nlp coach - Coaching Confidence

Feb 03 2012

The warm up is complete… It is time for the main event!

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

Performance coach Marie Yates shares her expertise in this week’s guest post.

The warm up is complete… It is time for the main event!

When something isn’t going quite as you planned what do you do? Do you give up, feeling despondent and as if the whole world is against you? Or do you try and figure out how to adapt to the new situation, amend your plans and keep on going?

As you’re now over a month in to your plans for 2012, what have you done to take action? Has everything gone according to plan? If the answer is a resounding ‘yes’ then I hope you are finding time to celebrate. If the answer is a demoralised ‘no’ then have you taken some time to establish what has been happening?

It is easy to become inundated with tasks. Quite often we are exhausted at the end of every day as it has been jam packed but we can’t quite remember what we’ve done. It is during these days that our goals seem so far removed from our reality.

Thankfully there are still eleven fabulous months waiting to be filled with taking positive action!

Block out some time in your diary to allow yourself the space to consider these questions.

What will I have achieved by the 31^st December 2012?
What needs to change in order for me to prioritise these goals?
Who will I need support from in order to achieve these goals?
What do I need to do right now to take a step closer to these goals?

Once you know what your next steps are, do not waste a second! Taking that action will be a catalyst towards making 2012 your year. It is never too late to make a resolution to change.

As you consider what it is you need to do. Check that you are also creating balance in your life. Being focused on achieving your goals is vital; however it needs to be one part of your daily agenda.

Also write down the other important things that are going on in your life. Your family, friends, fitness… The list is endless. These need to be factored in to enable you to create balance and stay motivated. Making a sustainable change can only happen when you are working in congruence with your values. A goal to set up a business by April, working 24/7 and therefore missing out on spending valuable time with the people that matter most will leave you exhausted and possibly a little resentful. Consider this idea if you have been struggling to stay motivated, have you been neglecting other important areas of your life?

Now is the time to take stock, re-engage and make a sustainable change. Consider January as your warm up… The main event starts now!

About the author

Marie Yates is a performance coach based in the Midlands and can be found at www.indigo-turtle-coaching.co.uk

Tags: action, balance, business coach, business coaching, catalyst, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, goals, indigo-coaching, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, Marie Yates, new year, nlp coach, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, plans, priorities, support, tasks

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Jan 27 2012

Relationship Drama

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

In this week’s guest post Karen Wise shares a personal experience. How familiar is this for you and/or your clients?

Relationship Drama

by Karen Wise

My friend Rose called the other night. The conversation started like this:

“Karen, I really need to speak to you – I need your advice”

And then she started to whisper

“The thing is, I’ve been having an affair, and I don’t love my husband any more, and I just don’t know what to do”.

Rose and I have been friends for twenty years and she’s been with her husband for almost as long. She was one of my bridesmaids and both our kids were born weeks within each other. Rose has also lurched from life crisis to life crisis for the last two decades.

What I realised some time ago, is that Rose and I each have a role within, what psychologists call, the Drama Triangle (see diagramme below). Rose is always the “victim” with a crisis and I’m always there to rescue her.

Quite often we have more than one Drama Triangle in our lives, and with each one we’re playing a different role. With my husband, I have to admit, I frequently play the “Persecutor”. We can also find ourselves playing roles from the Drama Triangle at work, particularly during times of stress, when tight deadlines need to be met or mistakes have been made.

Most of the time, the Drama Triangle is useful in helping us manage day-to-day interactions. It might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but that tension makes either us or the other party shift their position to lead to a better outcome.

However, there are times when playing out the Drama Triangle isn’t helpful and could border on destructive. The negative behaviours can lead to a breakdown in trust, confidence and ultimately relationships.

If you find yourself in a Drama Triangle you have a choice. You can choose to step out of whatever role you’re playing. Don’t run away from the drama, but take a different approach to that of either a rescuer, persecutor or victim.

As I love my friend Rose, I’ve agreed to go out dinner this weekend to talk it all through with her. She has a major life decision to make, which won’t just affect her – but her husband and her two kids. I will help her through the most recent drama as for now, our relationship remains healthy and I’m happy to play the rescuer once again.

About the Author/Further Resources

Karen Wise, MCIPD is an Organisational Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist, with over 12 years’ experience of working in Human Resources roles up to and including Director level within the NHS in the UK. Karen now runs her own consultancy and coaching business, with a particular interest in outplacement coaching. She has recently been awarded an MSc in Coaching Psychology from the University of East London. You can follow Karen on twitter (karenwise) and read her weekly blog on working in HR in the NHS at www.karenwise.wordpress.co

Tags: business coach, business coaching, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, Karen Wise, Karpman drama triangle, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, nlp coach, organisational development consultant, performance coaching, persecutor, personal coach, personal development, rescuer, victim

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Jan 20 2012

How does your mindset affect your business?

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

Coach and author Karen Williams shares her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post and asks:

How does your mindset affect your business?

by Karen Williams

Let me share with you one of my beliefs. I believe that you can have all the marketing and business knowledge you need, but unless you have the right mindset, you’ll struggle to make it in terms of running a successful business.

Our mindset has an incredible affect on what we do and how we do it. It is more than just belief and confidence, it is about the way we approach a situation, our outlook, our mental attitude and the way in which we think. It is about the language we use to talk to ourselves and others, as well as the thoughts we have in our head about a problem or a solution.

Think about it now. Have you been with someone where their mindset has not been at its best? Perhaps they have been feeling down, depressed or concerned about something. Or maybe they have been feeling unsure or frustrated. Now that’s not to say that we always have to be on top form, but noticing your mindset, your thoughts and your actions is the starting point of understanding how it impacts on your success.

Let’s think about another person you know who has a positive mindset. Someone who always sees life with the glass completely full, has energy and enthusiasm, and a zest for life.

Where do you fit?

How do you feel about that?

If you are like most people, you are probably somewhere in the middle. Some days you will be feeling fantastic, and on other days, you will want to stay beneath the duvet. So with my comment in mind that your mindset affects your success, what can you do to recognise your state and do something about it when you need to?

The first step is to recognise how you feel every day and be aware of your emotions and feelings. If you are feeling negative or frustrated, what can you do to change your state? I know that sometimes you’ll want to wallow for a while, but think about how you will feel when you’ve broken the pattern and done something else instead? One of the strategies I follow is the premise that motion changes your emotion, so physically get up, do something different and return to your task later.

The second step is to be aware of what you could do differently to retrain your brain. In a nutshell, we have thousands of thoughts every day and we need to decide what to hold onto and what ones to ditch. Our beliefs often inform the thoughts we have, which inform the feelings we have about the beliefs, then this influences our behaviour and the consequences. You then have a choice on whether you create a vicious circle or a virtuous circle. If you keep thinking negatively, which creates negative behaviour, you will enter a downward spiral, but if you break the pattern, you can create a virtuous circle. These, by their very nature, then create more happiness and wellbeing.

The third step is to be aware of the impact that other people’s behaviour has on you. You could say that it is your choice how another person’s behaviour can affect you, it is often difficult to put this into practice, especially if this behaviour is pessimistic. Generally negativity breads negativity, so it can be difficult to break the pattern. But there are things you can do about it. The late Jim Rohn said that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So ensure you spend your time with inspirational people whose goals, aims and intentions are bigger than your own. When you do this, you’ll raise your game, achieve more, and get the support to step through your comfort zone quicker and more easily than you could do by yourself.

Before I move on, I’d like to give you something else to think about.

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left?
Answer: five
Why? Because there is a difference between deciding and doing!

With this in mind, what are you going to decide to do differently going forward? Are there new strategies and habits you need to put into place? Only you can decide to have a success mindset. Then when you have chosen this mindset, you will be focused on abundance rather than lack, success rather than failure, so can you see now how it can make a difference to your business?

You’ll be the one achieving results, getting more clients and generally feeling inspired and inspirational! Doesn’t this sound like a great place to be?

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out” ~ Robert Collier

About the Author/Further Resources

Karen Williams runs Self Discovery Coaching and is the author of The Secrets of Successful Coaches, which reached #1 in the Business charts on Amazon. Having interviewed 24 top performance coaches, Karen has learnt from the experts how to create a successful coaching business. Since just 10% of coaches make it in terms of running a successful business, she gets frustrated when she sees coaches who are amazing, but don’t have the business skills or confidence to make a difference. Karen’s big vision is to enable more coaches to reach more people and help them to live a happier and fulfilled life.

You can download Karen’s 38 Success Mindset tips at http://www.thesecretsofsuccessfulcoaches.com/successmindset/ and follow Karen’s current Ultimate Blog Challenge – 31 posts in 31 days so I make this number 32!

You can also follow Karen on Facebook and Twitter.

Tags: behaviour, business, business coach, business coaching, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, deciding, doing, emotions, executive coach, feelings, Jim Rohn, Karen Williams, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, mindset, nlp coach, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, Robert Collier, Self Discovery Coaching, state, success, The Secrets of Successful Coaches, Thought

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Jan 13 2012

Blue Monday – What Colour Will Your’s Be?

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

Coach and trainer Lorraine Hirst shares her thoughts and expertise in this weeks guest post. Will this be most useful for you or your clients?

Blue Monday – What Colour Will Your’s Be?

by Lorraine Hirst, Resilience Coach and Trainer

According to psychologists (which ones, I’m not sure), the third Monday in January, is ‘Blue Monday’, the most depressing day of the year. This year it is 16^th January 2012.

Depressing news, along with a double-dip recession, post-Christmas credit card bills, an over-indulged body, winter colds and, moreover, a definite sense of, ‘the party is over, back to school feeling.’

Despite this, and other things, I’m currently feeling quite buoyant and refreshed. I’m sure this is, in part, to do with the fact that I had a fabulous extended party/social time over New Year, with lots of laughter and great company. You know, the kind of friends that remind you of your younger days when every evening is a social gathering, rude jokes abound and the banter doesn’t stop until 2am.

Of course, it’s not Monday 16th yet! Will the grey clouds and negative thoughts overwhelm me, and all of us, that day? If you and I are feeling OK now, is this just the quiet before the storm?

Perhaps my ‘Blue Monday’ came early? I’ve already experienced the sluggish, detox and slightly low feeling of shifting from this turbo-charged social whirl back to routine, three sensible meals, no alcohol and domestic blisters. I combatted this last weekend by going for long walks in the winter sunshine, whether or not my family wanted to join me. One day, this resulted in my getting lost in the local fields, as light was fading and the sound of unleashed dogs seemed to be getting closer and I was left wondering if my phone had an app for a torch and what assertive behaviour I could adopt if one of those hounds did get close!

I also decided to not worry about the need for a renewed effort and hard work for my new venture, supporting associates to deliver resilience-building programmes with children and in schools. I told myself, I would ease myself gently back into my office chair on Monday, assuming my bottom could still fit in it (it did, fortunately) and would take things steadily from there. Besides, the actual ‘back to school’ project for my son had already begun and we are surviving that fairly well – so far. Again, if we go with the ‘Blue Monday’ theory, perhaps this is just part of the early January honeymoon period?

There are possibly several reasons for my up-beat mood, in addition to the positive effects of laughter, sparkling wine, a great bunch of people to work and train with and a general lack of ‘To Dos’, until this week. One key one for me, has been getting well after a period of Labrynthitis, which is an inner ear condition, causing dizziness and nausea, and, no, it was not as a result of the bubbly! This condition does have you feeling giddy but is definitely not fun. Exercise, driving, reading and other things involving coordination were off the menu but as this lifted before Christmas, even if the Christmas cards and endless wrapping are real chores for me, I was free to enjoy the festivities to the full, and I don’t feel that I’m paying for it now. Apart from getting a new attack of the dizzies whilst running my associate training yesterday, which is wearing off gradually, it’s a case of ‘so far, so good’.

There are loads of websites with tips on how to tackle this January low period. Many are focused on healthy eating, exercise and positive thinking, so what can I offer in addition? For starters my suggestion for warding off the winter or ‘Blue Monday’ blues includes getting some laughter – from friends, from TV, from books, from your kids, from anywhere you can. Laugh loud and long. Laugh until you cry (as long as the crying isn’t too hysterical!). Laughter releases tension, puts us in ‘neutral’ emotionally and lifts us. Even better if you can laugh at yourself. I’m a great believer in this in terms of its helping to promote resilience and well-being.

In terms of food, I go for the Serotonin-rich foods (the ‘happy’ hormone) – pineapple, bananas, chicken, especially turkey (no wonder Jamaicans are so cheerful) and, my favourite, dark chocolate. For the real health fanatics, Flaxseed oil and coconut oil are rich in Omega fats, which are also good. Apparently, proteins contain tryptophan, a large amino acid that converts to serotonin in the brain but you need a bit of carbohydrate with it in order for it to be converted to the happy hormone (an argument against the ‘no carbs’ approach, which quite frankly makes me feel really deprived. No wonder!)

Typically, our often failed New Year’s Resolutions compound the Blue Monday phenomenon, so how do you and I beat this headline? Life coach, Fiona Harrold suggests that you ‘focus on the changes you want to bring about from a balanced and optimistic perspective’. For someone who finds ‘balance’ quite a challenge, I’m doing quite well. Apart from the odd lapse, I’m practising this skill, as I can’t help others with achieving balance, if I’m not walking the walk, right? Having the Labrynthitis has been a physical manifestation of my mental lack of balance, quite literally not enabling me to walk the walk, and perhaps the reason it’s there, lurking in the crystals in my ears, is so it can come back and bite me when I’m not maintaining a semblance of balance in my life! In terms of self-coaching, I’m moving away from something I don’t want towards something I do want, that being more of a ‘yes’ feeling, every day. That’s the idea anyway.

Setting lots of goals can be overwhelming and unrealistic. Instead, focusing on what’s important, being grateful for the little things, meditating and giving and receiving love in the form of hugs or massage (or whatever form takes your fancy!) can be beneficial. The reason for the physical stuff is that oxytocin is the feel-good, ‘cuddle hormone’. (I remember having some on the maternity ward but it didn’t have that effect then!) And let’s not forget the power of music or art. New Order did release the song, ‘Blue Monday’ in 1983, which is quite a bouncy tune for this now, less-positive phenomenon, unless you listen to the words of course.

For me, there has to be a focus on my business this year, therefore there are project goals to set, but I’m determined that this aspect of life will be enjoyable, otherwise, why am I doing it? This year, I’m tempering my usual manic enthusiasm with ‘rational optimism’ and setting some goals that will be nourishing, such as getting some singing lessons (if you’ve heard me, you’ll be glad about this) and exploring some mind and body approaches that will further help me stay ‘balanced’ and have a sense of all-round (and hopefully a bit less ‘round’) well-being. I feel good just writing this last sentence. Well, they do say that you only need to think about exercise for it to have a physical effect.

If you need statistics, according to a recent study, 23 Surprising Effective Treatments for Depression (measured over a full year), art therapy, music therapy, mindful mediation and massage were the top four best treatments.

So, whatever your circumstances, may your Monday 16^th be full of laughter, abundance, gratitude, friends, hugs, music and, of course, for the girls, a small amount of dark chocolate! Most of all may it be green, purple, orange (I’m told by an artist friend that orange is a calming, happy colour!) or ANY colour other than the one beginning with ‘b’ and ending in ‘e’, and please, please let it not be ‘beige’ either.

About the Author/Further Resources

Lorraine is passionate about resilience as a key component in a child’s mental toolbox and emotional resilience as a prerequisite to being a good learner. Lorraine runs her own resilience-building programmes, known as Way2be programmes, in schools and other settings, including early years and workshops for parents and setting staff, writes and runs a private coaching practice.Emotional resilience and emotional intelligence are elements of a ‘growth mindset’ which is about improving, being an adventurous learner and viewing mistakes as useful learning. Lorraine also works with other creative practitioners to deliver peer mentoring, after-school and holiday clubs, transition projects and targeted programmes for children who are at risk of not meeting their potential or lacking in confidence or self-esteem as an underlying issue. The Way2be programmes help children to understand themselves, their strengths, think in a more flexible and resourceful way, care for others, and thereby become more confident learners and social beings, coping better with the ups and downs of childhood and life.

Lorraine also runs stress management workshops for teachers, inset for school staff on building resilience in pupils and parent workshops. With a Masters Degree in the Policy and Management of Care Services and having worked in Children’s Services and Education for over 15 years with various early intervention projects and strategic work under her belt, Lorraine started forging her own consultancy business a few years ago. In the last two or three years, this developed into the focus on resilience.Lorraine uses NLP, Transactional Analysis, humour and other approaches develop programmes to suit the needs of different groups of children, schools or parents around resilience and self-esteem. Her strategic experience also allows Lorraine to be involved in projects that reduce the external risk factors for children and to support schools and other clients in increasing the external preventative factors for children and young people, such as hobbies, interests, links with the local community, thereby enhancing resilience in terms of the context for that child or young person.

You can find Lorraine at her website www.way2be.me, or via Linked In.

Tags: blue monday, business coach, business coaching, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, goals, laughter, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, Lorraine Hirst, music, new year, nlp coach, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, resilience coach, resolutions, Serotonin, trainer, Way 2 b me

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Jan 06 2012

Developing Better Habits

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

In the first guest post of 2012, coach Amber Fogarty discusses something she talks about a lot with clients.

Developing Better Habits

by Amber Fogarty

In our work with clients, we talk a lot about developing better habits. In fact, when people ask me to tell them more about what SOS Leadership does, I often reply, “We’re in the habit change business.” All of us, as coaches, are in the habit change business. Habit change is inherently connected to leadership development.

The most basic definition of leadership is influence. As a leader, the way you influence others, and ultimately lead them, is your personal choice. With that choice comes great responsibility.

In the SOS Leadership Seeds of Success program, we define the responsibilities of leadership. The first responsibility is one that can bring a certain amount of pressure and anxiety when we consider it in light of our weaknesses and bad habits:

People become like their leader.

When I think about this, at times it makes me feel uneasy. Yes, there are many positive traits that I wouldn’t mind others learning from me, but there are just as many negative characteristics that I don’t want to pass on to anyone, especially those who consider me to be a leader in their lives.

But what can I do to develop better habits? How can I overcome habits that have developed over many years?

First and foremost, I have to name them. Yes, I have to say out loud what habits I need to change and why. As Nathaniel Branden once said, “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” Reflecting on Nathaniel’s words, I know that this is easier said than done. For the most part, we are all aware of our shortcomings, but we don’t necessarily accept them. I agree that we have to understand and accept that we are the way we are today; however, beginning right now we can commit to becoming a better version of ourselves.

SOS Leadership co-founder Bill Moyer reminds our clients often that the past does not equal the future, but the past does equal the present. We need to understand where we’ve been in order to fully commit to changing the future.

Once we are aware of the habits we want to change and have accepted that change is desired and necessary, then we have to make a commitment to developing better habits. This includes developing a written goal, complete with an action plan, for each habit we want to develop. The plan should identify the benefits to be gained by developing this particular habit, as well as the losses to be avoided if we do not change. Beyond that, the plan needs to spell out each obstacle and how to overcome it, as well as how we will track our progress and who we will ask to hold us accountable.

Don’t underestimate the power of tracking and accountability. These are vitally important components of your plan and will help you to always be aware of your progress and challenged when you get off track.

So what habits will you commit to developing (or changing) this year? In the words of Aristotle, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” A new year is the perfect time to make a change. Go for it! Become more excellent!

About the Author/Further Resources

Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with SOS Leadership Institute and the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.

Tags: acceptance, Amber Fogarty, Aristotle, awareness, Bill Moyer, business coach, business coaching, change, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, future, habits, leadership, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, Nathaniel Branden, nlp coach, past, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, present, SOS Coaching Network, SOSleadership

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Dec 30 2011

Happy New Year!

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

In the final guest post of 2011 Gretchen Rose shares with a family member some lessons she’s learnt.

As you read her guest post, I invite you to consider the lessons you would share for someone else just starting out. If you are a coach who has a “niche”, what would you share especially with your niche? Even if you haven’t got a “niche”, what would you share about having a better 2012?

I suspect that even though, for reasons I’ll let her explain in a moment, Gretchen has written for a specific situation, that there are many things on her list that can be transferable to other situations and scenarios.

Feel free to share anything you would add and how you’d word your list in the comment section below.

Happy New Year!

by Gretchen Rose

We have a new baby in our family, William. He is my baby cousin’s baby! Her precious little girl is almost 3. So fun to reflect back on when my children were that little and sweet.

Our kids are now 16 and 11. I remember when the days were long, but oh how the years are short. I feel the sand draining out of the hour- glass at a rapid rate with our 16 year old daughter. We have much more time with our 11 year old son, but it is speeding up as well.

So much” intel” to share with my cousin. But like any great book, I don’t want to spoil the plot. It is better for her to “read” her own book in her own time. I love the picture of baby William with his dad, both dressed in dad’s college colors. They are not MY college colors, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same.

They are at the beginning of the Sports parent journey. In their honor this is a reflection on New Year’s resolution for ALL Sports parents to re-evaluate our New Year and new season of play and reminisce on seasons past and lessons learned.

Remember your family is your team. And sometimes your team can become your family! There are so many people to meet along the sports journey. Always block out time for family interest, activities and vacation. Some of coaches, players and parents will stick with you for a lifetime.
Invest in a cushy portable chair and a stadium seat with arm rests. Always keep it in your car. On second thought, you now know what you are getting for your birthday!
Yell good things for your kid with wild abandon. Apparently it is the only thing they will remember. It does not embarrass them nearly as much as they say it does.
Drop everything you are doing for a chance to play catch, kick the can, or hoola hoop. The shelf life on this form of communication is brief!
If possible, volunteer to coach, even if it is not your sport. Be the team mom. It might seem like a time suck in the moment, but the benefit happens in 10+ years when a player from that team of yesteryear is a moody teenager. You may get a head nod, a small wave or even a smile of acknowledgement in public. PRICELESS!
Always let the team decide their name, colors and uniforms. No one will ever defeat the Power Puff Girls, Stomping Unicorns, Screaming Daisies, Purple Scorpions (in blue uniforms) or Salty Dogs!
Always travel with a first aid kit in the car. This is MUST with boys. You will need it more than you think. Other parents will be impressed, too! Just tell them it will not sting and remember fish hooks go out the same way they go in!
If you are not up before dawn driving to _______________ ( fill in blank with tournament, game, competition, ) you are officially late. For some reason the gods that form these competitions try to ring every minute of every weekend to make it a worth -while experience. You can catch up on the rest later!
You can never have enough pictures! Team pictures, individual pictures and action shots. Please share with your cousins!
Do not let child get ears pierced 3 days prior to weekend tournament. Players cannot play in jewelry and you can be re-piercing ears ( see first aid kit above) in the dawn’s early light and after every game!!!
When buying shoes for the “season”, if possible, buy a back up in a half size larger. This will keep you from being embarrassed when your kid comes off the field with a big toe popping through the top of a shoe! Seriously these feet grow over night!
Be proud of every milestone and every accomplishment! You are not bragging! Tell everyone who will listen. ( Especially your cousin!)
Share your favorite team with your child – Professional or college or local. This is a great way to share knowledge, form a mutual interest and fodder for gifts for a lifetime! Travel to a game together.
Don’t yell at referees or officials even they made a HUGE mistake. If the official is a non -adult, remember they are some one’s kid, too. Be an example of good citizenship.
Don’t over structure. Kids love free time. Sports and teams are meant to be a treat to look forward to, not a job that must be done! ( For parents, too!)
Sports and teams can teach life lessons. Make sure they are the good lessons. Become a good and encouraging team member, try your best, sometimes you do not win but you try again next week, and respect everyone. You know-There is no “I” in Team!

I think this will get my cousins on course for a few years of an amazing journey. Hopefully I can still add updates as I discover them!

Have a happy and safe New Year and new season to everyone.

About the Author/Further Resources

I am a wife and mom of two athletic and active children in Dallas, Texas. In my spare time, I am the inventor and founder of KidzMat – the premier organizational equipment for youth sports.

I also own and operate a catering company and am an avid runner with my two dogs! I love to write about my experiences as a sports mom. My web site is www.kidzmat.com!

Tags: business coach, business coaching, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, nlp coach, Gretchen Rose, new years resolution, sports parent, kidzmat

Tags: business coach, business coaching, charging, client, clients, coach, coaches, coaching, coaching courses, coaching qualifications, coaching skills, coaching techniques, coaching training, executive coach, Gretchen Rose, kidzma, leadership coaching, life coach, life coaches, life coaching, new years resolution, nlp coach, performance coaching, personal coach, personal development, sports parent

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Dec 09 2011

Discover your ‘Book of Rules’…

Category: Guest Post — This is a post by a Guest Author @ 6:30 am

In this week’s guest post Evolved Master Coach Morgan Tinline shares insights and explainations about how we are “wired.”

Discover your ‘Book of Rules’…

by Morgan Tinline

As an Evolved Master Coach, I work almost entirely with the unconscious mind – also called the conditioned mind. This is where clients experience lasting change that happens very quickly. I assist clients to essentially change their ‘wiring’ so that they choose to be cause and create the life they desire.

As is my foremost objective when in a coaching session, I want to offer you the opportunity to gain massive value from this post simply by enjoying it for yourself in whatever way is best for you!

So, from my perspective as an Evolved Master Coach, I want to share with you some information on how we are ‘wired’ and more importantly, how that ‘wiring’ serves us as individuals on an unconscious level. And of course, I’d love for you to gain insights into how to change that wiring almost effortlessly!

Let’s start with how we perceive and process our world…

Internal Representations:

Your internal representation will to a great extent determine your focus. You will soon learn that you get what you focus on. Your focus determines your thinking; your thinking determines your behaviour, which determines your results.

The Five senses (VAKOG) supply information from the outside world directly to the conditioned mind for processing/filtering. This information together with our Self-Talk (Ad) creates our Internal Representation.

Your unconscious mind is symbolic and it thinks and communicates using V, A, K, O, G and Ad. In order to use our minds effectively we need to use all of our Internal Representations, aligning them with what we want.

Think of all the signs that you see for caution or warning… “Don’t Slip” for example (with a picture of a man slipping). Remember that the unconscious mind doesn’t process negatives directly. The mind processes everything through VAKOG all the time. Rather state everything in the positive, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT.

What feeling and images are in your mind when you think of yourself slipping on a wet floor? What kind of internal representation would that create? Our Internal Representation becomes our focus… we tend to produce the necessary behaviour to manifest that. This is the basis for effective change.

“Don’t think of a pink elephant”

Realise that you can’t think about what you don’t want to think about without thinking about it.

So all 5 senses and our self talk together, make up our Internal Representation. Now ask “What am I focusing on? Is my focus positive?” From now on this includes all 6 things we can do in our minds. Are all the systems supporting you towards successful achievement of your goal? This will make a huge difference in your life.

Our mind sorts information into 7 ± 2 chunks of information. Our Internal Representation constantly combined with our Physiology creates our State. State dictates our Behaviour and we create certain Results in our lives.

Focus Filters

What are you focusing on? Is it towards what you want or towards what you don’t want? Are you focusing on what you want or are you focusing on what you don’t want?

Core Focus Filters – (Internal Acid Test)

Our core focus filters are our human needs. This model has been adopted from Anthony Robbins, who says “You don’t always get what you want, but you always get what you need.”

These needs are not wants and desires, but profound needs which service the basis of every choice we make.

You will always find a way to fulfil your core needs, either in a positive, negative or neutral way.

There are 6 basic human needs:

Certainty

This is our need for safety, security, consistency and predictability.

Variety

The opposite of certainty is our need for uncertainty, variety, the unknown, risk, challenges.

Significance

This is our need for being important, being needed, feeling worthy, unique, status

Love / Connection

Our need for connection, intimacy, love, sharing, bonding

The first 4 human needs Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love / Connection are the needs of the body/personality. People will do ANYTHING to meet these needs, one way or another.

The needs of our spirit or soul are met through Growth and Contribution…

Growth

Our need for growth, expansion, learning, becoming more… when we stop growing, we die. We need to constantly develop emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Contribution

Our need to go beyond our own needs and contributing to others, making a difference in others lives, helping, educating, coaching.

We tend to focus on two; the dominant two influence our behaviour the most.

Exercise:

1) Write down all the ways you currently get: Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth and Contribution in your life in general.

2) Answer the following questions (take your time and think about it).

a) What is it that drives you? What are your top 2 Core Focus Filters? Which two do you value the most?

b) How does this impact the quality of your life? What are the consequences (positive and negative) of valuing these needs in this order?

Process Focus Filters – (Inner Parent)

These are process driven that shape our Focus and our reality.

Meta Programs

Values

Beliefs

Memories

Decisions

Attitudes

Language

Time/Space/Matter/Energy

Key Focus Filter – (Internal Driver)

This holds the Key of your Focus. It determines what is and what isn’t important, based on all the other filters. Your mind created a question that sums up all your filters together. It filters your conscious and unconscious thinking, all the time. It is basically the question that you keep asking yourself consciously or unconsciously, no matter what you are doing. You filter all information coming in through your 5 senses all 400 Billion bps as if your life depended on it. How important do you think this question is?

And now, for the even more amazing stuff. For those of you want to discover your own unconscious ‘instruction manual’…

Book of Rules Exercise:

What is important in your life?

List the top 5 things that you value in life. What is life about for you? What are you striving for, what would you like to feel or experience in life?

1. ___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________________

(For each of the above that you listed answer the following question)

For you to feel/experience __________ , what needs to happen, what needs to be present in order for you to feel that way or to experience that?

1. ___________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________________

In the past, what have been the feelings you would do almost anything to avoid?

List here the top 5, your biggest ‘Away From’: