Mountain Moving Mindset


15 Suggestions To Help You Create A Post-Session Ritual

Frederique Murphy shares her knowledge and experience in today’s guest post.

"15 Suggestions To Help You Create A Post-Session Ritual" A guest post by Frederique Murphy

15 Suggestions To Help You Create A Post-Session Ritual

By Frederique Murphy

You know, how you prepare yourself for your first coaching session of the day, right? Because, you know, how important it is to be at your top to best help your client. So, has it ever happened to you that your energy winds down from one client to another, leaving you with the feeling that you were not quite at your top, for that second, third or fourth client? If you are booking several clients on the same day, and do not do anything between your sessions, then this is probably a familiar feeling.

Creating rituals as part of your coaching business is a great best practice as rituals help you perform better. We often hear about pre-session rituals, and the post-session rituals are as important. Having a post-session ritual is absolutely critical, particularly when coaching several clients on the same day to ensure you are at your top for your first client, and then your second one, and your third one, etc.

I don’t believe there is a ‘one size fits all’ post-session ritual; I strongly believe that you need to create the ritual that will work for you. Before you start creating your ritual, I suggest you list the various outcomes, so that you are very clear on what is it that you want to achieve: clear your energy, relax, focus, energise, be present, let go…, and then, include the necessary steps. Remember, it is your ritual, and will include as many steps as you need it to meet your defined outcomes.

Here are 15 suggestions to create your very own post-session ritual that will help you be at your top, from one client to another throughout the day:

  • (the must one!) your ritual will work best when you intentionally take the time to do it, so avoid booking your sessions back-to-back, and ensure you have the time to apply your ritual,
  • consciously breathe,
  • meditate,
  • visualise,
  • practice a yoga sequence,
  • drink a large glass of water,
  • prepare a cup of tea,
  • light a candle or incense,
  • open the room windows and/or doors,
  • say a specific affirmation,
  • play a specific song,
  • do a specific move,
  • look at a specific imagery,
  • change outfit or accessories,
  • take a shower (you might not include this suggestion as part of your standard ritual, but do keep it in mind for those “intense” sessions).

Once you have created your ritual, apply it every single time, after every coaching session, and even after your last session of the day. A ritual is driven by intention, so focus on that intention, and apply your ritual to be at your top, client after client.

Do you already have your own post-session ritual? What steps do you find work best for you? I’d love for you to share; this will be helpful for the other coaches. Comment below!

About the Author/Further Resources

Frederique MurphyFrederique Murphy is a mindset strategist, who specialises in the areas of Inspirational Strategy, Leadership, Communication, Change, Impact, and Achievement. Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset platform, Frederique provides individuals, corporate executives, and entrepreneurs with a wealth of mindset resources to help them strategise with vision, design with clarity, plan with focus, and lead with momentum. She shares her M3 Power through her transformational range of innovative products, coaching services, #1 Amazon Best Seller book, award-winning blog, articles and newsletters, unforgettable talks and life-changing events. She believes in guiding her clients through unforgettable journeys towards their own true wealth as they become the true leaders of their life, career and business. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, join the free M3 Power Community, and start climbing now!


What to do when encountering challenging situations with your coaching clients! 1

Coach Frederique Murphy shares her experience and thoughts in today’s guest post.

what to do2

What to do when encountering challenging situations with your coaching clients!

by Frederique Murphy

This is my fifth guest blog post, and as with every blog posts, I thrive to tackle topics that might not necessarily be often tackled! Earlier this year, when Jen and I discussed the dates for my blog posts, I told her that I knew exactly what my final 2012 blog post would be, and here it is! In this article, I want to talk about, the events when you, as the coach, encounter some challenging situations with your coaching clients.

After close to 5 years of coaching, I can say that I have encountered all of these; and, yes, I am saying it out loud, and publically: it is actually rare for coaches to talk about these situations, even though, they happen. I want to break that pattern, and help you through these. I believe that these situations have either happened to you, or might happen in the future as you continue to stretch and grow yourself and your coaching practice. I also want to say upfront that in most cases, these situations are not a negative reflection of your coaching services. But, as these are often unspoken, when they happen, many coaches feel it was their fault and go into a shame/guilt/unworthy destructive cycle.

So, let’s openly talk about these, and see how we can shift and move forward.

Challenging situation #1

Your coaching client does not “show up”.

And, I don’t mean physically! You know, when they sign up to your coaching programme, and, somehow, don’t “show up”; they might arrive late to your sessions, they might not listen to your programme classes, they might not read your emails, they might not open your attachments, they might not reply to you, etc, etc, etc; these type of things. You know, as the coach, that showing up and playing fully is critical to their success; your coaching programme might be one of the best programmes out there, and yet, it will not do anything for them if they don’t utilised it. It is a challenging situation, as you know that they are not utilising the programme, and know they would get even more out of it, should they do, of course.

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on. There will be 3 scenarios:

  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and (prepare to be surprised), they tell you they are satisfied with the coaching programme! => key lesson: you are not them, and if they are satisfied with what they are getting, then let it be, they are getting what it is they want; your conversation is a good platform to remind them of the various components and encourage them to utilise them to get the best of your programme, that way you’ve reached out to them and reminded them of what is available to them,
  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and (prepare to be surprised), they tell you they are satisfied with the coaching programme, but in fact, they are not! => key lesson: you’ve reached out to them, and, asked what you could do to ensure they would get a satisfied experience, and they, for whatever reason, lie to you; fast forward a bit, and they will soon end their relationship with you, unless, you take charge first, and realise you are not happy working with clients who are not showing up and playing fully, and you take the lead in ending the relationship; this is entirely up to you,
  • you address it, ask how they are doing, and they tell you they are not satisfied with the coaching programme => key lesson: you’ve reached out to them, and, you can now openly talk about it; discuss what is going on, and see if you can come up with ways to make it work; this is an important conversation, and you can turn things around, if both of you are up for it.

Challenging situation #2

Your client does not take actions.

This is a similar situation, as the first one. Here, something for you to be very clear about is that acting is 100% their responsibility; they will not get results if they don’t act, and you cannot guarantee them results, as you are not the ones taking the actions. So, it comes down to their actions

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (again here, I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on, and share your concerns with them. See where this conversation leads you; ultimately, it will once again be up to you, and you might be a coach, who is not happy working with clients not taking actions, and decide to end your relationship.

Challenging situation #3

Your coaching client does not like it when you push their buttons.

Another challenging situation, right? I want you to ask yourself: is pushing buttons part of your role as a coach? I believe it is, in fact, an integral part of your coaching; when something needs to come out but does not, you might need to make it come out and however way you will do it, it might cause the client to feel the heat; you are not their friend, you are their coach, and your outcome is to do whatever is needed to support them, and sometimes supporting them means to push some buttons to get them moving forward.

So, what do you do? Address it with them, and I suggest to invite them to an additional session (again here, I’d not address this during one of their coaching sessions), but keep it separate and frame the session to find out how they are getting on. This will enable you to openly discuss and see how your coaching client is, and to (re)share with them your role, values and practices. However way you do it, I want to strongly emphasise the fact that I believe you should not change your style to suit your clients. In my previous article Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All? I talked about coaching styles, and reminded you that “Your coaching style will be the best for some, and completely clash for others.” And this is what might be happening. During your conversation, you will either decide to make it work, or to end the relationship if you feel this is not going to work. Again here, it is entirely up to you.

Challenging situation #4

Your client expects ABC, and you give them XYZ.

This situation is another challenge in itself! When you are coaching your client, your key outcome is to coach them to the best of your ability. You come to their sessions, without any agenda. However, very often, your coaching client will come to their session with their agenda, their ABC. And, here is what happens; they want ABC, but, for whatever reason, they also come in with a bunch of “stuff”, and you, as the coach, make a judgement call, in tackling the stuff, as you professionally know that once it is tackled, it will make it easy to then move their focus onto ABC; so, you do, XYZ, as you feel, it is what will best support your coaching client in that session. The thing is, they don’t know what’s going on, they are not trained as coaches, so from their point of view, they’ll see things as wanting to get ABC, but getting XYZ instead; and it might well have been that XYZ created huge shifts and breakthroughs, but, it was not ABC, bottom line, they did not get what that wanted.

So, what do you do? In this case, I believe, that instead of being a “what do you do?” question, it is actually a “what can you do post-session? question. Because, you did what you decided was best at the time of the session, so now, it is looking into the post-session follow-up to ensure your client remains satisfied. It has happened to me a couple of times, and should these scenarios happen again, I would do exactly the same things, as in, do the XYZ first and then, deliver a post-session action to ensure you address the ABC.

The BIG silver lining!

While these situations are challenging to face, I actually believe that experiencing these scenarios will make you a stronger coach, as each of these will be beneficial to your growth. You will learn from each of these, and if necessary, refine some of your internal and external processes, that will make your practice stronger too. Now, for this to happen, and for you to be able to view these situations as something positive along your journey, you need to ensure that as these happen, you discuss them with your own coach, so that he/she can help you through these. This is very important.

This is not an exhaustive list, and the recommendations I am giving are the ones that have worked for me; but there are plenty of other ways to tackle these challenging situations. Remember, the key thing is that you should do whatever you think is best for you and your client; I truly believe that facing these situations head on is the best first step. Be proud of who you are as a coach, and stand by your practice.

Have you ever encountered one of these 4 challenging situations with your coaching clients? What did you do? I’d love for you to share, this will be so helpful for other coaches. Comment below!

About the Author/Further Resources

Frederique MurphyFrederique Murphy (@IrishSmiley on twitter) is a mindset strategist, who founded her business to focus on her passion: transformation! Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset programme, Frederique empowers individuals, corporate executives and business owners to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their life, career and business to a whole new level! She shares her M3 Power through her coaching & mentoring packages, her published books & articles, her award-winning blog and newsletters, and her unique live events. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range of products and services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, get your free M3 Power, and start climbing now!


Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All? 1

Coach Frederique Murphy shares her expertise and knowledge in today’s guest post as she asks:

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All?

by Frederique Murphy

As coaches, I think that it is very important for each of us to know our coaching style, and I mean, to really to know it. Knowing your coaching style inside-out will enable you to optimise your coaching abilities, and as a result, maximise your results with your clients.

What is interesting, is while there have been some coaching styles, identified in previous researches, white papers, studies, my view is that there are as many coaching styles as there are stars in the sky, and each style has its weaknesses and strengths. You see, each of you have your own style; you are your very own individual, and as a coach, this is reflected in your way of being, you way of doing, your way of acting, your way of working: in a nutshell, your coaching style.

As coaches, we have all learned how to be coaches, and, I believe that — no matter, what course, qualification, certification, diploma, degree…, you’ve undertaken — our very own unique coaching style, while existing from the very first session, will continue to grow throughout our coaching career, as we continue to learn, stretch and grow as individuals.

So, do increase your awareness and find out as much as you can, about your coaching style; the more you consciously know about it, the best relationships and results you will get and the more apt you will be in conveying your methods and ways to your leads and clients.

(Note, it would be impossible to do a thorough list, so this is not an exhaustive list!)

Do you talk?

Do you ask questions?

Do you interrupt?

Do you use humour?

Do you use authority?

Do you speak firmly?

Do you give tough love?

Do you shock?

Do you push?

Do you nudge?

Do you guide?

Do you recommend?

Do you hold accountability?

etc, etc, etc…

As coaches, we mostly do all of these; the differences, depending on your coaching style, is in the “How much?”:

How much do you talk?

How much do you ask questions?

How much do you interrupt?

How much do you use humour?

How much do you use authority?

How much do you speak firmly?

How much do you give tough love?

How much do you shock?

How much do you push?

How much do you nudge?

How much do you guide?

How much do you recommend?

How much do you hold accountability?

etc, etc, etc…

And, know that your coaching style will not suit everyone. And I am not using the word everyone as in everyone in the world, I also mean, as in, everyone, within your focused and targeted audience.

For instance, if you target male adults, who are transitioning out of their “9-5 job” and moving to entrepreneurship, while this audience shows that you have a targeted audience, still, be ready, that all of the people who match this description will not, and I am going to use a word, you might not like, will not like you as their coach.

Accept this and move forward; the happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied your relationship is with your clients, the best they are getting from you, and this shows that your style is suiting them.

There are several processes and systems you can have in place in your coaching practice, to try as much as possible to find these good matches. The reason why I use the word try is that I believe that there is not a way to know at 100% before starting coaching a client, if this is going to be a good match. I also believe, that as you go from new to the coaching world to becoming an experienced coach, you will get close to that 100%. There are a few things you can do: before starting working together, and before your first coaching session, have a conversation, where you will be able to ask questions; you can also, request for your prospective client to fill in a questionnaire. Having both the conversation and the questionnaire, will give you a lot of answers, even before starting working together. And, once you start, remember, to have the necessary documentation in place, from contract and terms and conditions, to frames and well defined outcomes.

But, I hear you say, “but I want to help them all!”

Here is what you can do: first, and preferably, do not, this will not end well, for both you, and the client you took on; second, sometimes, no matter what filters you use, this will happen, and as you are very well aware of your style, very soon in the relationship you will notice some signs, some behaviours, that will indicate to you, that the relationship is not working. As coaches, our main primary intent, is for the client to get what they need, right? And, sometimes, as hard as it may sound, it is up to the coach, you, to realise that you might not be what they need.

When this happens, refer your client to another coach. Remember, another coach, will have a different style, and that style might suit your client better. One thing, I want to add: it is not because you do not like other styles, that you should avoid referring clients to other coaches, with different coaching styles; I know it might read funny, at first, but think about it. You more than likely coach the way you would personally like to be coached, but do not let your own needs shadow your judgement and your client might absolutely love this other coach, while, you would more than likely not, see what I mean? Have your client’s best interest at heart, and refer to the best coach for them.

So, remember:

Your coaching style will be the best for some, and completely clash for others.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is The Best Of Them All?

You, my coach, are the best of all.

BUT, You are not a one size fits all.

About the Author/Further Resources

FrederiqueMurphy EventB MediumFrederique Murphy is a business mindset strategist, who founded her business to focus on her passion: transformation! Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset programme, Frederique empowers business owners, entrepreneurs, and corporate executives to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their life and their business to a whole new level! She shares her M3 Power through her coaching and mentoring packages, her published books & articles, her award-winning blog and newsletters, and her unique live events. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range of products and services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, get your free M3 Power, and start climbing now!

 

 


You Are Not Their Friend, You Are Their Coach!

In this week’s guest post Frederique Murphy shares her expertise and shares her advice to coaches.

You Are Not Their Friend, You Are Their Coach!

By Frederique Murphy

And before, you start shouting at me (!) in front of your screen, let me add, “During sessions”.

This is something that comes up often in my work with coaches, and I thought it would be a great topic to guest blog about, for Jen at Coaching Confidence.

So, here it goes: During sessions, you are not their friend, you are their coach.

And, before reading any further, take a few seconds to check in internally and become fully aware of what comes up for you, as clarity and consciousness always help us more forward. Whatever is coming up is good, and are things for you to be aware of, so that you can do something about it.

When it comes to roles, it is important to lay out some boundaries, and to stick to these; let’s take a look at the various scenarios and roles.

Life -context, as in, outside sessions = can you and your client be friends?

Yes AND No

The choice is up to you, it is a personal choice; and, it will probably depend on the client too, I think this is a grey area with no straight answer; in the end, it is entirely your choice. You may be comfortable being friends outside, or you may not; it is up to you to decide on your terms; you decide on your role or roles, and as a result, on the relationships you are having with the people surrounding you.

Business -context, as in, during sessions = can you and your client be friends?

Yes, you can, BUT…

I believe that bringing in the friendship has consequences. And, I base my answer on the following scenarios, and it is not an exhaustive list.

I truly believe that during sessions, you as the coach, definitely need to put your coach hat on, and leave outside the friend one, as this is what your client has signed up for.

bullet point As a coach, you want to be objective and neutral as this is what your client needs from you; as a friend, sometimes, you would leave the objectivity at the door as this is not what your friend needs.

bullet point As a coach, you want to be able to say the things that your clients needs to hear, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for them; as a friend, sometimes, you simply want to be there for them, as this is what your friend needs.

bullet point As a coach, you want to interrupt the patterns you are noticing in your clients, even if that means to interrupt them verbally; as a friend, sometimes, you want to lend a listening ear, as this is what your friend needs.

bullet pointAs a coach, you want the best for your client and are ready to push the buttons that need pushing; as a friend, sometimes, you will not say what you have in mind as you want to be liked, and you will fear hurting their feelings.

bullet point As a coach, you want to hold your client accountable to what they told you they would do, and will not accept any excuses; as a friend, sometimes, you will be there and accept the excuses as this is what your friend needs.

bullet point As a coach, you want to be there for your client, and that means leaving your own “stuff” at the door; as a friend, sometimes, you will not be able to be there, as you have your own stuff to deal with.

bullet point As a coach, you want to challenge and stretch your client, and it might mean “pushing” them to greatest heights, as you are there to help them be at their best; as a friend, sometimes, you will settle for their wins, it is not your job to stretch them.

bullet point As a coach, you want to be there for your client when they open up, and share their dreams, doubts, fears, and deepest insecurities; as a friend, sometimes, you will not hear what your friend is trying to tell you, or see what is going on in their mind, and you will not be able to help them push through the blocks and make it all happen.

In the end, you will do what you want… But, something very clear is that, as a coach, you owe your client to do your utmost to guide them to be at their best, to guide them to reach their goals, and to guide them to fulfil their outcomes. And doing though, will require you to step in, fully, in your coach role, with the right intent, that, you will do whatever is necessary for that relationship to work.

Be clear, have boundaries, set expectations, and always and first, have your client’s outcome at heart.

About the Author/Further Resources

FrederiqueMurphy EventB MediumFrederique Murphy is a business mindset strategist, who founded her business to focus on her passion: transformation! Thanks to her Mountain Moving Mindset programme, Frederique empowers business owners, entrepreneurs, and corporate executives to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their life and their business to a whole new level! She shares her M3 Power through her coaching and mentoring packages, her published books & articles, her award-winning blog and newsletters, and her unique live events. For more information on Frederique’s transformational range of products and services, visit FrederiqueMurphy.com, get your free M3 Power, and start climbing now!


Chuuut… Watch Out 1

In this week’s guest post Frederique Murphy returns to shares her thoughts and expertise about how you, as a coach, can know how effective you are with your clients.

Chuuut… Watch Out!

By Frederique Murphy

One of the questions, coaches often ask me, whether directly or indirectly sharing their concerns, is about knowing how effective they are with their clients. And, most of the time, they’ll say (you might have heard that before ;-), and it usually starts with the B word: “But, coaching is not an exact science, there is no real way for me to know how my session is going…”

Well, let’s blast that belief, as I am sure you will all agree that this is a belief, which is not worth holding on to, as it is clearly limiting you and your coaching abilities.

Putting the results your clients will be producing and experiencing aside, what I’d like to focus on today is on the silence bits, as in, the answer to you knowing how it is going, can very often be found in what you clients are actually not saying verbally.

I believe the answer to do that is in developing an acute sense of awareness and observation, and it is one of the top skills, that a coach wants to always enhance throughout their career.

Here is a list of what you want to be watching out during your sessions; and for all of these, you want to particularly pay attention to the changes in:

  • blinking
  • breathing
  • energy / state
  • eye movements
  • lip size
  • muscle tone
  • pauses
  • posture
  • pupil size
  • skin colour
  • voice
    • pace
    • pitch
    • tone

See, this is where you go beyond the words of your clients and watch out for the non-verbal clues they are giving you.

Observing, noticing and interpreting these non-verbal clues is key in helping you assess how your session is going, in knowing how your words are being received, and how effective your communication is.

These clues are very often truer than the conscious words your clients are using as these are unconscious “leaks”. And, therefore, are fantastic true feedback for you as the coach.

Before wrapping up, I’d like to add one more thing, as I hear some of you asking already 😉 And, how about phone and Skype sessions?

Well, it is the same, you still can assess how your session is going by using some of these elements; the thing is that while you won’t be able to notice a skin tone change or a muscle change, you will find that you’ll put more emphasis on the auditory elements.

The more you practice, the more you will refine your sensory acuity, and start noticing the minute and subtle changes in your clients.My suggestion is to make a list of the sensory acuity elements you’d like to enhance and then systematically, pick one per week, and during that particular week, put extra focus on that one element. And, then repeat, for the next one. Etc, Etc!

To your ever-increasing awareness!

About the Author/Further Resources

Frederique MurphyCombining her business expertise, having been a business consultant for over 10 years, working on multi-millions programmes around the world and running a successful 6-figure business (she hit that figure within 9-months in business and then doubled it within the following 6 months!) and her mind expertise, being an international licensed NLP Master Practitioner & NLP Mind Coach, Frederique has developed the “Mountain Moving Mindset” programme, where she empowers business owners, entrepreneurs and solo-preneurs to master their mindset, so that they can move mountains and bring their businesses to the next level!