“What if everything you’d ever learned about how reality worked was just wrong?”
(Michael Neill, www.InsideOutRevolution.com)
Jun 17 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 17th June 2012
Mar 21 2012
Using quotes in coaching – remembering them in the first place
In last week’s coaching post I asked “Do you use quotes in your coaching?” In that post I talked about why you may want to use a quote in a coaching session.
I was then asked a great question on twitter about if I had any tips about how to remember quotes. Many potential answers sprang to mind, all longer than the 140 characters I can use in a tweet so today’s coaching post was born. Feel free to add your own method and thoughts at the end of today’s post.
I will share some ways that I personally have used to remember quotes as well as offering some thoughts around this in general. As you read this, I invite you to notice which ones are most appealing to you.
Firstly, don’t presume that you have to remember them word for word to be able to use a quote. I know that may seem an odd place to start in a post about remembering quotes but I think it’s worth pointing out. There are several situations that can let you refer to a written form of the quote.
This may be down to the situation that you are coaching around. I used the example last week of coaching a customer-facing employee in a business where you may choose to quote a specific customer – is that a quote you wrote down at the time of observation, or is it a quote that you have taken from a written piece of feedback etc?
Can you incorporate reading a quote directly? Either from notes you use/take during a session or other methods.
For example, if you coach via the phone, can you pin some quotes within sight to glance at when needed? If you have written the quote down/it’s in a book, could you just reach out from where you are working and grab that so you can read out the quote?
Be prepared. Perhaps your client sent you a completed pre-session preparation/ exercise of some form in advance and a particular quote sprang to mind as you read it. What’s stopping you from having that quote to hand to use in case it’s still relevant when you talk to that client?
Last week I also spoke about using quotes to “borrow authority” to focus your clients attention or increase their willingness to answer a question or do an exercise. It can be used as a convincer to add extra-perceived credibility. If this is an exercise that requires you to print materials, could you add the quote onto the page in advance?
Make use of the strategies you already use when you coach – if you make a point of using the precise language and phrasing that a client uses, how do you do that? How can you use that same approach to use the same precise language and phrasing in a particular quote?
How much attention to quotes are you paying? It’s a lot easier to recognise that you are using quotes if you have acknowledged that they are quotes in the first place. 
It’s also easier to remember to use “a quote” if you have mentally thought of that phrase/saying etc as a quote.
Over the years I have used various methods that have led to me memorising quotes. Some of these methods have been a conscious attempt to easily recall a quote. On other occasions it’s just been a by-product of another event/activity.
Some of the most popular tweets that get shared from this blogs twitter feed come from song lyrics, films and TV. Consider the quotes you already have in your memory.
When I was still in education, one of the ways I revised for my history exams was to learn various quotes to back up various historical perspectives of events. I had turned this into a game – I wrote each quote on it’s own card, the quote on one side and a brief description on the other. I could then use those as a memory aid and just play, often involving repeating what was on the card.
On other occasions I’d use them to play and draw “Pictionary” style representations of the quote that stuck in my memory (often because they just looked ridiculous, after all I was studying history not art 
)
I also remember learning one set of quotes stood in a different location in the room – so when I came to recall the quote I imagined standing in the location that I’d connected to that phrase. I was even known at one stage to replace the lyrics of songs with the quotes instead.
I’ve also found that I’ve learnt quotes purely because I’ve heard or seen something over and over again – maybe because it’s stuck to the wall in a prominent place. Perhaps I’ve heard someone else say it many, many, times over.
My suggestion would be if you decide to actively memorise quotes to use a method that appeals to you and is fun and easy for you.
What other methods would you add to these suggestions? Has something popped into your mind as you read this that you want to go and play with?
About the Author
Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.
She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.
Nov 22 2011
Coaching Quote of the Day 22nd November 2011
“The happiness of the human race in this world does not consist in our being devoid of passions, but in our learning to command them.”
(Anon)
Aug 26 2011
Knowing versus Doing
In this week’s guest post Amber Fogarty shares her expertise and thoughts about what will assist you, as a coach, to continue growing.
Knowing versus Doing
In my last Coaching Confidence blog post, I wrote about the importance of being coachable. I also emphasized the value of HAVING a coach if you are a coach.
Here’s the undeniable reality: Even coaches get stuck. Our lives aren’t perfect, and we shouldn’t claim that they are. In many cases, we KNOW what we should be doing. We just don’t always do it. Right? In each of our lives, there is often a gap between knowing and doing. At times, that gap is as wide as the Grand Canyon.
We’ve all heard the saying that “knowing is the enemy of doing.” Knowing is also the enemy of learning, and we always have more to learn.
At a recent team meeting of the coaches in the SOS Coaching Network, we discussed the pressure coaches often feel as they strive to be “a product of the product” and how tough it can be for coaches to challenge themselves in the same ways they challenge their clients.
Our founder Bill Moyer, a veteran coach of 25+ years, imparted this advice, “You can teach something you haven’t mastered, but you can’t teach something you haven’t tried.” He reminded us of the importance of continuing to strive to become a better version of ourselves.
Bill’s words of wisdom ring true, “Perfection is not a realistic goal nor is it relatable for the people we work with. Our clients don’t need a perfect coach, but they do need a coach who’s growing. Working toward our full potential is a lifelong journey. We can NEVER stop growing.”
One of our organizational mottos is, “If you don’t grow, you go.” We share our personal development goals and continually work to achieve them. We encourage each other, while recognizing the need for personal accountability in addition to accountability to each other and the clients we serve. All of us are in the personal development industry, so we must remain committed to our own personal development.
Give some thought to these questions today:
- Am I stuck? If so, what am I doing about it?
- Where do I see a gap in my life between knowing and doing, between my thoughts and my actions?
- Am I striving for perfection, an unattainable goal?
- Do I challenge myself in the same way I challenge my clients?
- Do I have a personal development plan that outlines specific goals that will help me to reach my full potential?
- Do I have a coach who I meet with regularly who holds me accountable for the goals that matter most to me?
About the Author/Further Resources
Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, one-on-one and group coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.
Jun 02 2011
Coaching Quote of the Day June 2nd 2011
May 05 2011
Explaining how coaching works
I’ve mentioned before that one of the things that anyone who signs up for my free what to put in a coaching welcome pack e-course is also invited to share what they would like to read more about on this blog.
One of the requests I’ve had recently was worded simply as “Explaining how coaching works.” As I read that request I’m aware that it’s something that there are a couple of ways that this may have been meant.
Some coaches and change workers may have read that request and automatically thought of a variation of the following question – “explain coaching to whom?”
It may be a request for more posts that literally take you, as the reader, step by step through how to do various coaching processes, models and developing skills used in coaching.
It may also be a request about how to explain coaching to a third party, probably someone who you would like to become a potential client.
Firstly, if you are the individual that made this request I want to thank you (and everyone else who has made suggestions and comments) for taking the time to share. I really do appreciate you doing that.
The main reason I draw attention to the 2 different meanings is so that I can address both potential meanings and make sure I’m honouring that request!
It also is an opportunity to demonstrate one of the things I consider as a coach when choosing which question to ask next, the story to share or even if to use a technique etc.
The language that someone uses can give an indication about how they are currently seeing a situation. It can be an indication of what is keeping them stuck, why they are not seeing potential solutions or taking action etc.
Using “Explaining how coaching works” I could have just written a post examining a specific technique, skill or coaching model. That may be sufficient to satisfy the original questioners request. However, as you will read in a moment, my answer about how to explain coaching to someone who is a potential client is different.
One of the methods of learning I enjoy is to read, listen, observe and generally experience other coaches work. Sometimes they will explicitly say why they have asked a specific question, phrased something in a particular manner or designed a particular exercise with a specific outcome in mind.
On other occasions there is no explicit explanation. In which case notice what you are noticing about their work:
- Perhaps you can piece together why they may have asked a specific question or gave a particular response.
- Maybe there is an indication about what beliefs etc that coach has about coaching in general and their work.
Some of the posts on this blog with specifically talk about a particular skill, technique or coaching model. Others will not be so explicit. I invite you to read a post and initially take any personal learning and insights from the content.
I also then invite you to re-read the post and see what you can learn from each one about how that posts author uses and approaches coaching.
Why do I suggest using both approaches? Some posts will have specifically been written for you to experience the content first hand. Don’t miss out on those potential insights and learning’s by not connecting and disassociating from the post.
If you are looking to explain how coaching works to a potential client I’m going to suggest that they are likely to be interested in the answers to slightly different questions. Firstly, they are likely to be primarily wondering about what can/will your coaching do for them?
If they are interested, the second question they are likely to be curious about is what actually happens. If they book a coaching session with you, what will happen, what will they actually do?
Notice that both those questions potentially produce different answers to how coaching works.
“How” coaching works is not going to be a burning question to a lot of potential clients. That’s not to say that there will never be someone that doesn’t want to know how something works, which models you use and any research that applies to the way that you work.
For example, I’m aware that working with coaches that sometimes out of professional curiosity they can be examining what I am doing and answering how my coaching works. Which I’m quite happy with as long as it’s not getting in the way of whatever we are working on directly.
I believe that each coach develops his or her own style and approach over time. A client working with each one of us will potentially have vastly different experiences because we are all individuals.
I am very aware that I have many readers from a range of different coaching backgrounds and niches. I’m sure that if I was to ask a sports coach how their coaching works they would provide a different answer to a spiritual coach. If nothing else their language would be different because they are talking about different contexts and normally different audiences.
So lastly, I would encourage you to develop a sense for yourself about how you work as a coach rather than how coaching works. After all, a client will ultimately be choosing to work with you.
Feel free to add your comments below. Including any extra ways that “Explaining how coaching works” can be interpreted and any insights, observations and thoughts you’ve had whilst reading this post.
Apr 29 2011
Am I Uncoachable? Am I Unapproachable?
In this week’s Friday guest post coach Amber Fogarty shares her thoughts and experience with those who are uncoachable and unapproachable.
Am I Uncoachable? Am I Unapproachable?
Raise your hand if you’ve ever encountered someone who was uncoachable. How about someone who was unapproachable? Surely, you’ve encountered both types of people in your coaching business and in your community. Being both uncoachable and unapproachable is one of the worst combinations.
Take a moment to think about yourself and your interactions during the last month. Can you think of times when you’ve come across as either uncoachable or unapproachable or both?
Many blogs posted on this site have highlighted the importance of coaches having coaches. I strongly believe that one cannot be an effective coach without a coach of his or her own. One of my mentors in the coaching industry, who has been a coach for more than 25 years, once told me that “a coach without a coach is a con artist.” Strong words, but words I believe to be true. How can we sell the value of coaching to others if we don’t have a coach ourselves? We must be a “product of the product.”
But what makes someone uncoachable? There are so many factors that can contribute to “uncoachability.” Here are a few of my favorites, worded as I statements so that you can challenge yourself to think about whether or not each one applies to you.
- I am uncoachable because I do not want to change.
- I am uncoachable because I do not believe that I need to change.
- I am uncoachable because I believe I know more than the coach. (Knowing is the enemy of learning.)
- I am uncoachable because I think it’s not the right time to (fill in your excuse here).
- I am uncoachable because I think something or someone else needs to change before I do.
- I am uncoachable because I need to be in control 100% of the time.
- I am uncoachable because I do not like to be challenged.
- I am uncoachable because I am not open to feedback.
Bearing all this in mind, are you uncoachable? A very wise coach once told me that being coached is about being open to all possibilities. It is about being challenged to be a better version of yourself.
How can you strive to be more coachable? To be more open to feedback? To embrace change?
I recently was introduced to a networking expert by one of my coaching clients. I reached out to this new contact so that we could get to know each other and see if there were any opportunities for us to help each other. Her response to my request for a meeting indicated that she was really busy and was “only meeting with people who could directly impact her cash flow.” How could a networking expert be so unapproachable?
As coaches, we may at times believe that we have all the answers. We may be tempted to fall into the trap of believing that we don’t have anything to learn from a particular person or about our area of expertise. Knowing truly is the enemy of learning, and we always have more to learn. So let’s make a commitment to being approachable and coachable. Our families, our friends, and our clients deserve it.
About the Author/Further Resources
Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, one-on-one and group coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.
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