Monthly Archives: January 2011

Are you willing to do whatever it takes? 3

 in General life improvement

“At the centre of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”
(Lao Tzu, Chinese Philosopher and founder of Taoism 600 BC – 531 BC)

Susan Boyle has dominated the entertainment headlines around the world for her appearance on the UK variety TV talent show “Britain’s Got Talent”.

On the same semi-final was a contestant who had started the show as a duo of best friends. The judges rejected the duo but told her that they thought she could make it as a solo artist. The choice that this candidate made was to “go solo” and the friendship is currently in tatters.

Choosing to put her chance of getting the opportunity to pursue her dream above the friendship was something that this performer was prepared to do. How about you? What would you have done?

Now before you think this is going to be a piece that tells you that you must do whatever it takes – notice what your reaction was to that last question. Some will have had no problems saying yes, for others it would have been a categorical no-way.

As far as I’m concerned there’s no judgement about if you were a yes or a no, its just interesting to note how it works for you. You see when we describe what we want there is often an unspoken condition and assumption in there.

For example, you may want “financial security” … as long as you don’t have to work 16-hour days.

Maybe you want “stability” … and only have to deal with certain people.

Perhaps you want to loose weight … and still be friendly and approachable.

It’s not at all uncommon that leaving some of this unsaid actually makes it harder to work towards what you want.

This week I invite you to play with the following so that you completely word what you want. You’ll need a piece of paper and something to write with to make this easier.

1. At the top of one side write “I want [and put what you want] because …”

Remember that we are only playing here, I’m not asking you to commit to taking any action or following this for the rest of your life!

2. Once you have written that down, underneath your heading write all the reasons you want that.

Again this is your list, so the length of it will be unique to you

3. On the other side of the paper write “I don’t want [insert what you want] because…”

4. This time write any reasons you can think of why you wouldn’t want this.

5. Draw a line under your 2 lists and modify what you want to eliminate the reasons why you don’t want it.

For example, “I want to run my own business” may become

“I want to run my own business, doing things that I love and easily have plenty of time to spend with my family.”

6. Write your answer to part 5 in the form “I want … because” and then answer the question.

7. On the other side of the paper write “I don’t want … because” using your answer from part 5.

8. Answer any reasons you can think of that you wouldn’t want that.

9 Repeat steps 5 – 8 until the question of why you don’t want this just seems ridiculous

Notice at no time have I asked you to take any action on this so you can put anything down, even if the possibility of it happening seems insanely impractical 😉

Bonus step

Keep playing with what you want until it just seems amazing to be able to have that.

So I want to be rich enough to pay off debts and have enough to pay bills may appear to be a ridiculous request but there may be an even more powerful want.

For example I want to be rich enough from doing things I love and having enough to pay off debts and bills and travel around the world (or pay my children’s university fees etc) appears, to me, a far more amazing want.

Remember to also double check for any modifications with the “I don’t want question …”

Once you have defined what you really want, notice the difference between that and how it was originally worded.

If a fun next step springs to mind about what you want to do, by all means take action on it.

Have a fantastic week

Love

Jen

This was originally posted on www.YourChangingDirection.com

9 Traits Parents Wish for in Their Kids’ Coaches 4

 in Guest Post  tagged Bill McCartney / business coach / business coaching / challenge / charging / child / children / client / clients / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching courses / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching training / communicates / consistent / encourage / enjoy / executive coach / honesty / kid / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / models / nlp coach / parent / performance coaching / personal coach / personal development / positive / pushes / sports coaching / traits

In this week’s guest post Janis B. Meredith discusses what she wants from one specific type of coach – how many of these are similar to what the people who use your coaching want?

9 Traits Parents Wish for in Their Kids’ Coaches

by Janis B. Meredith

Parents of athletes are not looking for flawless humans to coach their kids. We realize there is no perfect coach.

But we do have a wish list. As a coach’s wife for 27 year and a sports parent for 17, I know what I want in a coach and I’m pretty sure most sports parents would agree. I appreciate a coach who:

1. Speaks honestly in the pre-season. Kids do not want coaches to make false promises of playing time or of how they are needed, or tickle their ears with words like “You will be a leader on the team”—and then not follow through. Coaches should be up front with players about their role on the team.

As a high school softball coach, my husband has had many honest talks with girls before the season about their role on the team. If they will have a back-up role, he tells them so. They may not like what he says, but at least they know exactly where they stand.

2. Keeps consistent with the rules. Moms, dads, and players want a coach who makes all players—yes, even the team star—abide by the same rules. If the team rule is that two fouls in the first half puts you on the bench, then a coach should not bend those rules just because she desperately needs that player on the court. What kind of message does it send if we let an athlete think that they are above the rules?

3. Clearly communicates to parents. Parents like printed practice, game, and team meal schedules. They like having a team parent who reminds them to work the snack bar. They like a coach who plans ahead and then lets parents know the plans. As parents, we’ve got a lot to remember and when coaches take the time to clearly communicate, it lessens the conflicts and confusion in our homes.

4. Clearly communicates to players. I love it when I see a coach who, when he pulls a player out of the game, take a few seconds to coach him. Kids need to know what they did wrong and what they did right. How else will they improve? Trouble is, many coaches will not take the time to do this during the game. They pull a kid, then keep them guessing as to what they did wrong. Frustrating.

5. Pushes and challenges players. My kids’ favorite coaches were ones who challenged them and pushed them to be better players. Neither parent nor child wants a coach who acts as a babysitter and does not help them improve their performance. As a football and softball coach, my husband says that if an athlete does not leave his team as a better person and player, he has not done his job as a coach.

Bill McCartney, former coach of the Colorado Buffaloes says it this way: “All coaching is, is taking a player where he can’t take himself.”

6. Treats players fairly. There’s nothing more frustrating than a coach who pulls a kid out of the game for one mistake, while leaving another player in the game who commits the very same mistake over and over. As parents, we don’t ask for special treatment for our kids, we ask for fair treatment.

7. Encourages players. Personally, I don’t mind a coach who chews on my kid, as long he balances it out with encouragement.

8. Enjoys the kids. A coach who enjoys kids—not just coaching or not just the sport—will have a greater impact on those kids’ lives. Why? Because kids will seek him out. They will be drawn to him, feel comfortable with him, and never feel like they are bothering him.

My husband is one of the best examples of this that I know. He has always loved high school kids. And the kids know it. They never hesitate to come up and talk; in fact, they often seek him out. Because he taught them how to swing a bat? Or block on the line? Maybe. But more likely because they know he likes them.

9. Models positive traits. Parents like to know their kids are in good hands, that they are spending time with people who exhibit good morals, a caring attitude, integrity, and authenticity.

Are we expecting too much from our kids’ coaches? After all, they are parents and teachers and construction workers and lawyers and doctors and grocery clerks—just like us.

Exactly.

I ask nothing more from my kid’s coach than I ask of myself.

About the Author/Further Resources

As a coach’s wife for 27 years and a sports parent for 17, Janis sees life from both sides of the bench. Follow her blog at http://jbmthinks.com, her tweets at jbmthinks and her facebook page at www.facebook.com/sportsparenting.

How many are in this coaching relationship? 2

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / coaching welcome pack / executive coach / family / Free resource / interested parties / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / manager / performance coaching / personal development / stakeholders

Depending upon your style and type of coaching it is quite within the realms of possibility that there will be more individuals involved in your coaching other than the individual you are coaching.

There will off course be specific jargon and language that applies to your specific area of coaching – in the corporate world for example you may be familiar with hearing the term stakeholders. In a business setting you may have an employees manager showing an interest. Maybe there is a third party actually paying for the coaching – a company or even a charity. Then you may have family members, particularly if you are working with a minor, who also express an interest.

As a coach, your primary relationship will be with the individual being coached. However, in such situations you do not operate in a separate bubble. If you are already working in such situations then you have no doubt already perfected ways and behaviours of dealing with these circumstances. If that’s the case than feel free to share your views below 🙂

If you have not got as much experience in these areas here are a couple of my initial thoughts on the subject.

It helps if you understand the context that the coaching has been requested. This may be as simple as improving performance, however sometimes there is a lot more involved. For example, in a business setting I’ve observed a manager think of it as a tick box exercise as part of managing an employee out of the business.

Know who the other interested parties are – managers, business owners, HR professionals, organisations, parents, charities etc. It’s entirely possible that there will be more than one.

It’s also entirely possible that each interested party will have their own different priorities and ideas. It will help if you know what each of them wants.

Knowing all that can help you to tailor the expectations and agreements that you set. Getting agreement and “buy-in” for this from the start can make situations easier in the long run, and potentially avoid issues even arising. Matters around confidentiality and the flow of information not only will potentially affect the trust between the individual and coach and also is likely to be of concern to the other “third parties”.