Today’s quote is:
“Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.” (Michel de Montaigne)
While it may not apply to every single approach to coaching, many coaches think of themselves as being part of the helping profession. We often lend ourselves to others, spending time imparting knowledge and nudging wisdom to the forefront. We pour our hearts into nurturing their potential, helping them to grow and thrive. But amidst this noble endeavor, let’s not forget to give to ourselves as well.
Today’s quote encapsulates what can feel like a delicate balance between serving others and nurturing one’s own well-being. Logic says that it is something that we know is essential for both coaches and their clients, but it’s not unusual to think that we’ve tipped the scale too far one way or another. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the imagery of anything being balanced – it suggests that there is only one universal “correct” place and doesn’t take into account other situations. For example, it may be that your physical health requires you to rest more compared to when you are fully healthy for a period of time if you are recovering from an illness or injury.
As coaches, we dedicate ourselves to supporting our clients on their journeys of self-discovery, personal development, and goal achievement. We lend our expertise, compassion, and guidance to help them navigate challenges, overcome obstacles, and unlock their full potential. However, amidst the demands of coaching and the needs of our clients, it’s easy to neglect our own needs and priorities.
Montaigne’s quote reminds us of the importance of self-care, self-reflection, and self-prioritization. It urges us to carve out time and space for ourselves, to nourish our own growth, and to honor our own aspirations and dreams. After all, how can we effectively support others if we neglect our own well-being and fulfillment?
Lending ourselves to others is an act of generosity and service. It involves actively listening to our clients, empathizing with their experiences, and offering them our time, attention, and expertise. It requires us to be fully present, engaged, and attuned to their needs and goals. By lending ourselves to others, we create a safe and supportive space for our clients to explore, learn, and grow.
However, while lending ourselves to others is important, giving ourselves to ourselves is equally essential. It means prioritizing our own self-care, self-awareness, and personal development. It involves setting agreed expectations, practicing self-compassion, and pursuing our own passions and interests. When we give ourselves to ourselves, we replenish our own energy, creativity, and sense of fulfillment, allowing us to show up as our best selves for our clients.
Sometimes this is down to habit – I know that one of the things I can neglect when deeply listening to someone via a Zoom call is paying attention to my posture. Something that my physical body will remind me about at a later stage! I’m just in the habit of apparently deeply listening with my head slightly tilted to one side. Something that when I catch myself doing since spotting that lets me quietly straighten whilst still being fully present with that other person.
Finding the balance between lending ourselves to others and giving ourselves to ourselves requires intentionality and awareness. It involves recognizing when we need to recharge and replenish our own reserves and taking proactive steps to prioritize our well-being. This may involve scheduling regular self-care activities, setting boundaries around our time and energy, and engaging in practices that nourish our mind, body, and spirit.
As coaches, we have a responsibility not only to our clients but also to ourselves. By honoring our own needs and priorities, we model self-care and self-compassion for our clients, inspiring them to do the same. Ultimately, when we strike a healthy balance between lending ourselves to others and giving ourselves to ourselves, we create a sustainable foundation for both personal and professional fulfillment.
In conclusion, Montaigne’s quote serves as a powerful reminder for coaches to prioritize self-care and self-awareness amidst the demands of coaching. By finding the balance between serving others and nurturing ourselves, we create the conditions for both personal and professional growth. I think this quote is a reminder to invest in your personal growth, to cultivate your passions, to rest and recharge. Take time to reflect, to learn, and to grow. Because the more we refine ourselves, the more we have to offer. So, as you lend yourself to others, don’t forget to give yourself to yourself.
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.
As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.