these discoveries, no matter how minor they may seem, is crucial.

I’ve been guilty in the past of not crediting the impact from a gentle almost unobserved fresh perspective, instead looking for the really obvious earth-shattering new insight – the sort that feels like your whole world perspective has just been shaken to its core.

Acknowledging progress helps to build momentum and reinforces the value of the coaching process. Encouraging clients to recognise and celebrate their own discoveries fosters a sense of achievement and motivates them to continue their growth.

A Sense of Wonder

“Who’s always amazed” speaks to maintaining a sense of wonder and amazement. The coaching journey is full of surprises, both for the coach and the client. Approaching each session with an attitude of wonder keeps the process fresh and engaging. I’ve found that there is something special that can happen when a client is free and willing to wonder, it can create a space for a fresh perspective, insight and creativity to emerge.

In conclusion, the quote by Auguste Villiers de l’Isle-Adam is a powerful reminder of the qualities that can enhance our coaching practice: humility, curiosity, frequent discovery, and a sense of wonder. By embracing these qualities, we can create a more enriching and impactful experience for our clients and ourselves. These are just the qualities pointed to with this quote, what other aspects would you add, specifically in relation to your coaching?

About Jen Waller

Discover how Jen can help you transform your journey here.

Experience life from the inside out

A few weeks ago, I took part in a conversation with the title “Experience life from the inside out” on the Coaching From The Soul YouTube channel.

Here is a short clip from that chat where I talked about how my understanding of the phrase living from the inside out has changed over time.

What does experiencing life from the inside out mean to you, and has that changed over time?

(You can watch the full discussion at https://www.youtube.com/live/9bNMQe3_b4g?si=oLtDT40ggUAgfIsM)