Today see’s our first Friday Guest Post at Coaching Confidence.

Listening

By Liz Scott

What is THE most important coaching skill?  Is it being non-directive?  Is it asking the right question?  These might be important aspects of coaching – but in my book THE most important skill for a coach is the ability to listen.  Are you really listening?  Check out these three levels of listening to find out more.

1. Listening to understand the client

The first level of listening involves understanding the client.  It might sound obvious. However, many coaches fall at this first hurdle.  Rather than listen, they repeat things parrot-fashion.

Listening at this level means that you are genuinely trying to understand what a client is expressing.   It’s a good idea to use their same language and phrasing, but don’t repeat it verbatim.

When a client feels as though you’re genuinely interested in them, they’ll really open up. Remember during this first level of listening, give the client clear feedback about what you understand  they are saying.

2. Listening that allows the client to understand themselves (even if you don’t)

The second level of listening might seem quite contradictory to the first level.  When you listen at the second level there will be many times that you have no idea what the client is talking about.  The good news is that you don’t have to understand.  The most important aspect is that the client is gaining further clarity for themselves.

I tend to use phrases that sum up the essence of what I’ve heard. For example, whilst coaching an engineer he went into great detail about some Health and Safety policy he’d introduced.  I didn’t understand what he was saying (I didn’t need to). At the end of it I said something like, “That sounds like it was a comprehensive bit of work and you seem really pleased with the outcome.”

Listening at level two gives the client a chance to listen to themselves and to start sorting things out for themselves.

3. Listen to allow the client to sub-consciously find the answers

The third level is probably the hardest for the new coach.  It often involves spells of silence and it can feel a bit nerve wracking.  In the early days it is hard to know if it’s an awkward silence or whether the client is silent because they’re processing things.

Often they’ll speak in partial, nonsensical sentences. They might say something like, “I could tell Bill about… (pause) but there again maybe that’s Jane’s…(pause)  then I need to consider the policy document and communicate …(silence) yes that’s what I’ll do.”

Just imagine if you had interrupted them with a coaching question during their first pause like, “What is it that you could tell Bill?” A question like that would disrupt the flow.

Summary

Next time you’re listening to a client think about which level you’re listening at.  The client gets most out of the coaching conversation when they have the proper time and space to process their stuff.  All levels of listening are valuable – just make sure you’re listening at the appropriate level.

About the Author and Further Resources

Liz Scott is the co-founder of Coaching Connect.  Coaching Connect brings coaches together to share experience and expertise both on the web and at popular coaching events.  Meet like minded coaches at the next Coaching Connect events in October in London, click here for details,  and Devon, visit here.