Coaching Quote of the Day 30th April 2011
“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
(Peter T Mcintyre)
Monthly Archives: April 2011
Am I Uncoachable? Am I Unapproachable? 1
In this week’s Friday guest post coach Amber Fogarty shares her thoughts and experience with those who are uncoachable and unapproachable.
Am I Uncoachable? Am I Unapproachable?
by Amber Fogarty
Raise your hand if you’ve ever encountered someone who was uncoachable. How about someone who was unapproachable? Surely, you’ve encountered both types of people in your coaching business and in your community. Being both uncoachable and unapproachable is one of the worst combinations.
Take a moment to think about yourself and your interactions during the last month. Can you think of times when you’ve come across as either uncoachable or unapproachable or both?
Many blogs posted on this site have highlighted the importance of coaches having coaches. I strongly believe that one cannot be an effective coach without a coach of his or her own. One of my mentors in the coaching industry, who has been a coach for more than 25 years, once told me that “a coach without a coach is a con artist.” Strong words, but words I believe to be true. How can we sell the value of coaching to others if we don’t have a coach ourselves? We must be a “product of the product.”
But what makes someone uncoachable? There are so many factors that can contribute to “uncoachability.” Here are a few of my favorites, worded as I statements so that you can challenge yourself to think about whether or not each one applies to you.
- I am uncoachable because I do not want to change.
- I am uncoachable because I do not believe that I need to change.
- I am uncoachable because I believe I know more than the coach. (Knowing is the enemy of learning.)
- I am uncoachable because I think it’s not the right time to (fill in your excuse here).
- I am uncoachable because I think something or someone else needs to change before I do.
- I am uncoachable because I need to be in control 100% of the time.
- I am uncoachable because I do not like to be challenged.
- I am uncoachable because I am not open to feedback.
Bearing all this in mind, are you uncoachable? A very wise coach once told me that being coached is about being open to all possibilities. It is about being challenged to be a better version of yourself.
How can you strive to be more coachable? To be more open to feedback? To embrace change?
I recently was introduced to a networking expert by one of my coaching clients. I reached out to this new contact so that we could get to know each other and see if there were any opportunities for us to help each other. Her response to my request for a meeting indicated that she was really busy and was “only meeting with people who could directly impact her cash flow.” How could a networking expert be so unapproachable?
As coaches, we may at times believe that we have all the answers. We may be tempted to fall into the trap of believing that we don’t have anything to learn from a particular person or about our area of expertise. Knowing truly is the enemy of learning, and we always have more to learn. So let’s make a commitment to being approachable and coachable. Our families, our friends, and our clients deserve it.
About the Author/Further Resources
Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, one-on-one and group coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.
Coaching Quote of the Day 29th April 2011
“I am always doing things I can’t do – that’s how I get to do them.”
(Pablo Picasso)
Coaching Quote of the Day 28th April 2011
“Wisdom lies neither in fixity nor in change, but in the dialect between the two.”
(Octavia Paz)
How passionate are you about your coaching?
A common theme that I see in those wanting to become coaches is a passion for coaching. It may be that it’s a particular niche or process that has ignited that enthusiasm or it may be for the entire field.
Yet from time to time I come across coaches and those wanting to be coaches who have lost touch with that passion and are frustrated – maybe by their perceived lack of progress in their studies or growth of their practice.
There are lots of practical actions that you may be able to take in such a situation. Often in such a situation an individual may feel that they have done everything they can think of to do and yet nothing has worked.
The actual situation that is the source of the frustration can be very varied. With such a broad spectrum of potential “causes” this would be a very long post if I even attempted to cover a proportion of the scenarios.
Instead I am focusing a few minutes about your passion for your coaching and why you love(d) the idea of becoming a coach.
I invite you today to remind yourself of that and to (re)-connect with your passion for coaching and all that means for you. That may mean that you take a moment or two to really imagine, using all your senses, what you want to be doing as a coach.
Perhaps it’s about taking the time to actually go and physically do a coaching session with your own personal goal of being of service to that person.
Maybe it’s about reviewing testimonials and feedback that you have been given by past clients – or even writing a testimonial that you’d love to receive from your dream client.
Having (re)connected with your passion notice what occurs to you in this state about what you can do next with your coaching.
One thing I know as a coach is that when someone is feeling frustrated that the solutions that they are aware of for a given ”problem” can be very different to the ones that they can see in the same situation when they are feeling passionate. If nothing else it can be a great boost to your motivation and energy 😉
Coaching Quote of the Day 27th April 2011
“Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as you; be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you.”
(Nicholai Velimirovic)
Coaching Quote of the Day 26th April 2011
“A question works because, unlike a statement which requires you to obey, a question requires you to think. The mind seems to prefer to think, not to obey.”
(Nancy Kline)
A question of focus
“We wanted Nike to be the world’s best sports and fitness company. Once you say that, you have a focus. You don’t end up making wing tips or sponsoring the next Rolling Stones world tour.”
(Philip Knight, co-founder and chairman of Nike, Inc)
I received an email the other day that was all about someone who constantly asked themselves “What do I need to do to get this in balance?” Upon further investigation what that person really wanted was to feel happier and more relaxed – they just thought that balance was the way for them to achieve happiness and relaxation.
What this person was doing with the question “What do I need to do to get this in balance?” was focusing their attention on the process of balance rather on what they wanted the outcome to be – happiness and relaxation.
One of the things I found interesting about how this person had set this up for themselves is that they appeared to be presuming that they could only feel happiness and relaxation after they had (in this case) addressed balance in their life. Maybe I’m just impatient but personally I think it sounds far more pleasant to feel happy and relaxed and then, if you still want to, choose to address the priorities and balance in areas of your life.
Sometimes we can try harder and harder, focusing more upon the process and loose sight of how it relates to the end result. When we don’t get there we can presume that its down to some failing in ourselves rather than the method we used – phrases such as “if only I tried harder” or “I just haven’t got the will power” are all indications that that may have been happening. Rather than the method and process that you were using just wasn’t the one for you.
For example, lets say that Bob has been telling himself that he is lazy and undisciplined for not going to the gym. The result he wants is to get more exercise so that he can improve his health.
Shifting his focus to the result of taking more exercise to improve his health opens up a whole new range of possibilities, many of which he is much more willing to do instead of going to the gym.
Part of the dictionary definition of focus is “a centre or activity of interest.” This week I invite you to play with what you are focusing upon.
1. Pick something to play with, maybe it’s a new project that you want to get off to a strong start or maybe its something you’ve been working on for a while and want to give it some new focus.
2. What is the end result that you want?
What will it mean when you have this?
What will be the outcome?
3. Focusing upon the outcome that you want, write down some of the options that would take you there (no matter how silly they may appear) ?
What else could you do?
4. Re-read your answers and see which appeal to you to take action upon.
Have a lovely week of focus.
Love
Jen
This was originally posted on www.YourChangingDirection.com