Another post from my archieves, this time from 2008, when I sent monthly rather than weekly messages:
As I sat and wondered what to write in this month’s message I received a thank you message from a friend, who for the purposes of this email I’ll call Bob. I had chatted with Bob last week and he wanted to know if I had done something to him, as he woke up the next day feeling enthusiastic about a task that he had been busy telling me that he really wasn’t looking forward to doing.
The only explanation Bob could come up with is that I’d done some magical coach thing. My answer was to grin – you see, I knew that Bob is normally enthusiastic about the topic the task was about. I had had a hunch that it wasn’t the task itself that Bob had a problem with; I knew he had done similar yet much bigger tasks with enthusiasm. I suspected that the story Bob had told himself about what it would be like doing the task wasn’t a particularly pleasant one. A few questions confirmed my hunch, that he was telling himself it would be a hugely time consuming process which he’d have to start from scratch. The conversation that followed actually revealed that Bob had already done much more work on this task then he’d given himself credit (about a years worth!) so it really wouldn’t take as long as he had thought. As for waking up feeling enthusiastic and not shaking that feeling all week – that was all Bob, all I did was to give him a nudge from where he’d got himself stuck towards what he was naturally enthusiastic about.
As a coach, giving a gentle nudge when they are stuck, towards what they are naturally enthusiastic about and taking their life to the next level is what I do with all my clients. I can do this in many different ways but I am normally first curious about what story they are telling themselves about the situation to keep themselves stuck.
Bob’s email got me thinking about some of the common stories people tell themselves that often keep themselves stuck. As last month saw the release of my first self belief CD (see the PS of this message for more details) I thought I would share my thoughts on one story I hear from people who say they have low self belief in a particular area of their life.
When Bob had thought about this task, he had imagined the situation as if it was a year ago. One of the things that people sometimes do when they say they have low self-belief in a particular area of their lives is to be imagining themselves as they were in the past, ignoring any subsequent learning’s. This perception of how we see ourselves, and what we tell ourselves that means has a big effect on how we feel about that area. In fact it can have a big impact upon the amount in the feeling of self-belief.
For example, if there is a particular area of your life where you do not have a lot of self-belief in the skills that you have, are you basing that on an outdated image? For instance, Joan had started a new job a year ago and yet has little self-belief in the skills that she has developed since joining the company all of which seem so obvious to those around her. When chatting to her it became obvious that she was still seeing herself as new, with only very basic skills.
Self-perception, whether outdated or is one common way someone can get stuck in thinking they have low self-belief.
If there is an area of your life where you’d like to feel more self-belief, I invite you to play with the following to give yourself a gentle nudge.
You may want to read these instructions all the way through first and then play, or you may want to do each step and then refer back to what the next thing is.
Pick a time when it is safe to focus entirely on yourself – do not do this while driving! This works best when you are not going to be disturbed so choose a time to play with this when you know you have no visitors and you may want to take the phone off the hook. You will also find this easier to do when you find somewhere where you can sit comfortably – so pick somewhere where you can relax easily.
Take some deeper breaths and begin to relax, some people like to imagine that feeling of relaxation having a specific colour (the colour is different for each person). Imagine that colour spreading throughout your entire body, filling every muscle from the tips of your toes right up to the top of your head. Enjoy the feeling of bathing in relaxation.
In a moment you are going to imagine that you are going to go on a treasure hunt. You will find that you have a map that show route(s) to safely reach your treasure. On this treasure hunt you are going to take a magic companion who represents your self-perception in this area of your life. You and your companion will be able to help each other to make the treasure hunt even easier with more fun.
As you begin your treasure hunt notice what your companion looks like and what age they are. As you progress on this hunt you may find that their appearance and age alters, and that’s ok if that happens.
Follow your map until you reach your treasure.
Once you have found your treasure, make sure that you put the treasure somewhere safe, where you can access it any time that you want.
Thank your magic companion for being part of this journey with you. As they are a magic companion, who represents your self-perception, you will find that in whatever form and age they are in, they can integrate back into you now.
When you are ready, become aware of the room around you again – you may want to wiggle your fingers and toes.
Think about the area of your life you were playing with for this and notice how different it is now.