I think a lot of us spend far more time than we realise trying to be ourselves “properly”.
Trying to stay on track.
Meet expectations.
Get things right.
Manage how we come across.
Correct ourselves when we think we’ve got it wrong.
And after a while, that can start to feel strangely exhausting.
Not always dramatically exhausting.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
A constant background hum of self-management.
A low-level pressure to stay on top of ourselves.
To keep performing who we think we should be.
What I’ve been noticing more and more are those moments where something in me suddenly relaxes before my intellect has even caught up.
Shoulders soften.
Breathing deepens.
Tension I didn’t realise I was holding lets go.
Meanwhile my brain can still be behaving like it’s surrounded by a bunch of teenagers having a conversation in a completely different language, left going:
“…what just happened?”
It can feel baffling, but I’m learning to really appreciate that.
Because in those moments, it feels like I briefly stop trying so hard to do being myself properly.
I stop managing.
Performing.
Correcting myself.
And something in me finally gets to exhale.
The more I notice this, the more I wonder how many of us are carrying around a version of ourselves we’re trying very hard to maintain.
Not because we’re fake.
But because we’ve innocently learned that being ourselves requires effort.
That we have to:
- keep up
- stay impressive
- stay likeable
- stay productive
- stay “together”
And perhaps that’s why those moments of unexpected relief can feel so profound.
Not because we’ve finally figured life out.
But because, for a moment, we stop fighting ourselves quite so hard.
I’m co-hosting an event on 30th May called Spa for Your Soul.
And really, underneath everything else, it’s simply this:
Five hours where you don’t have to be yourself properly.
A space where you can stop performing, stop managing, stop correcting…
and see what happens when you finally let yourself exhale.
Sometimes the moment we stop trying so hard to be ourselves properly…
is the moment we finally can.
About Jen
Jen Waller is a transformative coach who creates warm, spacious conversations for people who are tired of carrying so much pressure on their own.
Her work invites people to step out of self-judgement, reconnect with themselves beneath the noise of overthinking, and discover the relief that can appear when nothing about them is on trial.