“The key to wisdom is knowing the right questions”
(John A Simone, Sr)
Part of my work is to act as a catalyst, a facilitator if you like, for the change that people want to add to their lives.
One of the things I tell everyone I work with individually is that I will ask questions – and some of them may appear odd or different. So if you want to take a bit of time to think of an answer at any point that’s OK – after all if they were the questions that you are already asking yourself then they would have worked already.
Ask different questions and get different answers. If you have not been getting answers to the questions you’ve been asking yourself, it does not mean that there is anything “wrong” with you. You just haven’t asked the question(s) that get those answers.
This does not mean that you have to do everything yourself, sometimes the question that moves you forward is about finding someone or somewhere who will know more information or techniques.
I know when I’m working with someone I’m devising questions that are unique for that person and the conversation we are having. Today, I’ll share a few basic pointers for what to consider if the questions you’ve been asking haven’t been given you answers. Remember, this is about finding the questions that work for you and the situation. If any of the questions or words listed below work for you then keep using them your way.
Do you need all the words you have in your question?
Make it easier to get an answer by asking questions that don’t contradict themselves or create confusion by adding unnecessary words.
Lets use the following, “what are my intangible qualities?”, and see how it could be altered to get answers more easily.
Part of the definition of intangible is “not definite or clear to the mind” so in effect what the question is asking for is clarity on something that is not clear. Removing that word would give you the simpler “what are my qualities?”
Is your question closing off possible solutions by being phrased with only a yes or no question?
For example, “is there anything else I can do?” directs the attention to either yes or no. If this is a situation where new ideas are wanted it can easily be rephrased to open up more possible answers. Generally this is done by using the words who, what, when, where and how. So in the above example it can be rephrased as “what else can I do?”
Are you moving away or towards something with your question?
Is the wording of your question all about moving away from a situation?
For example, “How can I get out of debt?” is about moving away from debt.
“How can I create more money?” is still a question about income but generally produces different answers to the first question.
If the question you are currently asking is not getting you answers notice if you are asking a question about moving away or towards something.
Are you asking for what you want? The use of why in questions.
Asking a question with why will give you a possible cause or reason which if that was the answer you wanted is great. If what you really want is a solution then ask a different question. Maybe one that involves who, what, when, where or how.
This week I invite you to play with the questions you’ve been asking to see what different answers you get.
1. Pick a situation where you are either stuck or would like new insights.
2. Notice the questions you are asking yourself about that at the moment.
3. Using the various pointers above, what other questions can you ask about that situation?
4. What else can you ask?
5. Notice what different answers you get with these questions.
Have a week filled with insightful questions and answers
Love
Jen
This was originally posted on www.YourChangingDirection.com
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Jen,
Some interesting thoughts and I think that questioning for coaches is as important a skill as listening. I am especially interested in your thoughts on the use of the question Why? with clients. I have used it on a number of occasions and found it to be impactive, especially with clients who are stuck. In your experience is its use a definite no.
Hi Dave,
Thanks for your comment 🙂 Great question about why – I think you may have just given me a topic for a coaching post 🙂
For now before I write a much longer post on the topic I will briefly say that personally, I don’t rule out asking a client why. I will add that when I do it will be a conscious decision and will be for a specific purpose. Normally, it’s a question that’s woven into a much bigger picture and the piece of work that I’m doing.
There are down sides to asking why and there can also be benefits – I think the key is to be using it skilfully.
Love
Jen
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