“Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.”
(H. Jackson Brown Jr)

One of the questions I often ask clients, particularly when they report that they are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, is how much self-care have you been doing this week?

The most common responses I get are:

•   What do you mean self-care?

• Yes I know what you’re going to say but I’ve got so much to do that’s really, really important and urgent that I haven’t got time for such niceties.

• “Doah!” or some other admittance that they hadn’t been doing any or it’s been much less than normal.

Over the next couple of weeks I will talk about all of these responses but for now let me concentrate on what I mean by self-care.

I spoke in a recent mid week coaching post about why I think it’s important for coaches to take care of themselves. Here is what I said:

Out of curiosity recently I did a web search on the term self care and came across the following:

“Self care skills are the needs to manage day to day life. They include washing, dressing, cooking and housekeeping.”

Admittedly this was in reference to caring for someone else, and those things do all fall under self care, but when I ask my clients about self care I’m referring to much more that physiological needs.

In the 1940’s and 50’s psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed a theory of needs – you may have seen it represented as a pyramid, with the largest and lowest level of needs forming the foundations for the others to build upon.

There is scholarly debate about the order that the levels are placed in, or even if there is a hierarchy at all. And rather than get involved in that discussion, I’ll invite you to glance at the following synopsis and consider the emotional, physical and even spiritual effects and benefits that taking care of your needs for each category would have.

Physiological – What we, as humans, literally require to survive as a species. Needs that are seen to fall in this category include food, breathing, sleep and sexual activity.

Safety – In today’s society this does not only mean physical safety but can also include employment/financial security, health and security of property etc.

Love and Belonging – This category of “needs” covers aspects of feelings of belonging and building relationships, such as friendship, family and romantic.

Esteem – This heading covers needs such as self-esteem, confidence and respect – both of and by others.

Self-Actualisation – This, Maslow theorised, is the top of the pyramid, and is the section that covers what a persons potential is and fulfilling that potential. Dr Wayne Dyer describes it as:

i) to be free of the good opinion of others,

ii) to do things not simply for the outcome but because it’s the reason you are here on earth.

I include these not because I necessarily agree with every single aspect of Maslow’s theory myself, but to encourage a broader look at the things that when you take care to include in your daily routine you feel more alive and generally have a better day.

This week I invite you to play with the following:

1. Make a list of all the things that when you do them, you have a better day. What are the things that when you do them you feel more alive and are more productive?

Now the things that appear on such a list varies from person to person. Some of the answers from clients and myself include:

• Eating fresh food rather than pre-packed fast food
• Taking 10 minutes in the morning to appreciate the view from my kitchen window
• Connecting with family
• Taking the longer but less crowded route to work
• Walking by open water
• Spending a few minutes to register my achievements and what I’m grateful for
• Having a relaxing bath rather than rushed shower
• Doing something creative

2. Once you have your list, notice which ones you do this week.

You are allowed to keep adding to your list as you notice even more things that when you do them you feel more “alive” and better in yourself.

How you do this is up to you but some people like to keep a visual record and note of what they have done.

Remember, I’m not asking you to deliberately do anything more than notice which ones you do this week.

If you want to include any into your daily routine than by all means do so but know that’s an added bonus. You may also become aware of how self-care is reflected in different areas of your life.

If you read this and thought a variation of “I haven’t got time to do that” or “I get the theory but remembering to do that in practice is easier said than done” then rest assured I will talk more about those in the next couple of weeks.

Have a week full of noticing self-care,

Love

Jen