Coaching Quote of the Day 15th Jan 2011
“I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp in-focus picture of it in my head”
(Jack Nicklaus, Golfer)
Monthly Archives: January 2011
Is there a public misperception about coaching? 5
In this weeks guest post Karen Wise shares her views about the public perception of coaching. She also invites you to participate in a survey to gain your views.
Is there a public misperception about coaching?
By Karen Wise
Over the last year, I have found myself having a similar conversation with my friends, relatives and clients: “What is coaching?”
Before you all start shouting the answer, I want you to stop and think…….
Because I have been on a journey to explore what people understand about coaching, and the answer is not that obvious. Every coach I know can readily give you a definition of what coaching is, but can Joe Public?
My research has led me to understand that there are 10 definitions that are widely recognised and used by professional bodies and organisations. And as coaching professionals, we’re encouraged to develop our own definition of coaching that represents the “way we do it”.
And then what happens in a session? How long is it? Is it face-to-face, over the telephone or via email? How often do you meet your coaches?
Again, I can already hear a thousand different answers. And surely all these different ways of being coached is confusing for potential coachees?
We are working in a growing industry which is unregulated. In order to find our place in the market, we develop our “niche”. And whilst this generates clients and income, does it actually contribute to a public misperception of what coaching really is?
I feel that it’s more important than ever that the coaching industry becomes regulated so that we can start giving out consistent, positive messages about the profession: coaching can so powerful, enabling and rewarding for both the coach and coachee when it’s done well. Perhaps it’s already too late, and the current level of diversification has diluted our profession to a point from which we cannot recover. I hope not.
So I continue on my journey and I am currently undertaking a piece of research on this topic. If you’re interested in contributing to my research, please click on the link below which will take you to a survey. It will only take 5 minutes to complete and your responses will be completely anonymous.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/GTGNTZK
About the Author/Further Resources
Karen Wise, MCIPD is an Organisational Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist, with over 12 years’ experience of working in Human Resources roles up to and including Director level within the NHS in the UK. Karen now runs her own consultancy and coaching business, with a particular interest in outplacement coaching. She is also currently undertaking a Masters Degree in Coaching Psychology at the University of East London. You can follow Karen on twitter (karenwise) and read her weekly blog on working in HR in the NHS at www.karenwise.wordpress.com
Coaching Quote of the Day 14th Jan 2011
“All fear is the fear that unhappiness will happen”
(Bruce Di Marsico)
Coaching Quote of The Day 13th Jan 2011
“Example has more followers than reason”
(John Christian Bovee)
Do you always believe your coaching client?
When I initially started writing this piece the opening line was at the risk of sounding like Gregory House from the TV show House – All clients lie. Upon reflection I thought that was probably a harsh sweeping generalisation so I will amend it to: I’ve never coached anyone, over a period of time, who at some stage has not lied to me.
There has always come a point when they will try, potentially at great length, to try and persuade me about something that I know is a complete lie – often relatively early in our coaching relationship.
Now, before you build up a derogrery picture of the lovely skilled brilliant individuals I work with, let me also add that if I’m totally honest I’ve done it with my own coaches but, like my clients, I was convinced what I was saying at the time was true.
They may have a very reasonably sounding, well thought out and constructed argument to support the lie. They may even have collected evidence over time that supports their position.
What they have often ignored is evidence that supports any other viewpoint or allowed for the situation altering. They are also often missing other solutions that may not be obvious if they believe this lie they are telling themselves.
For me, one of my roles as a coach is to empower my clients and to see more for them than they are themselves. One of the ways that as a coach I do this is by not believing and “buying in to” every single story they tell me.
If you are reading this it’s quite possible that you are already familiar with the term limiting belief, that is a belief that someone has that gets in their way and limits them. It’s these that clients often lie about, though sometimes it can also be something they don’t want to admit.
So what do you do when you suspect a client is lying?
Sometimes, this takes the form of asking more questions to check the accuracy of what they are telling you.
For example, imagine Bob* was to tell you that he was incapable of taking the next action needed to move closer towards his “goal”. One option is to believe that’s true and look for a different way around that. Another option is to explore further what he thinks is stopping him from taking that action.
On other occasions it can be saying out-right that you don’t believe them. Perhaps they are saying one thing but something that you are seeing or hearing makes you suspect that it’s not the truth.
For example, Bob may be telling you that what he really wants is one thing, but you can hear that there is something missing.
On other occasions it’s about refusing to believe that they are not good enough, amazing enough etc to do great things. My way of handling that is when clients try and convince me that they are not good enough is to point out to them that they can try all they want but they are not going to convince me of that. You see, not always believing a client is different to not believing in your client.
These are all ways that can facilitate your client to find alternative solutions and ways forward.
All this may sound really simple when it’s something that’s obviously not true. What it’s often harder to spot is if your client’s lie happens to be something that you also believe – If you find yourself agreeing with a client when they are telling you what’s in their way then it’s quite possible that this is what is happening.
If you haven’t already I invite you to consider how you will handle that situation, if you wish you can always share that below.
* For the purpose of this post Bob is an imaginary client based on no individual person
Coaching Quote of The Day 12th Jan 2011
“All dreams appear impossible until someone makes them happen”
(Barry Neil Kaufman)
Coaching Quote of the Day 11th Jan 2011
“All things are difficult before they are easy”
(Thomas Fuller)
“What Did You Say?”
“Our language is funny – a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing”. ~J. Gustav White
I have to give the IT support team, where I used to work, credit. They would be quite use to me calling to say something highly technical like “the thingy-ma-jig isn’t working” (which of course is different to a what’s-it). The team were very good at interpreting what I was talking about and provide me with a solution.
The ones who were really good, and provided easy to follow instructions, were the ones who stepped into my world and used little or no technical jargon in their answers.
I was reminded about this recently while working with someone wanting to change their career. This individual had lots of relevant experience, the industry that they were in used different “labels” to describe the same actions and responsibilities that the new career required.
One of the first things that we did was to amend their CV so that the language used matched the labels in the new industry. We kept the facts the same. This automatically helped the potential employer see the match between the experience and skills and what they wanted in that role.
Both of the above are examples of using the other person’s language to communicate more effectively. The IT team to communicate a solution (and possibly get some peace from me 🙂 ) With the CV example it was about strongly communicating how well the candidate matched what the potential employer wanted.
Sometimes a person’s language can also be an indication of the individual’s interests. For example, you may find that there is a lot of sporting references in their every day language – “moving the goal posts”, “letting the side down” or “a clean sheet” being phrases that can often be used and all originate from sport.
On other occasions it may be a cultural reference – it was interesting to see a localised family run business merge with a multinational company and see both sides adapt to the language and jargon that both cultures regularly used.
You may have noticed that when someone is describing a situation they paint a picture with their words so that you get a taste of what they are talking about. Sometimes you may only get a whiff of what they meant. How much you feel that you understand may be an indication of how successful the message was communicated. People often do this by using words that make use of the senses.
For example, some words and phrases that make use of the visual sense are: image, illuminate, hazy, bright, unsightly, focus, big picture and green with envy.
Some words and phrases that make use of the auditory (hearing) sense: buzz, dialogue, discuss, ring, tone, off-beat, tune in-to, clear as a bell and speak your mind.
Some words and phrases that make use of the sense of touch and feelings*: grasp, lukewarm, nudge, painful, sense, cool customer and hold on a moment.
*(This can also be referred to as kinaesthetic – but that is still just a label to aid communication in certain groups/fields of knowledge)
Some words and phrases that make use of the senses of taste and smell: acidic, choke, digest, savour, gut feeling, tough to swallow, nosey, odour, pungent, reeks, sniff, I smell a rat and a sweet smell of success.
You may notice that in certain situations and instances that a person may use words that predominately make use of one or a few of the senses. Just like in the example where we matched the same language for the CV etc it can help your communication to match words using the senses that they used when you notice them.
(Remember people do change over time so don’t automatically presume that because a person used visual or auditory words for a situation on one occasion that they will still use those to describe it on another. It is wise to pay attention to see if it has altered)
If there is someone you would like to communicate more effectively with I invite you to play with the following. It may be an individual or group.
1. Notice the language that they are using.
2. Pay attention to how it is different to the language that you use.
3. If you have detected a difference in a “label,” you may want to check to see if your understanding of what they are saying is actually what they mean.
4. Just for fun, what happens if you adopt their language?
Use your own judgement with what and when you choose to do this. Sometimes it can seem “clunky” when you are getting used to doing this and there may be certain circumstances that you don’t want that to be the case.
Have a lovely week
Love
Jen
This was originally posted on www.YourChangingDirection.com