“Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.” (Spanish proverb)
Questions For Coaches:
What does it mean to you to “improve on the silence” in a conversation with others and with yourself?
How do you handle situations where speaking may not be necessary?
How can you empower clients to find their voice while respecting the importance of silence?
How can you use silence as a tool for reflection and introspection?
Bonus Questions
What insights arise when you take a moment of silence before responding to this question?
What have you noticed about choices you make when your mind is quieter and when your mind is noisy?
How do you address clients’ discomfort with silence during coaching sessions?
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.
Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.
“I have no desire to write my own biography, as long as I have strength and means to do better work.” (Charles Babbage) [Written in his own biography]
Questions For Coaches:
How do you define “better work” in your personal and professional life?
When have you felt the most motivated to do your best work?
What steps can you take to consistently improve your skills and knowledge?
How do you support clients in finding their passion and purpose in their work?
Bonus Questions
How do you measure the success of your work in your business?
How does your sense of purpose drive your daily actions?
What lessons from your past do you apply to your ongoing work? Are they lessons that are still relevant?
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.
Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.
This video crossed my social media feed earlier, and I immediately recognised what was being described as being in the zone. I may use different words, but it was still familiar with what I’ve experienced – what about you?
Did it feel true for what you’ve observed for yourself?
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.
Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here
“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you.” (Zora Neale Hurston)
To put this quote into context, Zora Neale Hurston was describing the experience of writing for her—how inspiration and creativity can feel so much bigger than oneself.
This quote opens up two interesting directions for our discussion: one exploring the space where inspiration and creativity come from, and the other examining how this quote might be interpreted without context, especially in relation to imposter syndrome.
Tapping into the Space of Inspiration and Creativity
Hurston’s quote hints at the overwhelming sensation of being consumed by a story or idea that feels bigger than oneself—those thoughts that keep tapping us on the shoulder, urging deeper exploration. As a coach, I often witness this phenomenon in clients on the brink of uncovering their deepest truths and passions. They sense there’s more on offer, but aren’t quite sure of the details yet.
This is often described as an inner knowing, akin to the soul communicating its desires. Ironically, despite being the source of so much creativity and wisdom, it’s challenging to find the words to describe this feeling.
The Ups and Downs of the Creative Journey
However, it’s important to acknowledge that the journey towards self-expression and creative fulfilment has its ups and downs. This brings us to the second direction: examining the impact of our thinking, such as imposter syndrome and self-doubt.
Without context, Hurston’s quote could be interpreted as a reflection of the internal struggles many face with imposter syndrome—the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite one’s accomplishments. In today’s fast-paced and competitive world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to perform, measure up to unrealistic standards, and silence our voices out of fear of judgment or rejection.
These struggles often stem from our own thinking. While these thoughts may be stories we haven’t shared with others, they are narratives we have been telling ourselves, quite innocently. What if, like any book, we could put that story down for a bit, knowing there’s nothing stopping us from picking it up again in the future?
The Role of Thoughts in Shaping Our Reality
One of the underlying foundations of many coaching conversations is the idea that our thoughts create our reality. It’s not unusual for us to have a lot of thinking around negative emotions and what they mean. There can be a lot of judgment that accompanies these feelings, especially for those familiar with self-improvement or helping professions. Insecure thoughts like, “If I really understood this, I wouldn’t be feeling this,” or “If I were any good at this, I would never feel [insert negative emotion],” are common.
When we keep our stories hidden and suppress our truth, it’s often because of fearful, insecure thinking. We fear judgment and create elaborate narratives about what that judgment would mean and what could happen.
The Transformative Power of Storytelling
In coaching sessions, the transformative power of storytelling is evident. As clients share their experiences and insights, they begin to see themselves and their challenges in a new light. They gain perspective and clarity, recognizing the patterns and beliefs that have been holding them back.
Reflecting on the Quote
What did this quote prompt for you? Did it spark connections with your coaching practice and your clients? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.
Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here
One of the more popular older posts in the coaching category is one around TED questions.
What are TED Questions?
For those who aren’t familiar, TED questions are more of an instruction than a question. They are excellent for being vague enough so that the client volunteers information they feel is important, which may not be captured with a single open-ended question.
The reason they are called TED questions is that they start with:
Tell me
Explain
Describe
It’s important to note that placing a TED question in front of an open-ended question can negate its impact, as the client will simply answer the open-ended question. For example:
“Tell me more” vs. “Tell me more about who would need to be involved.”
The impact of TED Questions
For a long time, I’ve favoured the “Tell” aspect of the TED questions. “Tell me more” is a phrase I frequently use. It often opens up a conversation, serving as a gentle invitation to delve deeper and explore more around a topic.
Recently, I’ve started to pay more attention to the “Explain” and “Describe” aspects. These weren’t phrases I naturally used, so I hadn’t considered their power and impact for a long time.
It was an exercise during a recent Michael Neill training that brought them back to my attention. Consider the impact of the instruction to explain something versus the instruction to describe it.
At first glance, they may seem similar, especially when explaining and describing something that physically exists. However, think about what happens when you are explaining or describing intangible aspects—things like confidence, happiness, safety, wisdom, etc.
Try it for yourself and notice the difference, especially if you allow yourself to be less focused on being eloquent and more on what occurs to you to say, especially in a new way that you’ve not used before. Give yourself the space to let the words come, rather than dismissing the experiment after a few seconds.
For me, describing something that’s invisible, some may say formless, leads me to feeling more connected to that aspect. Explaining it, on the other hand, often results in more fluent sentences, but they don’t have the same impact.
Before you assume I’m suggesting one type of question is better than another, let me be clear: that’s not what I’m saying. Each type has a different impact. Being aware of these differences, I think, can be very useful during a coaching conversation. I wonder if you could see how these could be used in your natural coaching style and approach?
About Jen Waller
Jen Waller is a transformative coach dedicated to empowering individuals to get out of their own way and make a meaningful impact in the world. With an impactful, nurturing coaching style, Jen supports clients in unlocking their potential and achieving their goals. As an experienced coach and trainer, she guides clients from self-doubt to success.
Discover how Jen can support you to get out of your own way here.
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