focus

Focus: Presence in Coaching   Recently updated !

 in quote  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / focus / presence / proverb / quote
This is done in an animated concept art style. Rolling green fields stretch out to the horizon. Green, oak type trees can be seen interspersed throughout the landscape. The viewer's focus is on a lone sheep which is stood turning to look in our direction. The text reads: "A sheep can not bleat in two different places at the same time." (Proverb)

Today’s quote is:

“A sheep can not bleat in two different places at the same time.” (proverb)

It’s often said that in today’s modern world, finding focus amidst the cacophony of demands and distractions can feel like an elusive goal. This proverb speaks directly to the challenge of maintaining singular focus—a challenge that many coaches and their clients can grapple with on a daily basis.

If our thoughts and perceptions shape our reality, influencing how we perceive and respond to the world around us, how does that relate to this proverb? When we find ourselves overwhelmed by distractions or pulled in multiple directions, it may seem natural to attribute it to external factors. However, could it be a sign that our thinking has become fragmented, leading to a loss of focus and effectiveness?

Many of us have experienced moments of intense focus, where our attention is wholly absorbed in a single task. You’ve probably can think of an example when you were really focused upon a task at hand and oblivious to what else was going on around you. Maybe you got engrossed in a film or TV show, got lost in the story of a good book, or were just concentrating so hard on a project that time seem to fly by?

If you haven’t already seen the video below used in Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris 1999 research into selective attention – you’re welcome to watch and follow the instructions on the screen.

The metaphor of the sheep unable to bleat in two different places simultaneously serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of single-pointed focus. Just as a sheep cannot divide its attention between multiple locations, neither can we divide our focus and energy without sacrificing clarity and effectiveness. By understanding the role of thought in shaping our experience, coaches can learn to cultivate a sense of presence and concentration that allows them to show up fully for their clients.

In coaching, maintaining focus is not just about managing external distractions—it’s also about cultivating a deep sense of presence and connection with our clients. When we show up fully for our clients, listening deeply and responding with empathy and understanding, we create a space for transformation and growth to occur.

One of the things that I have found with a greater understanding that our experience is created through the power of thought, is that I no longer spend anywhere near as much time feeling a need to wrestle with my thoughts or try to control them. Instead, I can simply observe my thoughts as they arise, recognising them far quicker for what they are—transient mental events that do not define who we are. Does it mean I never get caught up in a compelling thought (or whole chunks of thinking as a compelling story)? No, it’s just I tend to not take much of the thinking I used to far less seriously than before.

As coaches, we can help our clients recognise the impact of their own thinking on their experience of life. By guiding them to explore the nature of thought and its role in shaping their reality, we empower them to find greater clarity, resilience, and focus in their lives.

So what do you do as a coach if you feel before that your focus is split? I remember when I first started out in coaching, I used to think that there would be a set answer to this question – and this and variations of this question I considered a lot! Many years later, I’m going to start this by saying what I have principle learned from my own experience and talking to other coaches is that it will depend. There is no right or wrong answers here – just ones that will make an impact for you in that moment!

Perhaps there are things that you know that when you do them you seem to have a better day – perhaps it’s a morning cup of coffee or taking the dog for a walk. Maybe it’s allowing yourself time to take a moment just to focus on your breath, or you have a particular book you flick through and whatever page you land on seems to have a significant message for you. Sometimes you may just remember to ask yourself a question such as what would let you become even more focused right now? or to just do whatever occurs to you to quieten and drop your thinking.

In conclusion, the proverb “A sheep cannot bleat in two different places at the same time” underscores the importance of single-pointed focus and presence in coaching. By creating a space for deep listening, understanding, and transformation to occur, our clients can benefit from our full presence. Let us, as coaches, embody the power of presence, knowing that it is through our focused attention that true connection and growth can unfold in our coaching relationships

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

ARE YOU A BETTER COACH THAN A LAMP POST? 1

 in Guest Post  tagged ask / attention / coaching / coaching ability. voice of doubt / confidence / focus / Laura Li / Michael Neill / Nancy Kline / silence

In today’s guest post Laura Li shares some of her personal experience and what she’s learnt as she has grown as a coach.

ARE YOU A BETTER COACH THAN A LAMP POST?

By Laura Li

"ARE YOU A BETTER COACH THAN A LAMP POST?" by Laura Li

At the time of writing I’m waiting to film an episode of the TV quiz show Pointless.

The audition includes a short mock version of the game. The test at the audition is not so much about getting the right answer, but how you interact with the other contestants and the quiz show hosts.

But I was so nervous. I just wanted to impress the producers. I forgot about the other people there. I was so intent on getting not just the right answers, but good answers, perfect answers, even. I didn’t really interact with anybody at all.

I wasn’t paying much attention to anyone else and was more focussed on myself and what I was going to say next.

And this is a trap we can fall into when we lack confidence in our coaching ability.

When I was coaching my very first clients, I would ask what they wanted to talk about in the session. And from the moment they started talking I was thinking about my next question.

What I was going to say next.

The Voice in my head started up, telling me there was a perfect question that would help the client.

And I wasn’t good enough to think of it.

Every other coach knew exactly what to ask. But not me. I was stumbling and fumbling around in the dark and soon someone was going to notice. The Voice told me I didn’t deserve to call myself a coach.

It was all about how clever my questions were. Not about giving the client the space to think things through for themselves. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I was still at the stage of thinking that coaching was all about me.

The Voice still whispers to me that I’m not good enough. But I’m glad to say I’ve built upon my initial training and I’ve learned that it’s not all about me. However, I’m still new at this and I do still worry sometimes about how I’ll manage a coaching session.

If, like me, you still worry sometimes about what you’ll say to your client or what questions you’ll ask:

Remember to ASK.

A is for attention.

Nancy Kline, author of Time To Think, tells us that “the quality of our attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking”. For us coaches that means we need to be focussed on the client.

Not on us and certainly not on what our next question should be.

Of course the quality of your questions matter. As coaches, questions are our stock in trade. But we need to let go of the need to look good.

And you know what? The irony is that when you focus on the client completely, and give over your attention to them, the right question will come. I say the “right” question. The beauty is there is no actual right or wrong.

It’s not like brain surgery. Then there’s a proper way to perform the procedure. Or a fatal way.

I love the rich diversity that is coaching. There are so many different ways of getting to awareness and action.

This is not to say that we don’t want to be good at what we do. Of course we want to take our clients deep and be excellent coaches.

I simply mean that for newer coaches, if you lack confidence around finding the right questions at the right time, moving the focus from you to your client will put the attention where it belongs – on them. And it will also give you the space you need – to tap into your coaching wisdom and intuition.

Even if the “correct” question doesn’t come, the right one will.

Michael Neil says that if a man tells his hopes, dreams, and problems to a lamp post each week, the simple act of unburdening himself and leaving his mind free and clear will lead to more inspired ideas and a better life.

So even without the perfect question you are still serving your clients just by spending time and attention on them.

S is for silence.

You need to be comfortable with silence.

Or if you can’t mange that, you need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable with silence.

One thing that used to make me really worry and lack confidence during a coaching session was long silences. As a client I love them. So much going on in my head, so much thinking, so much problem- solving, so much new awareness.

But as a coach I thought the silence meant nothing was happening. My client was waiting. Not only was she waiting, she was also wondering what the heck’s wrong with my coach? Is she even still there on the end of the phone? I rushed to ask the next question.

Silence is your best friend.

I can’t tell you exactly how long to leave the silence. I think Rich Litivin, author of The Prosperous Coach, suggests waiting until the client speaks again. But as with everything Rich Litvin teaches us, that is entirely dependant on each unique situation.

What I can say, is that if you’re very new to coaching, you should probably be leaving the silence for longer than you do.

Silence is actually another way of giving the client your attention. Who ever stays silent in normal conversation with them? When do they ever get the time and space to work out what they think?

Don’t be afraid of the silence. It’s usually where the magic is happening.

My coaching school taught me the GROW model and we had 45 minutes to get from Goal to Will. There wasn’t much time for silence in there. As a trainee coach I felt like I was galloping through the process so I could pat myself on the back for using the system correctly and a job well done.

I must have done a good job, right? Because we got all the way to Will and we even had 5 minutes to spare. How come my clients weren’t making much progress?

If you lack a little confidence in your coaching it’s easy to see the silence as robbing you of precious time to move the session along or “do” the coaching. You can see it as failure on your part to provide value to the client. After all, they’re not paying you to just sit there and say and do nothing, are they?

But they’re not paying you for the coaching session at all. The session is simply the vehicle by which your coaching takes place. And in that session you can use space, attention, questions and silence.

The old cliché is true, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. They are paying you for whatever result it is they came to you for. Lose weight, change job, get married.

And silence will get you to that result much quicker than talking too much.

The lamp post doesn’t talk back. It’s all silence from the lamp post. And while that’s going too far the other way, your client needs the silence to reach clarity.

Silence is a necessary a part of the whole.

K is for keeping the space.

Keeping (or holding) the space for a client means letting them know that the coaching session is a time for them to be with themselves. It’s a luxury they won’t often get in today’s fast paced world.

It’s a time for them to think about themselves and their life. To indulge in an hour when they can think, often for the first time, about what they really want. And what’s holding them back. When new awareness can happen in an instant.

The lamp post exists for the “client” in a space where he is in between work and home. Where he has for a short while left behind the pressures of work and before he has crossed the threshold back into the bustle of home life.

Create that same space for your clients.

It can take courage to create that space for someone else. It’s an honour and a privilege to be witness to someone else’s innermost thoughts. It can be scary to lead your client into that space.

But rather than pulling back, believe that your clients want you to lead them into this space.

And they need you to.

This is not a linear 1-2-3 step process.

These are principles that have guided me (and still do) when I find that I’m getting too much into my own head and worrying about not being a good enough coach. It’s part of a way of being to help me be the best coach I can be in any given moment.

Remembering to ASK has helped me to improve as coach. Both in terms of technical skill and my confidence. I hope there is something in here that is useful for you too.

We can be sure you’re a better coach than a lamp post.

So be with the client, ASK, and trust your own intuition.

And theirs.

About Laura Li

Laura Li is a Certified Life Coach who works with people who fear they’re not good enough and helps them change their thinking to change their life.

To find out more about Laura or her work you can contact her at laura.li@btinternetcom

How Narrowing Your Focus Can Make You More Successful 1

 in Guest Post  tagged business / business building / coach / coaching / focus / marketing / Michele Christensen / overwhelmed / stretched / success

In this weeks guest post business coach and mentor Michele Christensen focuses on how you can run a successful coaching business.

How Narrowing Your Focus Can Make You More Successful

By Michele Christensen

"How Narrowing Your Focus Can Make You More Successful" by Michele Christensen

Many coaches work as solopreneurs, or one-person businesses. If you are drawn to this model, it’s a great way to work. However, it does mean that you wear all the hats in your business. There’s a lot to do to keep a business running, and it can feel like you are pulled in a million different directions. If you are spread too thin, you may not be putting enough time in on any one thing to make it effective.

For example, if you are spending hours every day marketing yourself through dozens of channels you may not have time to do any actual income-producing or referral-generating work. You may not even have time to properly implement any single one of those channels. Or, you may have too many projects in the process of being created. In reality, most of us can only juggle a few in-depth projects at a time so it’s better to get one done before adding another.

Here is an example of a mistake of this type I made in my own business. I spent one year early in my business doing a lot of networking. I went to several events per week and even went to two events per night sometimes. However, I made the mistake of going to a bunch of different events and meeting hundreds of people one time each instead of finding just a few networking events and maybe a few dozen people that I could stay connected with and build active relationships with.

The main point is that if you run a solopreneur coaching business, there’s an upper limit to how much you can do well. Avoid the temptation to keep adding new business-building tactics that you can’t fully implement or having too many projects going at once. Narrow your focus to just the number of things you can do well and feel on top of. You’ll feel less stretched thin and get more done, and these two things can make you more successful.

About Michele Christensen

Michele ChristensenMichele Christensen is a business coach and mentor for solopreneurs. She teaches people how to have a profitable, sustainable one-person business they can run from home without overwhelm or working 24/7. For more information and free resources, find her online at michelechristensen.com, or on the social sites.

 

Is it Wrong Not to Have a Goal? 1

 in Guest Post  tagged action / focus / goals / intention / Louise Gillespie Smith

In today’s guest post Louise Gillespie-Smith asks a question about goals:

"Is it Wrong Not to Have a Goal?" By Louise Gillespie-Smith

Is it Wrong Not to Have a Goal?

By Louise Gillespie-Smith

Since becoming a life coach 7 years ago I always had a goal that I was working towards. Some I achieved, some I changed along the way and some just didn’t happen but that was ok, I learnt valuable lessons.

I was focused, I challenged myself and I achieved a lot.

Last year I tried something a bit different. I set intentions rather than specific goals. For me an intention is being the goal now, rather than putting off what I want to experience until after something has happened.

To clarify my intentions I began by setting goals, to get an idea of what I really wanted to create in my life. Then I asked myself, how will I be being once I have achieved this? A year ago it was Love, Divine Health and Abundance.

I then set off throughout the year just focusing on being that in everything I did. Rather than planning what had to happen for me to feel it.

What I discovered was that I was still in action, I was still creating but it wasn’t completely fixed. I was open to the unimaginable. There wasn’t one specific thing to achieve but I was open to exploring different ways of being what I wanted most in my life. I paid attention to my inner guidance to lead me to what was the next action to take, rather than what was planned on a milestone list.

The results; I had a relationship, I deepened my sense of love for myself and everyone in my life, I did volunteer work, I am very close to curing my asthma for good, I lost weight, I didn’t get ill all year and my business continued to evolve nicely.

Now don’t get me wrong. I still like goals and there are always specific things I’d like to achieve and using the goal technique of putting that in writing then planning what has to happen to make it a reality is powerful. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t of done that. I am just enquiring if goals are always necessary for everything?

Since exploring this I have actually attracted a few coaching clients who have started off setting goals then once achieving them they have preferred to experiment with intention. Once their specifics were attained they have found intentions have really shifted how they are being each day, and sometimes it’s been the other way around.

I have one client for example who is focusing on being kind and being joy each day. He had started off with a specific goal around writing but it wasn’t until he started just focusing on his intentions that his creativity really started to flow.

I think there is value in having both, a goal and an intention of how you are being in the moment around achieving the goal. Especially when someone is new to personal development and goal setting.

I suggest to clients effective ways of keeping the intention in mind are post it notes around their home and reminders in their phones. It’s also great to have a few moments in stillness when you get up to repeat an affirmation of the intention and consider what you may do today to be it. You can even create your daily to do list based around it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

About Louise Gillespie-Smith

Louise Gillespie-Smith runs a business called Create Yourself which empowers and supports people in making positive change in their life. She has a holistic toolkit of resources, life coaching/NLP/ yoga/ reiki/ image consultancy, to create individually tailored packages based on what each client needs. Lo****@cr************.uk /07779 150886.

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/CREATEYOURSELF

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LouiseatCreate