This quote should have been posted on 9th Feb but for some reason missed out on being scheduled – despite being written! So here is a post all about hard questions before we move into a new month.

“To ask the hard question is simple” (W. H. Auden)

As a coach, this statement resonates deeply because, despite the diversity in coaching styles, one common thread is the art of asking questions. This quote led me to ponder what constitutes a “hard question” and how our perspectives on challenging inquiries can evolve.

Defining the “Hard Question”:

What do you consider a “hard question”? The answer may not be as straightforward as it seems. As coaches, our definitions of difficulty can shift over time and with varied experiences. Initially, a hard question might be one that challenges preconceived notions or requires introspection. However, as our thinking evolves, the difficulty may shift to articulating complex thoughts rather than finding a one-size-fits-all answer.

The Perspective Shift:

Consider this: Does your definition of a “hard question” change when you imagine yourself on the receiving end? Empathy plays a significant role in many approaches to coaching, and recognizing the potential challenges your clients face in answering difficult questions allows you to approach coaching with a deeper understanding. This shift in perspective can influence the way you frame inquiries, fostering a more empathetic and constructive coaching environment.

Evolution of Questioning:

Reflecting on personal growth, I’ve observed how questions I once deemed “hard” are now perceived as opportunities for exploration. It’s less about finding a daunting question and more about articulating thoughts that inherently resist one-size-fits-all solutions. The evolution in questioning aligns with the dynamic nature of coaching, highlighting the importance of adaptability in our approach.

Asking the “Hard Questions”:

Now, let’s explore the act of asking “hard” questions. For me, the definition has evolved over time. Rather than labeling questions as “hard,” it’s about considering the appropriateness and impact of each inquiry. Questions occasionally occur to me, and while I may refine the wording, the essence remains. Asking challenging questions becomes a far more simple yet powerful act, as it is rooted in genuine curiosity and a commitment to supporting the client’s growth.

What I do find is personally, if I’m caught up in my thinking rather than how I ususally am focused on my client than I tend to view far more questions as “hard” – I can get drawn into stories about what they may think if I ask a specific question or if it’s the right time to “push” harder.

What About You?

Consider this quote’s prompt for you. What do you define as a “hard question,” and has that definition shifted over time? How do you approach asking challenging questions, and does your perspective change when you imagine yourself on the receiving end? Share your reflections and insights below.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.