Monthly Archives: September 2010


What can you do, as a coach, when a client doesn’t answer your question? 4

One of the fundamental aspects of coaching is questions, but what can you do as a coach, when a client doesn’t answer the question you asked?

This is a question that I often see asked by those who are beginning to explore and learn coaching. The most common answer I hear given is to challenge the client on the fact.

Challenging a client, may for some, appear to be a daunting prospect at first. Personally, I think that it is something that in reality is a lot easier then it first appears. I also think it’s something that each coach will develop methods of doing that incorporates their own style and taking into account the client they are working with.

Not answering a question generally happens in one of two forms:

(1)   The client provides an answer in the variation of “I don’t know”

(2)   The client says a lot but doesn’t actually provide an answer to what you asked.

Let’s take a look at some of the reason’s why you may not be getting an answer.

They genuinely don’t understand your question

Something in the question you asked was outside of the clients frame of reference.

Perhaps it was a word that isn’t used in their home country or culture; maybe it was terminology that just isn’t used in the business they work in.

On other occasions it can be because the clients understanding about a word or terminology is different to your own. This often happens when talking about labels for feelings/experiences that are then talked about as if they are a real physical thing – something you could pop down to the local supermarket and buy a packet. Success and confidence are two examples that can cause confusion.

They don’t actually know the answer to your question

If you are asking for a piece of information, it is not outside the realms of possibility that your client really doesn’t have the answer and there is another “step” to do to allow them to find the answer.

For example, imagine the following situation in a workplace: Your client is “stuck” on a project, through questioning you find that it is because they haven’t got a specific piece of knowledge about the business – one question you may ask in that situation is “Who would have that knowledge?” It’s not outside the realms of possibility that they don’t know  – in which case you can ask questions about how to find out who in the business had that knowledge.

They didn’t “hear” your question and are answering what they thought you asked

This means that it’s not that they are deliberately not answering your question it’s just that from their current perspective they thought you asked a different question.

A simple example is when a client answers what they will do when you asked what they could do.

More involved answers where a client gives a thoughtful and considered answer but still doesn’t answer your question can give you a huge clue into what has a client stuck in the first place. What question would your client have hear you ask for their answer to make perfect sense?

They are afraid of getting the answer “wrong”, appearing “bad” etc

It’s possibly they only want to share an answer if they are 100% certain (or for some 200% 😉 ) that it is correct or they are judging themselves negatively for the answer they thought and don’t want you to also think of them that way.

They don’t know where to start

I think of this as similar to sitting down to write something and staring at a blank piece of paper not knowing where to begin. It may be that the question was such a big jump from their normal viewpoint that it’s a completely alien concept for them.

For example, one question that people often ask themselves that falls in this category is “what do I want to do with my life?” Which is potentially a huge question to answer if you haven’t looked at what you want to do right now.

They have some sort of belief about what would happen if they permitted themselves to consider the question and/or speak the answer aloud.

It’s not unusual for there to be some unspoken fear about what could happen if they allowed themselves to answer. There can be some quite elaborate stories that are behind these fears.

Consider the following: You can tell by the way that your client has answered the question “what would you love to do?” that their answer doesn’t make them come alive at the thought. You are convinced that there is something that your client hasn’t “admitted” to that would be even better. Sometimes your client may be concerned that if they really shared what they want they would be disappointed when it didn’t happen – because they tell themselves a story that they never get anything they want. So to protect themselves from that hurt they just don’t answer the question, even to themselves.

It may also be that they are afraid what will happen next if they speak their answer aloud and share it with you. For example, you may “make” them do something to get that and that idea terrifies them.

They haven’t considered the question before and just need time to process it for themselves.

This is a situation where the heading pretty much says it all! Sometimes a client may just say anything just because they are not comfortable with silence and/or feel pressured to say something because it’s their turn to speak!

They don’t actually want to share that information with you

Coaching is often about the choices that we make and not actually wanting to share the answer is just another choice a client can make. This may also combine aspects of not wanting to appear bad etc with some story about what will happen if they do share.

An easy example of this is in the case of a manager coaching one of their team. The team member may be afraid of the consequences if they share they feel it was the clarity of the managers instructions that has slowed down a project.

What can you do?

Reacting to a non-answer can include one of the following ways:

  • Draw the clients attention to the fact that they didn’t answer
  • Asking the same question again
  • Asking the question in a different way
  • Asking a totally different question
  • Giving them the space/time to explore their answer
  • Removing any perceived pressure and generally reassuring
  • Making a couple of suggestions to “get the ball rolling”
  • Exploring what they are afraid will happen if they answer
  • Ignoring the fact that they didn’t actually answer because you feel that there are other equally valid directions the conversation can go.

I invite you to consider if you pay attention to the possible reason a client isn’t answering your question.

What are some of the ways you personally could respond comfortably given each of these potential reasons?

Have I missed a potential reason why a client may not answer? What other ways do you like to respond if a client doesn’t answer your question?

If you would like to answer any of my questions above, or just share your thoughts on the topic then leave a reply below and click submit comment.


Seeing it’s You …

I received a text from a friend this week saying that they were running late and would it be OK if we meet half an hour later then planned? The text I sent back was “Seeing it’s you, that’s fine :-)”

Having an extra 30 minutes I took my time to enjoy the journey across to where we had arranged to meet. As I strolled I considered the sorts of things that we are all prepared to do for those people that we like in comparison for the things that we are prepared to do for those that we don’t like.

Before you move on reading the rest of this I invite you to consider for yourself the sort of things – both practically and emotionally that YOU are prepared to do for those that you like and those that you don’t like.

<!–more–>Once you have answered those two questions. What happens if you substitute the word love for like in the previous 2 questions. What are you prepared to do for those that you love? What are the things that others do that make you feel loved?

The answers to these questions may not be anything major or earth shattering it could be making you a cup of tea, or give you time to have a lovely relaxing bath. It may just be to take a moment to notice what you could do to feel more comfortable with how you are sitting/standing in any moment. These are your answers and as is so often the case with things I invite you to play with, there is no right or wrong answers just the ones that are relevant to you 🙂

How often do you do the things on your list for yourself? It’s not at all unusual that people share with me that they would like to feel that they like/love themselves. It’s a lot easier to do that if you are actually taking time to take care of you and do more of the things that make a difference for you.

Love

Jen

This was first published on www.YourChangingDirection.com


The power of parrot-phrasing 1

In this weeks guest post, clean language and x-ray listening expert, Judy Rees discusses the impact phrasing language can have.

The power of parrot-phrasing

by Judy Rees

I wonder if you were ever taught to paraphrase someone as a way of showing you’d been listening to them? This “active listening” technique has been widely encouraged in teaching, counselling and coaching for many years.

But modern research has revealed that it’s parrot-phrasing, not paraphrasing, that pays.  You should use the person’s own words, not yours, for best effect.

For example Professor Richard Wiseman (in his brilliant book 59 Seconds) quotes a study from the University of Nijmegen in which a waitress increased her tips by 70 per cent simply by repeating the customer’s order back to them, rather than saying “okay” or “coming right up”.

How does this work? As commentator Dr Nicholas Ostler put it on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4 recently: “The way people talk is close to their soul.”

Using the other person’s words, parrot-phrasing rather than paraphrasing:

  • encourages the person to like you. Matching language sends a strong hint that you are similar, that you belong to the same group. And it’s well established that people tend to like people who they believe are like themselves.
  • helps you to build rapport and trust with the person. In repeating their words you acknowledge that you have actually heard them, that you are listening, and that you are inclined to continue the conversation.
  • retains subtle distinctions of meaning, and retains the metaphoric structure of the thought. For example, “closing the gap” contains a presupposition that the gap can vanish completely – “narrowing the gap” does not.
  • supports the person to continue speaking, expressing themselves more fully and perhaps more clearly.
  • encourages the person to think about what they have just said, and perhaps to understand their own ideas more deeply.
  • saves you the trouble of thinking of suitable paraphrases.
  • prevents the distracting and time-consuming disagreements (“That’s not quite what I meant”) which often arise over slight differences in wording.
  • conceals your lack of knowledge or understanding about a subject. It’s quite hard to make a fool of yourself it you only use the other person’s words!

As you may know, the questioning system and coaching methodology Clean Language uses parrot-phrasing (along with people’s metaphors) to get “close to the soul” of clients.

For example, the two most widely used Clean Language questions are:

“What kind of X (is that X)?”

and

“Is there anything else about X?”

where the “X” represents one or more of the person’s words.

Clean Language can be spectacularly successful at getting people “unstuck” quickly, and helping them to make dramatic changes in their lives. And it works partly because of the power of using a person’s own words.

And the same approach can be applied in many other contexts. For example, imagine the power of getting “close to the soul” when you’re keen to influence or persuade someone!

So why not try it out today? For something so powerful, it’s amazingly easy. Just repeat back the last few words someone says with a curious tone to encourage them to say more – or try one of the Clean Language questions and see what happens next.

About the Author/Further Resources

Judy Rees is an expert in Clean Language and the co-author, with Wendy Sullivan, of Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds. Her company, X-Ray Listening, puts Clean Language to work in a variety of business contexts – and is about to release an audio course, Intelligent Influence with X-Ray Listening. Visit www.xraylistening.com to find out more.

UPDATE 11th November 2010: For a limited period Judy is offering some video’s where she shares more secrets. Have a look now HERE.


Questions, Questions, Questions 2

“The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge.”
(Thomas Berger)

As coaches we use a lot of different sorts of questions so I thought it was appropriate that I devoted a short time to a few of the different types of questions. Some you may have come across such as closed questions. Others like TED questions you may not have heard of with that label.

Personally, I think that all types of questions can have a place in a coaching conversation. As a coach, I think it’s about skilfully using the resources you have (in this case questions) to move your client in a useful direction.

Here are just some of the most common types of questions that you may find yourself using:

Open questions.

These are questions that start with Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. These types of questions are designed to allow answers that are more open with the scope of the information provided.

Examples of Open Questions include:

What prompted you to call today?

Who would think that about you

Pro’s to open questions:

Can provide lots of useful information.

Con’s to open questions:

In certain circumstances lots of information is not what you want; sometimes you just want to know something specific, i.e. If your client is willing to commit to a specific action.

The use of a why question is a post all for itself, but for now I will say that sometimes the use of why in a question encourages the client in a direction you don’t want them to go.

Closed questions

These are questions that only provide a closed selection of answers – traditionally yes or no, though as a coach you may also have come across a third answer a variation of “I don’t know.”

Examples of closed questions include:

Is that something you’d be willing to do?

Do you want to spend any more time on this topic?

Pros to closed questions:

Can provide a clear and decisive answer when used at an appropriate time.

Cons to a closed question:

Can sometimes miss opportunities to provide more information – for example, consider the difference between the questions:

Is there anything else? (A closed question)

And

What else? (An open question)

Alternative questions:

These are questions that provide a choice of different “solutions” in the question.

Examples of an alternative question:

Do you want tea or coffee?

Are you interested in job a, job b or something else?
Pros to alternative questions
This type of question can be used to transport the conversation to a different stage. For example, you can use it to check where a client is with making a decision between different choices.

Cons to alternative questions:

Sometimes the use of an alternative question can miss considering a different option. Personally, when using an alternative question I often like to include the option of  “or something else” as one choice as it provides the client the opportunity to consider a different solution if appropriate.

TED questions

This is a type of “question” I came across as a sales trainer. I’ve yet to track down the source to credit who created this label so if you know please let me know.

Technically, when used “correctly”, this is more of a command/instruction than a question but as it is one of the most effective techniques I know to find lots of information I am including this in this post.

TED Questions begin with Tell, Explain or Describe.

Examples of TED “questions”

Tell me more about that.

Explain the situation to me.

Describe that to me.

A common “mistake” when using these for the first time is to just add Tell, Explain or Describe to the start of an open question. This can reduce the scope in the range of answers you may get as it focuses your client attention to what is being asked in the open question.

Consider the following scenario:

A client has told you they want to discuss something to do with work.

“Tell me about what happened.” is potentially going to give you different answers to “Tell me more.” The first one is specifically asking for information about what actually happened, the second option gives an invite to provide more additional information.

Pros to a TED Question
It provides an invitation to provide lots of information. Potentially it can provide a “key” piece of information just using one “question” that may take several other types of question to find.

The order that someone tells you information can give an indication about how important they currently feel that is to them and their life.

Cons to a TED question.

It can provide lots of information! Sometimes the conversation just requires a yes or no commitment.

Depending upon the client, an invitation to provide such a broad range of answers can be confusing and they don’t know where to begin.

These are just some of the different types of questioning that you can use. For example, If you haven’t learnt about Incisive questions than you may want to check out Nancy Klines, “Time to think” as I don’t think I can do justice to what she describes in the book in just one post!

Questions can explore, provoke, enlighten and illuminate. They can move a coaching conversation in a specific direction, towards a conclusion or somewhere totally unexpected.

I invite you to consider the choice of types of questions you use and when, they all have their pros and con’s. I suggest that you use them deliberately knowing the potential outcome you want from asking that type of question.

What are your thoughts on questions?

Is there a different question type you think should be mentioned above?

If you’re honest, do you consciously consider the impact of a question before you ask it, it’s something you do as second nature, or do you do something else?

Tell me more below and then click submit.


Courage 1

After the amazing landing of US Airways Flight 1549 by Captain Chesley B Sullenberger I have heard many many people describe his actions as courageous. I think there can be little doubt that the skill and quick thinking of both him and his crew took ensured that everyone on-board reached safety having avoided so many populated obstacles en route. In my opinion their achievements are well deserving of the praise and acknowledgement that they are receiving.

I wrote a while back about the labels that people use to describe themselves and others. With all the talk of courage I reached for my dictionary and looked up a definition for the word – “the ability to control fear when facing danger or pain.” I suspect that with all the experience and training that the pilot has gave not only the ability but also an accurate picture of what was the danger.

One of my friends was talking to me recently about a new communication skill they are learning when they told me that they would do a bit more reading and maybe then they would have the courage to practice. The comment fascinated me as I wondered what on earth they were imagining could happen to need courage.

You may have come across the acronym of FEAR being False Evidence Appearing Real and sometimes that fear is caused by not having taken a real look at what could happen. (Note I’m not saying that this doesn’t feel real to the individual involved, what I am saying is that sometimes the thought that triggered that flight or fight adrenaline rush is not based on truth.) Using the definition of courage as being “the ability to control fear when facing danger or pain.” one way of being courageous is to actually check if there is any actual real danger or pain.

I invite you to play with the following. You may want to play with something that you think you’ll need courage to take any action. You may find it useful to have some way of recording your answers. (I will add that if there is a real physical danger involved then do please make sure that you do whatever it takes to make sure that you are safe.)

1. In this situation, what is the very worst thing that could happen? Just like in the dark when a shadow of a normal everyday object can look far scarier then it is in reality when you switch the light on, its not unusual for someone to switch the light on to look at what the worst thing that can happen and realise that actually isn’t scary at all.
(Note, be gentle with yourself here as this can be a really powerful exercise)

2. At the other end of the scale what’s the very best thing that could happen? We’re only looking at possibilities here so it is only fair to make sure that you look at ALL the possibilities.

3. Having looked at the two extremes what would fall in the middle for you, realistically?

4. If you weren’t afraid what would you do?

5. Having answered these 4 questions, notice how different you feel about this situation now.

6. If you feel that you want to take some action then go do it – remember you are the one with the choice, even if the choice is to do nothing 🙂

Have a fantastic week

Love

Jen

This was first posted on www.YourChangingDirection.com


Get it Done

By Stever Robbins

This week’s guest post takes the form of a Question and Answer session all about 9 steps to work less and do more.

Why do we procrastinate? What are some simple tips for beating procrastination?

Thinking causes procrastination. No, really. We build up tasks in our mind, thinking they’ll be huge, unachievable,or unpleasant. The remedy is to stop thinking and just start acting. Your brain will still get in your way, however. While you’re filling out your procrastinated expense reports, your brain will distract you with worries that you’re making no progress on the novel you’ve been procrastinating.

As I mention in my book, you can make your brain happy by speed-dating your tasks. List what you’re procrastinating. Start at the top and work on each task for exactly five minutes, then move to the next task. Use a timer to be precise. When you’re done, take a 5-10 minute break and do it again. Five minutes is short; your brain will let you do it. Since you’re hitting several of your procrastinated tasks, your brain knows you’ll get to your other tasks just five minutes from now. It frees you to focus completely on the task in front of you, yet guarantees you’ll go on to make progress on everything that’s important.

Your career background includes a lot of technology companies, but Step 3 of your 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More is called “Conquer Technology”. Why doesn’t technology automatically make us more productive? How can we use it to become more productive?

Don’t get me wrong; some technology really delivers on its promise. But often, technology saves effort in one place while adding effort in others. For example, each new gadget packs more capability into each device. What makes it attractive and fun also makes it distracting and kills our productivity.

Technology is a tool, nothing more, and nothing less. When a carpenter uses a screwdriver, she picks it up, uses it, and puts it down again. That’s how you use tools. Treat your technology the same way. Instead of being married to it everywhere you go, divorce your technology. Have it around, just not in front of you. Do your thinking on paper. Decide what you need to do. Then get out the tools to do it. If you need to do something on computer—like send email—get up, walk over to your computer, open the email program, send the email, close the program, and walk back to your main work area. By keeping each task distinct, you’ll learn to use your computer as a tool. Instead of being a distraction, it becomes a superb way of amplifying your focus. In that Step 3 of the book, I explained how I evaluate all of my gadgets to make sure they are delivering on their work-less-do-more promise; I suggest everyone do the as me.

Does being organized automatically mean you’re getting more done?

Being organized means you have a place for everything and everything goes in its place. When you’re disorganized, everything you do has the added burden of your having to search for the tools need to do it. For example, when you’re disorganized, writing a Thank You card is an adventure. You have to brave your Supply Pile. You hunt for 5 minutes to find the crumpled paper bag where you stuffed those Thank You cards. You start writing … only to find you’re out of stamps. A 10-minute trip to the Post Office, later your cards are ready to go. If you’re organized, you get out your Thank You cards and stamps. You write the Thank You card, stamp the envelope, and toss it in mailbox. Elapsed time: 30 seconds, instead of 15 minutes and 30 seconds.

If you use the 15 minutes you saved to get more done, then being organized helps you get more done in the same amount of time. Otherwise, you’re getting the same done in less time, freeing up the extra time to do something awesome. Like eat Oreo Ice Cream Cake. That’s one way being physically organized can help you be more productive. I also offer advice on how to organize your days and brain better in the book too.

In your book, you recommend people not consider all their options. How can this help someone get more done?

We love choice! We believe more choice means more happiness and more movement towards our goals! The research on choice refutes this, however. Give us more than two or three choices and we become less likely to act and more likely to regret any choice we take.

In daily life, this means too many options stalls us, and we end up less happy with our choices. We make and re-make our decisions until we’ve spent more time and money making the decision than the decision is actually worth.

By limiting our options, we limit the research needed for the choice, and we’re more likely to keep moving forward. My example is buying a digital camera. I’ve needed one for three years now, but there are too many to choose from. If I simply limit my options to the first ten cameras that appear on the Consumer Reports web site, the decision becomes much easier. Will I get the best camera possible? Probably not. But I will get a camera and start doing the photography I need to get done. Without limiting my choices, I stay paralyzed and stressed.

Leverage is usually a term applied to finance? The final step of your 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More is called “Leverage”. What do you mean when you use the term?

Leverage is a physics term. A lever is a simple machine. You put in a small force on the long end of a lever and get a strong force out. In finance, leverage means using a small amount of your own money to borrow a much greater amount, so you get huge financial effects using only a small amount of money.

In Get-it-Done Guy’s 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More, I use leverage to mean doing a small amount of work and getting a huge result. Choose ways of working where you work less and get outsized results. For example, most of us scribble down a to-do list as a way of keeping track of what we have to do today. You can get leverage by jotting down that list in a format that someone else can understand. Then you can hire an assistant, give them your old to-do lists, and they can hit the ground running. You are doing a little more work by writing neater and maybe elaborating each item a bit. Your return is immense, though, because your to-do list enables you to free up time by delegating.

What is an action day? Shouldn’t every day be an action day?

An action day is one of my favorite tips in the book and a great way to get things done while bonding with a friend. Call a friend who wants to have a super-productive day. Get together in person or by phone, each bringing a list of things you want to get done. Commit to making progress and start working. Check in at the top of each hour, report your last hour’s progress, and declare your next hour’s plan. Your promise to each other gets you started, and the hourly check-ins keep you on track. I find in-person or phone works best for action days.

Every day can be an action day if you have people willing to play. I wrote the final draft of my book by holding five action days a week. The action days kept me going through the rough patches, and a couple of the regular attendees became friends! An action day is pretty intense, though, and I found that two each week was a good number.

What is the biggest hindrance to your personal productivity? How do you deal with it?

The internet. The web and email are a large part of my job, and they’re both distraction machines. The moment I open an email or visit a web site to do research, I risk hours of distraction. Its siren song is extremely seductive and hard to resist…

My solution is to divorce my technology as I described earlier. Rather than thinking of my computer as “my computer,” I think of it as a different tools, depending on my task. Sometimes it’s my typewriter, sometimes it’s my reference book, and sometimes it’s my newspaper. When I think of it in terms of the tool I need at the moment, it helps me stay focused on the current task.

… and when that fails, I use a freeware program called Freedom on my Mac to shut down my internet connection for a couple of hours.

If a person can make just one change to make themselves more productive, what would you recommend they change?

Definitely Step 1, which is Live on Purpose. Regularly stop and ask yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Then make sure what you’re doing is really the best way to reach that goal. I do this a dozen times a day. “Why am I surfing Facebook?” “I dunno. Habit.” “Ok, self, get back to work!”

Living on Purpose goes far beyond your moment-to-moment tasks, however. I used to go to four or five business conferences each year. Why? “I’m doing important business development,” was my answer. Year, right. When reviewing my client list, I realized not a single client had come from attending a conference. My clients had only come from speaking at conferences. Now, I only attend conferences where I’m speaking, or if there’s some other compelling reason to be there.

You recommend that people schedule interruptions. How is this possible?

You schedule interruptions by setting aside a time block each day for dealing with interruptions. If you’re interrupted, quickly decide if it’s a show-stopping emergency. If not, jot it down on your “Interruptions” list. Wait until your scheduled interruption time and work on it then. If Bernice drops by, asking you to review a memo she’s written, just say, “I would be happy to. I’m busy right now. How about if I get back to you a little after 4 p.m.?” When your interruption time arrives, her memo will be on your list and you can handle it then. Often if the interruption is someone with a problem, they’ll solve it themselves when you make yourself their convenient rescue service.

Interruptions will take your time one way or another. If you schedule them, at least you can get work done in the meantime.

About the Author/ Further Resources

Stever Robbins is a serial entrepreneur, the author of Get-it-Done Guy’s 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More, host of the #1 iTunes business podcast  The Get-it-Done Guy, and an adjunct lecturer at Babson College. He is currently working on his 10th startup.

Stever holds regular action days. If you’d like to be on the announcement list, visit http://www.SteverRobbins.com/actiondays. Announcements of new action days are sent out once or twice a month.


How do you prepare for a coaching session? 4

I was reminded recently of a question the group was asked on a coaching course I attended many years ago. The question was a version of “As a coach, how do you prepare for a coaching session?”

There were a number of individuals in the room with varying amounts of coaching experience in different contexts both face-to-face and via the phone. This lead to a number of different answers as several coaches shared routines that they always performed.

Answers included:

  • Activities to ensure the coaches physical comfort throughout the session.

Sometimes this involved the physical set up of the room/phone area e.g. making sure that tissues and a drink are within easy reach. Other things meant ensuring that basic needs such as needing to go to the toilet or hunger would not cause a distraction during the session.

  • Checks that the coach had everything they expected to use.

Commonly this included being able to see a clock to monitor the time, paper & pen and a diary to schedule the next session. Specific “worksheets” or other equipment were also mentioned if a coach planned a specific activity.

  • Checks to ensure that the client would be physically comfortable throughout the session

This normally applied to face-to-face coaching sessions. While tissues and refreshments were mentioned by some the physical layout of the room was the thing most often checked. Thought and consideration appeared to be made to how seats were being arranged and the possibility of the need of a table etc.

  • Something based around energy or ensuring that the coach was in the “right” state to coach.

This was often something personal. For some it involved doing something energetically, others chose to meditate or listen to a particular piece of music. Others had other rituals that they choose to perform.

  • Time specifically set aside to review any previous sessions and any coaching preparation the client had already provided the coach with prior to the start of the session

Different coaches gave different reasons for what they reviewed. Some liked to have a reminder of what the client had committed to during the last session. Some coaches wanted a general reminder of the session to ensure continuity from where the last session finished.

Others were more focused on any preparation they had been sent because the way they worked concentrated upon where a client is in that moment – rather than where they were at the last session.

The message I left that particular part of the training with was that it was important to create a routine that was always done before any coaching session. I’ve no idea if that was the intention of the trainer on that particular day or not but it was what I personally took away.

As time has passed there are still things that I do before a scheduled coaching session that I wrote on my list all those years ago. However, it’s not because it’s part of any specific routine but because it’s the answer to a question I now ask myself:

“What can I do to ensure that I show up brilliantly?”

Do you have anything specific you do before a coaching session?

Perhaps you’d like to share the answer you get when you ask yourself today “what can I do to ensure that I show up brilliantly?”

If so then feel free to answer below and click submit comment.


Labels – Part 2

Last week I talked about labels that concern a particular job or role and the impact that taking on a job title as part of your identity can have.  If you missed the first part of this piece you can still read it by visiting here

This week, as promised, I invite you to play with the concept of labels concerning characteristics. You may have heard others (or done it yourself) describe themselves as a characteristic or to put it another way a particular type of behaviour or feeling – Maybe it was something like “unconfident” or “insecure”.

You may also have noticed that sometimes those labels are the reason someone gives for what is getting in the way of doing something – For example a reason given for not speaking in staff meetings is because they are “shy”.

The thing that I have noticed is that when people include such labels as part of their identity – the way that they think of themselves that they also include a whole set of “rules” or guidelines associated with that label. They use the label to explain a particular way of behaving.

The times when these labels can be the reason for people becoming stuck in a particular situation is when they take away the flexibility of how to choose to behave (or not) in certain situations. The label in effect is used as something that is permanent and static.

Assigning this label to your identity also can have the effect of taking away your choice of how to behave. Human beings are complex creatures, living in a world that has many different changing variables. Many of those variables are outside of our direct control. We do however have more control over our own choices (once we are aware that we are making them.)

Today I invite you to play with the following to have more choice.

1.    Choose a label that you know that you use to describe yourself (Remember you don’t have to change it – you can always choose to keep it later, we’re only playing.) Many people find that its easier to answer these questions if they get the answer out on paper rather than keeping it just in their head. If you haven’t already grab a pen and paper to play with the following.

2.    Byron Katie has recently released a book entitled Who Would You Be Without Your Story. Who would you be without this particular label you’ve chosen to explore?

3.    What action could you take if you weren’t this label?

4.    I could ask you to find evidence for occasions and situations when you have behaved differently however for now, notice how different the following sentence feels – Sometimes I’m [your label] and sometimes I’m not.

For example if you are playing with the label of shy the sentence for you to say is sometimes I’m shy and sometimes I’m not.

The reason that this sentence can be so powerful is because it adds in the possibility that you can behave differently and you have that choice. Some also find that it takes off any pressure that they were placing upon themselves to have to behave a certain way ALL the time.

Love

Jen

PS is there something that you would like me to write specifically about? I want to make these messages relevant to you. Email me or leave me a comment and let me know what you’d like me to talk further about. You can make it as detailed or as brief as you’d like but I’d love to hear from you.

This was originally published on www.YourChangingDirection.com.