responsibility


7 Things Confident Coaches Do 1

In today’s guest post coach Annie Ashdown, known in the press as “The Confidence Expert”, shares some of her expertise and knowledge in:

7 Things Confident Coaches Do

by Annie Ashdown

"7 Things Confident Coaches Do" by Annie Ashdown

I asked my friend who is a very close personal friend of Paul McKenna’s the secret of Paul’s success. He responded ‘Paul is not at all arrogant, but aside from a passion to help others, he has loads of self – confidence, high self -esteem and stacks of self – belief. That’s the secret behind his success, no question!’

Confident coaches are regular women/men with flaws, shortcomings and defects. Every-one experience’s challenges and bad days, however when you have self- confidence, high self –esteem and oodles of self- belief you do not allow anything to hold you back. Not everyone wants to become a high profile coach or a New York Times best -selling author or a world famous leader, but confident coaches become a leader in their own world. Confidence is an essential component to create a healthy relationship with yourself and in turn that inspires and motivates clients to do the same.

All that is fed into your subconscious mind between the ages of 0 to 5 is done so without your consent or knowledge which means that we internalise everything as true, and record this as our own assessment of ourselves. Unfortunately for many of us we were fed negativity from an early age and consequently end up listening to and believing our inner critic, which feeds us lies and tells us that we are not important.

  1. They consider themselves important.

Confident coaches respect themselves and do so from looking inside at their shortcomings, rather than denying them. They are aware that by feeling important, they are behaving authentically and respecting their values instead of compromising them to gain external validation from their clients, peers and colleagues.

Confident coaches;

  • Focus on their positive characteristics.
  • Tell themselves they are perfectly imperfect.
  • Cherish and honour their principles.
  • Respect their own needs and wants.
  • Advertise their strengths, not their weaknesses.

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  1. They speak to themselves with kindness.

Confident coaches praise and acknowledge themselves; they are cool about their imperfections. They are aware that if they are unkind to themselves, they will subconsciously attract others to be unkind to them.

Confident coaches;

  • Are aware of their triggers, beliefs and habits and reframe them.
  • Are patient with themselves
  • Record every success – whatever size in their mind or in a success journal.
  • Repeat over and over again ‘I am worthy’.
  • Let go of the compulsive need for approval.

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  1. They are comfortable with being authentic.

Confident coaches have self-acceptance. They embrace themselves as they are regardless of mistakes or their weaknesses. They do not believe they will be rejected if they reveal their true self, they know only too well no one bids for a fake, the real deal is always more valuable.

Confident coaches;

  • Make amends to themselves.
  • Understand fake is last season.
  • Appreciate, validate, accept, respect, cherish, like and honour themselves regardless of how others treat them.
  • Believe self – acceptance is the key.
  • Know that all that glisters is not gold and therefore don’t waste time comparing and despairing.

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  1. They trust themselves and their intuition.

Confident coaches are their own master and are always best friends with their inner voice. They are comfortable being in charge of what they think, do and say, as they trust themselves. They know their intellectual mind is strong, yet their intuition is way wiser and far more accurate and they have learnt that the aim of their intuition is to get past their intellect.

Confident coaches;

  • Feel aligned with their purpose.
  • Practise self-discipline and focus.
  • Understand the difference between logic, feelings and intuition.
  • ALWAYS listen to their inner voice.
  • Constantly challenge all negative assumptions.

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  1. They keep their expectations high.

Confident coaches know persistence and self-belief is the main pillar of success. Confident people have indestructible self-belief. They feel worthy of success, happiness, prosperity and a thriving coaching business.

Confident coaches;

  • Know they have to change their perceptions to change their life.
  • Are crystal clear about their individuality and preferences.
  • Are not discouraged or disheartened by rejections.
  • Let go of self-defeating beliefs about what might happen in the future.
  • Say over and over again ‘I am good enough.’

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  1. They take responsibility for their own lives.

Confident coaches know they have a choice to face and everything and run or face everything head on, to be stressed, or be grounded, be lazy or be fit, be overweight, or be slim, get enough sleep, or be constantly tired, respond or react. They know that in order to be emotionally sober they have to be accountable for their life and understand self-responsibility is the foundation of empowerment.

Confident coaches;

  • Own up when they are wrong
  • Set boundaries with others.
  • Know self-care is not selfish, it is self-loving.
  • Don’t wait to be rescued, instead they take action.
  • Are aware they have a constant responsibility to be good to themselves.

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  1. They are assertive

Confident coaches feel comfortable expressing how they feel. They do not waffle, or feel obliged to justify, defend or explain their reasoning. They know their rights, feel worthy, important and deserving. They are willing to be open and to compromise, as they don’t expect to get their own way every time. They have an ‘I like you, but I like me too’ approach. They face the other person, look them in the eye, and are aware of the power of the spoken word so they use words like ‘could’ ‘might’ instead of ‘should’ ‘must’.

Confident coaches;

  • Choose their thoughts carefully.
  • Use anger to be assertive in a non -aggressive way
  • Have reasonable expectations of themselves and others.
  • Decide what they need and are courageous enough to ask for it
  • Take advantage of all opportunities

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Final word from Annie

My hope is that you begin to know who you are and change the messages you tell yourself and start giving yourself permission to be authentic. I would like you to find the peace and joy I have found with a clear mind and a steady heart. This is not a magic formula, you have to make it happen.

Show Up, Speak Up, – It’s Your Time to Shine.

Annie Ashdown

The Confidence Expert

www.annieashdown.com

About Annie Ashdowne

Annie AshdownAnnie Ashdown is dubbed by the press as ‘The Confidence Expert’ and for the past 10 years has been teaching Celebrities, Lawyers, Bankers, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs, Business owners, and Corporate employees the way to gain that all importance self-confidence and self–belief.

Based in Harley St, London, Annie is the UK’s leading Confidence coach, and is an emotional freedom technique practioner, theta healer and master clinical hypnotherapist.
Annie’s engaging personality and real life experiences have made her popular with the media and she co-hosted 13 episodes of Kyle’s Academy for ITV1 and was Resident coach on Bump and Grind, Sky1. Annie is a regular guest on BBC radio as well as a frequent contributor to magazines and newspapers and was a judge in 2009 on Britain’s Next Top Coach.

It was after working through her own difficulties Annie recognized the tangible benefits that coaching can bring to so many parts of our lives. Following a successful career in film and TV between Los Angeles, New York and London, Annie hit rock bottom around her chronic eating disorder. This sparked a journey of self-discovery and making profound changes, Annie changed career direction in order to help others maximize their potential. Her tough love
approach is practical and down to earth, tempered with a dose of humor and more often than not related to her own life experiences.

In addition to her 1-1 client sessions, Annie has been called upon to design and deliver seminars and workshops for organizations including: Nokia, Vertu, Yahoo, Chelsea Football Club, Business Link, AMEX, Orange, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, and DWP.

In 2010 Annie was the first to introduce a team of 50 coaches nationwide to Job Centre Plus, helping motivate and inspire professional executives back to work. Annie is a regular on the speakers’ circuit, and was invited in November 2011 to be key speaker at the prestigious Everywoman’s 12th annual conference for 500 female entrepreneurs sponsored by Nat West and Marie Claire magazine.

Annie is fully insured and a member of British Institute of Hypnotherapy, Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapists, NHS Directory, CHCH, GHR, Register for Evidence Based Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy, Association Of Meridian Energy Therapists, and Complimentary Medical Association.

Annie’s book The Confidence Factor -7 Secrets of Successful People is in top 10 best sellers chart in WH Smith and is available on Amazon, in WH Smith, Waterstones, and all good bookstores in UK, Barnes and Noble, USA and Easons in Ireland. Her debut book Doormat Nor Diva Be – How to take back control of your life and your relationships was published in Sept 2011.

Annie has two comp tickets to give away for her talk at Well Being Show at Earls Court sponsored by Psychologies Magazine on 26 May. Go to www.AnnieAshdown.com to receive the 26 page FREE report ‘Master the art of self -belief’, a FREE hypnotic mp3 and details of the comp tickets. (Please note that there is only one week for the comp tickets so act now if it’s of interest to you.)

Connect with Annie

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Getting Your Client’s to RACE towards their dreams in 2014 (beyond the second week of January!)! 1

In the first guest post of this year coach Charlotta Hughes uses her experience and knowledge to focus upon:

"Getting Your Client’s to RACE towards their dreams in 2014 (beyond the second week of January!)!" A guest post  by  Charlotta Hughes

Getting Your Client’s to RACE towards their dreams in 2014 (beyond the second week of January!)!

by Charlotta Hughes

Of course there’s no surprise that people tend to start out the New Year hoping that this will be the year when those changes will really happen. They’ll lose the weight, land the perfect job, develop a great social life, find their life partner or leave the one who isn’t making them happy.

The list goes on and I’m sure you agree that for us coaches, there’s lots of opportunities to help clients change their lives for the better around this time of year. They have the motivation, will and determination to invest in themselves and their lives.

Yet, despite this surge of energy and optimism, so often people soon lose sight of their goals and ambitions. They get busy with their day to day lives, old habits kick back in and once again their comfort zone is keeping them prisoners of the same reality they’ve been experiencing, probably for quite some time.

Having a life coach can, of course, make a huge difference. However, for many it turns out not to be enough. What started out as an exciting journey for the coachee and rewarding and energising work for the coach, then turns into a disappointing and frustrating experience for both of a ‘stuck’ client.

So why does this happen, when the person seemingly really wants the changes they set out to achieve? The problem might very well lie with the goal, not with the dedication or ability of the client. In my coach mentoring I help coaches decipher whether their goal setting actually empowers the client enough to make the desired changes their new reality. Frequently I help them see how the main tool used in goal setting today isn’t enough. Namely, the acronym SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely).

I totally agree that the rules applied here are sound, however, SMART only deals with the goals. Not the person who’s going to achieve them. This is where RACE comes in. RACE is to the person, what SMART is to the goal. Here’s what it stands for:

Responsibility – this is about the fact that unless a client takes full responsibility for their own goals and dreams, they will never reach them. That ownership is pivotal! People tend to blame others or the circumstances they’re in for their own failings – it’s only by taking complete responsibility that they are in control of reaching their goals. Similarly, people often put their own happiness and ambitions in the hands of others. If a client’s dream or target involves someone loving them more or someone saying sorry to them, they are really setting themselves up for failure. They are in no way in control of this happening and they therefore can’t take responsibility for it or make it happen.

Action – people tend to plan, analyse, discuss and make decisions on how they’ll improve things and what they’ll achieve in their minds and with those around them. In the process of doing so, they can almost feel like they actually are moving closer to their goals. However, it’s only when they take actual action and DO something that they start moving towards them. Many little things will add up to the big stuff – get clients to focus on at least taking one small action in the right direction every day.

Commitment – if they aren’t dedicated and committed to achieving their dreams they’ll quickly lose sight of them. Ultimately, growing as people and instilling positive change in their lives will involve some degree of discomfort. After all, it has to involve them pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. To stick with it when the going gets tough (maybe when the ice cream craving sets in, when the unknown feels scary, when letting go of control is daunting, and so on …), they must be completely committed to themselves and they own goals. Wanting something isn’t enough, they must be 100% dedicated to accomplish it!

Emotional – clients must be emotionally attached to their dreams and goals. This is so pivotal for personal success as if they don’t care sufficiently about them to stick with them when distractions or challenges come along, they’ll be long gone by the time February arrives! They must be perceived as friends. This is also why it’s vital that the motivation for their goals comes from themselves in the first place – if they are developed for the benefit of someone else, such as to please their partner, boss or parent, they won’t have this important emotional connection to them. The goals may sound great in theory but they could soon feel more of an enemy than a friend, and that’s never going to work!

I hope you have lots of exciting work coming your way this month, and when it does, make sure these four ingredients are in the mix when establishing your clients’ goals, and once you, and they, are confident that they are, set them off to RACE towards their dreams!

About Charlotta Hughes

Charlotta HughesCharlotta has been coaching professionally for over 12 years and in March 2013 she won Life Coach of the Year, awarded by the national body Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers and Consultants.

Her background is within Human Resources and she started her busy coaching practice, be me life coaching, in January 2007.

Charlotta specialises in coach mentoring, confidence, direction and entrepreneur coaching.

Her academic qualifications include professional Life and Corporate Coaching qualifications. She also has a BSc (hons) in Psychology & Computing, an MA in Human Resources Management and she is a Member of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development.

ch*******@be**************.com

+44 (0)7720 839773

www.facebook.com/bemelifecoaching.com

@charlottahughes

 


Explore Some Half Truths Of Coaching. 1

Coach Richard Nugent shares his expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post as he invites you to:

Explore Some Half Truths Of Coaching.

by Richard Nugent

I love writing articles for this blog. Mainly because I know the readers are like-minded and ready to learn. With this in mind this particular piece focuses on some of the beliefs that I often see coaches holding that can limit the impact they have with their clients or even their business.

My aim isn’t to offend or even to challenge your beliefs, rather to get you thinking about the ‘professional beliefs’ that you could review to help you to be even more successful.

Remember that one of the indicators of intelligence is the ability to comfortably hold two opposing views. Writing this has helped me to notice how much my beliefs have shifted over my coaching career and explore my intelligence! I hope reading it does the same for you.

Half-truth number 1 – You can’t ‘tell’ when coaching.

Really? Who says? I am not sure exactly where the rule came from, but coach must always stay out of content is certainly a very commonly held view. In my experience, the ‘none content’ phase is a useful stage in a coach’s development. For example one of my clients is a large bank. As part of their leadership development we help them to have great coaching sessions that avoid tell. It makes a real difference to them, their people and their results.

AND…recently another client of mine called me. He is a football (soccer) manager and had an imminent meeting with his Chairman to discuss transfer budgets. He wanted influencing strategies and quick. ‘How do you think you should influence him’, just wouldn’t have helped in that situation, with that client. He wanted a strategy, I gave him it and it worked. Job done, and in my view still coaching.

My final analogy is cabin crew on an aircraft. When it comes to the drinks trolley they can coach me to my preferred outcome all they like. If we need to evacuate the plane, I don’t want them to use great questions to draw out the best route from me.

Half-truth number 2 – Clients outcomes are always right.

I recently heard an eminent coach say, “the problem with client outcomes is that they are normally sh*t.” A strong view and one that took me aback. However, think carefully about your coaching experiences, how often do the outcomes that the client brings end up being what you really need to work on? How often do they change? I am sure that you will have many instances where over the course of a coaching relationship the original goals and outcomes are forgotten.

I am not saying that we shouldn’t explore and agree outcomes with clients AND they shouldn’t limit us. A client I worked with last year was adamant that the focus of our sessions should only be building her business and that any beliefs shifts that were needed would be dealt with on the NLP Master Practitioner Programme she was attending at the time. I stuck to the agreement and regretted it. To serve her best I should have focused more on what was needed session by session even if it meant her original outcomes weren’t met in full.

Half-truth number 3 – It is your responsibility to work with the clients until they are ‘done’.

Ok so we should never leave clients in the lurch. I have heard awful examples of coaches and therapists bringing issues to the surface and not having the time, energy or resources to help their client to a more resourceful place. Practices like this give our profession a bad name.

AND I believe that it is a healthy practice for coaches to end relationships with clients. Here are some signs that it’s time to consider firing a client;

  • You are coaching on the same thing and at the same level you were last year.
  • Coaching sessions with them leave you in a less resourceful state than you were before.
  • Coaching sessions with them leave them in a less resourceful state than before.
  • You resent coaching them for any reason, including financial or emotional.
  • You only took them on for the money or because you didn’t have any clients and now your practice and/or bank account has built up.

If any of these seem a little hard-nosed then they come from a belief that we almost always get the best results with clients that we love coaching. We have a responsibility to test our relationships regularly.

Half-truth number 4 – People have all of the resources they need.

In the opening to this article I mentioned that I wanted to help you to explore your beliefs and half-truth number 4 certainly led me to challenge and question mine.

I do fundamentally operate from a belief that people do have the resources to achieve whatever they want to. So that is a tick in that column right? What happens when they can’t see or feel that resourcefulness at all?

Take this example. Client A is a coach whose business is in trouble and as a result their finances are in dire straits. Their coach is not only highly successful – financially and otherwise – but also a longtime colleague and friend.

Is the coaches’ first step to help their client to be clear on what success looks like? Or to help them to into a really powerful and resourceful state so they can take massive action. Or is their first step to lend (or gift) them some money so they can get by?

Lending them money would suggest a belief that Client A didn’t have the resources, but if you were in a position to, wouldn’t you at least consider it?

Many moons ago I asked a colleague for some coaching after I led a pretty rocky workshop. She gave me the choice of a coaching session or just some time when she told me how great I was. She was building my resources rather than just believing in my resourcefulness but it was just the intervention I needed.

Half-truth number 5 – You always have to have great rapport when you coach.

I told a group of budding coaches recently that “rapport in coaching is everything. Except when it’s not.”

I still get quite taken aback by the number of coaches with a strong NLP background who forget the ‘lead’ part of pace-pace-lead. I often find that a mismatch or purposeful break of rapport is the most powerful part of the session.

I spoke to a coach about this recently who was opposed to ever ‘stepping out of the clients world view.’ It seems an interesting thought when I have often seen the likes of Richard Bandler getting great results by going straight to ‘lead’.

Half-truth number 6 – Great coaching must always have a clear end result.

Two years ago I invested tens of thousands of pounds in an intensive coaching relationship with Michael Neill. It was amazing, powerful, intense, world shifting and worth every penny. Yet I can’t really tell you what the end result was – other than a big shift. I can tell you some of the key learning’s but then that doesn’t really do justice to the power of the experience.

It is vital that clients feel that they are getting value for money and that they can express the value of the coaching relationship but the wonderful complexity of human nature and the fabulous array of ‘stuff’ that we do as coaches and with that nature leads me to question how often a specific end result is the most useful measure of a coaching relationship.

Summing up.

I would love you to have finished this article either having your beliefs challenged or reaffirmed. I mind much less whether you agree or not. This brings me onto the last point that I would love share with you.

In recent months I have experienced a greater degree of ‘crab mentality’ among coaches (click here to learn about crab mentality). Rather than celebrating and exploring other coach’s approaches and techniques I have found others in the field all too quick to label them as old, bad or wrong.

I think it’s a great time for us all to re-examine our approaches, beliefs and understanding and open up to what more we can learn and be.

About the Author/Further Resources

Richard is the M.D. of Twenty One Leadership and has coached talented people from the fields of sport and business for the last decade. Clients have credited him with everything from million pound transfers to the creation of new market leading organisations. The return on investment from his programmes stretches into the millions of Pounds, Euros and Dollars.