Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All?

Coach Frederique Murphy shares her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post as she asks:

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All?

As coaches, I think that it is very important for each of us to know our coaching style, and I mean, to really to know it. Knowing your coaching style inside-out will enable you to optimise your coaching abilities, and as a result, maximise your results with your clients.

What is interesting, is while there have been some coaching styles, identified in previous researches, white papers, studies, my view is that there are as many coaching styles as there are stars in the sky, and each style has its weaknesses and strengths. You see, each of you have your own style; you are your very own individual, and as a coach, this is reflected in your way of being, you way of doing, your way of acting, your way of working: in a nutshell, your coaching style.

As coaches, we have all learned how to be coaches, and, I believe that — no matter, what course, qualification, certification, diploma, degree…, you’ve undertaken — our very own unique coaching style, while existing from the very first session, will continue to grow throughout our coaching career, as we continue to learn, stretch and grow as individuals.

So, do increase your awareness and find out as much as you can, about your coaching style; the more you consciously know about it, the best relationships and results you will get and the more apt you will be in conveying your methods and ways to your leads and clients.

(Note, it would be impossible to do a thorough list, so this is not an exhaustive list!)

Do you talk?

Do you ask questions?

Do you interrupt?

Do you use humour?

Do you use authority?

Do you speak firmly?

Do you give tough love?

Do you shock?

Do you push?

Do you nudge?

Do you guide?

Do you recommend?

Do you hold accountability?

etc, etc, etc…

As coaches, we mostly do all of these; the differences, depending on your coaching style, is in the “How much?”:

How much do you talk?

How much do you ask questions?

How much do you interrupt?

How much do you use humour?

How much do you use authority?

How much do you speak firmly?

How much do you give tough love?

How much do you shock?

How much do you push?

How much do you nudge?

How much do you guide?

How much do you recommend?

How much do you hold accountability?

etc, etc, etc…

And, know that your coaching style will not suit everyone. And I am not using the word everyone as in everyone in the world, I also mean, as in, everyone, within your focused and targeted audience.

For instance, if you target male adults, who are transitioning out of their “9-5 job” and moving to entrepreneurship, while this audience shows that you have a targeted audience, still, be ready, that all of the people who match this description will not, and I am going to use a word, you might not like, will not like you as their coach.

Accept this and move forward; the happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied your relationship is with your clients, the best they are getting from you, and this shows that your style is suiting them.

There are several processes and systems you can have in place in your coaching practice, to try as much as possible to find these good matches. The reason why I use the word try is that I believe that there is not a way to know at 100% before starting coaching a client, if this is going to be a good match. I also believe, that as you go from new to the coaching world to becoming an experienced coach, you will get close to that 100%. There are a few things you can do: before starting working together, and before your first coaching session, have a conversation, where you will be able to ask questions; you can also, request for your prospective client to fill in a questionnaire. Having both the conversation and the questionnaire, will give you a lot of answers, even before starting working together. And, once you start, remember, to have the necessary documentation in place, from contract and terms and conditions, to frames and well defined outcomes.

But, I hear you say, “but I want to help them all!”

Here is what you can do: first, and preferably, do not, this will not end well, for both you, and the client you took on; second, sometimes, no matter what filters you use, this will happen, and as you are very well aware of your style, very soon in the relationship you will notice some signs, some behaviours, that will indicate to you, that the relationship is not working. As coaches, our main primary intent, is for the client to get what they need, right? And, sometimes, as hard as it may sound, it is up to the coach, you, to realise that you might not be what they need.

When this happens, refer your client to another coach. Remember, another coach, will have a different style, and that style might suit your client better. One thing, I want to add: it is not because you do not like other styles, that you should avoid referring clients to other coaches, with different coaching styles; I know it might read funny, at first, but think about it. You more than likely coach the way you would personally like to be coached, but do not let your own needs shadow your judgement and your client might absolutely love this other coach, while, you would more than likely not, see what I mean? Have your client’s best interest at heart, and refer to the best coach for them.