Last week I talked about labels that concern a particular job or role and the impact that taking on a job title as part of your identity can have.  If you missed the first part of this piece you can still read it by visiting here

This week, as promised, I invite you to play with the concept of labels concerning characteristics. You may have heard others (or done it yourself) describe themselves as a characteristic or to put it another way a particular type of behaviour or feeling – Maybe it was something like “unconfident” or “insecure”.

You may also have noticed that sometimes those labels are the reason someone gives for what is getting in the way of doing something – For example a reason given for not speaking in staff meetings is because they are “shy”.

The thing that I have noticed is that when people include such labels as part of their identity – the way that they think of themselves that they also include a whole set of “rules” or guidelines associated with that label. They use the label to explain a particular way of behaving.

The times when these labels can be the reason for people becoming stuck in a particular situation is when they take away the flexibility of how to choose to behave (or not) in certain situations. The label in effect is used as something that is permanent and static.

Assigning this label to your identity also can have the effect of taking away your choice of how to behave. Human beings are complex creatures, living in a world that has many different changing variables. Many of those variables are outside of our direct control. We do however have more control over our own choices (once we are aware that we are making them.)

Today I invite you to play with the following to have more choice.

1.    Choose a label that you know that you use to describe yourself (Remember you don’t have to change it – you can always choose to keep it later, we’re only playing.) Many people find that its easier to answer these questions if they get the answer out on paper rather than keeping it just in their head. If you haven’t already grab a pen and paper to play with the following.

2.    Byron Katie has recently released a book entitled Who Would You Be Without Your Story. Who would you be without this particular label you’ve chosen to explore?

3.    What action could you take if you weren’t this label?

4.    I could ask you to find evidence for occasions and situations when you have behaved differently however for now, notice how different the following sentence feels – Sometimes I’m [your label] and sometimes I’m not.

For example if you are playing with the label of shy the sentence for you to say is sometimes I’m shy and sometimes I’m not.

The reason that this sentence can be so powerful is because it adds in the possibility that you can behave differently and you have that choice. Some also find that it takes off any pressure that they were placing upon themselves to have to behave a certain way ALL the time.

Love

Jen

PS is there something that you would like me to write specifically about? I want to make these messages relevant to you. Email me or leave me a comment and let me know what you’d like me to talk further about. You can make it as detailed or as brief as you’d like but I’d love to hear from you.

This was originally published on www.YourChangingDirection.com.